Now that the initial shock has died down, and I've sobered up (lol), I can finally retire away to my sanctuary and post an "I'm proud of myself" blog. From my last post, you all can see that doubt had been creeping up on me, but I think I managed to put it away. The funny part is that the first time I took the bar, I had nightmares about failing, and people knowing before I did, well, let me tell you how dream echoes reality...
THURSDAY, APRIL 30, 2009 approximately 3-something PM: I am in the midst of doing something that catered to my creative side, and I'm focused, like really focused. I was drawing, something that I enjoy doing but I don't do that frequently, I guess I do it when I feel like it, kinda like my blog, lol. Well anyways, I get a phone call from my homeboy, Earl, in which he responds to my "hello," by screaming "LET'S GET THIS MONEY." Well my initial response is, "what money?" To which he follows up with "LET'S GET THIS MONEY, COUNSELOR!!!" Now, Earl and I have been friends for about 10 years or so, and he and I have pretty much been pillars for each other to lean on through the stresses of our legal curriculum, so I thought he was trying to hit me with some inspirational words while I was waiting on my scores. But he had seen the pass list before I did, and my dude was calling me to wish me well and be the first one to hit me up with a congrats. And when he finally explains to me that I had passed the bar and I am in a fury in trying to load up the Texas Board of Law Examiners website to see my name on the list for myself, I get congratulatory text messages coming through on my phone and realized that it was true; I HAD PASSED THE BAR! After talking to Earl later that night, we both laughed at on a day when most people were overly nervous, I was almost "zen-like."I don't know if I was content that it was God's will, that I always produce when it's on the line, or something else, but I passed and wasn't really concerned about it. But Texas, you have unleashed Kellen A. Daranda, Esq., LOOK WHAT THE EFF U DID!
Showing posts with label Texas state bar. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Texas state bar. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
My Time Has Come?
Okay, so I am approximately a week away from receiving the biggest news of my life (again) and unfortunately, I am on pins and needles.
After receiving my MPRE score from the July 2008 administration and my bar scores, I remarked via my facebook status that I was not going to beg the bar examiners for 14 points or ACT for 1 that I was just going to take them. So I approached both exams with a renewed fervor and my desire to succeed paid off with the March 2009 administration of the MPRE as I bested the score I was shooting for by 25 points. Usually, when one gets those types of "signs" their confidence level usually increases tremendously. However, the thing with me is that law school, its exams, and my attempts to become a licensed attorney, have taught me that despite my firm belief that God only answers the prayers of those who do the initial leg work before putting it all in His hands. The past year has humbled me into realizing that HIS will, not mine, will be done. The only problem is in the acceptance portion when the desires of one superseed the expectations of the other and vice versa.
I will not say that I wasn't prepared in July, I just have come to terms with the fact that it simply wasn't my time. Now, i'm faced with the daunting task of waiting to make my next move. And that's the worst part of attempting to gain certification in the legal profession, the wait. I cannot and will not question the will of my father, but I believe that I am ready. I have obtained the education, engaged in the preparation, and did my best on the bar exam. Furthermore, it seems as though everything is falling into place. I've passed the MPRE after 4 attempts, I've succeeded in gaining temporary employment in order to pay my bills, I have a strong possibility that I will be working with people that I trust, doing something I enjoy, and following a plan that I totally agree with, and most importantly my demeanor has been more upbeat lately. I wouldn't quite say that I have reached the plateau of happiness that I am searrching for, but I am damn close.
So if not now, then when? I have had conversations with friends, associates, frat brothers, and random people that I have met where they all express confidence in my abilities in knowing that I have passed this time around but I wonder why I can't feel the same way. As opposed to how I felt in october of last year, I will not say that I think I failed because I honestly do not believe that I did, but that damn "what if" has managed to creep into my thoughts yet again. What if I didn't pass? What if folks were only telling me that they believed in me because it was the right thing to do, not because they genuinely felt in such a manner? What if I have to move back home? What if? WHAT IF?
So i'm saying this now on April 24th, I believe that this is my time, my chance, and I intend to make the most of it. I have done all I could and will accept whatever comes my way the same as always, but it's in God's hands now and I'm okay with that!
After receiving my MPRE score from the July 2008 administration and my bar scores, I remarked via my facebook status that I was not going to beg the bar examiners for 14 points or ACT for 1 that I was just going to take them. So I approached both exams with a renewed fervor and my desire to succeed paid off with the March 2009 administration of the MPRE as I bested the score I was shooting for by 25 points. Usually, when one gets those types of "signs" their confidence level usually increases tremendously. However, the thing with me is that law school, its exams, and my attempts to become a licensed attorney, have taught me that despite my firm belief that God only answers the prayers of those who do the initial leg work before putting it all in His hands. The past year has humbled me into realizing that HIS will, not mine, will be done. The only problem is in the acceptance portion when the desires of one superseed the expectations of the other and vice versa.
