Parents Should Be Role Models

The above commercial, while 11 years old, is profoundly relevant in today's world, especially in the wake of Ray Rice's indefinite suspension from the National Football League. I have long been of the opinion that just because someone is wealthy does not make them a good person, as we have seen in the instances of Richie Incognito, Donald Sterling, Bruce Levinson, Danny Ferry, Chris Brown, Kobe Bryant, even Michael Vick (although I still don't really see the crime in fighting dogs especially when boxing/MMA are such a popular sports). So now, enters Ray Rice, whose widely publicized incident with his wife, Janay, initially resulted in a two-game suspension from the league and now his release from the Baltimore Ravens and the NFL at large.

Initially, I was cautious about writing a post about this at the risk of sounding like a "woman-beater" or insensitive to the plight of women but I just have to share my thoughts on this occurrence. My first reaction when the story broke was honestly; "what did she do?" I share much of the same sentiments as Chris Rock when it comes down to domestic violence,

 HOWEVER, I do feel that much of the investigations when it comes down to incidents of domestic violence are largely one-sided. (And before yall throw me under the bus along with Ray Rice, be advised that I think men who go upside the heads of women and children based upon their own personal issues or as some sort of control/power struggle type of deal with no form of adequate provocation deserve to be burned at the stake. Yet, I also believe that if you raise your hands to ANYONE without fear of being hit back, you are living in a fantasy world!) And because of that particular thought pattern, I wasn't disgusted by Ray Rice for putting his hands on her, I was disgusted by him treating her like a rag doll. This, the woman that you have decided that you want to spend the rest of your life with is knocked out on the floor of an elevator and you choose to drag her on the ground and have her ass cheeks on display for anyone who walks by. Naw, my dude, that's not how you treat your queen. Hell at least try to pick her up and pretend like she's inebriated, take her back to the room, and give her the apologetic treatment that Jody made famous in Baby Boy (I'm KIDDING). Now, with that being said, I looked at this issue from all sides, as I often do, but as I was reminded yesterday in an episode of House of Cards; "I am a lawyer, I assume nothing, but the court of public opinion does not have a law degree."

Yes, the NFL could have requested the tape from the casino as a form of damage control to know what they were up against in trying to make their future actions "ok" from a PR standpoint; but ultimately what would that solve? Yes, we know that Ray hit Janay, but talking about it and actually seeing it are two different things, as the NFL should have noted and taken into accord regarding their own investigation. The release of the footage depicting the actual blows was damaging to both the NFL and Ray Rice but it still gives us nothing regarding the "provocation" (or lack thereof) regarding what drove Mr. Rice to his deplorable actions. Some reports state that Mrs. Rice spat on him, (*Chris Rock voice* now I'm not saying he should have killed her, but I understand) while others state that Ray was the spitter. But again, the video that we all saw from TMZ offers no indication to what went on before the couple entered the elevator, although Janay is seen striking Ray en route to the elevator)

Now here is where my "insensitivity" may come into place, the dreaded double standards that are prevalent in society. Double standards start off in our youth where its acceptable for boys to literally do everything that walks while women are supposed to retain their purity for marriage or at bare minimum someone special. I say; "to hell with all that!" As a firm believer in equality across financial, cultural, racial, sexuality and gender barriers, I feel like double standards should be eliminated from society. If we throw out the double standard of "men shouldn't hit women," and look at this from a purely natural standpoint, the viewpoint that most men share in result to altercations with other men should be widely held around the world. I'm only 5'5", 180 lbs, if I got into it with a guy 6'3" 265lbs, I know for a fact that if I hit him 8/10 times, he's going to return the strike. SOOOOOOO, if I don't want him to hit me, I shouldn't hit him, follow me? Why can't that same logic be applied to women? (While I commend Jay-Z for knowing his financial worth and extending restraint, I think Solange deserved to get cold-cocked) They want to be considered as equals so why should I be expected to turn the other cheek just because she lost control of her emotions and allowed that loss of control to extend to her hands and/or feet. From a legal standpoint, so long as I don't escalate the initial force used or have my hands considered to be a lethal weapon, in the case of boxers and masters of various forms of martial arts, I am afforded the right to defend myself. I often ask women I date if they feel like I would hit them and the response is always similar, "I don't put anything past anyone, and while I feel that you wouldn't put your hands on me unnecessarily, I don't plan on putting myself in a situation where you would have to question whether or not you should." That statement reminds me of a post I saw on instagram yesterday; "Is a man a bitch for hitting a woman, or is he a bitch for allowing himself to get beat up by one?" It's all about respect, people! As a woman, if you don't hit me, I can honestly say that I will NEVER hit you!

Today, Janay Rice issued a statement where she asked for people to let her and her husband deal with their own family issues, and I couldn't agree with her more. It's not my job to judge anyone nor their marriage or relationship, so I'm not going to be like the court of public opinion and speculate as to what this move is based on, but there are a number of possible factors:

1, Janay Rice knows for a fact that this is not the first time that this has happened nor is it the last time that it will happen, she suffers from battered woman's syndrome, and needs help.

2, Janay Rice knows that this incident has the potential to damage the earning ability of her husband and doesn't want to sacrifice the lifestyle that she is accustomed to living or the well-being of their daughter. In addition, she may fear any possible retribution if Ray considers this to be her fault.

3, Janay Rice accepts fault for the altercations (however minor) and feels Ray's response was warranted.

4, Janay Rice, is EXTREMELY Christ-like and has chose to forgive her husband, move on from this embarrassing incident, and we should all do the same.

Despite Janay's motivation, we should all keep in mind that athletes are not role models. They are entertainers, and because of that we should not hold them to a higher standard once they make it. Let's face it, most of the time, the only time in which these athletes are held to a higher standard is when it comes down to on the field production, most of their mistakes off the field of play are taken care of for them or swept away like it never happened. If you're going to hold them to that standard of accountability, then that should start at an early age (that's what youth coaches, like myself, SHOULD be teaching their players). I'll be praying for the Rice family, but honestly, I've got better things to do that worry about a millionaire and his wife's inability to keep their hands to themselves.

In summary, the PSA from this incident should state as follows; athletes are not role models, and PEOPLE should keep their hands to themselves!