***DISCLAIMER*** Yanno, this post which I was doing a little at a time and was in the midst of scrapping, has became a bit of a satisfactory piece, because I feel like the Corporate Monster that I always speak of showed a little bit of compassion, and finally did something right…#endrant…on with the show, be advised that this is the original posting as well as the “nu-nu” I’ll let u know where the updates comes in….
I like most other NPHC (National Pan-Hellenic Council) Greeks, was excited that Coca-Cola took the lead to give the artform of stepping a national platform and to have the type of stepshow that dreams are made of. Hell, just imagine what your chapter would do with $100,000! Well the Sprite Step Off even was granted an MTV show, and I was thinking that this whole idea was a good thing for Black Greeks. If you looked at the website for the competition, you see members of all of "Divine 9" groups proudly displaying their colors and displaying moves and hand-signs that they have all become known for over the years. But little did I know that Sprite had other plans.
The stage had then become set...90 groups from across the nation participating in regional competitions, and of the 90 groups, 89 were NPHC organizations, all except Zeta Tau Alpha. Now I don’t get into the typical White Greek vs. Black Greek arguments because I was made at an HBCU and if you’re going to go Greek at those types of institutions, the NHPC variety is typically all that is available. So I won’t say that stepping is “our” art form and that’s the reason why I’m upset that ZTA won the sorority portion, but the fact that a good but not great team won the largest step show ever, truly bothered me. But after reading commentary of ZTA’s show, I thought that maybe it was hidden racism that I was suffering from because I could not give these women their props, but my investigation into some of the surrounding circumstances lead me to believe that Coca-Cola was just another corporation who chose to exploit Blacks.
I don’t know who gave MTV the idea, but MTV picked 6 teams (3 guys, 3 girls) after the regional rounds to make a reality show covering the step-off. Now the show from jump was planned to go all the way up until the finals, which instantly gave a red flag in my opinion because how can you plan a show around participants who may not even get that far? This was sign number one that this was going to be fixed. Then the fact that one of the teams that they picked was an all-white group who were the underdogs, taught to step by the AKAs at their school 16 years ago, made their winning all the more sweeter, if they won, but who are we kidding you know they were going to win.
We as a people tend to look at White America’s imitation of our arts as “cute,” so naturally ZTA’s performance got “house” from the crowd in Atlanta. But their prose that they were only there to show that they were capable of being one of the best step-teams in the nation was laughable because they also “dropped it low” in their show, how is that proving you’re a quality step-team as opposed to doing what you’ve seen done before. However, for those of you who haven’t seen the show, go search for it on Youtube, and you will see a crisp, clean, precise show that lacks in stepping originality and creativity in my opinion. The ladies of ZTA were good, but not great, not good enough to win the biggest step-show ever and to win $100,000. The crowd thought it was cute, and the celebrity judges, who were not a total panel of Greeks as done with most step shows, rather a potluck of celebrities, who really have no expertise on the matter. And in the end ZTA won, to which the crowd responded with:
so did they really deserve to win? Should we stop teaching our talents so that we don’t have to get mad when other groups do it better than us? Should Coca-Cola focused more on steppers than showcasing NPHC Greeks when publicizing the Sprite Step-Off? These are all valid questions do not have a black and white answer, but one thing remains clear, Sprite took us for a ride….
***UPDATE FEB 25, 2010*** Coca-Cola has announced today that due to a scoring discrepancy, the Tau Chapter of Alpha Kappa Alpha (the real winners) would be co-winners and would also receive $100,000, so that’s a good thing. But was there really a discrepancy, or did Coca-Cola mere succumb to the pressure of posters like myself who were less than thrilled. Either way, they got what they wanted, notoriety and money, while NPHC Greeks are steadily watching our beloved artform, just lose more and more of its prestige, thanks to Stomp the Yard, Step it Up, and The Sprite-Step-Off. *Sigh* The exploitation of our culture never stops…
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Is it Possible to Have What You Want and What You Need?
PRESS PLAY!!!
I've been wanting to post to my blog lately, but with the stresses of life, I find myself unable to just find the "me" time to release. Well since my PS3 is DOA and I don't really have the bread to fix it, I guess I'm stuck with a lot of "me" time. I keep trying to ask my friends for advice as far as what I should do with my love life and getting it to where it could make me happy. I guess my homeboy put it best when he said "dude, ure doing well, you have everything a man could ever need with a woman, why are you tripping?" But I really don't want her...that's the issue. Its not that I dont wanna settle down, but when it comes to the woman I wanna spend the rest of my life with, i need her to have everything i want and be everything i need, anything less is uncivilized!
I've been wanting to post to my blog lately, but with the stresses of life, I find myself unable to just find the "me" time to release. Well since my PS3 is DOA and I don't really have the bread to fix it, I guess I'm stuck with a lot of "me" time. I keep trying to ask my friends for advice as far as what I should do with my love life and getting it to where it could make me happy. I guess my homeboy put it best when he said "dude, ure doing well, you have everything a man could ever need with a woman, why are you tripping?" But I really don't want her...that's the issue. Its not that I dont wanna settle down, but when it comes to the woman I wanna spend the rest of my life with, i need her to have everything i want and be everything i need, anything less is uncivilized!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Black and Gold Super Bowl...A Reflection...
43 years ago, the National Football Team blessed the world with the Super Bowl and the New Orleans Saints. One has never been a let down, while the other started 5-1 in the preseason and ran the opening kick back 94-yards to the excitement of the fans at Tulane Stadium. Although the Saints would go on to lose that and the six games that followed, they would post an expansion best 3-11 season, leaving the city of New Orleans with a glimmer of hope about their newest beau. And after that promising start, the relationship between this city and its football team would be one of love and hate, probably moreso hate, the love was probably just loyalty.
My love affair with the Saints started in 1983, at a time where the “S” had fallen off and brown-paper bags were the latest in stylish headgear in New Orleans. But I was drawn to this team. Probably because it was only a 20-minute drive to see them play, and my family, except my dad, loved them, but the Saints were MY team. I wasn’t privy to the ‘Aints, I just kept on rooting for them and those better days that were sure to come. I saw glimpses of greatness with the “Cajun Cannon” and “The Dome Patrol,” I cheered when “Bless You Boys” came on, and still believed that the Saints would “Go All the Way” when I “Cha-Chinged” my way to Rally’s. But I never gave up hope.
The Saints have become so important to me that I have a Fleur-de-Lis tattooed on my calf as a symbol of New Orleans, and still remember sneaking away from my go-kart post to the party room upstairs at Celebration Station to catch the first ever playoff victory against the Rams. I couldn’t tell you how many people I “high-fived” and hugged after Az Hakim muffed that punt, but I do remember exactly where I was. Likewise I remember watching the return to New Orleans on Monday night in 2006 instead of briefing cases and how that year almost caused me to fail out of law school because the team did so well and I had to be at Woodrow’s EVERY Sunday.
And I remember last Sunday just the same, I remember how nervous I was throughout the game and how at the end of the fourth quarter and during overtime I was shaking. I’ve experienced the let downs that true Saints fans have for the past 26 years, but I still continue to pull for the home team. Then came the kick…
Surprisingly, as nervous as I was, I couldn’t take my eyes off the TV, expecting the worse but hoping for the best. Hell, this is the same guy who missed a 37-yard field goal against the Bucs with no pressure, so with the Super Bowl on the line and a 40-yard kick coming up, I knew it wasn’t a guarantee. All I could do is look up at the ceiling and speak very softly “God, u know we need this. Not the fans, not the team, but the whole city of New Orleans.” And as the kick split the uprights perfectly the tears began to fall. It’s now Wednesday after the game and I still don’t have the words to express my emotions. It was all so surreal, so dream-like, so…so…PERFECT! All I could think about was calling my dad, the #1 Saints hater and say “now what!” To call my 82 year-old Grandmother to hear the joy in her voice after waiting 43 years for this moment was just crazy. The text messages, the Facebook messages, the shots of Bourbon Street, Jim Henderson’s call; “Pigs have flown! Hell has frozen over! The Saints are going to the Super Bowl!”
For everyone who has stuck with the Saints all their lives like myself, this victory was more than just a game. For everyone who loves New Orleans and wants to see the city move to be better than we were before the storm, this was more than just a game. The naysayers contend that the Vikings gave us the game but we forced 5 turnovers, they say that we intentionally hit Favre and played dirty. Well guess what, we won and the “Brady rule” is BULLSHIT! Not to take nothing away from the Vikings, because that was still one of the greatest games ever played, period.
