Online Dating Isn’t the Problem, It’s Just You; the Same As It’s Always Been…

 I’ll admit, I joined Tinder and SoulSwipe as a general social observation, lol, who am I kidding, I joined because at the time I was involved in a toxic situation and I was too chickenshit to cut it loose without having a backup plan or two. I heard that these two had helped some friends out with random romps, some annoying folks, some good conversation, some progressed into serious relationships, so I thought it much to be like real life dating, you never really know who that person you’re conversing with truly is. But anyway, I’m still on Tinder, still on SoulSwipe, no longer for the same reason, I just think it’s funny, and I enjoy the random boost to my self-esteem that I get when someone I find attractive feels the same way about yours truly. Out of town in a different city, I got on these two today wondering if women are just as confused in other places or is it just something in the water in New Orleans. Now that I know that these potential elements of confusion are out of the way, or better said “null and void,” I can say what I have been wanting to for quite some time.

***DISCLAIMER*** I can only look at the profiles of women, so don’t think I’m only picking on the ladies here…

So you joined Tinder and/or SoulSwipe because you’re lonely, too wrapped up in the technology age to actually converse with real people that you find attractive in everyday chance meetings, or you just don’t know what to do. Maybe it was what your girlfriend told you about some guys that she met on there, maybe it was the promise of a few free meals and/or outings. Or maybe, you were excited about the fact that only the people you pre-approved are able to contact you. Whatever your reason was, you joined, and you keep on running into the same losers you did in the real world, but I wonder if you, like most people, fail to ever point the finger at yourself when you fail to get the desired outcome. Allow me to clear up a few things.

#1 Guys are not as dumb as you think we are, especially if it concerns box…

This one is fairly simple, men who are merely looking for sex know that dating and the like is merely a numbers game and they know exactly how to play the numbers game, you “go at necks.” Some guys have figured out that the only way to ensure options is to like every profile they come across and not to even really look at or attempt to find out what a woman is about until they are matched. This is where you meet the guys that come off really perverted, or those that just want to “hook up,” or a majority of the “netflix and chill” contingency comes from. Ladies, do not get mad at these men, because all humans are indeed creatures of habit. This whole rhetoric of directly approaching you with intentions of getting to know you in the biblical sense may seem a bit off to you because you are “not that kind of girl,” but it’s HIS go to because, it has worked! ***Now this is where guys may come off as dumb, but if something works for us one time, we will keep that shit like it’s the secret to immortality!*** It’s kinda like the infamous unsolicited dick pic, it has worked before, that’s why he does it. And if it has not worked, he’s hoping that his bluntness may cause you to do something u might not ordinarily do to the tune of the YOLO craze that happened a few years ago. Don’t cuss him out, tell him you’re flattered that he finds you so attractive, that you’re not interested, and block him; problem solved.

#2 Telling me what you don’t like or are not here for tells me nothing about yourself…

Also, most times it just proves that either you are a liar, overly negative, put out the wrong energy about yourself, or a combination of the three. It is a well proven fact that in most cases when a question is answered before it’s asked, the response is a blatant lie. You telling me what you’re not here for often means that, “I’ll probably fuck you after the first date, but I don’t want you expecting it.” Secondly, never diminish the power of the mind. You have the power to speak things into existence, both positive and negative, the more you focus on the negative, the more of your reality the negative becomes. Finally, yes being politically correct means that we should put our best foot forward, and especially when representing something other than ourselves, but some just don’t give a fuck. Ever wonder why every guy comes at you wanting sex? Because all of your pictures are of you in bikinis, tight dresses, or have tons of cleavage! Yes you have the right to dress any way you choose, and you can demand that a man not make you feel uncomfortable when u dress that way, but you can’t stop him from thinking it.

