You Just Do You...

“Niggas fear what they don’t understand, hate what they can’t conqueror, guess that’s just the theory of man.” - Nas

It’s funny how I’ve always been a glutton for compliments but its weird how one can receive the same compliment some 7 years apart and take it in totally opposite ways. Shortly after I became initiated into Kappa Alpha Psi, someone stopped me outside of the Union at Southern to tell me that she was proud of me for not letting Kappa change me. Instead of seeing that she was commending me for remaining true to myself I took offense to the statement responding, “I’ve been me for 19 years, what the fuck was I supposed to become.” However, I think I’ll attribute my crude response to the two I’s that frequently cause us all to shake our heads in disdain at the words that sometimes come out of our mouths; ignorance and immaturity. Now that the fraternity is no longer new to me, I’ve had a hand in bringing in 51 brothers, and was at Southern for a tenure where 81 brothers were made by the Alpha Sigma Chapter, I have seen that everyone is not man enough to define their affiliations. The way I felt, I didn’t need the fraternity to define me, I had already established a satisfactory level of popularity on all the levels that are prominent in undergrad, my classmates regarded me as an intelligent force to either be reckoned with (in the case of my honors classes) or just a smart dude, women considered me cute, and the people that lived in the vicinity of my dormitory saw me as a “cool lil dude.” So I was happy with the identity I had carved out for myself, because it was me. Some remark that college is a chance to start all over and be whoever you want to be, but that’s never been something that I wanted to do, because I’ll always be me. As a result, I took offense to a compliment that only yesterday had me smiling from ear to ear.

David Ruffin was so profound in saying “I’ll never change,” that Sean Carter sampled the same lyrics close to 30 years later, and I feel the same as both of these revolutionary music artists. I have always said that any level of success that one can hope to attain is not worth it if you cannot recognize the person who stares back at you in the mirror. So I’ve lived my life in such a manner, remaining adamant to the statement that one cannot judge a book by its cover. And my devotion to proving others wrong is what has propelled me to be successful when I had been perceived as too hood to be at Franklin, too smart to be at Southern, and a bit too rebellious to conform to the rigorous expectations of a career in the legal field. But I remain cautious as to the folks that I allow to see my true colors. And I guess that’s why my writing is so much of a relaxation, so much from the S.O.U.L. (shameless plug I know), because I don’t have to seek the paper’s approval and the pen is just happy that I’m allowing him to do what he was made to do. I’ve never managed to seek acceptance from not too many people other than my mother, but it bothers me when people just don’t get where I’m coming from. But why should I expect them to, most of the people who were brought up the way I was don’t think in the manner that I do. And most who are on the same echelon with me both intellectually and educationally can’t understand some of my mannerisms and passions. But in the end, that’s just me.

A classmate and friend of mine (because it would be an insult to just put this person in the “associate” category) told me that he enjoys reading my postings because of the passion that exudes from my words and the genuine glances I give people into my mind. He said that he considers me an inspiration because despite what life has thrown at me I manage to remain true to myself and my postings are testament to that. This comes from someone who I was guilty of prejudging when I first met him. I guess it was because there where things about him that just rubbed me the wrong way, and perception can be the kiss of death when you interact with me. However, in getting to know this person better, I have found out that he and I are a lot alike. In the end, we are both going to do what we feel most comfortable doing, and if you don’t like it, then frankly, fuck you! I guess my accelerated maturity has caused me to see the error in my ways in perceiving such a compliment as an insult 7 years prior, but maybe that was due to the fact the original comment came from someone I considered a follower, and not a leader like myself. Jo, I want to thank you for having a wonderful mind and the ability to see the same in others. Your kind words definitely inspired me, and I am thankful. We can’t change the world, but if we remain true to who we are maybe one day people will follow this bold lead and we can do our part to change society in some respects.

I know that I definitely have someone who understands and feels my passion and considers it an inspiration, and in the end that’s enough for me. I’m content with being hated and feared as opposed to loved and respected because I bring truth. So go ahead haters; you just do you, and Imma do me!