Dear America, I'm Only What You Made Me; Young, Black, and Fuckin Krazy...Please Save Me

Aint No Love...

2012-01-13T18:29:00.001-06:00

“Aint no love, in the heart of the city.” - Bobby “Blue” Bland

At the time of this posting, the 13th day of 2012 is yet to be over but the murder count in the city of New Orleans is already at 11, which amounts to almost 1 dead body per day as the result of an unjustified killing. Now while these killings have been in residential areas and not the spots where tourists flock to, one can only imagine what kind of effect this would have on a city who’s economy is largely dependent upon tourism should the crime and murder continue at this alarming rate. Most of the commentary from the peanut gallery which consists of the frequent posters to Nola.com make the comparison of the potential of New Orleans of the 2010’s to be the same as Detroit of the 1980’s and 90’s after the decline of the domestic automobile industry. My first and last time in Detroit was in 2008 and I have seen a Mecca of many Southern-bred families in search of a better life as a shadow of its former self, first-hand. If many predict that New Orleans would experience a modern-day decline similar to Detroit, I can only shed a tear and pledge myself to trying to do what is necessary to prevent that, hoping to inspire others to do the same. The problem I see with New Orleans is more of a double-edged sword between the police department and the community at-large, and to be honest they both can use some help.

Aside from the fact that I have many friends both close and of the acquaintance variety who are police, I treat most of them with a separation from their personal and professional lives and still stand firm on the claim that I don’t trust police. This is attributed to both incidents in my own personal and professional life in addition to several incidents of corruption, mishandling of cases, and the revolving doors of the Orleans Parish Prison. At the same token, I can sit here and say that this line of thinking is not the fault of the average NOPD patrolman. I give NOPD Superintendent Ronal Serpas credit for being second in charge during the murder decline of the late 90’s under the watch of Richard Pennington, but some people are better suited for being the man next to the man. Serpas has started a new trend of publicizing the criminal records of murder victims I guess in an attempt to make the average law-abiding citizen feel like they are safe from the bedlam that has become the streets of New Orleans, but I see a problem with that. For one, one victim had a lone 15-year old conviction for solicitation, a time period that even the majority of the legal community would consider to be a bit excessive. Secondly, this line of thinking leads way to the philosophy that time only changes, people never do. While I never considered the average law-enforcement agent to be a proponent of rehabilitation, sometimes it makes others feel good when you can see that despite the actions of the members of society, there is still some good in the human race that shines through over all. Serpas also has used most of his limited resources (not his fault) to focus on keeping order in these tourist destinations, remarking that we have the best police force at crowd control in the nation, which I agree with, but if you cant control the members of the community, then what?

Then, there are those average police that I spoke of earlier. A few officers them have taken their thoughts to Facebook and Twitter, some pointing out the community’s fault in all of this, which I will get into later in this posting, and others adopting a “ready for war” attitude. In fact, this post was inspired by a twitter rant of my own in which I criticized the latter line of thinking because of the fact that most criminals have no rules. Gone are the days of thugs who consider themselves gangsters and gentlemen, with a regard for family and a respect for innocent life. I doubt that anything that 12 yr old did in her short life resulted in her untimely demise, but maybe Serpas found out she was in a fight in pre-school so that lets him sleep better at night. A friend of mine remarked a similar sentiment by quoting a line from the movie Die Hard; “you’re a policeman…there are RULES for policemen.” True the police may have the bigger squad, but for the most part, they don’t have the artillery to be ready for war with most of these “big fish” out here, as evidenced by the finding of two grenades in the car that was tied to the home shooting and subsequent shootout with police on yesterday. These same thugs who have no regard for the life of children damn sure don’t care about the life of a cop, or that of their families who don’t wear a badge. Nevermind the fact that these are people out here trying to make a way in the world, faced with a low-paying position as compared with those similarly situated in other muncipalities around the nation, with a community that doesn’t give two fucks about them, doesn’t respect their authority for the most part, has no appreciation for them putting their lives at risk on a daily basis, and won’t help them do their job out of fear or just a nonchalant attitude about things that don’t directly affect them. Many of us hate the places in which we are employed and merely go to work and collect a check doing the minimum required to get by, but when police do this, what are we left with, one word; ANARCHY! Put yourself in their shoes for one second, how would you feel if your job required you to take a bullet for someone that didn’t like you, I bet you would think twice before acting too. In most instances, its not them being scared, its just that they too have families who expect them home at the end of their shift. And please don’t give me the rhetoric about police corruption, because although I don’t think the ENTIRE police force of our beloved city is on the “up and up,:” I do believe that the good far outweighs the bad. There are bad members of every profession, and I don’t believe that all of society is inherently evil.

