I GOT IT

Its truly amazing how and when things dawn upon you. I have said that I despise living in Houston because of the fakeness of its natives and how they have collectively thrown me into the category of a “typical” New Orleanian. Although I will admit that a lot of my mannerisms, speech patterns, and thoughts are exclusively New Orleans, an overwhelming amount of people in the Houston metropolitan area still manage to believe that such characteristics are less than desirable and I have allowed them to sway my opinion of myself. Well, the past two weeks have allowed me to gain a better understanding of my life in Houston and I think I have it figured out.

To those of you who have read my recent blog postings where I went Kimbo Slice on all of my achievements and personality and extended a phone call, text message, or just stopped me in person to check on me and make sure I was okay, thank you, I am thankful to have you all as friends. The kind words of encouragement and just concern for my well being meant a lot to me and even came from some sources that I would never have expected. Such random acts of kindness coupled with the message I got in church this past Sunday have led me to believe that after 25 years and some change, I’m finally starting to figure parts of this thing called life out.

This Sunday found me in church, a place that I’ll admit I attend more on occasion as opposed to the frequency of my youth or last year in undergrad, but the priest at ST. Mary’s gave a Homily that was right on time and did not fall of deaf ears. Father talked of a conversation he had with one of his seminary classmates in which the classmate inquired as to God’s method of answering prayers. The classmate stated that he asked for wisdom and God gave him more problems to solve, he asked for understanding, and found himself with people who were hard to deal with. Such a statement profoundly affected me because I thought I was the only one who was bewildered by the direct opposites that have come from my own requests.

I’ve asked God for wisdom in my studies and my last two times sitting for the MPRE and the only sitting of the Texas Bar left me with results that were less than desired. I have asked for love and have received more platonic friendships with the opposite sex than I thought were possible. My desire for greatness has left me feeling unfulfilled with my apparent failures, and the search for independence may have me living back with my parents before the end of 2008. Such responses have managed to frustrate the same man who wants to tattoo the phrase “adversity causes some men to break, others to break records” across his back. This same man who regards the 10 and a half weeks of hell on the journey to Phi Nu Pi as what made a man of him at 19 was confused by encountering a series of minor setbacks that were in fact the answers to his prayers.
To my friends who have been concerned with my stability or apparent lack thereof, please don’t worry about me, that’s just my inner spoiled brat coming out and not being accustomed to encountering rejection. I’ve realized this past Sunday that I’m not a failure and that my prayers are definitely being answered. So as I go back to hiding under a rock in preparation for the February bar, pray for me with the same fervor you did in July, this time I’m bringing it home!

My State of the Union Address

My fellow Americans, November 4, 2008 is a date that will live in infamy in the minds of all African-Americans. That, my friends, is the day that Barack Obama, a black man, became elected the 44th President of the United States. This event is something that will serve as this generation of Black Americans’ defining moment. Our parents can remember what they were doing on August 28, 1963 when Dr. Martin Luther King gave his famous “I Have a Dream” speech, or even on April 4, 1968, when King was assassinated, but we’re not going to wish the latter on our President elect. Yes, today (last night) is that day for us where we will all remember where we were and what we were doing when we first learned the news that Obama had gained the necessary electoral votes to officially become THE FIRST black man to be elected as the President of the United States. His rise made me realize that “Change” and “Yes We Can” are more than campaign slogans; they are inspirational words that will also etch November 4, 2008 into the legacy that I am still in the process of building.

Black America, we have to realize that 2008 isn’t really that different from 1963. The ugliness that is racism, whether we choose to believe it or not, still exist in our great nation, and we have the nerve to call ourselves progressive. In a time where we are seeing that anything is truly possible, we cannot afford to sell ourselves short. Society has become so technologically advanced where we can have news correspondents interact with each other via hologram, where we can instantaneously receive news, gossip, and messages, yet a wise man named Alphonse Karr once told us; “the more things change, the more they stay the same.”

If you were following the results as closely as I was, you would have seen the results that I saw at http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2008/results/president/. I was disturbed, although not really shocked to see that most of the Confederate South voted Republican. This is why we heard voters express their concerns for the Republican ticket, but say that they would not vote for Obama without giving reason. We all know the reason. I’ve long remarked that being Republican works if you’re rich, but most of the poorer states including my beloved Louisiana, were engrossed in red on those result maps. Let me ask of you CNN, MSNBC, FOX and many other media outlets, if we as a people are that blind to the facts that we would logically reason that only the state of the economy and the war in Iraq were the two major issues in the 2008 Presidential Election, without including race? This is the same election where we have had McCain supporters boo at the mention of Barack Obama during his concession address in Arizona. This is the same election where comments full of the same ignorance and hate as experienced in the 1960s can still be seen on many webpages including FOX’s (http://elections.foxnews.com/2008/11/04/wrap-polls-start-close-frenied-day-voting/comments/). And I’ll refrain from any mention of the Jena 6, Jenarlo Wilson, and many other media circuses that let us know the ways of the South. However, this is the exact same election where many others commented that if Barack Obama were 100% white McCain would have conceded the election weeks ago.

