Black People Further in Denial

I came upon a post on a greek message board that I belong to about a Dare Dorm video that was allegedly shot on the campus of FAMU. For those of you who may not be porn connoisseurs like myself, I'll just take the intro from the site and let you know what Dare Dorm is. "Daredorm is the first site where u can make $10,000 dollars for submitting your college dorm room antics. Sheeeah... the internet rulez!!!" So I guess they're whole premise is to make college students submit their homemade porn under the guise of a contest for 10 grand. Well when I first came upon this site I looked at some of the preview pics and stuff (yeah, I'm nasty, so what!) and I was kinda weirded out by how they won't tell what college they got the tapes from, but have clues about where they are. Like for instance, the one from a school in Louisiana, had a purple and gold blanket on the wall that was blurred out, while one from Florida had a blurred out blue and orange something on the wall. My first though upon seeing this was that it was a fake, but then again, I'm not white so I don't know what white people put up in their dorm rooms. But I digress, this is not a post what I think about when I watch fake ass "reality" porn, its about the response to a particular piece of "reality" porn.

Well I just so happened to see the scene, it was kinda scripted in my opinion the way it went down, they were playing this stupid ass game, and all of a sudden like dudes got they faces in twats, girls eating girls, and it gets popping. I never knew of any orgies that went down so willy-nilly, not that I've been in any or anything like that, I've just heard. Well they managed to show chicken fingers and sauce, characteristic of Guthrie's, but they never say the name. College students aren't that up on intellectual property laws and would have told u they were talkin bout Guthrie's, hell if you been to Tallahassee, you know bout Guthrie's. Then another thing that bothered me is that they had to show a blurred out orange and green clock talkin bout this is the home of the real but no one ever says FAMU, and there were orange and green curtains in the room. Now I've been to FAMU a few times and seen the dorms there, and it did look like a FAMU dorm so it was kinda believable in that respect.

I recently came across a blog posting where a young lady had investigated the tape and found evidence that it was fake. She presents a very compelling argument, but according to her, the need to do it was echoed on by the uproar in which the tape was received. Allegedly, HBCU and FAMU alumni alike were upset that such a video would be put out there putting our institutions of higher education in such a bad light.

WHAT?!

DID YOU GO TO COLLEGE?!

College students make homemade porn all the time, its just a part of college, who cares if the tape is real or not, that's what college students do. But please, let's not act like all black kids are angels and we don't do that kind of activity. Kids will be kids, and race has nothing to do with what they do.

Adonde Hacen Eso???

My last blog was one of confusion given the state of my personal "extra-curricular" activities, but I can proudly boast that it is getting better, at least in my mind. Well, I'm still in love with Ashley, gradually building up stronger and stronger feelings for Nicole, and starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Now granted I said that I have been giving a woman in my life the cold shoulder, and she sends me a text the other night that read:

"I called you earlier but whatever. Let me clear my conscience. I lunch with a guy today. I really like him. Then we watch a movie and I fell asleep. When I woke up he ate my pussy and we messed around a bit but I couldn't bring myself to fuck him. I felt guilty cause I love you. I told him that I love you, I guess this is life :-/"

I looked at the text in awe, thinking wow, she was really serious about her saying that she would start to fuck around with other dudes if I didn't treat her as she so desired. But that's good tho, maybe she can do better than me, cause clearly I aint shit. Well, the next morning she calls, and of course I'm like whatever because I really don't know how to feel. On one hand I feel betrayed because someone done got close to my chick but on the other hand I feel like I brought it upon myself. So on that one hand I wanna call her all kinds of bitches and hoes and sluts, but then on the other I know I can't be upset because that's not my old lady, and I've been doing the same thing myself. So I'm torn and I just tell her that I have a lot to think about, and I will talk to her later, I'm not sure when later will be, but I will talk to her later. Last night she texts me back saying that she's sorry for acting like an asshole and starting confusion, that she made the whole thing up and it was a cry for attention. She wanted to piss me off because I've been pissing her off, and even admitted to the course of action's immaturity and apologized but I don't know what to believe anymore.