#3 Stop subscribing to these asinine stereotypes because YOU’RE here, like the rest of us…

The problem with meeting people online or in a majority of social settings is the negative connotations attached to certain things. You know, “girl, you can’t find love in the club, all them niggas in the club only want one thing,” or “girl, you can’t find love on the internet, that’s where all them crazy niggas are.” This one here is also rectified fairly simply. Let’s say that you and 3 of your girls went out just to have a good time. In this particular venue, there are about 300 people, are you seriously willing to bet money that you and your entourage of 4 are the only “normal” people here who aren’t prowling, putting on their manners and fake persona all in the name of finding their next lay? ***well, expect for Kisha, she a lil “off,” but yall go back to the 7^th grade.*** The odds are even stronger with the internet, you are not the only normal person on there either. There are crazies everywhere and there are people who are just not personable, this is not their fault, especially if someone has previously let them get away with it. The real way to effectuate change is to take a bottom up approach, so tell your desperate ass homegirls stop caving in to that fuckery because she’s tired of her drought, and demand more of men before giving up the goods.

#4 If all your pictures are face shots…you’re fat. We get it, we know it, love yourself first, and someone else will follow suit…

SELF EXPLANITORY

#5 Put out the energy you seek…and learn how certain things work…

OMG! How many times have I seen a profile that states: “When you approach me, don’t be basic and just say ‘hey,’ come with something unique and interesting.” Umm, this is quite confusing because all forms of conversation start with a greeting. In fact, don’t we always say “hello” when answering the phone? Interesting dialogue and conversation come from mutual interests and sometimes opposing points of view. However, I cannot take that initiative when your bio is blank or you fell victim to #2. Also, saying “ask me anything,” or any other form of that question means that you are not confident enough in yourself to highlight your good qualities and want me to find them, or even worse, you don’t know these highlights exist. For my final point, realize that these swipe to talk apps are largely based upon physical attraction. And let’s be frank, physical attraction only means that under the right set of circumstances, I’d smash. So if you don’t want me to comment on what attracted me to you, which may be inappropriate given the person with whom you’re corresponding, give me something.

These are just a few things that were on my mind. As with most of my posts, I’m probably just preaching to the choir, but if you agreed with a point or two, then share. I just wanted to put something out in the world that’s been on my mind for a few months. Please stop being coy with your friends, let them know that it isn’t the application that they’re using that’s causing these dreadful results. As I learned before when I worked in IT, 90% of the time, it’s USER ERROR!

***HAPPY SWIPING FOLKS***

The Birth of a Hater

For quite some time, Black Americans have been clamoring for more films that tell our version of history, that showcase events not privy to those outside of the “woke” crowd. Something other than a black man in a dress, a dirty cop, the comedic relief, or something else that focuses on the negative stereotypes that this nation has placed on our great race. In comes Nate Parker’s Birth of a Nation, a film that chronicles the exploits of Nat Turner leading up to the uprising he led in 1831. So, instead of giving Parker a standing ovation for a historical docu-drama that was relevant and right on time, we as a people are busy doing the devil’s work; tearing brother Nate, and his work apart.

I took my son to see some movie, knowing him, it was probably something in the Marvel universe, where we saw a preview for The Birth of a Nation. I had heard that Parker’s film had done tremendously well at Sundance and was picked up by a major film company, but I was enamored to see it on the big screen and coming soon. So I told my child that I would be taking him to see this because I knew that seeing the visual representation of Nat Turner’s story would open the door for a teaching lesson. Turner’s saga was something I was familiar with, and something that I knew I wanted to share with him. And like a kid awaiting Christmas, I anxiously looked forward to the premiere of this film.

As the date became closer and closer, I’ve noticed that criticism against the film started was less about the film and more about the director and starring actor, Mr. Parker. I cannot speak on the specifics of Parker’s case, however, because he was acquitted, I’m going to let him enjoy his freedom. I am not the rest of the general public and others have not been so forgiving. Now, the beautiful representation of Nat Turner on the big screen for others who may not know of his life and actions or to provide a visual to something that has largely been words on a page has turned into Nate Parker vindicating his status as a “rapist,” or how rape fueled one of the most notorious slave revolts in history.

Let’s be clear, I saw The Birth of a Nation, I enjoyed it, and I looked at it from a historical standpoint, an entertainment standpoint, and I do not regret taking my ten year old to see it. Am I terribly upset that Parker’s story focused on a romance between Nat and Cherry despite there being a lack of evidence that Nat Turner was even married in the first place? Not at all. I know enough about slavery to know that marriages often went undocumented for fear of families being separated or retribution for the actions of the patriarch being taken out on family members. With that being said, I know that I would be out of my mind for wondering why Nat Turner didn’t mention Cherry at one point in his confession. But why would he, so she could meet a similar fate? What I did not see was the rape of Cherry being the catalyst for Nat Turner’s rebellion. I did see it as a contributing factor, but I think it was the treatment of slaves on other plantations and the lies that Nat was being directed to tell through the gospel was his motivation to take change by force.

