Online Dating Isn’t the Problem, It’s Just You; the Same As It’s Always Been…

 I’ll admit, I joined Tinder and SoulSwipe as a general social observation, lol, who am I kidding, I joined because at the time I was involved in a toxic situation and I was too chickenshit to cut it loose without having a backup plan or two. I heard that these two had helped some friends out with random romps, some annoying folks, some good conversation, some progressed into serious relationships, so I thought it much to be like real life dating, you never really know who that person you’re conversing with truly is. But anyway, I’m still on Tinder, still on SoulSwipe, no longer for the same reason, I just think it’s funny, and I enjoy the random boost to my self-esteem that I get when someone I find attractive feels the same way about yours truly. Out of town in a different city, I got on these two today wondering if women are just as confused in other places or is it just something in the water in New Orleans. Now that I know that these potential elements of confusion are out of the way, or better said “null and void,” I can say what I have been wanting to for quite some time.

***DISCLAIMER*** I can only look at the profiles of women, so don’t think I’m only picking on the ladies here…

So you joined Tinder and/or SoulSwipe because you’re lonely, too wrapped up in the technology age to actually converse with real people that you find attractive in everyday chance meetings, or you just don’t know what to do. Maybe it was what your girlfriend told you about some guys that she met on there, maybe it was the promise of a few free meals and/or outings. Or maybe, you were excited about the fact that only the people you pre-approved are able to contact you. Whatever your reason was, you joined, and you keep on running into the same losers you did in the real world, but I wonder if you, like most people, fail to ever point the finger at yourself when you fail to get the desired outcome. Allow me to clear up a few things.

#1 Guys are not as dumb as you think we are, especially if it concerns box…

This one is fairly simple, men who are merely looking for sex know that dating and the like is merely a numbers game and they know exactly how to play the numbers game, you “go at necks.” Some guys have figured out that the only way to ensure options is to like every profile they come across and not to even really look at or attempt to find out what a woman is about until they are matched. This is where you meet the guys that come off really perverted, or those that just want to “hook up,” or a majority of the “netflix and chill” contingency comes from. Ladies, do not get mad at these men, because all humans are indeed creatures of habit. This whole rhetoric of directly approaching you with intentions of getting to know you in the biblical sense may seem a bit off to you because you are “not that kind of girl,” but it’s HIS go to because, it has worked! ***Now this is where guys may come off as dumb, but if something works for us one time, we will keep that shit like it’s the secret to immortality!*** It’s kinda like the infamous unsolicited dick pic, it has worked before, that’s why he does it. And if it has not worked, he’s hoping that his bluntness may cause you to do something u might not ordinarily do to the tune of the YOLO craze that happened a few years ago. Don’t cuss him out, tell him you’re flattered that he finds you so attractive, that you’re not interested, and block him; problem solved.

#2 Telling me what you don’t like or are not here for tells me nothing about yourself…

Also, most times it just proves that either you are a liar, overly negative, put out the wrong energy about yourself, or a combination of the three. It is a well proven fact that in most cases when a question is answered before it’s asked, the response is a blatant lie. You telling me what you’re not here for often means that, “I’ll probably fuck you after the first date, but I don’t want you expecting it.” Secondly, never diminish the power of the mind. You have the power to speak things into existence, both positive and negative, the more you focus on the negative, the more of your reality the negative becomes. Finally, yes being politically correct means that we should put our best foot forward, and especially when representing something other than ourselves, but some just don’t give a fuck. Ever wonder why every guy comes at you wanting sex? Because all of your pictures are of you in bikinis, tight dresses, or have tons of cleavage! Yes you have the right to dress any way you choose, and you can demand that a man not make you feel uncomfortable when u dress that way, but you can’t stop him from thinking it.