Thanks for the early birthday present, Saints! The only thing now is to make my dream of Drew Brees riding on a Bacchus float with the Lombardi trophy in tow come true! So where’s the party at on February 7th, New Orleans, or Miami?
WHO DAT?!
My love affair with the Saints started in 1983, at a time where the “S” had fallen off and brown-paper bags were the latest in stylish headgear in New Orleans. But I was drawn to this team. Probably because it was only a 20-minute drive to see them play, and my family, except my dad, loved them, but the Saints were MY team. I wasn’t privy to the ‘Aints, I just kept on rooting for them and those better days that were sure to come. I saw glimpses of greatness with the “Cajun Cannon” and “The Dome Patrol,” I cheered when “Bless You Boys” came on, and still believed that the Saints would “Go All the Way” when I “Cha-Chinged” my way to Rally’s. But I never gave up hope.
The Saints have become so important to me that I have a Fleur-de-Lis tattooed on my calf as a symbol of New Orleans, and still remember sneaking away from my go-kart post to the party room upstairs at Celebration Station to catch the first ever playoff victory against the Rams. I couldn’t tell you how many people I “high-fived” and hugged after Az Hakim muffed that punt, but I do remember exactly where I was. Likewise I remember watching the return to New Orleans on Monday night in 2006 instead of briefing cases and how that year almost caused me to fail out of law school because the team did so well and I had to be at Woodrow’s EVERY Sunday.
And I remember last Sunday just the same, I remember how nervous I was throughout the game and how at the end of the fourth quarter and during overtime I was shaking. I’ve experienced the let downs that true Saints fans have for the past 26 years, but I still continue to pull for the home team. Then came the kick…
Surprisingly, as nervous as I was, I couldn’t take my eyes off the TV, expecting the worse but hoping for the best. Hell, this is the same guy who missed a 37-yard field goal against the Bucs with no pressure, so with the Super Bowl on the line and a 40-yard kick coming up, I knew it wasn’t a guarantee. All I could do is look up at the ceiling and speak very softly “God, u know we need this. Not the fans, not the team, but the whole city of New Orleans.” And as the kick split the uprights perfectly the tears began to fall. It’s now Wednesday after the game and I still don’t have the words to express my emotions. It was all so surreal, so dream-like, so…so…PERFECT! All I could think about was calling my dad, the #1 Saints hater and say “now what!” To call my 82 year-old Grandmother to hear the joy in her voice after waiting 43 years for this moment was just crazy. The text messages, the Facebook messages, the shots of Bourbon Street, Jim Henderson’s call; “Pigs have flown! Hell has frozen over! The Saints are going to the Super Bowl!”
For everyone who has stuck with the Saints all their lives like myself, this victory was more than just a game. For everyone who loves New Orleans and wants to see the city move to be better than we were before the storm, this was more than just a game. The naysayers contend that the Vikings gave us the game but we forced 5 turnovers, they say that we intentionally hit Favre and played dirty. Well guess what, we won and the “Brady rule” is BULLSHIT! Not to take nothing away from the Vikings, because that was still one of the greatest games ever played, period.
Thanks for the early birthday present, Saints! The only thing now is to make my dream of Drew Brees riding on a Bacchus float with the Lombardi trophy in tow come true! So where’s the party at on February 7th, New Orleans, or Miami?
WHO DAT?!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
A Decade to Remember
I know its probably cliche to write a note like this on the last day of the decade, but since when did I care that much about what people think? The years 2000-2009 saw Kellen go from 16-26, from a boy to man. In that time I graduated three times, became a father, pledged, and had many other experiences that shaped me into who I am today. This is my attempt to refrain from sending out one of those dumb ass traditional New Year text messages that say something like "I can't imagine life without you and I want to let you know that I love you before 2010 gets here." Naw, eff that, my friends have had a tremendous impact on my life the past 10 years, some of them more than what they know, and I just wanted to share my experiences, THAT is how I plan to tell them all that I LOVE YOU. For other people that have impacted my life and are reading this note, thank you for getting me through the past 10 years...
The first decade of the 21st century and the 3rd millennium was brought up with all kinds of hype. The Y2K bug was supposed to end life as we knew it and all I wanted to do was survive so I could graduate high school and go to college. Well as the clock struck 12:00AM on January 1, 2000, everything was still the same in the streets of New Orleans; I still made sure my mom was the first person I kissed happy new year’s, the firecrackers were still going off, and ignorant niggas were still shooting in the air, prompting my family to rush us inside for a few minutes. *Sigh,* life in the city. Well its funny that the same anticipation that saw me begin this decade is the same that I'm ending it with. Confused about life, not knowing what to expect, but optimistic about the future, and prepared for it even if it doesn't pan out the way I anticipated. Such was my shock after learning soon after the beginning of the New Year that I would not be receiving a scholarship to Morehouse College and me and Kyle would not be roommates. As disgusted as I was that I would be going to college at Southern because I let Franklin convince me that it was a sub-par institute of higher education, I had fun there and met a lot of people which have impacted me greatly over the past decade.
Well the remainder of the year of 2000 saw me graduate from high school and leave the only world that I had known for the past four years, remaining optimistic that more than 50 members of my high school class would be 15 minutes away at LSU, however I kept in frequent contact with less than 10 of those, which may be my fault or it may be theirs, but aint no love lost. On the other hand, college in general, Southern in specific was a horse of a whole 'nother color. Southern spoiled me in seeing daily fashion shows in the way that people were attired for class, and that probably is the reason for my closet looking the way it does today. Southern also taught me alot about the opposite sex, I learned that all women aren't ladies, and that women actually fart and go "boo boo." (Don't judge me, I dunno why I thought girls stopped going number 2 after being babies). My freshman year ended with a bang and a 3.75 GPA (HELLER!!!) and that summer I met someone who flipped my world upside down and inside out the likes of which I still haven't recovered from.
On February 3, 2002 I entered in the gates of hell and didn't leave there until April 7. But from my time in the "clank," I earned 18 more blood brothers, countless other half/step brothers, a constant support system and more meaningless sex than I could have ever imagined, lol! From then on college was no longer about class it was like people see in the movies with parties, roadtrips, and frat boys running after women. May 17, 2003 was another day that I will always remember because I got in a car accident that left me comatose for 3 days. I learned then that I was here for something great because God could have left me on the side of I-12. That experience also showed me how many people's lives that I had impacted, and the true meaning of friendship. But I didn't slow down from the life I was living previously, once I regained my health it was sex, drugs, alcohol, and school (when time permitted) and the boring routine of roadtrips, football, and parties in the fall, and uhh "teaching" boys in the spring. But I still graduated with a 3.2 in Electrical Engineering (okay it was really a 2.8, but THANK GOD for Repeat/Delete), and moved on to Law School.
The quest to law school was kind of troubling in its inception, because it was more of a get rich quick scheme than a career change. I was sold on an idea that I knew nothing about only because the idea came from someone I trusted. But I grinded out the whole studying for the LSAT and even had someone be there for me in case I had to deal with disappointment with my scores. Unfortunately, not having my significant other be there for me when I needed her the most and our ensuing breakup brought me to Texas. Now that I look back on it, I should have went to LSU law. Then I finished Southern and in the course of saying my goodbye to a certain someone, started a whole new chapter in my life.
Then tragedy came through with Katrina and the news of being a father all in my first semester of law school, but I remained dutiful to the task at hand and finished law school Mother's Day weekend 2008. I know that has to be one helluva gift to see your son graduate from college twice on two separate Mother's Day weekends. But what my mom doesn't know, many of you I tagged in this note do. Yall know about me almost failing out of law school and the guidance yall helped me with in that struggle, I am thankful to have such good friends. The same friends who provided me with comfort on the weeks leading up to the happiest day of my life April 19, 2006. The same friends who helped me through questioning my own manhood and wondering if I were ready to be a father. The same friends who were there when my family lost everything again on December 29, 2006. Those same friends who pushed me in my darkest hour when I failed the bar in July of 2008, and rose to triumph in February of 2009. Those same friends who were there for me the five times when I failed the MPRE.
Yet, 2009 was a good year as I think about it, I saw the first black President get sworn in while it was 11 degrees outside, I saw Alpha Sigma win chapter of the year and its 2nd straight Bayou Classic Step Show win. In this decade I've been to Mexico twice, L.A., St. Louis, Charlotte, Tallahassee, Atlanta, Charleston, Detroit, Tulsa, Oklahoma City, Little Rock, Natchez, Memphis, Birmingham, D.C., Philadelphia, and a few other places I can't remember, and at least one person that this note is dedicated to had something to do with all of those trips. So on the eve of a new decade, I am thankful to have such great friends and with all of you taking this trip down memory lane with me, hope you will be there with me to compare this decades to others in the future, to laugh at the shortcomings that we saw this decade, and to blow the joys we shared out of the water. I'm sorry for being so long winded in my typical fashion, but I had to let you know that I appreciate you all for being there. I close by saying, Happy New Year, I Love You, and I just wanted to take the time out to let you know that you are appreciated!