Do I think that this movie has marginalized black women who have been victims of sexual assault 

and silenced them by giving the impression that unless a man takes up their cause, they have no hope of becoming vindicated? Another resounding “no!” I am not, nor have I ever been married, but I do know that if a woman close to me was raped and I knew the perpetrator, it would be difficult for me to sit by idly and do nothing. I am one of the biggest supporters of black girl magic, and do not believe that women cannot take up arms to support a cause or themselves without the help of a man. Furthermore, neither should you. The film was a beautiful story that needed to be told, despite your feelings about Nate Parker or the topic of rape within the film. If you feel that strongly and don’t want to put money in Parker’s pocket, then go get the bootleg…

Up Like Trump...

"...look what you done done...now you done fucked up..." - Rae Sremmurd "Up Like Trump"

I'm smiling from ear to ear while writing this post because one of the things I get a kick out of is "ignorant" rappers displaying a fundamental knowledge of how the world works and correctly predicting the future. It's amazing how I've gone from finding Donald Trump as a refreshing answer to American politics to a vermin that must be eradicated. In the event that he does become the next President of these United States, I'll be quoting the previously mentioned lyrics. 

Like most people who follow American politics, I initially found "The Donald" to be a refreshing change of pace from the Bipartisan system that plagues the functionality of our government. The same system that finds Republicans and Democrats alike acting like spoiled children who refuse to compromise with respect to their differing opinions. Their "all or nothing" rhetoric destroys the checks and balances system the founders intended to have when a legislature that has a majority party affiliation that is not the same as the President's refuses to let ANYTHING that doesn't fit their agenda go through. Recently, we've seen these disagreements and inability to compromise between the two parties result in government shut downs and most recently the intention to block President Obama's nomination of a Supreme Court justice to replace Anthony Scalia. I thought Trump would be a refreshing change of pace as he's wealthy enough to run his own campaign without having to push the agenda of his financial supporters, but he's just a microcosm of what American society has become. The exponential growth in popularity of social media and reality TV has given the Average Joe a microphone and an audience. The problem is that most of these idiots should not have their thoughts mainstreamed to a large audience and Donald Trump is one of those idiots. 

Donald Trump has shown that the entire political system is a complete joke. During debates, Trump rarely discusses policy, but amuses his audience with personal attacks on his competition, arrogant self promotion and dick jokes. Yes, you heard me correctly, dick jokes! He's allowed the undercover racists and bigots to remove their masks as he speaks for and directly to them. In addition, like most racists and bigots, quotes the Constitution but ignores it for those in opposition to his position. Trump encourages his supporters to respond to his protestors with violence by offering to bail out and provide to legal fees to those who respond to peaceful demonstrations with violence. What's worse is that the more offensive his opinions have become, the more his popularity increases. 

This upcoming election cycle is no different than the others before President Obama, I'm going to vote because my people have fought and died for the right to vote, but I'm forced to pick between the lesser of two evils, which scares me even more. *sigh* God save the union!

The "Formation" of Capitalist BS

*Confession* I debated whether or not to write this post several times as not to incur the wrath of the "Beyhive," as they are more dangerous than Wu-Tang's "Killa Bees," but some of yall need to realize how stupid yall sound defending someone who doesn't devote a single moment in their day to you and is only about making their own pockets fatter and their own publicity.

This week, Beyonce released the video for her newest joint Formation, and she performed it for the Super Bowl dressed in garb that was an homage to Michael Jackson and/or the Black Panther Party, depending on who you ask. The video itself is a conglomerate of issues that affect the Black Community from #BlackLivesMatter to #HandsUpDontShoot and even #Katrina, but pardon me if i don't see that connection with the lyrics of the song...until the end...

"You know you that bitch when you cause all this conversation.."