Lastly, the community as a whole has to realize that we are responsible for these kinds of people taking over our streets. Maybe if the parents of New Orleans spent more time actually trying to be a mentor, positive reinforcement, or authority to their children as opposed to a schoolhouse chum, their kids would respect them more. But when I think about it, many of these same parents who choose to be a buddy rather than a driving force in a child’s life don’t have much to put on display that should garner the respect they deserve as a parent. Just because someone makes a baby doesn’t give them the ability to be a good parent, and just because your parents sucked, doesn’t mean that you have to travel down the same road. WAKE UP PEOPLE, IT’S TIME TO BUCK THESE NEGATIVE TRENDS THAT HAVE INFLUENCED OUR SOCIETY FOR FAR TOO LONG!!! In my opinion, being a parent is about trying to make your kids better than you are, that’s called progress because when you know better, you do better. With that being said, I have long heard the tired pleas of the community to outlaw guns, but ask yourself this question, how many murders do you think are committed with lawfully carried and registered firearms? Im pretty sure that number, if it is larger than zero, is a miniscule percentage as compared to the opposite end of the spectrum. So if we outlaw guns and the only people who carry guns are those who obtain them illegally and our law-enforcement agencies, you honestly think it would be safer than with our 2nd Amendment right to bear arms TO PROTECT OURSELVES???

So does the New Orleans community suffer from ignorance or stupidity? Being stupid is when your actions are so because you don’t know any better, but when you know better and you still choose not to utilize that knowledge, then you my friend, are ignorant. We are too encompassed in minding our own damn business that we no longer care about the city as a whole, just our own little space. We let rappers determine how we live our lives, and use fictional lyrics as inspiration to real life. The whole “Stop Snitching” campaign that took flight a few years ago was even misguided. Stop snitching is not a cry for you to shut up, it’s telling those of you who get caught to “take your lick,” rather than drag others down with you, not to mind your business. Besides, if one of those same innocent bystanders who got killed was a close relative or a child of yours and a friend had information about who pulled the trigger would you encourage that friend to come forward to the authorities in order to apprehend those responsible, or would you remind him that “snitches get stitches,” or whatever other ignorance that you let rappers talk you into. But I guess that wouldn’t be considered snitching because it was YOUR family. Well I have news for you, EVERY MURDER VICTIM IS A PART OF SOMEONE’S FAMILY! We really have to do better individually to live better as a whole! I don’t think that sending in the National Guard would help out much because if you did your research, you would find that martial law is a helluva lot more flawed than our imperfect system of due process.

In closing, I would like to thank the unbiased, honorable men and women of the New Orleans Police Department for their day to day duty of protecting and serving this city, even those who society has written off a long time ago. Your efforts go under appreciated and often unnoticed, but things have no choice but to get better, because as Frank Ocean said;” I still believe in man/
A wise one asked me why/Cause I just don't believe we're wicked/I know that we sin but I do believe we try,” but our efforts may be for naught when “aint no love in the heart of the city, and aint no love in the heart of town.” Peace and Love, New Orleans, PLEASE STOP THE KILLING!

Bending The Rules For Profit...The American Dream

2011-12-11T22:58:00.001-06:00

Initially I refrained from commenting on the hazing situation at Florida Agricultural and Mechanical University (FAMU) and members of its famed "Marching 100" marching band, but I just can't let this one ride. Recently, after the Florida Classic football game between FAMU and Bethune-Cookman University, a yearly hazing ritual claimed the life of Mr. Robert Champion, a drum-major at FAMU. The reasons why I didn't want to comment largely had to do with factual accounts I had been given of how HBCU bands operate in addition to my own experiences and views on hazing/pledging, but I've just had enough of the commentary from the peanut gallery. I am actually troubled in writing this because as a self-proclaimed "bandhead," the contents of this post may come off as blasphemous, but as an attorney, I am inclined to ask for impartiality and equal treatment that I know will not happen.

While I have not and will not ever believe that the price of admission in a prestigious organization should ever be someone's life, there is a price to be paid that keeps the exclusivity of the organization. I have argued that despite the announcement that FAMU has indefinitely suspended the band program, the Marching 100 would get a much tamer sentence than any Greek-lettered society if faced with the same circumstances. In fact, deaths of pledges have occurred in both Kappa Alpha Psi (1994) and Alpha Kappa Alpha (2003) both of which resulted in the charters for the chapters at those schools being retired and a year-long moratorium against new membership. Another hazing incident occurring at FAMU among members of the Alpha Xi chapter of Kappa Alpha Psi in 2009 resulted in the chapter being suspended by the university until 2013 despite no serious injuries and most importantly no deaths. In bringing these facts up in a post within a Facebook group with members of both the Southern University and FAMU student body and alumni I was told that the same standard that Greeks are held to should not apply to the band, and the only reason I could see as to why this would hold salt was the all mighty dollar.

