I know its probably cliche to write a note like this on the last day of the decade, but since when did I care that much about what people think? The years 2000-2009 saw Kellen go from 16-26, from a boy to man. In that time I graduated three times, became a father, pledged, and had many other experiences that shaped me into who I am today. This is my attempt to refrain from sending out one of those dumb ass traditional New Year text messages that say something like "I can't imagine life without you and I want to let you know that I love you before 2010 gets here." Naw, eff that, my friends have had a tremendous impact on my life the past 10 years, some of them more than what they know, and I just wanted to share my experiences, THAT is how I plan to tell them all that I LOVE YOU. For other people that have impacted my life and are reading this note, thank you for getting me through the past 10 years...
The first decade of the 21st century and the 3rd millennium was brought up with all kinds of hype. The Y2K bug was supposed to end life as we knew it and all I wanted to do was survive so I could graduate high school and go to college. Well as the clock struck 12:00AM on January 1, 2000, everything was still the same in the streets of New Orleans; I still made sure my mom was the first person I kissed happy new year’s, the firecrackers were still going off, and ignorant niggas were still shooting in the air, prompting my family to rush us inside for a few minutes. *Sigh,* life in the city. Well its funny that the same anticipation that saw me begin this decade is the same that I'm ending it with. Confused about life, not knowing what to expect, but optimistic about the future, and prepared for it even if it doesn't pan out the way I anticipated. Such was my shock after learning soon after the beginning of the New Year that I would not be receiving a scholarship to Morehouse College and me and Kyle would not be roommates. As disgusted as I was that I would be going to college at Southern because I let Franklin convince me that it was a sub-par institute of higher education, I had fun there and met a lot of people which have impacted me greatly over the past decade.
Well the remainder of the year of 2000 saw me graduate from high school and leave the only world that I had known for the past four years, remaining optimistic that more than 50 members of my high school class would be 15 minutes away at LSU, however I kept in frequent contact with less than 10 of those, which may be my fault or it may be theirs, but aint no love lost. On the other hand, college in general, Southern in specific was a horse of a whole 'nother color. Southern spoiled me in seeing daily fashion shows in the way that people were attired for class, and that probably is the reason for my closet looking the way it does today. Southern also taught me alot about the opposite sex, I learned that all women aren't ladies, and that women actually fart and go "boo boo." (Don't judge me, I dunno why I thought girls stopped going number 2 after being babies). My freshman year ended with a bang and a 3.75 GPA (HELLER!!!) and that summer I met someone who flipped my world upside down and inside out the likes of which I still haven't recovered from.
On February 3, 2002 I entered in the gates of hell and didn't leave there until April 7. But from my time in the "clank," I earned 18 more blood brothers, countless other half/step brothers, a constant support system and more meaningless sex than I could have ever imagined, lol! From then on college was no longer about class it was like people see in the movies with parties, roadtrips, and frat boys running after women. May 17, 2003 was another day that I will always remember because I got in a car accident that left me comatose for 3 days. I learned then that I was here for something great because God could have left me on the side of I-12. That experience also showed me how many people's lives that I had impacted, and the true meaning of friendship. But I didn't slow down from the life I was living previously, once I regained my health it was sex, drugs, alcohol, and school (when time permitted) and the boring routine of roadtrips, football, and parties in the fall, and uhh "teaching" boys in the spring. But I still graduated with a 3.2 in Electrical Engineering (okay it was really a 2.8, but THANK GOD for Repeat/Delete), and moved on to Law School.
The quest to law school was kind of troubling in its inception, because it was more of a get rich quick scheme than a career change. I was sold on an idea that I knew nothing about only because the idea came from someone I trusted. But I grinded out the whole studying for the LSAT and even had someone be there for me in case I had to deal with disappointment with my scores. Unfortunately, not having my significant other be there for me when I needed her the most and our ensuing breakup brought me to Texas. Now that I look back on it, I should have went to LSU law. Then I finished Southern and in the course of saying my goodbye to a certain someone, started a whole new chapter in my life.
Then tragedy came through with Katrina and the news of being a father all in my first semester of law school, but I remained dutiful to the task at hand and finished law school Mother's Day weekend 2008. I know that has to be one helluva gift to see your son graduate from college twice on two separate Mother's Day weekends. But what my mom doesn't know, many of you I tagged in this note do. Yall know about me almost failing out of law school and the guidance yall helped me with in that struggle, I am thankful to have such good friends. The same friends who provided me with comfort on the weeks leading up to the happiest day of my life April 19, 2006. The same friends who helped me through questioning my own manhood and wondering if I were ready to be a father. The same friends who were there when my family lost everything again on December 29, 2006. Those same friends who pushed me in my darkest hour when I failed the bar in July of 2008, and rose to triumph in February of 2009. Those same friends who were there for me the five times when I failed the MPRE.