The first decade of the 21st century and the 3rd millennium was brought up with all kinds of hype. The Y2K bug was supposed to end life as we knew it and all I wanted to do was survive so I could graduate high school and go to college. Well as the clock struck 12:00AM on January 1, 2000, everything was still the same in the streets of New Orleans; I still made sure my mom was the first person I kissed happy new year’s, the firecrackers were still going off, and ignorant niggas were still shooting in the air, prompting my family to rush us inside for a few minutes. *Sigh,* life in the city. Well its funny that the same anticipation that saw me begin this decade is the same that I'm ending it with. Confused about life, not knowing what to expect, but optimistic about the future, and prepared for it even if it doesn't pan out the way I anticipated. Such was my shock after learning soon after the beginning of the New Year that I would not be receiving a scholarship to Morehouse College and me and Kyle would not be roommates. As disgusted as I was that I would be going to college at Southern because I let Franklin convince me that it was a sub-par institute of higher education, I had fun there and met a lot of people which have impacted me greatly over the past decade.
Well the remainder of the year of 2000 saw me graduate from high school and leave the only world that I had known for the past four years, remaining optimistic that more than 50 members of my high school class would be 15 minutes away at LSU, however I kept in frequent contact with less than 10 of those, which may be my fault or it may be theirs, but aint no love lost. On the other hand, college in general, Southern in specific was a horse of a whole 'nother color. Southern spoiled me in seeing daily fashion shows in the way that people were attired for class, and that probably is the reason for my closet looking the way it does today. Southern also taught me alot about the opposite sex, I learned that all women aren't ladies, and that women actually fart and go "boo boo." (Don't judge me, I dunno why I thought girls stopped going number 2 after being babies). My freshman year ended with a bang and a 3.75 GPA (HELLER!!!) and that summer I met someone who flipped my world upside down and inside out the likes of which I still haven't recovered from.
On February 3, 2002 I entered in the gates of hell and didn't leave there until April 7. But from my time in the "clank," I earned 18 more blood brothers, countless other half/step brothers, a constant support system and more meaningless sex than I could have ever imagined, lol! From then on college was no longer about class it was like people see in the movies with parties, roadtrips, and frat boys running after women. May 17, 2003 was another day that I will always remember because I got in a car accident that left me comatose for 3 days. I learned then that I was here for something great because God could have left me on the side of I-12. That experience also showed me how many people's lives that I had impacted, and the true meaning of friendship. But I didn't slow down from the life I was living previously, once I regained my health it was sex, drugs, alcohol, and school (when time permitted) and the boring routine of roadtrips, football, and parties in the fall, and uhh "teaching" boys in the spring. But I still graduated with a 3.2 in Electrical Engineering (okay it was really a 2.8, but THANK GOD for Repeat/Delete), and moved on to Law School.
The quest to law school was kind of troubling in its inception, because it was more of a get rich quick scheme than a career change. I was sold on an idea that I knew nothing about only because the idea came from someone I trusted. But I grinded out the whole studying for the LSAT and even had someone be there for me in case I had to deal with disappointment with my scores. Unfortunately, not having my significant other be there for me when I needed her the most and our ensuing breakup brought me to Texas. Now that I look back on it, I should have went to LSU law. Then I finished Southern and in the course of saying my goodbye to a certain someone, started a whole new chapter in my life.
Then tragedy came through with Katrina and the news of being a father all in my first semester of law school, but I remained dutiful to the task at hand and finished law school Mother's Day weekend 2008. I know that has to be one helluva gift to see your son graduate from college twice on two separate Mother's Day weekends. But what my mom doesn't know, many of you I tagged in this note do. Yall know about me almost failing out of law school and the guidance yall helped me with in that struggle, I am thankful to have such good friends. The same friends who provided me with comfort on the weeks leading up to the happiest day of my life April 19, 2006. The same friends who helped me through questioning my own manhood and wondering if I were ready to be a father. The same friends who were there when my family lost everything again on December 29, 2006. Those same friends who pushed me in my darkest hour when I failed the bar in July of 2008, and rose to triumph in February of 2009. Those same friends who were there for me the five times when I failed the MPRE.
Yet, 2009 was a good year as I think about it, I saw the first black President get sworn in while it was 11 degrees outside, I saw Alpha Sigma win chapter of the year and its 2nd straight Bayou Classic Step Show win. In this decade I've been to Mexico twice, L.A., St. Louis, Charlotte, Tallahassee, Atlanta, Charleston, Detroit, Tulsa, Oklahoma City, Little Rock, Natchez, Memphis, Birmingham, D.C., Philadelphia, and a few other places I can't remember, and at least one person that this note is dedicated to had something to do with all of those trips. So on the eve of a new decade, I am thankful to have such great friends and with all of you taking this trip down memory lane with me, hope you will be there with me to compare this decades to others in the future, to laugh at the shortcomings that we saw this decade, and to blow the joys we shared out of the water. I'm sorry for being so long winded in my typical fashion, but I had to let you know that I appreciate you all for being there. I close by saying, Happy New Year, I Love You, and I just wanted to take the time out to let you know that you are appreciated!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
It's About to Be One of Those Nights...
I dunno what time blogger puts on my postings, but it is currently 2:16 AM, and it's looking like it about to be one of those nights. Since the age of 13 I've been an expert on making a girl/woman fall in love with me, but I'm unsure of how to keep them in love with me. Those who frequent my blog have seen that I am on the process to reformation, and the first step according to most of those __-step programs is admitting that you have a problem. My first confessional posting had an entire bullet point focused on me, the fact that I love the thrill of the chase and don't feel as though I'm boyfriend or much more husband material. I have decided to clean my slate because as the old folks say, once you tell one lie, you are doomed to keep lying in order to keep things in perspective. And that's what I've fallen victim to. I'm not as successful as I envisioned in my career choice, and I think it's time for me to just cut my losses, move back home, and figure out my next move in the comfort of my parents' home. Admitting that one is a failure is hard enough, but how can I be successful when I have so much going on in my personal life?
The only one that I can blame for my personal shortcomings is myself. Since I starting courting females at the age of 13, I have been labeled as a heart breaker. Hell, it's safe to operate in such a manner, I don't get hurt, and I get what I need. Being the self-proclaimed expert of the chase that I see myself as, I know the well isn't going to run dry anytime soon. Maybe that's why i don't value female company as much as I should, because I know that I can always find another one. But with me knowing that I am unappreciative, selfish, and out for Kellen, then how was I (un)lucky enough to get two "great" women at the same point in time? Then again, I'm not sure either of them were/are that great, because they are just the best options at this point in time. I thought I made my mind up in who I wanted, and in order to get us to that level that we need to be find myself telling her the truth about my intentions from jump and how they have changed as of now, but she blew up. Now, I'm not mad at her for blowing up, more so mad at myself for even treating her in such a manner. I had been warned about the type of person she was, and I should have known better when I saw for myself that I was not seeing the person whom she was described to be. She had been hurt, just like me, but instead of taking it out on the next person, she was woman enough to give me and love a chance and let go. But I was playing her to the left for the longest, so what that I was ready for what she wanted from me all along it was too little, too late. I'm going to cut my losses with that one, appreciate what she has shown me, send her some flowers and an "I'm sorry" card to her job tomorrow and let be whatever will be.
But the plot thickens...When I told the "make believe cheater" about this pseudo "half-life" that I have been living, she met me with a response of "it's okay, baby, I still love you." She was forgiving, understanding, and even said that my personal life is the reason why I can't be successful in my career. WOW!!! She is still supporting me after I told her that I'm with her when I come home and occasionally when she comes here, but for most of the time when I am in Houston, there is someone else in my life. I know hat she and I aren't done talking but I intend to tell her when I get back to New Orleans of how full of shit I am and that despite the lies I tell, and how hard I try to fake the funk, that I am still a work in progress and am nowhere near as ready for a relationship as I would allude to. I think my problem with both women is that they have catered to my weaknesses, women (specifically sex), money, and clothes. Both give me love and sex, both help me out in turn financially, and both buy me clothes. Because of that my vision is clouded, and I tend to re-examine the lot and forgive things that I consider unforgivable in order to give me the sanctity I need for a long term relationship.