Like Greeks, band members are required to maintain a certain GPA to be active within the organization, and most colleges and universities require members both current and perspective to sign statements displaying a knowledge of both the illegality of hazing and the consequences that both those who participate in as well as consent to these activities could be subjected to. As a result, the person who initially told me that the band and Greeks are not the same retorted that band is a school-sponsored activity that represents the university and that the equivalent of the impartiality and fairness that I wanted to see would be to suspend the Penn State football team in light of the Sandusky child molestation scandal. I wholeheartedly disagreed and challenged the same individual to put his blatant favoritism to the side and see that this is the equivalent of a Greek hazing event and in no way related to the Penn State incident, a sentiment echoed by ESPN's Jemele Hill in a recent article written for ESPN.com.

Greeks have to get permission from the school to function on campus and you had better believe that when the organizations do well that the university takes credit just as they bear the brunt when hazing allegations such as the aforementioned ones cast the institution's student body in a negative light. The main difference is that unlike with the band the university does not receive a payday from it's Greeks. For example, FAMU just signed a contract in which the university is set to receive $850,000 to play THE Ohio State University, which I'm sure the Marching 100 and their repore among sports fans around the world was a part of the reasoning behind such a large sum to play a team they have no chance in hell or competing with. Also, this is not a case of the band director of the Marching 100 killing a student in a hazing ritual so the counter point of its similarity to Penn State is irrelevant.

My main point is that while Mr. Champion has paid the ultimate price, the subsequent expulsion and readmittance of accused hazers, firing of band staff, and indefinite suspension of the band is by no means fair. Had this been Greeks, the accused would have been arrested and charged with murder, the chapter's charter revoked permanently, and a lawsuit filed (even though that part is sure to come). Hill said it best, the only plausible solution would be a 5 year suspension of the Marching 100 and I could not agree with her more. And for those of you who know of my love for Southern's Human Jukebox, I would be looking for the same had a member of Southern's band died after a post Bayou Classic hazing ritual. But mark my words, that will not come to fruition as bending the rules in favor of profit is exactly what Anerica was founded upon. Please keep the family of Mr. Robert Champion in your prayers...

So Now You're a Lwayer...Funny, I Didn't Even Know You Had a JD

2011-09-30T03:18:00.001-05:00

On September 21, 2011, after an appeals process that lasted close to 22 years, Troy Davis was executed in Georgia. The last few months leading up to his execution, Davis had become a household name with his plight for freedom becoming a media, social, and political frenzy alleging racism and the unfairness of the legal system as Davis, who is black, was convicted of the murder of a white police officer. My problem with this whole ordeal is that the majority of Davis’ supporters, while having good intentions, lacked no real knowledge of the legal system, and frankly I’m getting tired of folks asking my opinion on the matter and most of the inane commentary I have seen on the issue so I’ve decided to add my $19.11….

INSIDE INFORMATION....Since being licensed by the State Bar of Texas in 2009, the majority of my practice has been in Criminal Defense which is kind of tricky with some of my personal thoughts regarding criminals and the death penalty. Personally, I believe in the biblical code of Hammurabi (an eye for an eye…) and fail to grasp how a person would rather spend the rest of their life in jail as opposed to ending it all swiftly. From what I’ve heard, life in prison isn’t really life at all. I do , however, realize that a death sentence or life imprisonment is unfair for a crime one did not commit, so spare me that rhetoric.

Which brings me back to Troy Davis, a man who was convicted based upon nothing but eyewitness testimony, no gun, no DNA, only what other people “claim” they saw and a “possible” ballistics match. This is hardly enough to sentence someone to death in my opinion, but that’s about as far as I’ll take this as a political fight. I have often told people that in spite of the fact that the legal system is not perfect, it is far better than what goes on in most of the world and that I have to believe in it or my profession is a joke and a waste of time and energy. Why do you think attorneys practice, because we attempt to perfect an ever-changing field. After reading close to 500 pages from both sides of the spectrum I’ll give you all my opinion regarding the case.