For me, November 4, 2008 was the realization that Kevin Garnett had it right all along in June; “anything is possible.” I am not regarding this date as many in our race may, that this is our free pass to do whatever we like, but I am just as pleased as the next man. Yeah the marchers of the 60s had it right, change has come, but it has indeed come and will continue to do so at a price. And the subjects of my previous postings including Pampy, Jesse Jackson, and Rev. Wright, amongst others, should act accordingly. Responding to comments about my status; “Kellen Daranda J.D. is hoping that Barack Obama becoming the 44th President of the U.S. will not make him say; ‘they should've never gave u niggas a President!’,” I am just as happy as all of you to see Obama in office, I just hope that our people do not choose to “show their color” simply because they can no longer cite “when a Black man becomes President” as their time frame for getting things accomplished. And furthermore, in our quest to check off our objectives, we should realize that nothing will be given to us. In a time frame much shorter than our arrival to this nation we have seen special interests groups such as the gays acquire rights much faster than those of us who have had no choice in what we are. (Hey, these are MY thoughts; I never said I was “politically correct.”) Here we are still waiting on our 40 acres and a mule, and now were supposed to expect that everything will work itself out because we have a black man in office?

The good that I have learned from Barack Obama is that Democracy in America is not overly influenced by improper motives such as race, and because of that is not dead. The niggers, spics, and chinks did not elect Barack Obama, America did. Besides if we look at the ethic makeup of the United States, we will see that the minority ethnic groups combined still do not equal the majority and that Black America is no longer the largest minority group. So we cannot be lead to believe that it’s the Blacks who are on welfare and that it’s the Black male who is in prison instead of college. Maybe now that society has seen a piss poor campaign get the results it should have expected from day one, it will be more willing to lend an ear to our plight. But we cannot just expect it to happen, we have to make it happen, believing that “yes, we can.”

Barack has also shown me that my previous blog posting was all wrong, I should not beat myself up regarding my shortcomings, that’s not disrupting the trend of what I had previously viewed as mediocrity, that is giving up. Despite not being where I want to be physically, mentally, financially, or emotionally, I have to take things one step at a time and see that I do have the testicular fortitude to know that I am able to change things. So what I don’t have a job at the moment, I’ll get one. So what I’m nervous about my bar results, everyone else is just like many have been before us, and many will continue to be after us, despite where they obtained their legal education. So what I’m single, it’s the time for me to fix myself. Today I’ve seen a black man become the first person to do something, being defiant enough to earn acceptance, yet conducive enough to have it given readily. I have seen a vision of my own future, far removed from the rut that I have dug myself into.

I want to thank my friends, family, and fraternity for their words of encouragement in my downward spiral and would like them to welcome back the man that has earned their love and respect. I hope that you all regard November 4, 2008 in the same respect that I do, realizing that change begins with one, and that you too can do it. So today, November 5, 2008 please remember; Carpe Diem, I know I will.

Bittersweet Suicide?

Yesterday was a day that should have echoed with delight in my soul as I cast my vote for the first black candidate for the office of President of the United States, but the joy I experienced in making history was truly short-lived as my own problems began to set in. My own attempt to rectify my financial problems temporarily was set back. I had a credit card with a $5000 limit that I hadn't used in over a year whose limit was reduced to $200 due to inactivity. THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY SAFETY NET! So now I have 8 days to try to find $500 to pay my rent. I've had friends offer to let me hold something, but for some reason, my pride won't let me accept it. I don't know why I'm so proud all of a sudden because I've been letting my parents spoil me rotten for the past 25 years, but for some reason I'm unable to let anyone else help me. I think it's because if I let someone help me I'll be lead to believe that a security blanket will always be there and I'll never get up and go it for myself. My number one fear in life has always been failure, and now I'm starting to realize it.

I'm a shitty boyfriend, a shitty father, a shitty son, and I'll probably be a shitty husband. Friends of mine who read my blog will probably remark that none of the above is true, but let me educate you to a few facts. Do you realize the number of females that I have completely fucked over because I just had to have something "better?" Do you all realize that I don't really do much for my child, not cause I don't want to, but because I can't. Shit, I can't financially support myself, who was I kidding to believe that I'd honestly be able to be a better father than the man who dropped out of school to make sure my mother received her Bachelor of Science. I'm a shitty son because I wanted to be back in Houston instead of at my father's birthday party, and then had the audacity to ask him for money when I couldn't even afford to get him something for his birthday. Then I know I'll make a shitty husband because as I've had several females remark lately, I need to be trained. I'm just a shitty 25 year old little boy.

Some may contend that I should be happy that I voted for change because my financial shortcomings are due to the economic recession that we are in, but when does it become time to stop pointing fingers and look at the source? I've criticized many black Americans for failing to be responsible for their own actions, and I refuse to sugar-coat my own. I have an income of 0, a debt in excess of $115,000, and a little boy that worships the ground I walk on, God help my poor child. How can I look my son in the eye and explain to him that his father is an educated failure???