I'm torn because I don't want to make a mistake with this decision, because I'm getting to the point where I want to settle down with one person, but I know I'm not ready for marriage. But damaging lies for the sake of attention, where they do that at? Do good women do that? Should I just let her fall by the waste side, or further this confusion in my life because she said she was sorry? Should I even believe her? Fuck, this wasn't a moment of clarity at all...

With a Little Help From Our Friends...

Last night was a good night. I was fortunate enough to have a "kick it" session with the homies turn into a session of "real talk" that was greatly needed in my life. It really felt good to release one of my problem areas with people who seem to know a little on the topic. Now, I'm not going to call my friends experts on the situation but both of them are in healthy relationships, one being "shacked up," and the other patiently waiting for May 15th so that he can move from the legal category of "single" to that of "married." The talk that we had greatly helped me, and it allowed me to further put my relationship issues into perspective.

The talk began with one of my friends alerting another to the haps of bulletpoint #3, and how I had found me a winner. The consensus from my peers was clear; that I have a good one, and I should do everything I could not to lose what we have. They made a pretty compelling argument which I will get into later when I get to bulletpoint 3, but it has left me more and more confused because I don't want to miss out on the good woman that I may have staring me in the face, but as I've been told recently; sometimes it just aint that simple. Anyways, I need to come clean tho before I can get some good advice, so if you've began to read this, know that it's long, and please just bear through it...

Bulletpoint #1 - Ashley
For those of you who read my blog, Ashley is my beloved "Kreampuff" or "Moodie" that I wrote that letter that became the post entitled; "5 Years in the Making." She is my "one." Always has been, but I hope that in the future she will not always be that if we aren't together. I'm still in love with her and don't want to put my life on hold for her but I don't think it would be fair for me to become involved with anyone knowing that if Ashley wanted me she could have me, despite whatever my former mate may call and/or think about me. Ashley never responded to my post, claiming that she didn't know how to respond to my thoughts and that the situation is not as simple as I make it out to be. Damn, I just want to know if I can have another shot, or if I should ust give up, what's not so simple about that? That leads me to believe that Ashley still wants to be bothered with me and that I should just see what happens, but what if it takes her another 5 years to tell me to give up and I'm 31 yrs old, still lonely, and still unhappy...

Bulletpoint #2 - Robin
Robin has been a roller coaster of emotion in the five years that I have been involved with her. I can't say knowing, because I have known Robin for about 11 years, but the last 5 have been the most difficult for both of us. Robin came into my life in the capacity she is at a time when I was weak. I had just came out of a relationship with Ashley and I honestly intended to use her as a "booty buddy" just to get back in the groove. The problem with that was that the sex was GREAT, much better than expected, and she didn't need anytime from me. I have found out later that it was because she had a boyfriend at the time, so for me to just call her days before I was coming home for the weekend and engage her in bullshit conversation in order for me to ensure that we would "get it popping" that weekend wasn't horribly difficult. Well somewhere along the lines, I broke the code. I let my "sweet side" break in and decided one night to take Robin out. It wasn't anything major, just a trip to the Hookah Cafe that resulted in our paths twisting around and us going to the point of officially dating as opposed to random chit chat and meeting up to have sex, and that's when I started tripping. I wrestled with the idea of potentially marrying a former "booty buddy" and the ramifications of this on the children we may have, especially if one were to be a girl. So here's Robin, we have the friend who understands me, she knows that I'm a "hoe" and it bothers her, but she knows that I'm going to change when I'm ready to, or when she moves to Houston to make me. I just have a problem because with Robin being so honest and upfront with me, I'm starting to realize that she is the female version of me, which is truly a double-edged sword. I mean, if she's the female me, then that proves that I am capable of change, but what if she's just as good of a liar as I am. The issue is that despite me caring for her the way that I do an appreciating what she has told and taught me about love and relationships as well as myself, I have not been treating her as such. The past few weeks I have been upset about my financial situation and needed time alone, or so Robin thinks. I've actually been spending time with #3 because she has been helping me out in my time of need, and getting rid of Robin at the same time...