Yet, 2009 was a good year as I think about it, I saw the first black President get sworn in while it was 11 degrees outside, I saw Alpha Sigma win chapter of the year and its 2nd straight Bayou Classic Step Show win. In this decade I've been to Mexico twice, L.A., St. Louis, Charlotte, Tallahassee, Atlanta, Charleston, Detroit, Tulsa, Oklahoma City, Little Rock, Natchez, Memphis, Birmingham, D.C., Philadelphia, and a few other places I can't remember, and at least one person that this note is dedicated to had something to do with all of those trips. So on the eve of a new decade, I am thankful to have such great friends and with all of you taking this trip down memory lane with me, hope you will be there with me to compare this decades to others in the future, to laugh at the shortcomings that we saw this decade, and to blow the joys we shared out of the water. I'm sorry for being so long winded in my typical fashion, but I had to let you know that I appreciate you all for being there. I close by saying, Happy New Year, I Love You, and I just wanted to take the time out to let you know that you are appreciated!
Showing posts with label progress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label progress. Show all posts
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
You Just Do You...
“Niggas fear what they don’t understand, hate what they can’t conqueror, guess that’s just the theory of man.” - Nas
It’s funny how I’ve always been a glutton for compliments but its weird how one can receive the same compliment some 7 years apart and take it in totally opposite ways. Shortly after I became initiated into Kappa Alpha Psi, someone stopped me outside of the Union at Southern to tell me that she was proud of me for not letting Kappa change me. Instead of seeing that she was commending me for remaining true to myself I took offense to the statement responding, “I’ve been me for 19 years, what the fuck was I supposed to become.” However, I think I’ll attribute my crude response to the two I’s that frequently cause us all to shake our heads in disdain at the words that sometimes come out of our mouths; ignorance and immaturity. Now that the fraternity is no longer new to me, I’ve had a hand in bringing in 51 brothers, and was at Southern for a tenure where 81 brothers were made by the Alpha Sigma Chapter, I have seen that everyone is not man enough to define their affiliations. The way I felt, I didn’t need the fraternity to define me, I had already established a satisfactory level of popularity on all the levels that are prominent in undergrad, my classmates regarded me as an intelligent force to either be reckoned with (in the case of my honors classes) or just a smart dude, women considered me cute, and the people that lived in the vicinity of my dormitory saw me as a “cool lil dude.” So I was happy with the identity I had carved out for myself, because it was me. Some remark that college is a chance to start all over and be whoever you want to be, but that’s never been something that I wanted to do, because I’ll always be me. As a result, I took offense to a compliment that only yesterday had me smiling from ear to ear.
David Ruffin was so profound in saying “I’ll never change,” that Sean Carter sampled the same lyrics close to 30 years later, and I feel the same as both of these revolutionary music artists. I have always said that any level of success that one can hope to attain is not worth it if you cannot recognize the person who stares back at you in the mirror. So I’ve lived my life in such a manner, remaining adamant to the statement that one cannot judge a book by its cover. And my devotion to proving others wrong is what has propelled me to be successful when I had been perceived as too hood to be at Franklin, too smart to be at Southern, and a bit too rebellious to conform to the rigorous expectations of a career in the legal field. But I remain cautious as to the folks that I allow to see my true colors. And I guess that’s why my writing is so much of a relaxation, so much from the S.O.U.L. (shameless plug I know), because I don’t have to seek the paper’s approval and the pen is just happy that I’m allowing him to do what he was made to do. I’ve never managed to seek acceptance from not too many people other than my mother, but it bothers me when people just don’t get where I’m coming from. But why should I expect them to, most of the people who were brought up the way I was don’t think in the manner that I do. And most who are on the same echelon with me both intellectually and educationally can’t understand some of my mannerisms and passions. But in the end, that’s just me.
A classmate and friend of mine (because it would be an insult to just put this person in the “associate” category) told me that he enjoys reading my postings because of the passion that exudes from my words and the genuine glances I give people into my mind. He said that he considers me an inspiration because despite what life has thrown at me I manage to remain true to myself and my postings are testament to that. This comes from someone who I was guilty of prejudging when I first met him. I guess it was because there where things about him that just rubbed me the wrong way, and perception can be the kiss of death when you interact with me. However, in getting to know this person better, I have found out that he and I are a lot alike. In the end, we are both going to do what we feel most comfortable doing, and if you don’t like it, then frankly, fuck you! I guess my accelerated maturity has caused me to see the error in my ways in perceiving such a compliment as an insult 7 years prior, but maybe that was due to the fact the original comment came from someone I considered a follower, and not a leader like myself. Jo, I want to thank you for having a wonderful mind and the ability to see the same in others. Your kind words definitely inspired me, and I am thankful. We can’t change the world, but if we remain true to who we are maybe one day people will follow this bold lead and we can do our part to change society in some respects.