From the initial evidence presented at trial, the state did put on a case well enough to sustain a conviction. Whether it was strong enough for a death sentence is debatable from both ends, but I feel as though they did their job and had I been on that jury then I would have convicted him as well. Then as quickly as 3 yrs after the initial trial come allegations of coercion by the investigators, recantations, and a plethora of “new evidence” that has been said to exonerate Davis. Therein lies the problem that most attorneys know come with recantations; if a person has already admitted to lying under oath it’s hard to ever trust them again. Most cross-examinations conducted with witnesses who recant often have the following question asked; “So were you lying then, or are you lying now?” Either way the damage to the testimony is irreversible and usually all of it becomes stricken from the record. So of the nine testifying witnesses, seven recanted, and even if they’re testimony was stricken as untrustworthy, that still leaves two eyewitnesses with unchanged stories. But, from court-records that I’ve read (reading is fundamental people, and LEXIS is a powerful tool), what the media labels as a recantation has little probative value in declaring Davis innocent as certain elements still stick in favor of the state’s case.
This brings me to my next issue, which is standard of proof. In order to get a new trial, you have to prove misconduct that would have resulted in a different outcome at the trial court level had it not been introduced. Which calls into question something all of you newly appointed, non-barred, JD-lacking “lawyers” (since yall have all this expertise) should be familiar with; standard of proof. A mere allegation of misconduct is simply not enough to have a meritorious claim. Think Denzel in “Training Day” (It’s not what you know, it’s what you can prove). And since all the witnesses who allege they were forced into a statement or signed a statement without reading it have no proof supporting that claim, they are dismissed as inadmissible hearsay. I have two problems with this; first of all, while I undoubtedly believe that police misconduct would be hard to uncover, think of the damage to the legal system if we let people just throw out accusations with no proof otherwise. To some it may be a bit contradictory given the nature of this case, but I stated earlier that I believe that the evidence presented was convincing enough to get a conviction, not enough to kill the man, but again that’s just my opinion. Secondly, did I or did I not say that reading is fundamental. Why in the hell would you sign something that you didn’t read? Your signature is what makes the document valid, so I can’t envision why you wouldn’t read it before signing it. Now for the witness who couldn’t read, I would suggest you had someone read it to you, and if you didn’t trust those people, then have several people read it to you. So I agree with the courts logic that this standard had not been met. As far as the actual innocence claim made at the appellate level, there is no exonerating evidence presented here, only enough to cause doubt, doubt that should have been raised at the trial court level. But no one sees it that way, no one ever does. You got forced into a statement cause you just wanted to be left alone, or because you were nervous about your own legal troubles, or you were scared that something would happen to you or your family, or you just don’t trust police. Yeah, I’ve heard all those before, and at the end of the day, no one ever blames these people. Well, I do, and I will continue to do so.

So for all of you that signed the petition to get Troy Davis clemency, bought the “I am Troy Davis” shirt, and posted on FB and twitter regarding his “murder,” just know that Troy Davis was not murdered, it was a suicide because those same ones who may have been influenced or were afraid to come forward but are all Troy Davis are the ones responsible for his death. Please stop jumping on the bandwagon of Mr. Davis, Duane Buck and every other black man who is facing a death sentence, because ultimately if you weren’t there, then you don’t know what happened. True racism still exists in society, but everything is not racially motivated. Furthermore, if you don’t have a legal education, then you wouldn’t understand the rhetoric upon which these cases are judged. Go read a book or something. I’ve prayed for Mr. Davis and have made peace with the fact that he is either in Heaven reaping the rewards of being wrongfully accused and paying the ultimate price for it, or in hell for stringing you all along with him, only God knows the true outcome. Stop complaining when the outcome isn’t in your favor, do your best to fix the system, cooperate in investigations, and ALWAYS tell the truth. If you fail to do that, then you are to blame for everything as well…may Troy Davis rest in peace!

You Think You Know...

2011-08-16T02:48:00.000-05:00

“Everybody wants to be a nigger, but nobody wants to be a nigger” – Paul Mooney

Recently, there has been a buzz in the hip-hop community regarding the White Girl Mob, Kreayshawn and V-Nasty, and their use of the word “nigga.” At first, I just dismissed it as ignorance and let these women make it, but its just going viral between their continued exploitation and the responses to this topic increasing daily, I just had to say my own piece regarding this because its starting to bother me.

Yes, I do use the word “nigga” on a daily basis, and unlike most people in modern American society, I refuse to put the blame on the hip-hop culture for my usage of that word as part of my everyday vernacular. I guess I can blame my parents for teaching me the lost art of accountability, but I digress. I can’t tell you when or why the word “nigger” became offensive because from researching the term it’s actually a derivative for words associated with the color black. However, I do know that from slavery times up to recent years, the word has become offensive to Black culture. (I don’t really like to use the word African-American because I’ve never been to Africa and other races besides black people, can be African-American.) Since this word is offensive to me when spoken by a white person, any time that I hear it being used by one of those persons, I instantly become enraged. At the same time, I have a similar feeling when a black person uses the word to describe a white person. Why, you may ask? Because my use of the word as either “nigger” or “nigga” is my way of making it my own and destroying the negative connotation associated with it. I think that’s why it was originally used in the hip-hop community to make a word originally used to degrade us as a source of empowerment, but I could be fishing. And even though the word has lost its luster when spoken among other blacks, any white person that I consider a friend, would lose that status if they ever told me about “real nigga shit,” or said “nigga please,” hell they might even be greeted with a fist to the face, but that’s just me, take it how you want.