Love Always Finds a Way

It’s funny how it took for me to acquire the wisdom of 23 years of life, a college degree, and become a father myself to realize just how brilliant my own father is. Now I’ve been out in the streets and have developed the tags of being a “heartbreaker” and a “player,” all because my mom was always in my ear saying; “Son, you’re too young to be serious with that girl, have fun and enjoy your life.” So I looked at love and relationships like I was too young to be serious about it all, and my logic was based upon the fact that it all came from my mother and she’s a female herself. And I moved through my life realizing that since I was young and being serious was not of the urgency required by other endeavors of mine, I played and figured that it was okay to be with more than one girl at a time, actually combining the well-liked traits from each one to make Nas’ “Perfect Bitch.” But it wasn’t until this weekend that I realized that those times when I decided to go against my mother and give a female my all, that I was actually doing what was right for me. Although the few particular occasions where I was serious all managed to blow up in my face, I still haven’t given up on love yet because I believe despite all obstacles, love will find a way.

Now my father, the proud, hard-working man who rarely says much sits down in a funk beside me on the sofa on Sunday. He was upset that my mother gave the same rhetoric to my 18-yr old brother about his girlfriend. The two are 5 hrs apart and in love, trying to make things work despite one being in college, and the other in the last year of high school. And it seems like love is finding a way for those two. But my dad had a flashback to the fall of 1974 when a young couple with a history of around a year was faced with a “see you later” that would send one to La Crosse, WI, and the other to Baton Rouge, LA. What if they had listened to others who may have given them the same advice, shit, I wouldn’t be here, and who knows what wonders or hells might have occurred in their alternate existences. My dad just looked at the ceiling with a sigh and said, “that’s why you can’t let other people live your life for you. Only you know what makes you happy.” And then I had an epiphany, maybe I’ve let so many “good girls” fall by the wasteside because I was letting other people decide what happened with MY relationship. One particular woman from my past reminds me of Jay-Z’s lyric; “Once a good girl’s gone, she’s gone forever, I’ll mourn forever, I gotta live with the fact I did you wrong forever.” And I feel that with that one particular girl.

So although I consider myself damaged goods, I don’t ever see myself giving up on love. Even those instances where I chose to give a woman my all and they ended up horribly wrong are not considered regrets. In the end I guess Alicia was right; “my soul has returned, so I call it a lesson learned.” Thank you, Daddy, for allowing me to gain some kind of insight on how I should continue becoming a man. Thank you to those of you who have managed to clarify what I should be looking for, and thank you, Jesus, for giving me the strength to continue on for my search for Mrs. Right, or have I found her already???

Code Amongst Criminals

In late 2004/early 2005, the hip hop community unveiled its “Stop Snitching” campaign, a movement that was met with great disdain by the “so-called” leaders of the black community. These “so-called” leaders are the same crew that have attempted to bury the word “nigger/nigga,” spoke amongst themselves to decide how our youth should act, and consistently attempt to censor entertainment in favor of “morality.” Those of you who consistently read my posts know how I feel about these leaders, and if you don’t remember, I suggest you listen to Lil Wayne’s Misunderstood on his Carter III LP.

Well, the line was drawn when Steve Harvey, Mr. “Preacher Suit” himself, stated that black youths were mistaken to endorse the before-mentioned campaign, because stop snitching is a code amongst criminals and we as a people should never support something that has criminal ties. Well Steve, let me ask you this, did your mother ever beat the sleeves off you for being a tattle-tail? I know mine did, and that was never a code amongst criminals. As a youth I have been punished and disciplined for being a tattle-tail, and the logic behind it was always that “no one likes a tattle-tail.” So I ask you, Mr. Harvey, as well as my blog following, what’s the difference between being a tattle-tail and being a snitch? I don’t think there’s any, and if anything “stop snitching” is not a code amongst criminals but a cry for personal accountability, analogous to the chivalrous code of manhood exercised by knights in Medieval times.
That being said I would like to draw everyone’s attention to the newest exploits of New Orleans politics, the reporting of Stan “Pampy” Barre’, to jail. (http://blog.nola.com/nola/2008/10/stan_pampy_barres_confessions.html http://www.nola.com/timespic/stories/index.ssf?/base/library-157/122379071170590.xml&coll=1 ) Now, Pampy is apparently upset with a judge who sentenced him to 5 years in a federal prison after he managed to skim over a million dollars off a city contract. Now the recommended sentence for such an offense is 9-11 years, but Pampy was able to get 4 years shaved off his minimum in exchange for cooperating with federal agents in an attempt to get some of his comrades arrested. In his plea to his presiding judge, Pampy admitted that he was sorry for defrauding his city, that he had lost his business, several of his other ventures, friends, and even his “good” name. He even went so far as to state that he has been a regular donor to St. Peter Claver Church and St. Augustine High School, a characteristic the he feels is not conducive to a criminal. I look at such actions as money-laundering and that my good friends, is something that criminals do. Pampy regretted his action and also said that he was merely doing his part to rid the city of corruption. No, nigga, u were just someone else who got caught and couldn’t stand to see yourself as the only one to incur punishment. Quit your bitching, do your 5, and man up. Because you were man enough to do it, now be man enough to accept the consequences.

