Its krazy how it does...

On the eve before the biggest test of my life, I am reminded of something someone told me about a week ago; "stop making every big moment of your life analogous to pledging, life does go on after you get off line." However, things that I have learned as a lowly scroller have helped me along through life. I have learned to do the difficult and strive for the impossible, and I have had the harsh realization that life is "hard but fair, sad, but true." However the most applicable thing is the last thing I heard before I crossed those burning sands, William Earnest Henley's Invictus;

Out of the night that covers me, black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be, for this my unconquerable soul,
In the fell clutch of circumstance, I have not winced nor cried aloud,
Under the bludgeonings of chance, my head is bloody, but unbowed,
Beyond this place of wrath and tears, looms but the horrors of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years, finds, and shall find me unafraid,
It matters not how straight the gate, nor how charged with punishment the scroll,
for I am the master of my fate, I AM THE CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL.

And how fitting that on this night, I am more ready for this test than I have ever been throughout the course of these last three months. You see, in the darkness that is the unknown, I am thankful to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, that I didn't manage to let law school take my soul from me. In Lady Justice's evil clutches, I have not let my emotions show to the general public and the tears I shed were in the privacy of my own home. And while my legal pursuits have roughed me up, I have yet to hang my head. After the bar, there is more darkness and unknown as I do not know where my life is headed. However, I am not scared, I embrace my uneasyness and am ready for whatever life (or the Texas Board of Law Examiners) may throw at me. Because it doesn't matter what you throw at me, nor how my past may come back to haunt me. I am acceptant of what I have done, and I know that God helps those who want to be helped. So with that said, I control my future, and I dictate what happens, although I know this is in God's hands now, I have done all I can.

So as I lay my head down to go to sleep, I would like to thank my prophytes of Alpha Sigma for teaching me, that I STARTED pledging on April 7, 2002, at 11:44:08 PM, my friends for their support and words of encouragement, my family for their love, support, and words of wisdom, my son for giving me the drive to continue, and last, but certainly not least, God, for giving me the ability to come this far, and a chance that I do not intend to waste...Kellen Daranda, ESQ is coming, I hope the world is ready for him...

Education Still Does Not Cure Us of the "Crabs in a Barrel Theory"

I hope that this entry is not beating an already dead horse, but in order for me to ensure my “sniper” status (one shot, one kill) on the bar, I have to get this off my chest. First of all, with the whole Jesse Jackson situation, I believe Cedric the Entertainer said it best in one of the Barbershop movies; “Fuck Jesse Jackson!” With the excitement that Senator Obama has caused in regards to the 2008 Presidential Election, I really do not see how Jesse can realistically hate on the man for doing something that he wasn’t able to do 20 years ago, become the first black man to make a serious run for the Presidency of the United States.

It is bad enough that Obama has to deal with the possibility of being elected merely because he is black as if that doesn’t scare the masses enough, to encounter the “haters” that hip-hop culture has immortalized. The New Yorker recently published one of its issues where Obama is categorized as a Taliban in the oval office with a picture of Osama Bin Laden on the wall and his wife, Michelle, looking like a renegade Black Panther.

Now I know the New Yorker will no doubt defend this as an exercise of their First Amendment Right and probably label it as satire or a parody, however it is blatant racism, in my humble opinion. I also know that this does not have the Constitutional muster to rise to a defamation claim, its kinda funny when you really see how people view you. I actually praise the honesty, in hopes that more people would let their true colors show instead of opting for the fraudulent skin of being politically correct. But when its obvious that the masses still regard us in such a manner, why should we criticize ourselves even further. Seems like Jesse is just mad because someone cut off his balls a long time ago.

Like Cornel West said, “Most present-day black political leaders appear too hungry for status to be angry, too eager for acceptance to be bold, too self-invested in advancement to be defiant. And when they drop their masks and try to get mad, their bold rhetoric is more performance than personal, more play-acting than heartfelt.” Okay Jesse, so you want to cut the man’s balls off, but honestly since the 60’s what have you done that would actually stand to rival Barack Obama? You marched with Dr. King, you were there when he was assassinated, you started P.U.S.H. and have worked with the Rainbow Coalition, however, since those days, you and your cohort Al Sharpton seem more interested in asking “where the cash (and or television cameras) at?” I believe Lil Wayne expresses a similar sentiment on behalf of Al Sharpton on the Carter III’s Misunderstood. Yall feel more inclined to parade around ignorant negroes like the Jena 6 rather than focus on real issues. For the record, I believe that the sentence that the city of Jena attempted to impose on the 6 young black men was a bit over the edge, but in the end, they were still criminals, who did not deserve to be paraded around like our black heroes on the BET awards and through various other media broadcasts for directly opposing the same non-violent attitude that Dr. King was famous for. I don’t know what I would have done if placed in a similar situation, but I wonder how Jesse would feel if Barack took his statement under a guise of provocation, and slapped the shit out of him? Maybe then he might get some respect.