Then there’s this V-Nasty character, whom I had never heard of until she got on World Star freestyling with heavy usage of “nigga,” like most rappers. From a lyrical standpoint, the chick is trash, seriously. Her whole flow is garbage, I’m not even a rapper and I would eat her alive. So I initially though that her usage of nigga was her way of gaining notoriety, or trying to be “different,” in a world where everyone is trying to do something new. But since she had me lost, I just shook my head and wished I could have my 2 minutes or so of my life back. But I guess I was one of the less vocal viewers of the video because within a week, there were a few videos up on Youtube and World Star criticizing V-Nasty with a resounding “how dare she?” So much so, that Andy Milonakas (who in the hell remembers him), released a video stating that the freestyle was done at his home and that people need to stop prejudging V-Nasty because she’s down for the “hood” and would step up if anybody infiltrated it and used “nigga” in a derogatory manner to any of its residents. Really, Andy, really?! Let me ask you this then, if something went down in the “hood,” and the police in Oakland were called in, I seriously doubt that V-Nasty would be first among those questioned. Maybe the police was a bad example because given the fact that V-Nasty has a criminal record, so I’ll just go with the general public. This question is coming from an attorney who has dreadlocks that go down his back, the same one that has been repeatedly prejudiced in the courtroom being told that “offense reports can only be requested by attorneys” or “are you looking for your lawyer?” All this when I’m dressed to kill, smelling nice, and speaking proper English as best I can with my New Orleans accent, lol. I know what its like to be prejudged, and the Lower 9 is about as hood as it gets, so please miss me with that bullshit.

Another video I saw by someone who’s name I forget places the blame on Black America for the existence of V-Nasty and the White Girl Mob. They discussed how its stupid for Blacks to be okay with the White emulation of the hip-hop culture as far as the music and style of dress, but not the vocabulary. Another white friend of mine, who proudly maintains that she is white and chooses not to forget it posed the question of how I would feel if encountered daily with a forbidden word. I don’t have an answer to that, but I blame V-Nasty’s “friends” for not slapping her in the mouth when she first uttered that phrase. In attending a majority white high school I dreaded the idea of ever being called a “nigger” or being one of my white friend’s “nigga,” because my reaction would have gotten me expelled from school. Thankfully, I’ve never had to deal with that to my face, I don’t really care too much about what people do in their own homes. But the video went on further to discuss how white women such as V-Nasty and Kreayshawn (is that her government name, seriously?) fool many black men into thinking that they are down for the cause but will become turncoats or turn into “Beckys” when things get hot and will prolly leave that black man for the next one they can sink their claws into if he goes to jail.

Does any member of the White Girl Mob truly know what its like to be Black in America? Do they realize that we have to be exceptional just to be considered normal? And to further hinder us we got idiots like Mr. Fab stating that V-Nasty is one of us and she’s real because she “mobs” harder than most “niggas” and she has just served time for armed robbery. Let’s get this straight, so serving time makes you a “nigga” and gives you the right to use that word in everyday conversation? You sound stupid, *Ed Lover voice* “C’mon Son!” That’s about as bad as the white historian who said on BBC that the London riots were caused by white people seeking to emulate hip-hop culture. Ise Lyfe even went on to counter Mr. Fab’s statements and the White Girl Mob by making the obvious connections to a lynch mob and the KKK. But I know his words prolly fell on def ears especially in society where we name our children hoping that they won’t fall into the trap of being stereotyped as being black when their resume is reviewed but have white girls named Kreayshawn. That’s about as bad as all the –ishas –nettas and –quans put together.

I for one have always said that desegregation killed the HBCU and that it hindered us in many ways, but I do agree that it is something that needed to be done when “separate but equal” was only true in word not deed. But then again, I am the same one who has a problem with white members of the Divine 9 greek organizations because of the conditions that led a number of these organizations to be founded. I think that one has an apparent advantage being born white in America, but it seems like some don’t see it that way and want to be black. Can’t we have anything to ourselves these days? I think Nas said it best when he said. “They like to strangle niggers, blaming niggers, shooting niggers, hanging niggers, still you wanna be a nigger too?.” Yall think yall know, but you truly have NO IDEA…

To The Love of My Life

2011-06-17T12:07:00.000-05:00

To The Love of My Life:

I’ve written other letters address to the “love of my life,” not being truthful to them, you, or myself and for that, I’m sorry. I tend to feel like I’m not worth the air that I breathe so frequently that I just laugh, drink, and smoke more frequently to forget. I’m not sure what kind of man I’ll become, but I’m damn sure not proud of the man that I am. Yet and still, that’s just me being complicated. You are my world, the reason why I grind, the reason why I hustle, the reason why I hope and pray for better days. While part of me thinks that the world would be better without me, I know that you wouldn’t, and that keeps me here. You don’t judge me based upon my failures, love me without limitation, and l hang on to my every word with adoring eyes. That’s the joy I get from fatherhood…

The Last Straw Pt. 2

2011-05-05T03:25:00.000-05:00

Some time ago, I wrote a note that emphasized how I felt about the proposed SUNO/UNO merger that didn’t really get into too many details but just provided a brief synopsis of what I read in the media coupled with my own thoughts. Since that posting, the National Association for Equal Opportunity in Higher Education has responded to that proposed merger echoing many of my same sentiments. I wont bother posting the entire response, but you can read it here; http://www.scribd.com/doc/49543283/NAFEO-Responds-to-Proposed-SUNO-UNO-Merger. Now what I didn’t know is that Jindal has been exploring the option of this merger since 2009 when he first convened his Higher Education committee. According to the NAFEO letter, the original proposal for that merger was rejected because of the large differences in the enrollment, admissions standards, classroom size, and student bodies of the two institutions. But I guess Bobby Jindal is hardheaded and had to continue pressing for this.