Is “Stop Snitching” really a code amongst thieves or a cry to break away from the “crabs in a barrel theory,” and “man-up?”

Coming Home part1

I wish sometimes that I was so creative as to let my words correspond with each other in a manner that would appeal to more than just the eyes. They would envolp you in sounds, smells, and tastes that are so dear and familiar to you. That's what home is. For some time I've attmpted to tell you all how I feel about home, but I can't find the right words. But that's where it is, that's where everything becomes so beautiful...the fact that its not the same for everyone. From the old drum major from '78 who hasn't been here since moving to detroit in 1993, to the old bruhs/sorors who have been in their organizations longer than your parents have been alive (or even longer than some organizations have been in existence, lol). It's just the fact inside jokes never die amongst true friends, the stories that never get old and pass along the same enjoyment and embarrassment as issued soon after the event happened. All this is what I feel when I come home, and only 4 years away from the yard, I have discovered that its just as fun as an alumni and nothing is ever the same. And as I sit in "car in park" traffic on I-10, it hits me, that's what home, and homecoming for that matter, is. So, while i'm as giddy as a 12 year old to see the latest young pop icon, to see those old faces, hear those old jokes, get chicken from the old blue store, i'm just as excited not knowing what the weekend will bring, whether its the renewal of an old flame, new sparks flying, a weekend I can't remember, the one i'll never forget, or the one that provides me with a great career opportnuity. The fact is, i'm going home, and i'm excited...GO JAGS! WHERE ARE THE NUPES?

Who Am I?

Create a playlist at MixPod.com

Well it just dawned on me that I've been posting a blog without giving a glimpse into who I am or why I've chosen to name my blog what I have. Shyne began his debut self-titled album in 2000 with an Intro he named "Dear America." In the intro he gives an insight to the common plight of the most inner-city African-American males as he states;

"Dear America,
I'm only what you made me, young, black, and fuckin' crazy
Please save me
I'm dyin' inside, can't you see it in my eyes?
I'm hopeless, and fearless on the outside, gun on my side
Shit, Maby if yall niggas build schools instead of prison,
maybe I'll stop livin' the way I'm livin', probably not.
I'm so used to servin' rocks and burnin' blocks, I ain't never gonna stop.
Been doin' this shit all my life, I'm a lost cause,
And what about the rest? Don't them suckers deserve a chance? Somethin'
better then shoot-outs, liquor stores and food stamps? Maybe if y'all teach
them niggas a craft an' a trade, they wouldn't have to play that corner, know what I mean?
Servin' that yay. America, you got a fuckin' problem, an I ain't never goin' away
There's about 20 million other mutha fuckers just like me,
reparations is due, y'all gonna pay"

So I chose to give my blog the title "Young, Black, and Krazy" because I truly am a product of my environment. I'm not talking about the Lower 9th Ward of New Orleans, its much bigger than that, but then again, I don't mean the world because that's a little too big. I'm talking about the United States of America. The reason why I feel the way I do in terms of issues that affect little old New Orleans and the Earth are all embedded in my head because of what I have experienced in America. From being a little bit too hood for corporate and white America to being slightly too educated to be considered hood, I have yet to really find where I belong. I know what it means to be hopeless and fearless at the same time and yet America calls me crazy because my passion for the uplifting of my people is misunderstood as anger, and some of my ideals aren't readily accepted when they come from a 25yr old black man who has two degrees.

They say that America uses statistics in order to determine where the nation's budget is best spent. And with the incarceration rates among African-American males on the rise who can blame the country for putting more money into correctional facilities than institutions for the primary, secondary, and higher education for the only ethnic group who was brough to this "great" nation against their will, and had a 400 yr handicap against their development. But even if the nation chose to invest in the future of the black race, its another thing to get these kids to school. Its almost imbedded in our minds that the American dream wasn't meant to be shown when we are aslssp so the way that most of us have been reared as that "lost cause." Too afraid to pursue an education for fear of being educated, with a nice resume, and unemployed (a feeling I know all too well). So are they crazy for pursuing the easy money? Not entirely. Lyfe Jennings expresses a similar sentiment in "Stick Up Kid," the song that's at the top of this post...I hope you pressed play.

But what about the rest? Maybe if they teach them a craft or a trade, they'll be educated enough to find work, but not accepted enough to be the threat that America desires not to see us become. But the thing about this is that the vast majority of us feel the closing of this peice. We aint going away and we all fell that a part of America is entitled to us. In the end reparations have been due for the longest and all though we may not want or expect the same form of payment, America, when we come to collect, you'll have one helluva debt!