Now I have dug myself into a deep hole, and have no one to blame but myself. But I have accomplished the clarity that I needed in my confessions. I now know that I'm not ready for a relationship, period. I need to fix myself first and straighten up my own house before inviting someone over for dinner. I no longer plan on rushing things...let God's will be done, not that of my own. Dammit, Kellen, I thought we learned this lesson this time last year...
The only one that I can blame for my personal shortcomings is myself. Since I starting courting females at the age of 13, I have been labeled as a heart breaker. Hell, it's safe to operate in such a manner, I don't get hurt, and I get what I need. Being the self-proclaimed expert of the chase that I see myself as, I know the well isn't going to run dry anytime soon. Maybe that's why i don't value female company as much as I should, because I know that I can always find another one. But with me knowing that I am unappreciative, selfish, and out for Kellen, then how was I (un)lucky enough to get two "great" women at the same point in time? Then again, I'm not sure either of them were/are that great, because they are just the best options at this point in time. I thought I made my mind up in who I wanted, and in order to get us to that level that we need to be find myself telling her the truth about my intentions from jump and how they have changed as of now, but she blew up. Now, I'm not mad at her for blowing up, more so mad at myself for even treating her in such a manner. I had been warned about the type of person she was, and I should have known better when I saw for myself that I was not seeing the person whom she was described to be. She had been hurt, just like me, but instead of taking it out on the next person, she was woman enough to give me and love a chance and let go. But I was playing her to the left for the longest, so what that I was ready for what she wanted from me all along it was too little, too late. I'm going to cut my losses with that one, appreciate what she has shown me, send her some flowers and an "I'm sorry" card to her job tomorrow and let be whatever will be.
But the plot thickens...When I told the "make believe cheater" about this pseudo "half-life" that I have been living, she met me with a response of "it's okay, baby, I still love you." She was forgiving, understanding, and even said that my personal life is the reason why I can't be successful in my career. WOW!!! She is still supporting me after I told her that I'm with her when I come home and occasionally when she comes here, but for most of the time when I am in Houston, there is someone else in my life. I know hat she and I aren't done talking but I intend to tell her when I get back to New Orleans of how full of shit I am and that despite the lies I tell, and how hard I try to fake the funk, that I am still a work in progress and am nowhere near as ready for a relationship as I would allude to. I think my problem with both women is that they have catered to my weaknesses, women (specifically sex), money, and clothes. Both give me love and sex, both help me out in turn financially, and both buy me clothes. Because of that my vision is clouded, and I tend to re-examine the lot and forgive things that I consider unforgivable in order to give me the sanctity I need for a long term relationship.
Now I have dug myself into a deep hole, and have no one to blame but myself. But I have accomplished the clarity that I needed in my confessions. I now know that I'm not ready for a relationship, period. I need to fix myself first and straighten up my own house before inviting someone over for dinner. I no longer plan on rushing things...let God's will be done, not that of my own. Dammit, Kellen, I thought we learned this lesson this time last year...
Monday, November 23, 2009
Adonde Hacen Eso???
My last blog was one of confusion given the state of my personal "extra-curricular" activities, but I can proudly boast that it is getting better, at least in my mind. Well, I'm still in love with Ashley, gradually building up stronger and stronger feelings for Nicole, and starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Now granted I said that I have been giving a woman in my life the cold shoulder, and she sends me a text the other night that read:
"I called you earlier but whatever. Let me clear my conscience. I lunch with a guy today. I really like him. Then we watch a movie and I fell asleep. When I woke up he ate my pussy and we messed around a bit but I couldn't bring myself to fuck him. I felt guilty cause I love you. I told him that I love you, I guess this is life :-/"
I looked at the text in awe, thinking wow, she was really serious about her saying that she would start to fuck around with other dudes if I didn't treat her as she so desired. But that's good tho, maybe she can do better than me, cause clearly I aint shit. Well, the next morning she calls, and of course I'm like whatever because I really don't know how to feel. On one hand I feel betrayed because someone done got close to my chick but on the other hand I feel like I brought it upon myself. So on that one hand I wanna call her all kinds of bitches and hoes and sluts, but then on the other I know I can't be upset because that's not my old lady, and I've been doing the same thing myself. So I'm torn and I just tell her that I have a lot to think about, and I will talk to her later, I'm not sure when later will be, but I will talk to her later. Last night she texts me back saying that she's sorry for acting like an asshole and starting confusion, that she made the whole thing up and it was a cry for attention. She wanted to piss me off because I've been pissing her off, and even admitted to the course of action's immaturity and apologized but I don't know what to believe anymore.
I'm torn because I don't want to make a mistake with this decision, because I'm getting to the point where I want to settle down with one person, but I know I'm not ready for marriage. But damaging lies for the sake of attention, where they do that at? Do good women do that? Should I just let her fall by the waste side, or further this confusion in my life because she said she was sorry? Should I even believe her? Fuck, this wasn't a moment of clarity at all...
"I called you earlier but whatever. Let me clear my conscience. I lunch with a guy today. I really like him. Then we watch a movie and I fell asleep. When I woke up he ate my pussy and we messed around a bit but I couldn't bring myself to fuck him. I felt guilty cause I love you. I told him that I love you, I guess this is life :-/"
I looked at the text in awe, thinking wow, she was really serious about her saying that she would start to fuck around with other dudes if I didn't treat her as she so desired. But that's good tho, maybe she can do better than me, cause clearly I aint shit. Well, the next morning she calls, and of course I'm like whatever because I really don't know how to feel. On one hand I feel betrayed because someone done got close to my chick but on the other hand I feel like I brought it upon myself. So on that one hand I wanna call her all kinds of bitches and hoes and sluts, but then on the other I know I can't be upset because that's not my old lady, and I've been doing the same thing myself. So I'm torn and I just tell her that I have a lot to think about, and I will talk to her later, I'm not sure when later will be, but I will talk to her later. Last night she texts me back saying that she's sorry for acting like an asshole and starting confusion, that she made the whole thing up and it was a cry for attention. She wanted to piss me off because I've been pissing her off, and even admitted to the course of action's immaturity and apologized but I don't know what to believe anymore.
I'm torn because I don't want to make a mistake with this decision, because I'm getting to the point where I want to settle down with one person, but I know I'm not ready for marriage. But damaging lies for the sake of attention, where they do that at? Do good women do that? Should I just let her fall by the waste side, or further this confusion in my life because she said she was sorry? Should I even believe her? Fuck, this wasn't a moment of clarity at all...
Friday, November 20, 2009
It Is Written In the Stars
A few weeks ago a friend proposed that she had developed a computer program that takes and breaks down an individual's personality....here's mine and its kinda on the money
One of the standout characteristics of those born under the Sun Sign of Aquarius is their unwillingness to follow the beaten track. With advancement and progress on their minds, there can be an irreverence to old and outdated ways of thinking and doing things. Many Aquarians aim to free themselves of personal and social conditioning. Although open to change in theory, Aquarians can be surprisingly stubborn. Their idealism runs strong, but they can be very fixed in their opinions.
Often a bit aloof and even standoffish, Aquarians nonetheless are usually well-liked. They are curious and observant, and tolerant in a broad sense. Prejudice and bias is offensive to the typical Aquarius. Aquarians are generally very clever, witty, and intellectual. They value progress and frankness. It's difficult to throw Aquarians for a loop--they're generally on top of things. There is a bit of reformer in Aquarius. They'll try to get you to see through superficiality, and encourage you to be open and forthright. "Be true to yourself" and "Don't follow the crowd" are mottos we easily associate with this sign. Aquarians need space and value personal freedom. Any attempt to box them in will likely fail. They'll happily return the favor; and they will treat people from all walks of life as equals. Equality and fairness are hallmarks of the sign. If you're quirky and "different", all the better.
Short description:
He is independent, autonomous, and has progressive ideas.
Weaknesses: an unusual, rebellious and revolutionary spirit.
The work that you do, and the services that you offer, are very important to your sense of identity. In order to feel good about yourself, you need to be busy with daily activities and to produce work you can be proud of. Focus on finding a suitable and rewarding avenue for expressing this part of you, being extra careful to choose an occupation in which you can express yourself. You are sensitive to criticism about the work you do, and you work best when you can create your own schedule. Positive feedback for the services you render is important to you, but be careful not to over-identify with the appreciation you receive from others, as your work and your health suffers when you feel under-appreciated. Motivation to do a good job should come from within.
you to question tradition. You are, above all things, an individualist. You naturally rebel against that which is established. It doesn't mean that you consistently break all the rules, but you definitely do question some of the rules, especially those that simply don't make much sense. You possess a huge distaste for routine. You work best when you have some say as to when and how you get things done. You possess much self-integrity. You avoid labeling people and are most offended when others attempt to label or stereotype you.