Bulletpoint #3 - Nicole
I met Nicole at a happy hour and was immediately enamored with her, hell I was looking at a Zeta that I found attractive face-to-face, and immediately I wanted her, sexually. Well, I communicated that fact to her off the bat and she immediately informed me that "if we hump, we go together." I know, with as many women as I have been involved with that this should have cause a red flag to immediately begin to fly, but there was something about her that was interesting and plus, with my track record, she would begin to understand that she can be disposed of as quick and as easy as taking the trash to the dumpster. But, then Nicole started teaching me about my own life, and that one of my vices (money), has a powerful effect on my life decisions. I have made it a rule that when a woman makes purchases outside of clothes and shoes, she had bought herself a 6-month window where she can do no wrong. But this aint just some woman that I have transformed into a trick. I don't ask her for much, she just gives, which is kinda upsetting because I now feel as though she may be buying me, but she really is holding me down. She gives me space when I ask for it, and in the end all she wants is to have me around. Sure she nags and bitches, but what woman doesn't? She wants me to be involved in her life, is being supportive, pushing me to be my best, and comes up with proposed solutions to my problems, unlike Robin who is supportive, but doesn't offer ways to fix the problems I have, and this is not entirely based upon money. I only have a few issues with Nicole, one of which is that when life affects her, she just goes and gets another tattoo (she has 44), and doesn't really share her issue with anyone. I want her to open up to me, but hell I'm not doing the same, what I should be telling her, I'm writing in a blog. Certain things I say bother her, particularly that I talk about my son and parenthood so much when she was subjected to a forced abortion earlier this year. My second issue is that she just may be plain crazy, hell she's been everything I've needed her to be with little resistance, and is pretty much becoming the woman I want her to be, so what happens if I don't choose her? Thirdly, we are not sexually compatible. She still thinks that oral sex makes her a whore, and does not communicate to me what she needs, expects, and likes during sex. Its difficult to get a murmur out of her during sex, but she readily tells me that the sex is good she's just quiet. These are the only issues I have with her, doesn't seem like much, but why can't I take this to the next level...

Bulletpoint #4 - Me
As a self-proclaimed satyromaniac, I have this thrill that I get in pursuing
"new pussy."I like the thrill of the hunt as well as the mystery that is left behind from a new sexual partner, and with 87 notches on my belt, I think that I shouldn't want new partners, but hell I do. That's the problem with relationships, no more new pussy. There are a few other exes and interest that I am still in contact with that I would like to have sex with and potentially let something rise from that, but then I may have the same doubts that I have about Robin. My friends encouraged me to just continue to do me, but don't bring that shit into my home, but I'm just having a problem finding out where home is...I really need some help on this one...but who can give me unbiased advice without looking at me funny...Is that my only hope, to find a woman who understands me and knows that I wont bring that shit into her house, or am I doomed to be single forever...

With Hair...or Without...

Yesterday I became privy to an assumption that I had heard before while in a discussion with my partners but never really crossed my mind. In an office of four men under the age of 35, one could imagine that women are a frequent topic of discussion for us, and yesterday was no different. I was antagonized by one of my partners because in this week I had expressed an attraction to two women under the age of 20 (don’t be alarmed, they were legal), and I used the age-old phrase “if there’s grass on the field then play ball.” But then I had to correct myself because I prefer a vagina with a minimal amount of hair if any at all. Which brought the response, “how can you say that you like a shaved cooter, doesn’t that remind you of a little girls va-jay-jay?” I sat about it and thought for a minute, thinking that outside of changing diapers for family members and friends of mine, I had never seen the privates of anyone less than the age of 14. (I’m talking when I was 15, before yall think something is wrong with me) Now I posed the question of whether preferring a shaven cooch makes me a pervert to a friend of mine and she responded that I more than likely prefer it shaved because:

1. makes it more visually stimulating thus mouthwatering
2. the hair doesn't bother your face
3. it's quite porn-ish
4. it's clean looking.