My $19.11 on the Debates

My line brother, Myron, has a quote that he has incorporated after reading somewhere the "statistical" reason as to why African-American tend to do traditionally poorer than other ethnicities on standardized tests; "You know why black people don't do well on standardized tests...because they don't answer the question asked!" A statement that I'm sure the Spring '04 initiates of my chapter grew tired of hearing during MOIP, but statement that nonetheless applies to everyone, ESPECIALLY politicians.

After watching the Presidential and Vice-Presidential debates, I have become more and more adamant about the state of American Education and Politics. Maybe I was simply fortunate enough to have parents who actually gave a damn and read to me, or made me read to them when I was able, or maybe because I was a product of the 35th best public school in the nation (as of Newsweek's 2007 rankings), but I didn't know that a response that has no relevance to the question posed could ever be satisfactorily received. Had I known that, I would have focused the rants that are the subject of my blog postings to answers on tests since I was old enough to express my own thoughts. But that scares me. I've seen an election stolen the first time I was old enough to vote for a President, and I fail to believe that this country has progressed enough to allow its Commander-in-Chief to be an African-American even if he is half-white.

I was inspired by Obama's nomination acceptance speech, it made me cry, but common sense is starting to kick in make me question the true motives of the Republican Party, because it really can't be that simple. When your #1 and #2 hopefuls constantly dodge the issues presented, read from index cards, give "shout-outs," and sympathetically appeal to this country's infatuation with the Kennedy's, I fail to see how any opposing party with a brain could lose, hell even Ricky Bobby and Cal Naughton Jr. could win this election (SHAKE AND BAKE '08, lol). I'm still struggling to see how the energy crisis even remotely relates to the mess on Wall Street, how Joe "Six Pack" and a "Hockey Mom" are the average Americans, and how the hell we are fighting a war against terror/Al Queida in Iraq when both sides admit that Al Queida is in Afghanistan. But that's what Sarah Palin wants us to believe. Sen. McCain and Gov. Palin's constant priase of Gen. Patreus (sp?) makes me think that he should have received the Republican nomination because he is clearly the "real hero" here. I kinda wish that our country, or the world for that matter, was still in the days when armies were lead by a Commander who was unafraid to be on the field of battle with his/her troops, and then we'll see how fond we are of senseless wars.

I guess my main issue with the Republican Party can be answered by phrasing a response to the question "are you serious?" Sen. McCain, do you really think the American people are that stupid that you can coach a decent looking former beauty queen who is probably experiencing her 5th or 6th time in the continental United States in to being Vice-President. Or is this an obvious attempt to woo away Hillary Clinton supporters? (I feel that an Obama/Clinton ticket would have easily won, but Hillary was just too damn greedy and desparate to allow that to happen.) That is why I was unimpressed by the debates, I expected more of a fight, and now do not know what the '08 Election will bring. Like Lauryn Hill said, "it could all be so simple, but you'd rather make it hard." Just throw in the towel and save the embarrassment, hey, we'll accept the offer to concede. The fact that they won't worries me that we may experience another stolen election. So I'll say this, if I'm not Singing "My President is Black" in January 2009, I'm moving to Europe, and I'll return when Sallie Mae goes under...

Welcome to Our World...Karma is a Bitch!

Although this blog is kinda sorta copied from a note i wrote on facebook, its still applicable today...

"WHAT'S THAT, YOU SAY?
YOU'RE TIRED OF KATRINA-RELATED NEWS COVERAGE?
WELL GUESS WHAT
WE'RE TIRED OF FUCKING LIVING THROUGH IT
SO FOR YOU, YOU WITH YOUR OPTION TO CHANGE THE CHANNEL
DO THAT
BECAUSE FOR MANY OF US
IT'S NOT THAT FUCKING SIMPLE......"

And with that I move on to my Houstonians, the people with whom I am to share a place of residency for the time being or at least until I can find that six-figure paying job in Dallas, my favorite city in Texas. Its funny how three years ago Houstonians were dealing with another storm, except that time Bill White was the good mayor who came to the aid of the poor, helpless, and stupid New Orleans residents who lost everything. I heard so many people ask me "why didn't those people leave;" to which I responded, that part of it was ignorance, the rest, pride. And then 3 years later Texans who were encountered with Hurricane Ike and issued the same evacuation warnings that New Orleanians recieved for Katrina elected not to leave and look at what happened.

So, Mayor White, let's talk turkey. Okay so after Katrina you allowed the people who were stuck in the Superdome to come to Houston and gave them the Astrodome, awww, you're the savior of the city of New Orleans, but I really believe that you had your own agenda in doing so. If not, you would have told the New Orleans residents you were coming to get them BEFORE the storm. Im pretty sure Bush gave you some type of benefits for agreeing to take the downrodden into your "great" city. The same city of peace and love that apparently never had any crime before the "refugees" came to Houston, where people on the "Nawfside," 3rd Ward, Acres Homes, and Hiram Clarke, etc. could sleep with their doors unlocked. A sanctity that was destroyed by the New Orleans people. Yeah Mayor White, I remember your press conference when you announced that it was time for the New Orleans people to go home, I remember how your children said that we were all too lazy to get back on our feet because we were so dependent upon FEMA. And now Houston, you too know what it feels like to be in a home with no power, no running water, and to even be subject to a curfew in your own city. Welcome to our world, Karma is a bitch aint it?