Furthermore, Senator Obama has brought passion back into the Democracy of the United States. This past semester I wrote a paper on the Constitutionality of requiring federal or state-issued identification in order to exercise the right to vote, and the effects that such legislation would have on blacks. It seems as though we as a people still remain acceptant of mediocrity and wonder why the rest of the minorities of the United States are bypassing us exponentially. Its because we continue to hate on each other, kill each other, and make up reasons for our lack of drive in wanting more from our government and expecting more from ourselves. Okay so we were enslaved, so what we never received our 40 acres and a mule, so what the United States is letting immigrants come to this country and accommodate them by still letting them speak their language, SO THE FUCK WHAT?! When we came here, by force, they didn’t value us the same as other human beings and in the past 100 years or so, we’ve only slightly increased over that 3/5ths standard that we used to be held to. So what that Barack Obama has a lot of people voting for him strictly under the rhetoric that he is black and has a black wife, if that incites the American public to go back and exercise their right to vote, then I’m all for it. Most people do not know that the last presidential election in which a majority of the eligible voting population voted was 1968, 40 years ago. And keep in mind that was during the Vietnam error, which follows true to the traditional strategy exercised by our Commander-in-Chief while in search for reelection; start a war. I’m not here to rant and rave about Obama and why he should be president, because anyone can do better than that idiot Bush, I’m just trying to stop the hating.

Another example of how education does not kill the crabs in a barrel theory is that in the past week I’ve had several of my classmates remark that it was time for me to let my locs go in favor of reformation for a successful legal career. Why the hate? Because someone cut their balls off and they were scared to be an individual, they would like to see my testicular fortitude removed in a similar fashion. I’m sorry homeboy, but I’m not you. Cutting my hair in order to become successful is a LAST RESORT, I REPEAT, LAST! For us as a people to get our house in order we must fist follow Walker and Texas Ranger’s advice; “Get your balls back.” If we stop worrying about what the next man is doing, and why he is doing things that we cannot or were unwilling to take the risk to, we can never hope to rise above how the masses view us. I’m pretty sure if those of us, including you Jesse, who lost our balls get them back and focus more on self-reformation rather than why you can’t do what he can/is doing, it will be much better, can we do it? Yes we can, Black America, please don’t make this one of the rare instances where I am wrong…

This Can't Be Life

It is officially 5:02 AM CST, July 18, 2008, and the Texas State Bar Examination is approximately 11 days away. While I try not to think about this upcoming date for fear of suffering from a nervous breakout, I shake my head in disdain when I look at what my life has become in a matter of 4 years. And the sad part is that I can’t even blame myself for this one. Okay, as a man I have to take responsibility for the fact that I finish every activity I engage in, but the initial decision was not my own. I recall the fall semester of 2003 in which my line brothers Ivy and Myron managed to talk into my head the possibility of doing engineering work absent math; patent law. While I had my doubts about law school the two managed to present me with flattery stating that I was one of the smartest people they know and how despite my argumentative nature, I had always managed to structure my arguments around readily accessible evidence and dismissed counter-arguments that were based on personal opinion. I guess maybe that’s that inner-spoiled-brat coming out, but I am not totally opposed to compliments if one is trying to talk me into something! So I busted my ass studying for the LSAT, was granted admission to every law school I applied to only to discover than none of my line brothers who convinced me to pursue a legal career would be joining me, and neither would two others who long considered a legal profession. So I came to Houston seeking new experiences and knowing about 5 people when I touched down. I’m discontent with the lack of originality of Houston natives, discouraged by my inability to find a potential mate here, and scornful of the lack of genuineness exhibited by attorneys, law students, and their administrators and professors. So is this really life? Those who have spoken with me this summer can attest to my frequent demeanor in which I confess a hatred for what my life has become. 8-12 hours of studying daily, sometimes more (today I was at it from 1-4, 5-7, 8:30-12, and 1-5AM) with all the sporadic-ness of someone searching for something in the daytime with a flashlight. Maybe this aint meant to be, but with the cost of a luxury automobile ($110,000) in loans, forgive my French but, this shit gotta work, there isn’t room for anything else…I don’t know what I expected from a legal career as it wasn’t my decision to pursue, but now that I’m here, I’m stuck feeling like Jay; “This can’t be life, this can’t be love, this can’t be right, there’s gotta be more, this can’t be us.” I rarely know what day it is (the week or the month), I miss my son, and I just want something else…Please tell me there’s more…