You easily embrace new ways of doing things, you stick up for the underdog, and you express yourself in unique and inspiring ways. You don't have to try to stand out as unique--you are original, creative, and progressive without trying. You are far from pretentious. You value honesty and truth, and you avoid putting on airs. You believe in the equality of people, and easily relate to people from all walks of life. You possess an unmistakable enthusiasm about life, and generally your life is interesting because you invite unusual or adventurous experiences into your life. You are generally appreciated by others because you are open-minded, fair, and not judgmental. Nothing really seems to faze you! You take things in stride, and are rarely shocked or taken aback by human behavior.
He can face conflicts in life due to a projection of character that doesn't match what is on the inside. Misrepresentation of the self is frequent. He must strive to understand how others perceive him and work on presenting a more accurate persona to the world, or he will rub people the wrong way or feel unrecognized and misunderstood.
Some people with Virgo Moons are accused of being underachievers. While it may be true that Lunar Virgos can lack self-confidence, many are--quite simply--content with living "regular", unassuming lives. They appreciate simplicity, and are often most comfortable when they're not getting too much attention from the world at large. Lunar Virgos are easily overwhelmed by pressure and stress. They worry incessantly when there is too much to think about; and they know their limits. Arguably the worst position for a Lunar Virgo is without a steady routine or a simply satisfying job. They need to feel useful, and they best express this by helping others in little ways. They need something to call their own, and the space to do what they want to do. The unhappy Lunar Virgos are fussy and complaining sorts. They are victims of routine and freak out when their plans are not followed. They are restless and nervous, and can't seem to see the big picture. Probably the best remedy for these people is a job or hobby in which they can express their deep need to analyze, attend to details, and micromanage.
These people express their affection for the people they care about in little, but practical, ways. They can be a little stiff when it comes to open, gushy displays of affection. Lunar Virgos are often shy with new people. However, when they are comfortable, they are anything but shy. More often than not, others can count on Moon in Virgo people. They are reliable and trustworthy. Above all else, Lunar Virgos are practical. Others turn to them for help and advice. In relationships, Lunar Virgos can be self-effacing and kind. Some are quite shy in love, and easily intimidated on a sexual level. Many are not very comfortable with their sexuality, but they aim to please nonetheless. The sign of Virgo is very body-aware, in general. If this awareness combines with a lack of self-confidence, Lunar Virgos can be too aware of the parts that make up the whole. This can lead to a tendency to be intensely self-critical. Once Lunar Virgos learn to come out of their shell, however, they can be earthy partners with a lot to give.
Some of the most skeptical people are Lunar Virgos. They can't help but poke holes when faced with others' blind faith. Their criticism can be maddening, and their insistence on seeing the practical in anything emotional can be challenging, especially if you are the dreamy type. Virgo curiosity shows up big time with this position of the Moon. To some, it can be confusing. Lunar Virgos seem very interested in others' problems, for example, but can be quite cool and even unsympathetic in the long run. Their advice can seem hard to more sensitive folk; yet Lunar Virgos can be surprisingly delicate when faced with others' criticism. Virgo Moon people are generally busy and quietly happy when they have their lives under control. They aim for a simple existence, and are often quite content with very little. Many are early risers, ready to take on the day with enthusiasm. They scurry around, keeping busy and managing their life quietly and expertly. As long as their little world is manageable, Lunar Virgos can be a delight to be around.
Short description:
He has a very good memory. Scientific or medical studies preferred above all others. He is humble and moderate, calm and reserved. Emotional discipline. He is willing to help, devoted and gentle.
Weaknesses: servile nature, frequent changes of occupation, gets annoyed, upset, worries. He is too shy.
You can be quite expressive and animated in your speech. You have an outstanding memory and tend to pick up a lot of information from your environment. You love to chat and to exchange ideas. Even if you are shy, once you're friends, you love to talk about pretty much anything under the sun, and you enjoy sharing stories from your past! For the most part, you are focused on day-to-day activities in your communications rather than on grander philosophies. You are naturally curious and interested, and others find you very easy to talk to. You are accommodating and curious, but you are not as well equipped to handle heavy emotional demands. You thrive on change and variety. You might be a little addicted to gossip! More probably, however, you are simply very curious about others. There is a twinkle in your eyes, and you are never short on humor. You are playful and versatile--you make a fun companion and an interesting friend. You listen! Yes, you do talk and occasionally interrupt in your excitement, but you are a curious person who does want to hear what others have to say, and that is a real pleasure. In fact, you are more able than most people to get others talking, simply because you are very receptive and sympathetic. You pick up others' feelings and body language readily.
He lacks firmness, and can be a sucker for a sob story! He likes to live in a dream, in the world of imagination, and can hope so much that reality checks can be brutal.
Mercury represents communication, Cartesian and logical spirit.
Mercury in Capricorn
His mind compartmentalizes impressions, and he appreciates structure and order. The mind learns best when it can see practical uses for information. Resourceful, reflective, deep thinker: a fine and vivacious mind. Undertakes lengthy studies or, if circumstances do not allow, will teach himself. A rational person. Can be pessimistic, skeptical, and sarcastic, possessing a very sharp sense of humor. Notices everything.
Mercury in VI
Medical profession. Serviceable and generous nature. Meets their soul sister at work, or (if not) through family contacts.
Venus represents an interest for emotions and values, exchange and sharing with others.
Venus in Pisces
Venus in Pisces people project themselves as dreamy, soft-hearted partners. Everything about the way they flirt promises a lovely time. Theirs is an elusive charm -- they are sweetly playful, a little moody, and perhaps a little irregular. They appreciate romance and poetry, and they prefer to "feel out" both you and the relationship you share, so don't expect too much planning ahead. Their sensitivity can be a little misleading at times. Yes, they are sensitive folk, but lovers may find it maddening that this sensitivity is not only directed at them, but towards all of mankind. Venus in Pisces men and women want you to know that their love is unconditional. They are unimpressed by your status, and love and accept you for all that you are inside. They love the underdog and are attracted to wayward folks, or those in need of a little help. With their romantic view of the world, they can be unreasonably attracted to states of suffering and martyrdom, so they easily get into the role of saving someone, or being saved. Unlike Venus in Libra, which thrives on equality, Venus in Pisces is actually turned on by inequality! They can be rather confusing and hard to pin down as they feel their way through their relationships. As much as they may want to, they find it hard to commit. Many do end up committing, however, at least on the surface.
Pleasing Venus in Pisces involves enjoying tender moments and romantic times with them. You won't always be able to count on them. In fact, you can be sure they will stretch the truth every once in a while. But remember they do this because they fear they might hurt you, and they can't bear to cause you any heartache. Try to understand them, although that's never an easy task considering the fact that they don't always know themselves. And, truth is, some Venus in Pisces privately have a love affair going with the idea of being misunderstood. Try to put up with their apparent lack of direction in the relationship -- they are so receptive and open to all possibilities that it is hard for them to commit to any one thing, idea, or even person. These intriguing partners will reward you with a love that is accepting and comes as close to unconditional as humans can get.
Venus in VII
His fate depends a lot on marriage. Marries for love, children, happy emotional life.
101 Conjunction Venus - Mars
He is amorous, not a peaceful and calm lover but a passionate one with a strong temperament. He is demonstrative in love, and likes healthy pleasures. He enjoys life to the full.
-88 Square Venus - Jupiter
He is nonchalant, pretentious, full of self-importance. He likes what is beautiful and sometimes ostentatious, and spends lots of money for the sake of appearances. He likes to please and has numerous amorous adventures. He is unfaithful and undergoes tribulations in love.
116 Trine Venus - Saturn
He has a good grasp of reality and of duty. He is thrifty, reserved and does not show off. He likes truth and justice. In love, his sentiments are sincere and deep, he never plays false. He is, of course, faithful in love and friendship. He can love a much older person and appreciates his intelligence and good sense.
-10 Square Venus - Uranus
He looks for new sensations in love and is often unsatisfied by affairs which quickly turn into purely conventional relationships. He likes novelty, adventure, the eccentric: he is frivolous, unstable, unfaithful. Marriage is not for him and, if he does throw himself into this adventure, it will end in divorce, written off as a youthful mistake. As a result of his numerous love affairs, he makes sure his line is continued.
61 Trine Venus - Pluto
His emotional and sex life is powerful and rich. He lives out truly passionate love affairs.
20 Sextile Venus - Midheaven
He has good taste, has an affectionate nature, his love is warm and deep, based on intellectual understanding and common tastes. His friends are useful in furthering his career.
Mars represents the desire for action and physical energy.