#3 Stop subscribing to these asinine stereotypes because YOU’RE here, like the rest of us…

The problem with meeting people online or in a majority of social settings is the negative connotations attached to certain things. You know, “girl, you can’t find love in the club, all them niggas in the club only want one thing,” or “girl, you can’t find love on the internet, that’s where all them crazy niggas are.” This one here is also rectified fairly simply. Let’s say that you and 3 of your girls went out just to have a good time. In this particular venue, there are about 300 people, are you seriously willing to bet money that you and your entourage of 4 are the only “normal” people here who aren’t prowling, putting on their manners and fake persona all in the name of finding their next lay? ***well, expect for Kisha, she a lil “off,” but yall go back to the 7^th grade.*** The odds are even stronger with the internet, you are not the only normal person on there either. There are crazies everywhere and there are people who are just not personable, this is not their fault, especially if someone has previously let them get away with it. The real way to effectuate change is to take a bottom up approach, so tell your desperate ass homegirls stop caving in to that fuckery because she’s tired of her drought, and demand more of men before giving up the goods.

#4 If all your pictures are face shots…you’re fat. We get it, we know it, love yourself first, and someone else will follow suit…

SELF EXPLANITORY

#5 Put out the energy you seek…and learn how certain things work…

OMG! How many times have I seen a profile that states: “When you approach me, don’t be basic and just say ‘hey,’ come with something unique and interesting.” Umm, this is quite confusing because all forms of conversation start with a greeting. In fact, don’t we always say “hello” when answering the phone? Interesting dialogue and conversation come from mutual interests and sometimes opposing points of view. However, I cannot take that initiative when your bio is blank or you fell victim to #2. Also, saying “ask me anything,” or any other form of that question means that you are not confident enough in yourself to highlight your good qualities and want me to find them, or even worse, you don’t know these highlights exist. For my final point, realize that these swipe to talk apps are largely based upon physical attraction. And let’s be frank, physical attraction only means that under the right set of circumstances, I’d smash. So if you don’t want me to comment on what attracted me to you, which may be inappropriate given the person with whom you’re corresponding, give me something.

These are just a few things that were on my mind. As with most of my posts, I’m probably just preaching to the choir, but if you agreed with a point or two, then share. I just wanted to put something out in the world that’s been on my mind for a few months. Please stop being coy with your friends, let them know that it isn’t the application that they’re using that’s causing these dreadful results. As I learned before when I worked in IT, 90% of the time, it’s USER ERROR!

***HAPPY SWIPING FOLKS***

The Birth of a Hater

For quite some time, Black Americans have been clamoring for more films that tell our version of history, that showcase events not privy to those outside of the “woke” crowd. Something other than a black man in a dress, a dirty cop, the comedic relief, or something else that focuses on the negative stereotypes that this nation has placed on our great race. In comes Nate Parker’s Birth of a Nation, a film that chronicles the exploits of Nat Turner leading up to the uprising he led in 1831. So, instead of giving Parker a standing ovation for a historical docu-drama that was relevant and right on time, we as a people are busy doing the devil’s work; tearing brother Nate, and his work apart.

I took my son to see some movie, knowing him, it was probably something in the Marvel universe, where we saw a preview for The Birth of a Nation. I had heard that Parker’s film had done tremendously well at Sundance and was picked up by a major film company, but I was enamored to see it on the big screen and coming soon. So I told my child that I would be taking him to see this because I knew that seeing the visual representation of Nat Turner’s story would open the door for a teaching lesson. Turner’s saga was something I was familiar with, and something that I knew I wanted to share with him. And like a kid awaiting Christmas, I anxiously looked forward to the premiere of this film.

As the date became closer and closer, I’ve noticed that criticism against the film started was less about the film and more about the director and starring actor, Mr. Parker. I cannot speak on the specifics of Parker’s case, however, because he was acquitted, I’m going to let him enjoy his freedom. I am not the rest of the general public and others have not been so forgiving. Now, the beautiful representation of Nat Turner on the big screen for others who may not know of his life and actions or to provide a visual to something that has largely been words on a page has turned into Nate Parker vindicating his status as a “rapist,” or how rape fueled one of the most notorious slave revolts in history.