I will not say that I wasn't prepared in July, I just have come to terms with the fact that it simply wasn't my time. Now, i'm faced with the daunting task of waiting to make my next move. And that's the worst part of attempting to gain certification in the legal profession, the wait. I cannot and will not question the will of my father, but I believe that I am ready. I have obtained the education, engaged in the preparation, and did my best on the bar exam. Furthermore, it seems as though everything is falling into place. I've passed the MPRE after 4 attempts, I've succeeded in gaining temporary employment in order to pay my bills, I have a strong possibility that I will be working with people that I trust, doing something I enjoy, and following a plan that I totally agree with, and most importantly my demeanor has been more upbeat lately. I wouldn't quite say that I have reached the plateau of happiness that I am searrching for, but I am damn close.
So if not now, then when? I have had conversations with friends, associates, frat brothers, and random people that I have met where they all express confidence in my abilities in knowing that I have passed this time around but I wonder why I can't feel the same way. As opposed to how I felt in october of last year, I will not say that I think I failed because I honestly do not believe that I did, but that damn "what if" has managed to creep into my thoughts yet again. What if I didn't pass? What if folks were only telling me that they believed in me because it was the right thing to do, not because they genuinely felt in such a manner? What if I have to move back home? What if? WHAT IF?
So i'm saying this now on April 24th, I believe that this is my time, my chance, and I intend to make the most of it. I have done all I could and will accept whatever comes my way the same as always, but it's in God's hands now and I'm okay with that!
Saturday, April 18, 2009
It's About That Time
I have been wanting to write in my blog again for the longest. I wanted it to be more like a cyber journal (diary is kinda homo) because I have always looked at how unjudging and welcoming a pen and pad or keyboard and word processor can be as opposed to people. But I guess I'm not totally living my life on the up and up in order to turn my blog into a tell-all. Some of the things i do in my personal life are still no ones business other than my own. But then again, my blog is for my own release so why should I care who I hurt and what people think. I'll do better. But on to my posting for today.
About a month ago I went to see Slumdog Millionaire, a movie that impacted me when I first saw it, but with the turns that my life is encountering I'm really starting to get it. The movie opens with a title card displaying the following message; "Jamal Malik is one question away from winning 20 million rupees. How did he do it? (A) He cheated, (B) He's lucky, (C) He's a genius, (D) It is written." As applied to my life this statement would read;
Kellen Daranda is 12 days from getting one step closer to happiness. How did he do it?
(A) He cheated
(B) He's lucky
(C) He's a genius
(D) It is written
In 12 days I am going to receive my results from my second sitting of the Texas State Bar Examination, and surprisingly I'm not nervous this time around. This is probably largely attributed to the fact that I believe in predestination, and the way everything is happening. This time, I approached the bar without the sense of inferiority I had before, believing that I was sub-par because I had graduated from Texas Southern. I came at it this time around, not looking to prove anything to anyone, but with everything to lose. I came to sit with the strong potential of employment, and with a threat that if I did not pass I would be forced to move back to New Orleans after 6 years of being out my parents house and in essence start all over. As much as I love New Orleans, and yearn to return, I intend to do so on my own terms.
But since that time, I have managed to find me a temporary job, that despite how tedious and boring it is, is still a pay check. INCOME, YAY! In addition to that, I passed the MPRE with a 110, managed to find me a bit of a social life, and have a strong possibility of not being single at the end of summer 09. Maybe its just my time to shine...
About a month ago I went to see Slumdog Millionaire, a movie that impacted me when I first saw it, but with the turns that my life is encountering I'm really starting to get it. The movie opens with a title card displaying the following message; "Jamal Malik is one question away from winning 20 million rupees. How did he do it? (A) He cheated, (B) He's lucky, (C) He's a genius, (D) It is written." As applied to my life this statement would read;
Kellen Daranda is 12 days from getting one step closer to happiness. How did he do it?