This country was built upon the principles of capitalism and Bey does nothing to shy away from the effects of a capitalist society when she considers episodes of her receiving that "good joog" warranting a trip to Red Lobster or a trip to the mall to buy Jordans. And that's where the lyrics in Formation lose me. Yes, I like noes with Jackson 5 nostrils, yes I like baby hair with baby hair and afros, and firmly believe that if you see something you want you should go get it and not be dependent upon someone giving it to you. However, my life's ambition is not to slay. (This is something that may also confuse wypipo who may take the word "slay" and the Black Panther homage as a call to actually kill in the name of Black Pride.)

I can also do without the division that this song causes..."My daddy Alabama, momma Louisiana, you mix that negro with that creole, make a Texas Bama." *Sigh* and here comes the BS. First of all, Bey, your momma is from Galveston, HER people are from Louisiana, (New Iberia, in fact, NOT New Orleans), but we'll touch on that later. The problem with these lyrics is the distinction between Negro/Creole which has been going on since the days of slavery. This prevents this song from being a black empowerment joint because it has that infamous distinction of a creole not considering themselves to be black. This is another thing that derails our equality agenda; how can we hope to be equals when we make many distinctions about our own status. FOR THE LAST DAMN TIME, CREOLE IS A CULTURE, NOT A RACE, AND WHEN THERE IS A BOX ON THE CENSUS FOR CREOLE THEN WE CAN ADDRESS THE DIFFERENCES! Beyonce, like a lot of Black folk who relocated to Texas and California are quick to throw out their Creole heritage as a means of displaying that they are better than those who are just simply negro. (*Side note* I am Creole myself, but I am a proud BLACK AMERICAN!)

Now, for the part that is going to have the "Beyhive" at my neck, the gimmickyness (if that's a word) of the video. My personal feelings about Beyonce is that she has always, yes, since the days of Destiny's Child, done too much. She wants to display the image of being a bad chick or a boss chick but has this "look at me, look at me" attitude like she craves the attention. A true baddie doesn't have to display this mindset because all eyes are always on her no matter what she does. How gimmicky Formation is reminds me of Get Me Bodied where Bey steals common place New Orleans dances and gives them different names. That's no different than the cultural appropriation that Wypipo have been doing for centuries. Yes Beyonce, you have Louisiana roots, but is Katrina really your story? And if it is indeed your story then why wait 10 years to tell it? The "Beyhive" will argue that she was not in a position to speak on it at the time and wasn't in the position to sacrifice her career at the time but Kanye did it, and he (quite frankly) didn't really give a fuck because he felt it was appropriate to do given the circumstances. Speaking out against injustices shouldn't be restricted to when it is convenient to do so and the "Beyhive" should be ashamed of itself for giving Queen Bey that pass, but those are mindless peons. In addition, an article was recently published displaying that Formation was not filmed in New Orleans and the "Beyhive" has responded by accusing the paper of lying. Yes, Beyonce recently filmed a video in New Orleans, but it was NOT Formation, get that in your head!

Yes, Formation, is a good song that does get one's head nodding and displays a (mostly) positive message for young black women, but it IS NOT, and SHOULD NOT be the voice of the #BlackLivesMatter movement...

The South Shall Rise Again...

Or not...

Yesterday the New Orleans city council voted by an overwhelming 6-1 margin to declare 4 Confederate monuments a nuisance and make way for their removal. 

Monuments erected to forever immortalize Confederate generals Robert E. Lee and P.G.T. Beauregard, Confederate President Jefferson Davis, and the forgotten Battle of Liberty Place, were the topic of a 6-month tirade that divided the city administration and their constituents. Many reasons have been given for leaving the monuments be, mostly centered around arguments of white privilege which gives one the right the ability to be empathetic to causes but never sympathetic because of the tunnel vision afforded by that benefit. Nothing positive could come from these wastes of public space and tax dollars and the fact that their offensiveness can not be seen ESPECIALLY in post-racial 'Merica speaks to the intelligence possessed by the detractors. In fact, the monuments for Beauregard and Lee showcase the generals in full Confederate regalia, and accordingly, do little to showcase either in a positive light either before or after their service in the Confederate army, only rewarding that particular service. Furthermore, the actions of these men after the conclusion of the war do little, in my opinion, to rectify the travesties they committed in the name of the Confederacy.

Beauregard, reluctant to seek amnesty for his war crimes, was finally restored full citizenship in 1876. His post-war life saw him as a railroad executive who even invented a cable-powered predecessor to modern day streetcars. He was the supervisor of the Louisiana Lottery until it was disbanded and subsequently elected as the commissioner of public works in New Orleans, two positions he was granted undoubtedly by Confederate supporters.