Mars in Pisces
Mild-tempered and gentle, these guys and gals move through life in a manner that can hardly be considered direct. Mars is the planet of action and assertion, and Pisces is a passive sign that rarely asserts itself in a direct fashion. So the placement of Mars in Pisces is an unusual combination. Sometimes prone to feelings of guilt about their anger, and difficulties with asserting themselves, Mars in Pisces individuals seem to "go with the flow". This is certainly not a very active position for Mars, and natives will often let life "happen" instead of trying to control their life direction. This is a charming position, as individuals with Mars in Pisces don't appear like they are capable of harming a fly. However, those that don't find creative expression for this energy can stir up a storm through indirect aggression.
Mars in Pisces people are not averse to playing games to get what they want, although even they don't always know exactly what they do want! Their desires are changeable and moody, and it's hard to really know where these natives stand on any particular issue. Alternatively, some Mars in Pisces people do take a stand on issues that are Piscean in nature, making compassion and love their mission. Energy levels fluctuate a lot, coming in bursts of activity followed by inertia. Because it can be difficult to align this ebbing and flowing of energy in the day-to-day world as it is, finding a job that supports this may be tough. The happiest Mars in Pisces individuals are those that have a creative outlet that allow them to express their desires of the moment, their compassion--and even their anger--freely and imaginatively. An example of Mars in Pisces is Bono, lead singer of U2, who seems to have found the perfect outlet for his creativity through his music, and as a spokesperson for love and compassion.
Mars in VIII
Sexually very powerful, he is also capable of tremendous focus and hard work. Sexually intense and deep. Is adept at professions requiring research, strategy, uncovering truths, and analysis. Arguments may occur over inheritance.
-34 Square Mars - Jupiter
He refuses to accept any guidance. He lacks forethought, acts impulsively and sometimes imprudently, which can cause problems. He wants everything yesterday and uses whatever means necessary to achieve his objectives, even if they are dishonest or not very commendable. His emotional life is fraught with quarrels and sometimes violent conflicts.
12 Trine Mars - Saturn
He is energetic and determined. He has strength and resistance, ability and patience: he is tough, and sometimes insensitive, and puts all his energy and talents into overcoming all the obstacles to his success. He is obstinate, calculating, does not take on anything without having thought of all the possible consequences, he can take all the time in the world and never loses patience to achieve his objectives. He is not particularly popular in his circle, but is feared and respected.
-45 Square Mars - Uranus
He is full of contradictions. He is original, tending to the eccentric, violent, headstrong, impatient and irascible. He fights to the bitter end to overcome hurdles, and has the strength to overcome them.
Jupiter represents expansion and grace.
Jupiter in Sagittarius
He attracts the most good fortune when he is open-handed and generous, tolerant, and practices what he preaches. Can be inspirational, and find success in travel, education, teaching, sports, publishing, and foreign cultures.
Jupiter in IV
He likes and believes in justice. He is an optimist and is generous. Professional success is rapid and helped by the family. Family life is very important for him. He likes comfort, well-being at home. He knows how to entertain in style and above all with pleasure: his house is always open to friends.
394 Conjunction Jupiter - Uranus
He knows what's going on at a glance. He thirsts after knowledge, and is a good organizer. He is very independent, likes his freedom of action, is a non-conformist. He is very agreeable company and is always in demand.
25 Trine Jupiter - Ascendant
He likes meeting friends, around a good meal and in a cordial atmosphere. He is pleasant, jovial and engaging.
Saturn represents contraction and effort.
Saturn in Scorpio
Observant, self-controlled, unforgiving, tough, methodical, a researcher, an investigator. Lots of courage, self-assurance and can keep his cool.
Weaknesses: makes no concessions or compromises. He can become a fanatic of a creed, a party, work or a religion.
Saturn in III
His studies will be restricted. He is serious, discrete. He takes on mental tasks that require time and concentration. He travels little even though he likes it. He has few friends, who are, however, very close.
104 Conjunction Saturn - Pluto
He perseveres, achieves his projects through hard work.
-62 Opposition Saturn - Midheaven
He must struggle a lot and work hard to achieve his aims. Although confronted by discouraging circumstances, he knows how to set off again and continue the fight.
Uranus represents individual liberty, egoistic liberty.
Uranus in Sagittarius
He is shy, delicate but proud, bold and lively.
Uranus in IV
He is very independent. His independence begins vis-...-vis the family circle. He does not like bureaucracy, administration, and has problems as a result. He has avant-garde ideas, he is original and does not tolerate constraints on his freedom.
17 Trine Uranus - Ascendant
He is always changing, is unstable. He is ready to innovate, to change everything. He is inventive.
Neptune represents transcendental liberty, non-egoistic liberty.
Neptune in Sagittarius
Likes long voyages, things foreign, water.
Neptune in V
Extravagant love affairs, great passions.
42 Sextile Neptune - Pluto
Pluto represents transformations, mutations and elimination.
Pluto in Libra
Looks for new ways to relate to others.
-5 Opposition Pluto - Midheaven
He abuses his power, crushing others in order to achieve his objectives. He risks losing everything and having to start from scratch.
House I is the area of self identity. The ascendant is a symbol of how one acts in life. It is the image of the personality as seen by others, and the attitude that one has towards life.
Aquarius ascendant Leo
Ascendant in Leo
Leo rising people cannot help but be noticed. They radiate a special energy and magnetism that gets others' attention. Sometimes it's because they are loud people who pay a lot of attention to their personal appearance (especially their hair!); other times it's due to a regal manner that simply demands interest from others. Leo Ascendant people are very self-aware and body-conscious. They are acutely aware of others, and how they come across. In fact, these people are especially aware of their personal "backdrop"--they consider what the people they're with, and the environments they are in, do to their own image. Often, Leo rising natives feel as if they are on stage, even in the privacy of their own homes! They are given to rash decisions, temper tantrums, and excesses. However, they have plenty of staying power, drive, and their idealism keeps them from getting into too much trouble. The desire to oversee the goings-on in their circle can sometimes amount to bossiness. If this desire doesn't go too far, however, it can just mean a person who wants to make sure the people they love are all right. Many Leo rising people are managers, either by profession or character.
The tendency to overestimate things, and themselves, is generally present. This is due to a natural enthusiasm and optimism about any new undertaking. Sometimes, they are walking commercials. In fact, Leo rising people make excellent promoters. Leo rising people are generally demonstrative, and given to grand gestures. Drama comes naturally to these natives. In fact, some are so caught up in fiction, they're a little blind to fact. They have an unusual need to be admired. Leo Ascendants often have a strong physical constitution. They pay special attention to their personal appearance and mannerisms. Usually, they choose clothing and hairstyles that are youthful. Their manner is authoritarian and strong. Very full emotional life.
No matter their age in real-world terms, Leo rising people are kids at heart. They are fun-loving and warm; generous and spirited. They have a natural flair for presentation, an eye for quality, and a hard-to-resist warmth of style. They want to make things happen, and create a stir.
He worries about money and is not especially generous with it unless he feels very comfortable.
He looks for refined people, with whom to have long discussions, without raised voices of any kind. Harmony and peace is very important.
Likes adventure, travel, gambling, takes risks for the pleasure of it, treating it as a game. Lots of love affairs.
Works hard, unceasingly and patiently. Weak point: the cold, changes in temperature.
A slightly hasty marriage. The relationship between man-and-wife will be very friendly and full of understanding. Both will love their independence, their freedom of action. If one refuses to give this to the other while insisting on it for herself, then a divorce will ensue.
Likes meeting, ceaselessly discussing with well-informed people, full of ideas.
Problems will only come from the family.
One of the standout characteristics of those born under the Sun Sign of Aquarius is their unwillingness to follow the beaten track. With advancement and progress on their minds, there can be an irreverence to old and outdated ways of thinking and doing things. Many Aquarians aim to free themselves of personal and social conditioning. Although open to change in theory, Aquarians can be surprisingly stubborn. Their idealism runs strong, but they can be very fixed in their opinions.
Often a bit aloof and even standoffish, Aquarians nonetheless are usually well-liked. They are curious and observant, and tolerant in a broad sense. Prejudice and bias is offensive to the typical Aquarius. Aquarians are generally very clever, witty, and intellectual. They value progress and frankness. It's difficult to throw Aquarians for a loop--they're generally on top of things. There is a bit of reformer in Aquarius. They'll try to get you to see through superficiality, and encourage you to be open and forthright. "Be true to yourself" and "Don't follow the crowd" are mottos we easily associate with this sign. Aquarians need space and value personal freedom. Any attempt to box them in will likely fail. They'll happily return the favor; and they will treat people from all walks of life as equals. Equality and fairness are hallmarks of the sign. If you're quirky and "different", all the better.