As of May 4th, the House Committee has voted 10-5 to move forward with the merger of SUNO and UNO and SUNO has released a statement about its commencement exercises. This Saturday, SUNO will graduate 442 students, but according to the graduation rate guideline outlined by Jindal’s committee, only 14 of those count toward the graduation rate. So I’m wondering how can you say that an institution is failing if its boasting of 442 graduates? SUNO’s Chancellor, Victor Ukpolo, Ph.D., issued the following statement; “In keeping with our previous open-access mission, many of our students take longer to graduate, in some cases seven, eight years or more. Most of our student body is comprised of working adults, ages 25 and older, and many of them pursue their studies on a part-time basis. Prior to Fall 2010 we were still an open admissions institution, a designation which mandated us to admit practically anyone who wanted to pursue a college education,” Most of this I detailed in the first note about this merger as to why I don’t believe that Jindal has the right rhetoric to detail why SUNO is “failing.” Now UNO is a completely different story and I don’t have the facts on that one, I only talk what I know.

But all this may be for naught, because now that the House has voted to move forward, who knows where/when/how this will end. But I do know that SUBR has reason to fear and that worries me...

Fee Fie Fo Figga...

2011-04-22T14:47:00.000-05:00

…Boy, I hate a nigga.

DISCLAIMER: For those of you who are upset with the usage of “nigger,” “nigga,” and anyother derivative of the “n-bomb” please stop reading now, this isn’t really one of my posts for commentary or to foster discussion, it’s more of a rant. While your feedback is always appreciated, this is just to let me get this off my chest.

Earlier today I was in the barbershop with my father and was just listening to standard barbershop dialect and then the awesome feat that is niggardry arose out of the conversation. I know there are many definitions of the word “nigga,” but for the purposes of this posting we’ll just go with a lazy and shiftless negro. Well the first piece of the conversation that bothered me arose out of discussions on the BP settlement. One of the customers in the shop was talking about his attempts to become a plaintiff in the legal matters with BP but the frustration that he was having because of the requirements. His first point was why should this law firm require him to provide proof of income? He then compounded that point with stating that his income fluctuates so why should his income of last year be measured as his loss point. I just shook my head and chuckled inside. After Katrina, niggas fell under the belief that the government and these multi-million dollar corporations just have money to give out for nothing. First of all, I’m under the belief that unless your profession is actually in the gulf (i.e. fishermen), or you operate a hotel, resort, or something that is directly in the tourism industry, you didn’t really suffer a loss. Like, I’ll be the first to blow the “bullshit whistle” when it comes down to people trying to get over, on anyone, so with that being said, how can you justify your rental property as being tourism related when the minimum lease you’ll allow someone to sign is 3 months? Secondly, if these people are giving you money, don’t you think you should have to justify this to them and what other way than by your income? And because your income fluctuates nothing says that absent the Deep Water Horizon explosion, you would make more money, you could actually make less. Please, miss me with all that…

The second thing that pissed me off was a discussion about child support and how ALL (not many, but as the barber said “all them heauxs”) women manipulate the system for child support and its all a plan designed to “keep the black man down.” (the #1 nigga catch phrase) How can you say this as a man, and even moreso as a father. Now in some instances, I will admit that child support of such an astronomical amount is not needed, but its kind of like a double edged sword because I see the point of the law, YOUR children are YOUR responsibility, and if you were still with the mother, the child would probably get much more than 20% of your check. Which shows the ignorance of that statement, I know of a few mothers who have shot themselves in the foot by putting their child’s father on child support out of spite, and now they get only what the court requires be given unless it’s a holiday, birthday, or the beginning of school. But then again, niggas don’t read or learn so they probably wouldn’t know that. Miss me with that too…\

Finally, the last commentary that the niggardry arose on was Obama. These jackasses said that Obama aint doing his job because he’s not catering to Black America. Well, hello?! I said for the longest how white people should be happy that Obama is the president because he is half white, and half African, two groups that stereotypically don’t like blacks. Also, keep in mind that Black Americans no longer make up the majority minority in the nation so catering to Black America wont get you reelected, that’s for damn sure. To compare Obama with Bush is totally redundant because Bush is white and his daddy was President. I just cant fathom how niggas come up with the kind of shit that comes out of their mouth. Chris Rock said it best; “fee fi fo figga…boy I hate a nigga.”

The Last Straw

2011-03-14T14:34:00.001-05:00

Everyone who knows me knows that I am a full-blown supporter of Historically Black Colleges and Universities, hell I am an alumnus of two at both the undergraduate and graduate level, but Bobby Jindal is really making my nerves bad. For those of you unfamiliar with the situation, allow me to offer a brief synopsis. Bobby Jindal, the governor of Louisiana, in an attempt to save some money within the State’s budget, proposed a merger of the University of New Orleans and Southern University at New Orleans and formed a board to write a report on the feasibility of this merger. Jindal cited the close proximity of the two campuses and their low graduation rates as the reason behind this, but I, like most products of the Southern University system, see the disaster that such a merger would create.