(A) He cheated
(B) He's lucky
(C) He's a genius
(D) It is written
In 12 days I am going to receive my results from my second sitting of the Texas State Bar Examination, and surprisingly I'm not nervous this time around. This is probably largely attributed to the fact that I believe in predestination, and the way everything is happening. This time, I approached the bar without the sense of inferiority I had before, believing that I was sub-par because I had graduated from Texas Southern. I came at it this time around, not looking to prove anything to anyone, but with everything to lose. I came to sit with the strong potential of employment, and with a threat that if I did not pass I would be forced to move back to New Orleans after 6 years of being out my parents house and in essence start all over. As much as I love New Orleans, and yearn to return, I intend to do so on my own terms.
But since that time, I have managed to find me a temporary job, that despite how tedious and boring it is, is still a pay check. INCOME, YAY! In addition to that, I passed the MPRE with a 110, managed to find me a bit of a social life, and have a strong possibility of not being single at the end of summer 09. Maybe its just my time to shine...
Monday, July 28, 2008
Its krazy how it does...
On the eve before the biggest test of my life, I am reminded of something someone told me about a week ago; "stop making every big moment of your life analogous to pledging, life does go on after you get off line." However, things that I have learned as a lowly scroller have helped me along through life. I have learned to do the difficult and strive for the impossible, and I have had the harsh realization that life is "hard but fair, sad, but true." However the most applicable thing is the last thing I heard before I crossed those burning sands, William Earnest Henley's Invictus;
Out of the night that covers me, black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be, for this my unconquerable soul,
In the fell clutch of circumstance, I have not winced nor cried aloud,
Under the bludgeonings of chance, my head is bloody, but unbowed,
Beyond this place of wrath and tears, looms but the horrors of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years, finds, and shall find me unafraid,
It matters not how straight the gate, nor how charged with punishment the scroll,
for I am the master of my fate, I AM THE CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL.
And how fitting that on this night, I am more ready for this test than I have ever been throughout the course of these last three months. You see, in the darkness that is the unknown, I am thankful to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, that I didn't manage to let law school take my soul from me. In Lady Justice's evil clutches, I have not let my emotions show to the general public and the tears I shed were in the privacy of my own home. And while my legal pursuits have roughed me up, I have yet to hang my head. After the bar, there is more darkness and unknown as I do not know where my life is headed. However, I am not scared, I embrace my uneasyness and am ready for whatever life (or the Texas Board of Law Examiners) may throw at me. Because it doesn't matter what you throw at me, nor how my past may come back to haunt me. I am acceptant of what I have done, and I know that God helps those who want to be helped. So with that said, I control my future, and I dictate what happens, although I know this is in God's hands now, I have done all I can.
So as I lay my head down to go to sleep, I would like to thank my prophytes of Alpha Sigma for teaching me, that I STARTED pledging on April 7, 2002, at 11:44:08 PM, my friends for their support and words of encouragement, my family for their love, support, and words of wisdom, my son for giving me the drive to continue, and last, but certainly not least, God, for giving me the ability to come this far, and a chance that I do not intend to waste...Kellen Daranda, ESQ is coming, I hope the world is ready for him...
Out of the night that covers me, black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be, for this my unconquerable soul,
In the fell clutch of circumstance, I have not winced nor cried aloud,
Under the bludgeonings of chance, my head is bloody, but unbowed,
Beyond this place of wrath and tears, looms but the horrors of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years, finds, and shall find me unafraid,
It matters not how straight the gate, nor how charged with punishment the scroll,
for I am the master of my fate, I AM THE CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL.
And how fitting that on this night, I am more ready for this test than I have ever been throughout the course of these last three months. You see, in the darkness that is the unknown, I am thankful to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, that I didn't manage to let law school take my soul from me. In Lady Justice's evil clutches, I have not let my emotions show to the general public and the tears I shed were in the privacy of my own home. And while my legal pursuits have roughed me up, I have yet to hang my head. After the bar, there is more darkness and unknown as I do not know where my life is headed. However, I am not scared, I embrace my uneasyness and am ready for whatever life (or the Texas Board of Law Examiners) may throw at me. Because it doesn't matter what you throw at me, nor how my past may come back to haunt me. I am acceptant of what I have done, and I know that God helps those who want to be helped. So with that said, I control my future, and I dictate what happens, although I know this is in God's hands now, I have done all I can.
So as I lay my head down to go to sleep, I would like to thank my prophytes of Alpha Sigma for teaching me, that I STARTED pledging on April 7, 2002, at 11:44:08 PM, my friends for their support and words of encouragement, my family for their love, support, and words of wisdom, my son for giving me the drive to continue, and last, but certainly not least, God, for giving me the ability to come this far, and a chance that I do not intend to waste...Kellen Daranda, ESQ is coming, I hope the world is ready for him...
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