Let’s be clear, I saw The Birth of a Nation, I enjoyed it, and I looked at it from a historical standpoint, an entertainment standpoint, and I do not regret taking my ten year old to see it. Am I terribly upset that Parker’s story focused on a romance between Nat and Cherry despite there being a lack of evidence that Nat Turner was even married in the first place? Not at all. I know enough about slavery to know that marriages often went undocumented for fear of families being separated or retribution for the actions of the patriarch being taken out on family members. With that being said, I know that I would be out of my mind for wondering why Nat Turner didn’t mention Cherry at one point in his confession. But why would he, so she could meet a similar fate? What I did not see was the rape of Cherry being the catalyst for Nat Turner’s rebellion. I did see it as a contributing factor, but I think it was the treatment of slaves on other plantations and the lies that Nat was being directed to tell through the gospel was his motivation to take change by force.

Do I think that this movie has marginalized black women who have been victims of sexual assault 

and silenced them by giving the impression that unless a man takes up their cause, they have no hope of becoming vindicated? Another resounding “no!” I am not, nor have I ever been married, but I do know that if a woman close to me was raped and I knew the perpetrator, it would be difficult for me to sit by idly and do nothing. I am one of the biggest supporters of black girl magic, and do not believe that women cannot take up arms to support a cause or themselves without the help of a man. Furthermore, neither should you. The film was a beautiful story that needed to be told, despite your feelings about Nate Parker or the topic of rape within the film. If you feel that strongly and don’t want to put money in Parker’s pocket, then go get the bootleg…

Up Like Trump...

"...look what you done done...now you done fucked up..." - Rae Sremmurd "Up Like Trump"

I'm smiling from ear to ear while writing this post because one of the things I get a kick out of is "ignorant" rappers displaying a fundamental knowledge of how the world works and correctly predicting the future. It's amazing how I've gone from finding Donald Trump as a refreshing answer to American politics to a vermin that must be eradicated. In the event that he does become the next President of these United States, I'll be quoting the previously mentioned lyrics. 

Like most people who follow American politics, I initially found "The Donald" to be a refreshing change of pace from the Bipartisan system that plagues the functionality of our government. The same system that finds Republicans and Democrats alike acting like spoiled children who refuse to compromise with respect to their differing opinions. Their "all or nothing" rhetoric destroys the checks and balances system the founders intended to have when a legislature that has a majority party affiliation that is not the same as the President's refuses to let ANYTHING that doesn't fit their agenda go through. Recently, we've seen these disagreements and inability to compromise between the two parties result in government shut downs and most recently the intention to block President Obama's nomination of a Supreme Court justice to replace Anthony Scalia. I thought Trump would be a refreshing change of pace as he's wealthy enough to run his own campaign without having to push the agenda of his financial supporters, but he's just a microcosm of what American society has become. The exponential growth in popularity of social media and reality TV has given the Average Joe a microphone and an audience. The problem is that most of these idiots should not have their thoughts mainstreamed to a large audience and Donald Trump is one of those idiots. 

Donald Trump has shown that the entire political system is a complete joke. During debates, Trump rarely discusses policy, but amuses his audience with personal attacks on his competition, arrogant self promotion and dick jokes. Yes, you heard me correctly, dick jokes! He's allowed the undercover racists and bigots to remove their masks as he speaks for and directly to them. In addition, like most racists and bigots, quotes the Constitution but ignores it for those in opposition to his position. Trump encourages his supporters to respond to his protestors with violence by offering to bail out and provide to legal fees to those who respond to peaceful demonstrations with violence. What's worse is that the more offensive his opinions have become, the more his popularity increases. 

This upcoming election cycle is no different than the others before President Obama, I'm going to vote because my people have fought and died for the right to vote, but I'm forced to pick between the lesser of two evils, which scares me even more. *sigh* God save the union!