First of all, we, the products of THE Southern Univeristy SYSTEM (the only HBCU with its own system with 3 campuses and a law school), would attempt to cause hell to freeze over before we let someone take one of our campuses away from us. I guess Mr. Jindal is not well versed in the writings of Booker T. Washington, who said that the fundamental purpose of Tuskegee University is to give those who would be unable to earn a degree from most other schools a CHANCE to get said degree from their own efforts. Washington later went on to say that if only one of these cast-away students out of an entire freshman class earned a degree then the University would be a success. Hence the lower admission standard for most HBCUs as compared to Predominately White Institutions. But I guess that’s the trend in society these days, people don’t read or find out why things are the way the way they are before they make their commentary. And the funny thing is that with Jindal being an Indian-American, I would expect him to be more sympathetic to minorities, but I guess you forget who you are when you’re a Republican.

I know that the argument that I’m making does not take into accord how the UNO family may feel, but I’m not concerned with them at this point. The report that was compiled by a Colorado group states that the only two viable options are to assemble the two schools into a “University of Greater New Orleans” under the University of Louisiana System or to maintain two separate schools one as a “Metropolitan University” and the other as an “Urban Research University” but would call for new leadership at both schools and would do away with SUNO’s historically black mission, similar to that of Tuskegee. The second option would call for these two schools as well as Delgado Community College to fall under the umbrella of an entirely new system.

Am I the only one who’s lost here??? So now the governor can suggest outlandish proposals and these are immediately brought into action? The governor can remove schools from systems and place them into other systems or just move them into a brand new system all together? This is totally wrong and I think Jindal just bought himself a 12 round legal battle, hope he’s ready for all that. Maybe somebody can explain this madness to me so I don’t look at it as racist or make a bunch of derogatory remarks about Governor Jindal, but until someone can, he’s on my “Fuck You” list, right along with Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, George Bush, Bill White, Tom Joyner and a few others. This proposal could open up the flood gates for other states and probably get some other PWI’s to get law schools on the campuses of HBCUs in their respective systems. I have said for the longest that black folks and their desire to assimilate into Caucasian culture is what killed the HBCU, but if Jindal succeeds in this outlandish proposal and eliminates SUNO from the Southern University System, mark my words, the days of the HBCU are numbered, pray for us!

I Support 2-Cent...Crabs in a Barrel Part 2

2011-02-11T21:10:00.001-06:00

I would first like to apologize for my lack of posting lately. For those of yall who don't know, I have moved back to New Orleans and am in the process of getting settled and accustomed to being back home. Anyone who knows me knows that I love any and all things New Orleans, and have devoted my life to removing any and all negative stereotypes associated with my great city. With that being said, when my homie, Malik, posted on twitter that we should retweet our support for 2-cent, so I just posted #Isupport2cent without hesitation and without knowing what was going on. But after today, I found out about the media beef between B-Mike Odums and Tom Joyner, and boy was I appalled. For those of yall who are unfamiliar with 2-cent, please go to http://www.2-cent.com/ and educate yourself about who 2-cent is and what they do. I probably shouldn't get into my opinion on the creative works of 2-cent and all because of my tweets, postings, and favoriting of their videos, one would be inclined to think that I have a biased opinion, but at the end of the day, 2-cent is a bunch of 20-somethings who are doing their part to eliminate those same negative stereotypes of New Orleans youth, and do their part to make the city a better place.

Anyways, last week, Tom Joyner decided to "go in" on 2-cent and B-Mike of which the most pertinent parts can be heard here; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5EnhSlLrEA. Now, let me "go in" on Mr. Joyner, cause I swear he DON'T want my stress trouble! Mr. Joyner brings nation-wide notice and attention to the book drive sponsored by 2-cent and showcased in their video "Every Book" which can be seen here; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HBbTlRz9ZQ. But Mr. Joyner seems to do one of the most ignorant things that any person (black, white, hispanic, asian, male, or female) can do in an argument, and that's not know all the facts. He proceeds to state that while he supports the actions of those who are trying to uplift and educate America's youth, that he cannot pass on such support to B-Mike because he needs to go back to the drawing board as Young Money's "Every Girl" is not the right vessel to propel such a movement, and then plays a sample of "Every Girl" to show why he disagrees with the song. Now Mr. Joyner and I do agree on the point that the youth do not need to be hearing words like that song's infamous hook "I wish I could fuck every girl in the world," but that's about as far as our agreement goes. Tom even goes further in saying that Will Smith and DJ Jazzy Jeff's "Parents Just Don't Understand" would be a better song to use in this plight, and I can only shake my head at his ignorance.