Short description:
He is independent, autonomous, and has progressive ideas.
Weaknesses: an unusual, rebellious and revolutionary spirit.
The work that you do, and the services that you offer, are very important to your sense of identity. In order to feel good about yourself, you need to be busy with daily activities and to produce work you can be proud of. Focus on finding a suitable and rewarding avenue for expressing this part of you, being extra careful to choose an occupation in which you can express yourself. You are sensitive to criticism about the work you do, and you work best when you can create your own schedule. Positive feedback for the services you render is important to you, but be careful not to over-identify with the appreciation you receive from others, as your work and your health suffers when you feel under-appreciated. Motivation to do a good job should come from within.
you to question tradition. You are, above all things, an individualist. You naturally rebel against that which is established. It doesn't mean that you consistently break all the rules, but you definitely do question some of the rules, especially those that simply don't make much sense. You possess a huge distaste for routine. You work best when you have some say as to when and how you get things done. You possess much self-integrity. You avoid labeling people and are most offended when others attempt to label or stereotype you.
You easily embrace new ways of doing things, you stick up for the underdog, and you express yourself in unique and inspiring ways. You don't have to try to stand out as unique--you are original, creative, and progressive without trying. You are far from pretentious. You value honesty and truth, and you avoid putting on airs. You believe in the equality of people, and easily relate to people from all walks of life. You possess an unmistakable enthusiasm about life, and generally your life is interesting because you invite unusual or adventurous experiences into your life. You are generally appreciated by others because you are open-minded, fair, and not judgmental. Nothing really seems to faze you! You take things in stride, and are rarely shocked or taken aback by human behavior.
He can face conflicts in life due to a projection of character that doesn't match what is on the inside. Misrepresentation of the self is frequent. He must strive to understand how others perceive him and work on presenting a more accurate persona to the world, or he will rub people the wrong way or feel unrecognized and misunderstood.
Some people with Virgo Moons are accused of being underachievers. While it may be true that Lunar Virgos can lack self-confidence, many are--quite simply--content with living "regular", unassuming lives. They appreciate simplicity, and are often most comfortable when they're not getting too much attention from the world at large. Lunar Virgos are easily overwhelmed by pressure and stress. They worry incessantly when there is too much to think about; and they know their limits. Arguably the worst position for a Lunar Virgo is without a steady routine or a simply satisfying job. They need to feel useful, and they best express this by helping others in little ways. They need something to call their own, and the space to do what they want to do. The unhappy Lunar Virgos are fussy and complaining sorts. They are victims of routine and freak out when their plans are not followed. They are restless and nervous, and can't seem to see the big picture. Probably the best remedy for these people is a job or hobby in which they can express their deep need to analyze, attend to details, and micromanage.
These people express their affection for the people they care about in little, but practical, ways. They can be a little stiff when it comes to open, gushy displays of affection. Lunar Virgos are often shy with new people. However, when they are comfortable, they are anything but shy. More often than not, others can count on Moon in Virgo people. They are reliable and trustworthy. Above all else, Lunar Virgos are practical. Others turn to them for help and advice. In relationships, Lunar Virgos can be self-effacing and kind. Some are quite shy in love, and easily intimidated on a sexual level. Many are not very comfortable with their sexuality, but they aim to please nonetheless. The sign of Virgo is very body-aware, in general. If this awareness combines with a lack of self-confidence, Lunar Virgos can be too aware of the parts that make up the whole. This can lead to a tendency to be intensely self-critical. Once Lunar Virgos learn to come out of their shell, however, they can be earthy partners with a lot to give.
Some of the most skeptical people are Lunar Virgos. They can't help but poke holes when faced with others' blind faith. Their criticism can be maddening, and their insistence on seeing the practical in anything emotional can be challenging, especially if you are the dreamy type. Virgo curiosity shows up big time with this position of the Moon. To some, it can be confusing. Lunar Virgos seem very interested in others' problems, for example, but can be quite cool and even unsympathetic in the long run. Their advice can seem hard to more sensitive folk; yet Lunar Virgos can be surprisingly delicate when faced with others' criticism. Virgo Moon people are generally busy and quietly happy when they have their lives under control. They aim for a simple existence, and are often quite content with very little. Many are early risers, ready to take on the day with enthusiasm. They scurry around, keeping busy and managing their life quietly and expertly. As long as their little world is manageable, Lunar Virgos can be a delight to be around.
Short description:
He has a very good memory. Scientific or medical studies preferred above all others. He is humble and moderate, calm and reserved. Emotional discipline. He is willing to help, devoted and gentle.
Weaknesses: servile nature, frequent changes of occupation, gets annoyed, upset, worries. He is too shy.
You can be quite expressive and animated in your speech. You have an outstanding memory and tend to pick up a lot of information from your environment. You love to chat and to exchange ideas. Even if you are shy, once you're friends, you love to talk about pretty much anything under the sun, and you enjoy sharing stories from your past! For the most part, you are focused on day-to-day activities in your communications rather than on grander philosophies. You are naturally curious and interested, and others find you very easy to talk to. You are accommodating and curious, but you are not as well equipped to handle heavy emotional demands. You thrive on change and variety. You might be a little addicted to gossip! More probably, however, you are simply very curious about others. There is a twinkle in your eyes, and you are never short on humor. You are playful and versatile--you make a fun companion and an interesting friend. You listen! Yes, you do talk and occasionally interrupt in your excitement, but you are a curious person who does want to hear what others have to say, and that is a real pleasure. In fact, you are more able than most people to get others talking, simply because you are very receptive and sympathetic. You pick up others' feelings and body language readily.
He lacks firmness, and can be a sucker for a sob story! He likes to live in a dream, in the world of imagination, and can hope so much that reality checks can be brutal.
Mercury represents communication, Cartesian and logical spirit.
Mercury in Capricorn
His mind compartmentalizes impressions, and he appreciates structure and order. The mind learns best when it can see practical uses for information. Resourceful, reflective, deep thinker: a fine and vivacious mind. Undertakes lengthy studies or, if circumstances do not allow, will teach himself. A rational person. Can be pessimistic, skeptical, and sarcastic, possessing a very sharp sense of humor. Notices everything.
Mercury in VI
Medical profession. Serviceable and generous nature. Meets their soul sister at work, or (if not) through family contacts.
Venus represents an interest for emotions and values, exchange and sharing with others.
Venus in Pisces
Venus in Pisces people project themselves as dreamy, soft-hearted partners. Everything about the way they flirt promises a lovely time. Theirs is an elusive charm -- they are sweetly playful, a little moody, and perhaps a little irregular. They appreciate romance and poetry, and they prefer to "feel out" both you and the relationship you share, so don't expect too much planning ahead. Their sensitivity can be a little misleading at times. Yes, they are sensitive folk, but lovers may find it maddening that this sensitivity is not only directed at them, but towards all of mankind. Venus in Pisces men and women want you to know that their love is unconditional. They are unimpressed by your status, and love and accept you for all that you are inside. They love the underdog and are attracted to wayward folks, or those in need of a little help. With their romantic view of the world, they can be unreasonably attracted to states of suffering and martyrdom, so they easily get into the role of saving someone, or being saved. Unlike Venus in Libra, which thrives on equality, Venus in Pisces is actually turned on by inequality! They can be rather confusing and hard to pin down as they feel their way through their relationships. As much as they may want to, they find it hard to commit. Many do end up committing, however, at least on the surface.
Pleasing Venus in Pisces involves enjoying tender moments and romantic times with them. You won't always be able to count on them. In fact, you can be sure they will stretch the truth every once in a while. But remember they do this because they fear they might hurt you, and they can't bear to cause you any heartache. Try to understand them, although that's never an easy task considering the fact that they don't always know themselves. And, truth is, some Venus in Pisces privately have a love affair going with the idea of being misunderstood. Try to put up with their apparent lack of direction in the relationship -- they are so receptive and open to all possibilities that it is hard for them to commit to any one thing, idea, or even person. These intriguing partners will reward you with a love that is accepting and comes as close to unconditional as humans can get.
Venus in VII
His fate depends a lot on marriage. Marries for love, children, happy emotional life.
101 Conjunction Venus - Mars
He is amorous, not a peaceful and calm lover but a passionate one with a strong temperament. He is demonstrative in love, and likes healthy pleasures. He enjoys life to the full.
-88 Square Venus - Jupiter
He is nonchalant, pretentious, full of self-importance. He likes what is beautiful and sometimes ostentatious, and spends lots of money for the sake of appearances. He likes to please and has numerous amorous adventures. He is unfaithful and undergoes tribulations in love.