The "Formation" of Capitalist BS

*Confession* I debated whether or not to write this post several times as not to incur the wrath of the "Beyhive," as they are more dangerous than Wu-Tang's "Killa Bees," but some of yall need to realize how stupid yall sound defending someone who doesn't devote a single moment in their day to you and is only about making their own pockets fatter and their own publicity.

This week, Beyonce released the video for her newest joint Formation, and she performed it for the Super Bowl dressed in garb that was an homage to Michael Jackson and/or the Black Panther Party, depending on who you ask. The video itself is a conglomerate of issues that affect the Black Community from #BlackLivesMatter to #HandsUpDontShoot and even #Katrina, but pardon me if i don't see that connection with the lyrics of the song...until the end...

"You know you that bitch when you cause all this conversation.."


This country was built upon the principles of capitalism and Bey does nothing to shy away from the effects of a capitalist society when she considers episodes of her receiving that "good joog" warranting a trip to Red Lobster or a trip to the mall to buy Jordans. And that's where the lyrics in Formation lose me. Yes, I like noes with Jackson 5 nostrils, yes I like baby hair with baby hair and afros, and firmly believe that if you see something you want you should go get it and not be dependent upon someone giving it to you. However, my life's ambition is not to slay. (This is something that may also confuse wypipo who may take the word "slay" and the Black Panther homage as a call to actually kill in the name of Black Pride.)

I can also do without the division that this song causes..."My daddy Alabama, momma Louisiana, you mix that negro with that creole, make a Texas Bama." *Sigh* and here comes the BS. First of all, Bey, your momma is from Galveston, HER people are from Louisiana, (New Iberia, in fact, NOT New Orleans), but we'll touch on that later. The problem with these lyrics is the distinction between Negro/Creole which has been going on since the days of slavery. This prevents this song from being a black empowerment joint because it has that infamous distinction of a creole not considering themselves to be black. This is another thing that derails our equality agenda; how can we hope to be equals when we make many distinctions about our own status. FOR THE LAST DAMN TIME, CREOLE IS A CULTURE, NOT A RACE, AND WHEN THERE IS A BOX ON THE CENSUS FOR CREOLE THEN WE CAN ADDRESS THE DIFFERENCES! Beyonce, like a lot of Black folk who relocated to Texas and California are quick to throw out their Creole heritage as a means of displaying that they are better than those who are just simply negro. (*Side note* I am Creole myself, but I am a proud BLACK AMERICAN!)

Now, for the part that is going to have the "Beyhive" at my neck, the gimmickyness (if that's a word) of the video. My personal feelings about Beyonce is that she has always, yes, since the days of Destiny's Child, done too much. She wants to display the image of being a bad chick or a boss chick but has this "look at me, look at me" attitude like she craves the attention. A true baddie doesn't have to display this mindset because all eyes are always on her no matter what she does. How gimmicky Formation is reminds me of Get Me Bodied where Bey steals common place New Orleans dances and gives them different names. That's no different than the cultural appropriation that Wypipo have been doing for centuries. Yes Beyonce, you have Louisiana roots, but is Katrina really your story? And if it is indeed your story then why wait 10 years to tell it? The "Beyhive" will argue that she was not in a position to speak on it at the time and wasn't in the position to sacrifice her career at the time but Kanye did it, and he (quite frankly) didn't really give a fuck because he felt it was appropriate to do given the circumstances. Speaking out against injustices shouldn't be restricted to when it is convenient to do so and the "Beyhive" should be ashamed of itself for giving Queen Bey that pass, but those are mindless peons. In addition, an article was recently published displaying that Formation was not filmed in New Orleans and the "Beyhive" has responded by accusing the paper of lying. Yes, Beyonce recently filmed a video in New Orleans, but it was NOT Formation, get that in your head!

Yes, Formation, is a good song that does get one's head nodding and displays a (mostly) positive message for young black women, but it IS NOT, and SHOULD NOT be the voice of the #BlackLivesMatter movement...