So am I wrong because outside of my friends and people who were sympathetic to the plight of New Orleans evacuees, I don't feel sorry for folks in Houston? Sometimes fucked up things happen to good people, however, I guess this is one of those instances where the good indeed have to suffer for the bad...I guess next time you'll think before you speak.

Konfessions...

I honestly don't think I passed the bar. There, I said it. My blogs usually serve to cater to how much of an "attention whore" I am, but this is one where I just need to let everything out and not have to deal with a response. The other day upon driving to New Orleans to evacuate from Ike, Lyfe Jennings' Stick Up Kid came on my Ipod, and that's when this epiphany finally hit me. I used to say that I had no earthly idea what would propel a man to a life of crime, but sometimes things really do become just that hard. I mean I FELT Lyfe on that song, these niggaz are riding around with their 23s and DVDs in their ride, with the vast majority of them not gaining this material bullshit legally, and I got 2 degrees, one of which is a doctorate, and I dunno where my November rent is coming from. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SHOW MY CHILD THAT EDUCATION IS THE WAY IF IT AINT WORKING FOR ME? But let me not drag my child into this, he's literally a life safer these days. Ive been looking at my recent circumstances and having suicidial thoughts, Kaiden is prolly one of the few reasons why I'm still here. I have $114,000 in debt, $1,000 in my account, I owe my son $4,000, I dont have a job, I can't quit smoking, will be taking the MPRE for the third time, and I don't have a decent boo, let alone a girlfriend. But oh I have degrees, peices of paper that I struggled hard to receive, but in the end, I'm not seeing any return on my investment, either of them. People tell me all the time that I am too hard on myself and things will work out, but what if they don't...what if they don't...

Letter to HBCUs

Dear Historically Black Colleges and Universities,

You and I have known each other for years through the relationships that you have had with both of my parents. However once I joined the ranks of your children, I, like most other children have some questions that only you can answer. These questions have been festering in my mind like a bad infection and now that I have joined the prestigious ranks of your adult children, its time you give me the answers that I require.
How do you feel about integration and its disparaging effects on your livelihood? There are many "simple negroes" in America that have yet to realize that less than 60 years ago you were the only readily accessible source of educational sustenance for those who desired more out of life. Now we have CNN specials on what its like to be black in America and the "experts" on black culture were not your children but those who came from ivy league schools. Now now, my love, I'm not blaming you for this, because you are probably one of the few ideals of Booker T. Washington's reformation that I support, however, somewhere in there these same individuals who meant good were suckered into believing what their educators taught them. This is similar to how slaves were tricked by their masters into believing that black was bad, ugly, and dirty, while white was innocent, beautiful, and pure. Why do we hate ourselves and our history so? I have seen students at Louisiana State, Florida State, The University of Houston, and a few others look down on their cross-town or cross-state counterparts for being under your loving care. These same "simple negroes" are quick to disclose how they are the "talented tenth" and should be afforded this chance for a "better" education, but if they never took that African American literature course, or read The Souls of Black Folk they'll continue to think that this "better" education was worth the price of their identity.
Mother HBCU, where are you failing? When we look at your statistics, we see longer enrollment periods before graduation, higher rates of attrition, higher crime, more incidents of sexually transmitted diseases, and bigger hazing stories to name a few. Wait, let me add to that question and ask are you really failing or is it all the media? I'm curious about this one because I was under your care when Southern finally granted opposite sex visitation legally, I listened to my friends rants about not having a car on campus their freshman year, while my friends at predominantly white institutions just shook their heads and remarked "damn, yall got it rough." But why is that, mother? Seems like there must be a reason. Your administration tells us that freshmen should focus on school and get acclimated to college life, but they don't have the same restrictions at those PWIs and nothing seems to happen to our brothers and sisters there. Is that because humans have a natural tendency to go against order or is it because your instructors aren't doing what they are supposed to?
Momma, what did it feel like when they raped you? The same people that consider you inferior institutions are steadily acquiring your campuses, assimilating them into their systems and changing the missions you have had in place for HUNDREDS of years. In the case of the legal profession, there are 5 of your centers whose graduates make their mark as 80% of all black attorneys in the nation are your children. But even those are in danger of being shut down for failing to meet standards that even some of these "superior" institutions fail at. Furthermore, how do you feel when the majority of the nation are allowed to attain you benefits free of charge under cries of reverse racism when affording college or gaining acceptance into one was never an isue for them? We'll let them have your accolades and what not, because you'll never love those kids, right? I just have to know.
I didn't mean for this letter to come across as disrespectful, or even as a challenge of your authority, I just hope that if you answer some of these questions for me, we can work towards getting you to be what you were intended to be, showcases of black prowess in academia, athletics, culture, and arts. And as I return to New Orleans I only hope that you will be as good to my little brother at Florida A&M as you were to me in the eight years you had me.