Davis, a former slave owner, held a position within an insurance company, was offered to be the first president of what is now Texas A&M (he declined), did not publicly express his views but was known by close associates to remark that blacks were inferior and that secession was constitutional. His citizenship was restored in 1978.

Lee thought that slavery was an act of God and that it would end when God himself was ready for it to conclude. He served as the president of what is now Washington & Lee University, where he punished students who engaged in violence towards blacks with expulsion. However, Lee also wanted to have blacks deported from Virginia and thought they lacked the intelligence to effectively utilize the right to vote (possibly why he was such a supporter of education for blacks.)

What troubled me most about these proceedings is the commentary of many of the citizens of New Orleans, some of which I'll respond to in this post:

"Removal of the monuments effectively rewrites history" 
No the removal of the monuments do not rewrite history. The Civil War did occur, it WAS indeed over states' rights, particularly the right to designate other persons as property and who could and could not vote, and there is nothing we can do to change that. But to honor these "veterans," and I use that term loosely, for a plight that was defeated does not further any interests of the nation as a whole. They belong in their proper context, in a museum, or if you want to ultimately "show your respect," do so at their final resting place. Take that into consideration, complimented with a quote from the paper when Lee circle was dedicated; "We cannot ignore the fact that the secession has been stigmatized as treason and that the purest and bravest men in the South have been denounced as guilty of shameful crime...by every appliance of literature and art, we must show to all coming ages that with us, at least, there dwells no sense of guilt." Or add the text of the Battle of Liberty Place memorial; "McEnery and Penny having been elected governor and lieutenant-governor by the white people, were duly installed by this overthrow of carpetbag government, ousting the usurpers, Governor Kellogg (white) and Lieutenant-Governor Antoine (colored). United States troops took over the state government and reinstated the usurpers but the national election of November 1876 recognized white supremacy in the South and gave us our state. What am I missing here? Even if someone is using this as an attempt to re-write history, is this history that need be acknowledged from that standpoint? Are you guys proud of this one? You feel comfortable to let people know that you allegedly once felt this way?

"I support the monuments because I am a direct descendant of a Confederate soldier" 
My response to this one is chronicled in Years Later...A Few Months After; these states seceded from the union, they should have been tried as traitors and hung just as many of the slaves in the South were for much less. Their colors and flag are those of hatred, inequality, and more importantly, that of a loser. Acknowledge your family, yes, but realize that your family was a warped, demented individual who either firmly believed in or blindly followed thoughts that no civilized human being should have. I remarked just this week that white privilege enables 'Merica to pretend that the important figures of the Confederacy failed to be prosecuted for reasons other than as a goodwill gesture to the South and because they were white.

"This does nothing to change the real problems of New Orleans; crime, dilapidated roadways, etc."
Hence why they were considered as "nuisances ," go research what that means. The mere presence of these monuments divide us and keep us away from the real problems, lets be done with them and get on to more important things. These statues invoke horrible feelings in a particular demographic and you are allowed to not think about these things when you casually ignore their presence because white privilege affords you the ability to do so.

"These monuments have become integral to New Orleans infrastructure and have remained in place for decades, why the rush to change them now?"
Honestly, because we never thought we would be able to. Conventional thinking would fail to see why such monuments commemorating such times would even be constructed. The shooting in South Carolina was the catalyst to start the dialogue that maybe, just maybe, if we can eliminate the reverence to these people, maybe we can eliminate their line of thinking. Seeing the references to the Confederacy be removed from official South Carolina insignia taught us that such things are possible, and maybe eliminated some of those who were allowed the ability to ignore the message presented because it did not affect them.

New Orleans has long been regarded as the city that care forgot, but the actions of yesterday took us in a step toward regaining that care. However with a federal suit being filed hours after the council's decision to bar the removal of these monuments, the cause of the South may never die...

All of Black Man's Problems...(written 11/17/15)

All of the black man's modern day problems stem from his inability to be white...