116 Trine Venus - Saturn
He has a good grasp of reality and of duty. He is thrifty, reserved and does not show off. He likes truth and justice. In love, his sentiments are sincere and deep, he never plays false. He is, of course, faithful in love and friendship. He can love a much older person and appreciates his intelligence and good sense.
-10 Square Venus - Uranus
He looks for new sensations in love and is often unsatisfied by affairs which quickly turn into purely conventional relationships. He likes novelty, adventure, the eccentric: he is frivolous, unstable, unfaithful. Marriage is not for him and, if he does throw himself into this adventure, it will end in divorce, written off as a youthful mistake. As a result of his numerous love affairs, he makes sure his line is continued.
61 Trine Venus - Pluto
His emotional and sex life is powerful and rich. He lives out truly passionate love affairs.
20 Sextile Venus - Midheaven
He has good taste, has an affectionate nature, his love is warm and deep, based on intellectual understanding and common tastes. His friends are useful in furthering his career.
Mars represents the desire for action and physical energy.
Mars in Pisces
Mild-tempered and gentle, these guys and gals move through life in a manner that can hardly be considered direct. Mars is the planet of action and assertion, and Pisces is a passive sign that rarely asserts itself in a direct fashion. So the placement of Mars in Pisces is an unusual combination. Sometimes prone to feelings of guilt about their anger, and difficulties with asserting themselves, Mars in Pisces individuals seem to "go with the flow". This is certainly not a very active position for Mars, and natives will often let life "happen" instead of trying to control their life direction. This is a charming position, as individuals with Mars in Pisces don't appear like they are capable of harming a fly. However, those that don't find creative expression for this energy can stir up a storm through indirect aggression.
Mars in Pisces people are not averse to playing games to get what they want, although even they don't always know exactly what they do want! Their desires are changeable and moody, and it's hard to really know where these natives stand on any particular issue. Alternatively, some Mars in Pisces people do take a stand on issues that are Piscean in nature, making compassion and love their mission. Energy levels fluctuate a lot, coming in bursts of activity followed by inertia. Because it can be difficult to align this ebbing and flowing of energy in the day-to-day world as it is, finding a job that supports this may be tough. The happiest Mars in Pisces individuals are those that have a creative outlet that allow them to express their desires of the moment, their compassion--and even their anger--freely and imaginatively. An example of Mars in Pisces is Bono, lead singer of U2, who seems to have found the perfect outlet for his creativity through his music, and as a spokesperson for love and compassion.
Mars in VIII
Sexually very powerful, he is also capable of tremendous focus and hard work. Sexually intense and deep. Is adept at professions requiring research, strategy, uncovering truths, and analysis. Arguments may occur over inheritance.
-34 Square Mars - Jupiter
He refuses to accept any guidance. He lacks forethought, acts impulsively and sometimes imprudently, which can cause problems. He wants everything yesterday and uses whatever means necessary to achieve his objectives, even if they are dishonest or not very commendable. His emotional life is fraught with quarrels and sometimes violent conflicts.
12 Trine Mars - Saturn
He is energetic and determined. He has strength and resistance, ability and patience: he is tough, and sometimes insensitive, and puts all his energy and talents into overcoming all the obstacles to his success. He is obstinate, calculating, does not take on anything without having thought of all the possible consequences, he can take all the time in the world and never loses patience to achieve his objectives. He is not particularly popular in his circle, but is feared and respected.
-45 Square Mars - Uranus
He is full of contradictions. He is original, tending to the eccentric, violent, headstrong, impatient and irascible. He fights to the bitter end to overcome hurdles, and has the strength to overcome them.
Jupiter represents expansion and grace.
Jupiter in Sagittarius
He attracts the most good fortune when he is open-handed and generous, tolerant, and practices what he preaches. Can be inspirational, and find success in travel, education, teaching, sports, publishing, and foreign cultures.
Jupiter in IV
He likes and believes in justice. He is an optimist and is generous. Professional success is rapid and helped by the family. Family life is very important for him. He likes comfort, well-being at home. He knows how to entertain in style and above all with pleasure: his house is always open to friends.
394 Conjunction Jupiter - Uranus
He knows what's going on at a glance. He thirsts after knowledge, and is a good organizer. He is very independent, likes his freedom of action, is a non-conformist. He is very agreeable company and is always in demand.
25 Trine Jupiter - Ascendant
He likes meeting friends, around a good meal and in a cordial atmosphere. He is pleasant, jovial and engaging.
Saturn represents contraction and effort.
Saturn in Scorpio
Observant, self-controlled, unforgiving, tough, methodical, a researcher, an investigator. Lots of courage, self-assurance and can keep his cool.
Weaknesses: makes no concessions or compromises. He can become a fanatic of a creed, a party, work or a religion.
Saturn in III
His studies will be restricted. He is serious, discrete. He takes on mental tasks that require time and concentration. He travels little even though he likes it. He has few friends, who are, however, very close.
104 Conjunction Saturn - Pluto
He perseveres, achieves his projects through hard work.
-62 Opposition Saturn - Midheaven
He must struggle a lot and work hard to achieve his aims. Although confronted by discouraging circumstances, he knows how to set off again and continue the fight.
Uranus represents individual liberty, egoistic liberty.
Uranus in Sagittarius
He is shy, delicate but proud, bold and lively.
Uranus in IV
He is very independent. His independence begins vis-...-vis the family circle. He does not like bureaucracy, administration, and has problems as a result. He has avant-garde ideas, he is original and does not tolerate constraints on his freedom.
17 Trine Uranus - Ascendant
He is always changing, is unstable. He is ready to innovate, to change everything. He is inventive.
Neptune represents transcendental liberty, non-egoistic liberty.
Neptune in Sagittarius
Likes long voyages, things foreign, water.
Neptune in V
Extravagant love affairs, great passions.
42 Sextile Neptune - Pluto
Pluto represents transformations, mutations and elimination.
Pluto in Libra
Looks for new ways to relate to others.
-5 Opposition Pluto - Midheaven
He abuses his power, crushing others in order to achieve his objectives. He risks losing everything and having to start from scratch.
House I is the area of self identity. The ascendant is a symbol of how one acts in life. It is the image of the personality as seen by others, and the attitude that one has towards life.
Aquarius ascendant Leo
Ascendant in Leo
Leo rising people cannot help but be noticed. They radiate a special energy and magnetism that gets others' attention. Sometimes it's because they are loud people who pay a lot of attention to their personal appearance (especially their hair!); other times it's due to a regal manner that simply demands interest from others. Leo Ascendant people are very self-aware and body-conscious. They are acutely aware of others, and how they come across. In fact, these people are especially aware of their personal "backdrop"--they consider what the people they're with, and the environments they are in, do to their own image. Often, Leo rising natives feel as if they are on stage, even in the privacy of their own homes! They are given to rash decisions, temper tantrums, and excesses. However, they have plenty of staying power, drive, and their idealism keeps them from getting into too much trouble. The desire to oversee the goings-on in their circle can sometimes amount to bossiness. If this desire doesn't go too far, however, it can just mean a person who wants to make sure the people they love are all right. Many Leo rising people are managers, either by profession or character.
The tendency to overestimate things, and themselves, is generally present. This is due to a natural enthusiasm and optimism about any new undertaking. Sometimes, they are walking commercials. In fact, Leo rising people make excellent promoters. Leo rising people are generally demonstrative, and given to grand gestures. Drama comes naturally to these natives. In fact, some are so caught up in fiction, they're a little blind to fact. They have an unusual need to be admired. Leo Ascendants often have a strong physical constitution. They pay special attention to their personal appearance and mannerisms. Usually, they choose clothing and hairstyles that are youthful. Their manner is authoritarian and strong. Very full emotional life.
No matter their age in real-world terms, Leo rising people are kids at heart. They are fun-loving and warm; generous and spirited. They have a natural flair for presentation, an eye for quality, and a hard-to-resist warmth of style. They want to make things happen, and create a stir.
He worries about money and is not especially generous with it unless he feels very comfortable.
He looks for refined people, with whom to have long discussions, without raised voices of any kind. Harmony and peace is very important.
Likes adventure, travel, gambling, takes risks for the pleasure of it, treating it as a game. Lots of love affairs.
Works hard, unceasingly and patiently. Weak point: the cold, changes in temperature.
A slightly hasty marriage. The relationship between man-and-wife will be very friendly and full of understanding. Both will love their independence, their freedom of action. If one refuses to give this to the other while insisting on it for herself, then a divorce will ensue.
Likes meeting, ceaselessly discussing with well-informed people, full of ideas.
Problems will only come from the family.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