Proud to be Your Son,


Kellen A. Daranda
Bachelor of Science in Electrical Engineering
Southern University and A & M College '05
Juris Doctor
Texas Southern University '08

Its krazy how it does...

On the eve before the biggest test of my life, I am reminded of something someone told me about a week ago; "stop making every big moment of your life analogous to pledging, life does go on after you get off line." However, things that I have learned as a lowly scroller have helped me along through life. I have learned to do the difficult and strive for the impossible, and I have had the harsh realization that life is "hard but fair, sad, but true." However the most applicable thing is the last thing I heard before I crossed those burning sands, William Earnest Henley's Invictus;

Out of the night that covers me, black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be, for this my unconquerable soul,
In the fell clutch of circumstance, I have not winced nor cried aloud,
Under the bludgeonings of chance, my head is bloody, but unbowed,
Beyond this place of wrath and tears, looms but the horrors of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years, finds, and shall find me unafraid,
It matters not how straight the gate, nor how charged with punishment the scroll,
for I am the master of my fate, I AM THE CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL.

And how fitting that on this night, I am more ready for this test than I have ever been throughout the course of these last three months. You see, in the darkness that is the unknown, I am thankful to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, that I didn't manage to let law school take my soul from me. In Lady Justice's evil clutches, I have not let my emotions show to the general public and the tears I shed were in the privacy of my own home. And while my legal pursuits have roughed me up, I have yet to hang my head. After the bar, there is more darkness and unknown as I do not know where my life is headed. However, I am not scared, I embrace my uneasyness and am ready for whatever life (or the Texas Board of Law Examiners) may throw at me. Because it doesn't matter what you throw at me, nor how my past may come back to haunt me. I am acceptant of what I have done, and I know that God helps those who want to be helped. So with that said, I control my future, and I dictate what happens, although I know this is in God's hands now, I have done all I can.

So as I lay my head down to go to sleep, I would like to thank my prophytes of Alpha Sigma for teaching me, that I STARTED pledging on April 7, 2002, at 11:44:08 PM, my friends for their support and words of encouragement, my family for their love, support, and words of wisdom, my son for giving me the drive to continue, and last, but certainly not least, God, for giving me the ability to come this far, and a chance that I do not intend to waste...Kellen Daranda, ESQ is coming, I hope the world is ready for him...

Education Still Does Not Cure Us of the "Crabs in a Barrel Theory"

I hope that this entry is not beating an already dead horse, but in order for me to ensure my “sniper” status (one shot, one kill) on the bar, I have to get this off my chest. First of all, with the whole Jesse Jackson situation, I believe Cedric the Entertainer said it best in one of the Barbershop movies; “Fuck Jesse Jackson!” With the excitement that Senator Obama has caused in regards to the 2008 Presidential Election, I really do not see how Jesse can realistically hate on the man for doing something that he wasn’t able to do 20 years ago, become the first black man to make a serious run for the Presidency of the United States.

It is bad enough that Obama has to deal with the possibility of being elected merely because he is black as if that doesn’t scare the masses enough, to encounter the “haters” that hip-hop culture has immortalized. The New Yorker recently published one of its issues where Obama is categorized as a Taliban in the oval office with a picture of Osama Bin Laden on the wall and his wife, Michelle, looking like a renegade Black Panther.

Now I know the New Yorker will no doubt defend this as an exercise of their First Amendment Right and probably label it as satire or a parody, however it is blatant racism, in my humble opinion. I also know that this does not have the Constitutional muster to rise to a defamation claim, its kinda funny when you really see how people view you. I actually praise the honesty, in hopes that more people would let their true colors show instead of opting for the fraudulent skin of being politically correct. But when its obvious that the masses still regard us in such a manner, why should we criticize ourselves even further. Seems like Jesse is just mad because someone cut off his balls a long time ago.

Like Cornel West said, “Most present-day black political leaders appear too hungry for status to be angry, too eager for acceptance to be bold, too self-invested in advancement to be defiant. And when they drop their masks and try to get mad, their bold rhetoric is more performance than personal, more play-acting than heartfelt.” Okay Jesse, so you want to cut the man’s balls off, but honestly since the 60’s what have you done that would actually stand to rival Barack Obama? You marched with Dr. King, you were there when he was assassinated, you started P.U.S.H. and have worked with the Rainbow Coalition, however, since those days, you and your cohort Al Sharpton seem more interested in asking “where the cash (and or television cameras) at?” I believe Lil Wayne expresses a similar sentiment on behalf of Al Sharpton on the Carter III’s Misunderstood. Yall feel more inclined to parade around ignorant negroes like the Jena 6 rather than focus on real issues. For the record, I believe that the sentence that the city of Jena attempted to impose on the 6 young black men was a bit over the edge, but in the end, they were still criminals, who did not deserve to be paraded around like our black heroes on the BET awards and through various other media broadcasts for directly opposing the same non-violent attitude that Dr. King was famous for. I don’t know what I would have done if placed in a similar situation, but I wonder how Jesse would feel if Barack took his statement under a guise of provocation, and slapped the shit out of him? Maybe then he might get some respect.