Many of my contemporaries and I agree that in the grand scheme of things, integration has harmed us more as a people than it has helped us. Don't get me wrong, integration did open up a world of opportunities for our people, but instead of using those opportunities to better ourselves, we messed up when we squandered those opportunities in an attempt to be white. Take a look at the historical record, most if not all native people are community-based. Conversely, the people who settled this nation, as well as those who financed these trips, were out for individual gain, not the betterment of their own people. Hell, these new settlers ignored the land claims of the native peoples and their way of life, taking the land as their own and forcing their own culture and way of life on them despite the natives surviving in those areas for several millennia before. And if that wasn't enough, this nation was built on the backs of people who either had no interest in it, or were against the administration of this new culture that was so different than their own, a debt that still has not been paid in full.

As progressive payments to that debt were made via the civil rights movement, Black America again became fixated with wanting to be white, and now it's beginning to trickle down to our children. Am I the only one who remembers the days where we looked at white children and often remarked, "white kids are crazy?" You know the ones who were seen in department stores on leashes, the ones who not only cussed around their parents but at their parents, and still only received time out. Many of us received the thrashing of a lifetime for making faces about things that we disagreed with let alone verbally expressing our disagreement. Follow that up with modern advances to medicine and this (in my opinion) fictitious "disease" of ADHD and now we are convinced that it's best for our kids to make them medicated zombies because that's what white folks are doing. I've recently become privy to an interesting point, that most if not all of the youth or young adults that have indulged in mass shootings in or outside of school were prescribed some sort of ADHD medicine. Let that sink in for a minute...

Now, in 2015, in the midst of the #blacklivesmatter movement, the media is portraying that the aggressive police tactics in the black community would stop if black children had more respect for authority. In addition, many inner-city teachers are complaining about how out of control children are. It doesn't take rocket science to figure this out, children have no respect for authority because they don't get whippings anymore. We are involuntarily feeding our children back into the modern day slavery system that is American prisons. I'll admit, I grew up not trusting law enforcement and not liking teachers who told me what to do, but I knew that if a cop brought me home, with or without handcuffs, I had to call my parents from jail, or if a teacher wrote or called my house, that I'd be in for it. And that's what kept me in line. Today's children are not stupid, they realize that in instances where they may engage in inappropriate behavior, that they are not subject to the punishment that we or our parents were and in turn they don't care. Time-out or a stern talking to are nothing in comparison to a good ole fashioned tanning of the hide. But with White America always wanting to get in someone else's business, not for the betterment of community; but to push their own selfish agenda, you can't even discipline your kids without abuse allegations. So now White America wants us to believe that Sgt. Slam in South Carolina was within his rights to throw that little girl from her desk because she was disrespectful of authority, but that's a problem that they started. White children have not been traditionally the most respectful of authority but because of white privilege their childish antics of youth are dismissed as just that. Our children aren't afforded that privilege. At the end of it all one thing remains clear, as much as we try to get what White America has, we still will never be white enough for a lot of it, so I urge you, discipline your kids, before the police have to!

Why?

Amid the turmoil that has exploded on the campus of the University of Missouri this week, I was inspired to turn back to my blog to vent about these conditions and the slow response of the university in addressing these issues. The most shocking part of this and similar instances at institutions of higher education is that they are considered by faculty, administration, students, and alumni alike to be nothing new. If this is nothing new, then why do we as a people continue to subject ourselves to these atrocities? The message this week was clear, that if the pockets of these universities become affected, then there is no other option than to effectuate some sort of real change, not something for the media or something to appease protesters, something real; why is that so hard to gain?

Why is it that blacks continue to push "black friday" movements and the like where the black dollar is spent in the black community but we fail to push for the best and the brightest both intellectually and athletically to support HBCUs by simply attending?

It has been said that the civil rights movement can take a page from the LGBT movement and adopt the slogan that "tolerance is not acceptance." Until we can truly be accepted at PWIs then why should we spend our money there?

Why do we continue to attend these institutions hoping that things are going to be better when not much has changed since integration was forced upon many of these schools?

Why do those of us who have attended PWIs feel the need to firmly defend these schools when other blacks inquire as to the reasoning behind not attending an HBCU?

If most of the schools that are a part of the BCS and College Football Playoffs have rosters where a majority of the players are minorities, why is the SWAC/MEAC Challenge not the real national championship?

Why do we continue to force ourselves in places we are not (truly) wanted?