Konfessions...

I honestly don't think I passed the bar. There, I said it. My blogs usually serve to cater to how much of an "attention whore" I am, but this is one where I just need to let everything out and not have to deal with a response. The other day upon driving to New Orleans to evacuate from Ike, Lyfe Jennings' Stick Up Kid came on my Ipod, and that's when this epiphany finally hit me. I used to say that I had no earthly idea what would propel a man to a life of crime, but sometimes things really do become just that hard. I mean I FELT Lyfe on that song, these niggaz are riding around with their 23s and DVDs in their ride, with the vast majority of them not gaining this material bullshit legally, and I got 2 degrees, one of which is a doctorate, and I dunno where my November rent is coming from. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SHOW MY CHILD THAT EDUCATION IS THE WAY IF IT AINT WORKING FOR ME? But let me not drag my child into this, he's literally a life safer these days. Ive been looking at my recent circumstances and having suicidial thoughts, Kaiden is prolly one of the few reasons why I'm still here. I have $114,000 in debt, $1,000 in my account, I owe my son $4,000, I dont have a job, I can't quit smoking, will be taking the MPRE for the third time, and I don't have a decent boo, let alone a girlfriend. But oh I have degrees, peices of paper that I struggled hard to receive, but in the end, I'm not seeing any return on my investment, either of them. People tell me all the time that I am too hard on myself and things will work out, but what if they don't...what if they don't...