I know that I definitely have someone who understands and feels my passion and considers it an inspiration, and in the end that’s enough for me. I’m content with being hated and feared as opposed to loved and respected because I bring truth. So go ahead haters; you just do you, and Imma do me!
It’s funny how I’ve always been a glutton for compliments but its weird how one can receive the same compliment some 7 years apart and take it in totally opposite ways. Shortly after I became initiated into Kappa Alpha Psi, someone stopped me outside of the Union at Southern to tell me that she was proud of me for not letting Kappa change me. Instead of seeing that she was commending me for remaining true to myself I took offense to the statement responding, “I’ve been me for 19 years, what the fuck was I supposed to become.” However, I think I’ll attribute my crude response to the two I’s that frequently cause us all to shake our heads in disdain at the words that sometimes come out of our mouths; ignorance and immaturity. Now that the fraternity is no longer new to me, I’ve had a hand in bringing in 51 brothers, and was at Southern for a tenure where 81 brothers were made by the Alpha Sigma Chapter, I have seen that everyone is not man enough to define their affiliations. The way I felt, I didn’t need the fraternity to define me, I had already established a satisfactory level of popularity on all the levels that are prominent in undergrad, my classmates regarded me as an intelligent force to either be reckoned with (in the case of my honors classes) or just a smart dude, women considered me cute, and the people that lived in the vicinity of my dormitory saw me as a “cool lil dude.” So I was happy with the identity I had carved out for myself, because it was me. Some remark that college is a chance to start all over and be whoever you want to be, but that’s never been something that I wanted to do, because I’ll always be me. As a result, I took offense to a compliment that only yesterday had me smiling from ear to ear.
David Ruffin was so profound in saying “I’ll never change,” that Sean Carter sampled the same lyrics close to 30 years later, and I feel the same as both of these revolutionary music artists. I have always said that any level of success that one can hope to attain is not worth it if you cannot recognize the person who stares back at you in the mirror. So I’ve lived my life in such a manner, remaining adamant to the statement that one cannot judge a book by its cover. And my devotion to proving others wrong is what has propelled me to be successful when I had been perceived as too hood to be at Franklin, too smart to be at Southern, and a bit too rebellious to conform to the rigorous expectations of a career in the legal field. But I remain cautious as to the folks that I allow to see my true colors. And I guess that’s why my writing is so much of a relaxation, so much from the S.O.U.L. (shameless plug I know), because I don’t have to seek the paper’s approval and the pen is just happy that I’m allowing him to do what he was made to do. I’ve never managed to seek acceptance from not too many people other than my mother, but it bothers me when people just don’t get where I’m coming from. But why should I expect them to, most of the people who were brought up the way I was don’t think in the manner that I do. And most who are on the same echelon with me both intellectually and educationally can’t understand some of my mannerisms and passions. But in the end, that’s just me.
A classmate and friend of mine (because it would be an insult to just put this person in the “associate” category) told me that he enjoys reading my postings because of the passion that exudes from my words and the genuine glances I give people into my mind. He said that he considers me an inspiration because despite what life has thrown at me I manage to remain true to myself and my postings are testament to that. This comes from someone who I was guilty of prejudging when I first met him. I guess it was because there where things about him that just rubbed me the wrong way, and perception can be the kiss of death when you interact with me. However, in getting to know this person better, I have found out that he and I are a lot alike. In the end, we are both going to do what we feel most comfortable doing, and if you don’t like it, then frankly, fuck you! I guess my accelerated maturity has caused me to see the error in my ways in perceiving such a compliment as an insult 7 years prior, but maybe that was due to the fact the original comment came from someone I considered a follower, and not a leader like myself. Jo, I want to thank you for having a wonderful mind and the ability to see the same in others. Your kind words definitely inspired me, and I am thankful. We can’t change the world, but if we remain true to who we are maybe one day people will follow this bold lead and we can do our part to change society in some respects.
I know that I definitely have someone who understands and feels my passion and considers it an inspiration, and in the end that’s enough for me. I’m content with being hated and feared as opposed to loved and respected because I bring truth. So go ahead haters; you just do you, and Imma do me!
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