I get ever so tired of repeating the well known fact that women are crazy, but would like to reiterate that its not an unbearable crazy because I know of several friends of mine who have "happy" relationships and marriages. The more I think about it, I guess its more of the whole mantra that men are from Mars and women from Venus or opposites attract, but what's the other options; be lonely or be gay, right? So I guess you just gotta pick your own poison. Well, I suppose that my latest relationship rant is more or less a rant against people rather than just against women.
Essence posted an article on the 6th about Dwayne Wade's ex-wife suing Gabrielle Union under one of those rarely enforced laws that's only still in the books that allows for a woman to sue her (ex)husband's mistress under an alienation of affection cause of action. While I can see the actual benefits that such a claim may bring in addition to the financial gain, it causes me to question what is ever gained from blaming the other woman/man? Okay so this person ruined your relationship and possibly your "come-up move" if you were one of those people who "date-up" in search of what you can get out of the other person or are just a "bopper" or a "gold-digger," but life does indeed move on. I'll be the first to admit that taking the legal route is actually much more mature that slashing tires or busting windows, but it's still effed up all the same.
Unless the other woman/man was a good friend of yours, they owe you nothing. Let us not forget the tirade on Facebook, blogs, and other media outlets regarding Swizz Beat's ex-wife Mashonda and her spiel against Alica Keys in which she asked Keys to be the "bigger woman" and allow the two to "fix" their marriage. (I bet Mashonda wished she lived in Hawaii, Illinois, Mississippi, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota or Utah, the seven states which still allow such suits.) I have always been one to preach self-accountability noting that folks should always be responsible for their own shortcomings, but this whole thing is ridiculous. I think that we as Americans are in our current state because we're always looking to shift the blame to someone else. If your relationship fails, its more than likely because of something you did or didn't do, and in the case that it isn't, it's your mate's fault. I know that a lot of women will probably feel that Siohvaughn Wade deserves every penny of her suit which is in excess of 9 million dollars, but I think that's why "fault" divorces allow courts to split the marital estate in disproportionate shares. So why blame the other woman?
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
You May Love Her/Him, But You Love YOU More...
This posting is a follow-up to a blog of mine written on February 22, 2009, entitled "Love Is."
In the past few month I have switched my main points of contention in light of why I, as well as a lot of other people cannot find the type of love that many of our parents still have. When I wrote "Love Is" I was convinced that the problem was in many people's definition of love. But after reading the commentary on the posting via my Facebook notes, I have realized that my problem is not with defining love or in expressing it, but moreso in the application of it. I have thought for so long that no one was worthy enough to get all of me and my love, but I had another one of my spellbinding epiphanies the other day while discussing the death of the golden anniversary.
A few friends of mine were discussing on a message board how our generation may have killed the golden anniversary and the logic behind such a statement. Well one person's posting really hit home to me. They stated that reason why marriage is so short lived is that we are starting to value ourselves more than anything/anyone else. When you have many hip hop artists and pop culture icons saying things like 30 is the new 20, and 40 is the new 30, no one wants to be there own age anymore. Everyone wants to enjoy their time/freedom for as long as possible and forever is not a thought to be entertained unless we have our shit together.
Frederick Douglass once said that "without struggle there is no progress," but when it comes down to relationships without struggle there is no appreciation. What kept our grandparents together was the struggle that they shared together. In that day and age, getting married in your 30s was damn near unheard of, and the same followed true in our parents day and age, but mostly with the generation before them. Getting married in the 20s, fresh out of school meant that the two would struggle together as the worked to build their finances, their family, and other things that make a relationship/marriage work. Today it seems as though folks just want to press a button and add a spouse to the equation; they want to already have the house, already have the job, already have the car, and add a spouse and children to the equation. That is why marriages don't work these days, we are becoming so self-sufficient that when the first sign of trouble hits, we run because we were and most likely will continue to be fine by ourselves. We haven't learned what it is to appreciate being with someone in the good because we don't really know what the bad is truly like...
In the past few month I have switched my main points of contention in light of why I, as well as a lot of other people cannot find the type of love that many of our parents still have. When I wrote "Love Is" I was convinced that the problem was in many people's definition of love. But after reading the commentary on the posting via my Facebook notes, I have realized that my problem is not with defining love or in expressing it, but moreso in the application of it. I have thought for so long that no one was worthy enough to get all of me and my love, but I had another one of my spellbinding epiphanies the other day while discussing the death of the golden anniversary.
A few friends of mine were discussing on a message board how our generation may have killed the golden anniversary and the logic behind such a statement. Well one person's posting really hit home to me. They stated that reason why marriage is so short lived is that we are starting to value ourselves more than anything/anyone else. When you have many hip hop artists and pop culture icons saying things like 30 is the new 20, and 40 is the new 30, no one wants to be there own age anymore. Everyone wants to enjoy their time/freedom for as long as possible and forever is not a thought to be entertained unless we have our shit together.
Frederick Douglass once said that "without struggle there is no progress," but when it comes down to relationships without struggle there is no appreciation. What kept our grandparents together was the struggle that they shared together. In that day and age, getting married in your 30s was damn near unheard of, and the same followed true in our parents day and age, but mostly with the generation before them. Getting married in the 20s, fresh out of school meant that the two would struggle together as the worked to build their finances, their family, and other things that make a relationship/marriage work. Today it seems as though folks just want to press a button and add a spouse to the equation; they want to already have the house, already have the job, already have the car, and add a spouse and children to the equation. That is why marriages don't work these days, we are becoming so self-sufficient that when the first sign of trouble hits, we run because we were and most likely will continue to be fine by ourselves. We haven't learned what it is to appreciate being with someone in the good because we don't really know what the bad is truly like...
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