Furthermore, Senator Obama has brought passion back into the Democracy of the United States. This past semester I wrote a paper on the Constitutionality of requiring federal or state-issued identification in order to exercise the right to vote, and the effects that such legislation would have on blacks. It seems as though we as a people still remain acceptant of mediocrity and wonder why the rest of the minorities of the United States are bypassing us exponentially. Its because we continue to hate on each other, kill each other, and make up reasons for our lack of drive in wanting more from our government and expecting more from ourselves. Okay so we were enslaved, so what we never received our 40 acres and a mule, so what the United States is letting immigrants come to this country and accommodate them by still letting them speak their language, SO THE FUCK WHAT?! When we came here, by force, they didn’t value us the same as other human beings and in the past 100 years or so, we’ve only slightly increased over that 3/5ths standard that we used to be held to. So what that Barack Obama has a lot of people voting for him strictly under the rhetoric that he is black and has a black wife, if that incites the American public to go back and exercise their right to vote, then I’m all for it. Most people do not know that the last presidential election in which a majority of the eligible voting population voted was 1968, 40 years ago. And keep in mind that was during the Vietnam error, which follows true to the traditional strategy exercised by our Commander-in-Chief while in search for reelection; start a war. I’m not here to rant and rave about Obama and why he should be president, because anyone can do better than that idiot Bush, I’m just trying to stop the hating.

Another example of how education does not kill the crabs in a barrel theory is that in the past week I’ve had several of my classmates remark that it was time for me to let my locs go in favor of reformation for a successful legal career. Why the hate? Because someone cut their balls off and they were scared to be an individual, they would like to see my testicular fortitude removed in a similar fashion. I’m sorry homeboy, but I’m not you. Cutting my hair in order to become successful is a LAST RESORT, I REPEAT, LAST! For us as a people to get our house in order we must fist follow Walker and Texas Ranger’s advice; “Get your balls back.” If we stop worrying about what the next man is doing, and why he is doing things that we cannot or were unwilling to take the risk to, we can never hope to rise above how the masses view us. I’m pretty sure if those of us, including you Jesse, who lost our balls get them back and focus more on self-reformation rather than why you can’t do what he can/is doing, it will be much better, can we do it? Yes we can, Black America, please don’t make this one of the rare instances where I am wrong…

This Can't Be Life

It is officially 5:02 AM CST, July 18, 2008, and the Texas State Bar Examination is approximately 11 days away. While I try not to think about this upcoming date for fear of suffering from a nervous breakout, I shake my head in disdain when I look at what my life has become in a matter of 4 years. And the sad part is that I can’t even blame myself for this one. Okay, as a man I have to take responsibility for the fact that I finish every activity I engage in, but the initial decision was not my own. I recall the fall semester of 2003 in which my line brothers Ivy and Myron managed to talk into my head the possibility of doing engineering work absent math; patent law. While I had my doubts about law school the two managed to present me with flattery stating that I was one of the smartest people they know and how despite my argumentative nature, I had always managed to structure my arguments around readily accessible evidence and dismissed counter-arguments that were based on personal opinion. I guess maybe that’s that inner-spoiled-brat coming out, but I am not totally opposed to compliments if one is trying to talk me into something! So I busted my ass studying for the LSAT, was granted admission to every law school I applied to only to discover than none of my line brothers who convinced me to pursue a legal career would be joining me, and neither would two others who long considered a legal profession. So I came to Houston seeking new experiences and knowing about 5 people when I touched down. I’m discontent with the lack of originality of Houston natives, discouraged by my inability to find a potential mate here, and scornful of the lack of genuineness exhibited by attorneys, law students, and their administrators and professors. So is this really life? Those who have spoken with me this summer can attest to my frequent demeanor in which I confess a hatred for what my life has become. 8-12 hours of studying daily, sometimes more (today I was at it from 1-4, 5-7, 8:30-12, and 1-5AM) with all the sporadic-ness of someone searching for something in the daytime with a flashlight. Maybe this aint meant to be, but with the cost of a luxury automobile ($110,000) in loans, forgive my French but, this shit gotta work, there isn’t room for anything else…I don’t know what I expected from a legal career as it wasn’t my decision to pursue, but now that I’m here, I’m stuck feeling like Jay; “This can’t be life, this can’t be love, this can’t be right, there’s gotta be more, this can’t be us.” I rarely know what day it is (the week or the month), I miss my son, and I just want something else…Please tell me there’s more…