All of these reasons fell directly with my logic, but then my partners posed a question to me which has me in slump; if I were to see a picture of a prepubescent cooter and a baldly shaven one, would I be able to tell the difference? I think that I could but I’m not sure…I know that I think too much, but this one is really bothering me.

Ya Ya Ya, Yippie Yo Kaye, Can't Trust These Dog Ass Hoes Today...

Like most people I often wonder what is wrong with the opposite sex in my own experiences, but the more I talk to people, specifically my homeboys I begin to understand why women are confused these days, because a lot of men really aint shit. Then I have to suffer the repercussions for these stupid bastards who cause women to think that all men are dogs and that all dudes are after is one thing. As a result, you have men who run shitty game and gimmicks on women and then cause these women to run shitty game back on the dudes they encounter. I'm sorry, I've just had enough. Nothing pisses me off further than people who give something a shitty attempt and really think they are doing something.

Take for example a friend of mine who is only a year and a half younger than me but might as well be 15 as ignorant and naive as he is. Dude tells me that I'm someone he respects but I can't tell because he listens to NOTHING I say when I attempt to give him advice. Like today this nigga hits me up inquiring the same thing he has for the longest; why come he has to be on his best behavior the first night a woman comes over to his house and why come women always front like they don't want to have sex with dudes? After explaining to him about that dreaded double standard regarding how men are basically expected to fuck everything that walks while women are supposed to hold it down for someone special. Honestly, I do think that I am entitled to have a woman who hasn't been with that many guys but with my sexual history, I'd settle for someone who may have been around the block but is still a lady in public and disease-free, but I digress. After explaining about the double standard he still rants about how that's fucked up and how women should basically come to grips with the fact that neither closed mouths nor closed legs get fed. I wanted to write about that before but I let the conversation die and just attributed it to immaturity. However it happened again.

So homie hits me up and asks again why does he have to be respectful the first night. I politely comment back that he could stop all this by being up front with the women that he encounters basically telling them that he expects to go all the way when they come over. He never says that this is something that he is willing to consider, but comes up with these excuses about how he likes the chick that came over because she's "cool" and could wind up being a very good friend. So then I cut to the chase with dude and ask him if he wanted to smash ol girl, to which he replied yes, but when I asked him if this girl was someone he saw as girlfriend material he responded that she was, but only because she refused his advances. WHAT THE FUCK?! Let me get this straight, there's this girl that u want to smash, and instead of getting straight to the point of telling her your intentions, you invite her over for a movie and when she gets there, the lights are dimmed, candles are lit, and slow music is playing in the background. You probably gassed her up with some slick shit in her ear making her feel all "special-like," but you only saw flashes of girlfriend potential when she didn't give u the panties? Am I the only one who's lost here? Why would you attempt to make this lady feel like she was special when you didn't even realize it yourself until she didn't give you any?

My dog then has an epiphany, and remarks of how he thinks that women who do have sex on the first night "overcompensate the industry" and makes other women not want to do it, but the fact that guys get used to this type of behavior making them unable to appreciate a respectable female. At this point in time I'm just shaking my head and thinking that he sounds like a dumbass and the only advice that I can give him is to take the time out to not make the generalization that a lot of women make and realize that people are unique and because of that you can't expect the same process to yield the same results. Again he refutes this suggestion by stating that his stuff always works because he is good at playing the innocent role and even bought a fish. (SIDEBAR: Maybe this is why I'm still single and sexless in Houston, because fish cause panties to fall off??? I may need to do a study on this one...) But then I realize my audience, the same person who has a nice car with pictures of his car all through his Facebook pictures, the same person who's status updates seem to come off more as stunting or bragging, or attest to what he truly doesn't understand about women.

This brings me to a bunch of questions; because you are a man does this make you totally unable to enjoy an attractive woman's company without making her feel as though the only thing you appreciate is her body? Do women these days fail to like and or respect you more for not trying to be typical and "going for the gusto" on the first night? Is it a problem to just be upfront and tell someone you find attractive that you want to sleep with them? Does a man need a gimmick to get some "good joog?"