Apparently, Mr. Joyner never watched "Every Book" or he would have listened to the lyrics, the hook of "I wish I could read every book in the world," or the bridge of "we read that...we read that too." Or maybe Tom Joyner needs to do like Lil John suggested and "read a muhfukkin book," possibly one that would teach him the meaning of the word parody, which is prominently displayed in video's title on YouTube. In addition, most educators would agree that the best way to educate children is by associating unfamiliar information with familiar works, so why wouldn't Young Money's song be a good look? You'd be surprised at the things children pick up on these days, and I'd much rather my 4 year old telling me about his desire to read book in the world, as opposed to smashing every girl (before yall start, YES I WOULD). What's even funnier or more ironic is how Tom Joyner suggests "Parents Just Don't Understand" from 1988. Keep in mind that it is now 2011, the last of the 80's babies, those born in 1989, will be 22 this year, and I honestly think that those with a memory of said song would probably be those born in 1985 or before meaning those 25+ which is far beyond what society would consider as the youth. Children these days probably couldn't think back to a time when Will Smith was the Fresh Prince, and not an actor, or just simply Willow's daddy. They probably couldn't even remember songs such as "Gettin Jiggy With It," one of Smith's latter (and lamer) hits.

Now even after reading, listening to, and thinking all that, I was upset but not necessarily pissed off, but what really got to me was the response Tom sent to one of 2-cent's high school ambassadors after she decided to share her thoughts and experiences with 2-cent with Mr. Joyner. Mr. Joyner tells her;

"My office has been flooded with emails and phone calls about this, and if there is an opportunity to address this I'll definitely let you and the folks at 2-cent know. For now, let everyone know I'm getting your messages but there are a whole lot of other things we're focused on right now on the TJMS and I can't make any promises that we'll get back to this right away. I appreciate your reaching out."

REALLY, TOM?! REALLY?! You have other things to focus on, but you didn't have those other things to focus on when u decided to fire shots at 2-cent. Be the bigger man and give them a medium to explain their side of the story instead of the coward who throws a sneak punch for the first attack and then runs away from the repercussions. I'm putting Tom Joyner in the category with Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, in saying that while I appreciate all that you have done for Black America, you're getting dumber in your old age! I think Tom should actually watch the video, have a talk with Michael Eric Dyson, who comments at the end of "Every Book," issue an apology to 2-cent, and bring them in for guests on his show.

B-Mike and 2-cent, I support you! If you feel the same, please re-post this, comment, tell a friend, and write Tom Joyner at tom@blackamericaweb.com, and let him know that he who lives in a glass house should not throw stones, and that NEW ORLEANS SUPPORTS 2-CENT and has the intelligence to know that we should have all the facts before passing judgment.

I can't wait to see the 2-cent parody of "Tom Joyner Just Don't Understand."

Double Standards in Music?

2010-11-30T06:06:00.004-06:00

Keri Hilson and Raheem Devaughn recently released new music videos for their songs "The Way You Love Me" and "She's Single" both of which I've recently watched after my timeline was abuzz from people talking about both videos. If you haven't seen either of the videos, I've embedded them below.

Now I liked both of the videos, but I was kinda upset at the female commentary I saw for the video by Ms. Keri bay-be (I just like saying that). It seems that most of the discussion regarding Keri's video cast her in a negative light and call her "whorish." But Raheem's video, although explicit and maybe even borderline HBO, Cinemax, or Showtime late night softcore porn was met with rave reviews. I just wanna get my two cents out...Why is it that America seems to criticize a woman when she displays her sexual prowess and is celebrating getting what we refer to in New Orleans as "good joog?" Ladies, please don't be coy and act like you don't have a "special outfit" for that special guy and never did anything out of character, for him. Maybe not a video or a picture cause that's prolly whorish in your opinion also, but I'm talking a "for his eyes only" show. Oh, you haven't? Well that's why your basic ass is still single and can't keep a man, lol. But on the real, Raheem can blatantly talk about taking another man's woman and romancing her for the night, making her act as tho she's single for the night and that's okay?

Why?

Because he ate her out and they used protection?

I'm curious as to why this is anybody care to enlighten me?

My Creole Mistress

2010-11-30T06:03:00.001-06:00

Let me tell you a tale, whose details will leave you wetter than the cast of Finding Nemo;

it’s a true to life saga about my love affair with this South Louisiana Creole.

There was nothing epic in the way we met, just a plain old January Monday;

the Super Bowl was the day before, the Saints weren’t there, see, just another day.

I grew up with her like the girl next door and never knew she’d one day own my heart;

but it was the strange phenomenon of her culture that was working Voodoo from the start.

Now if you’ve ever met one of these Creole queens, you know not to ever call them a mutt;

but how else do you describe a dash of this and that with a splash of such and such?

Yeah, she was one of them varieties that you’d have to leave the country to find suitable competition for;

she handled her business and partied all night, her last call if she had one, was sometime around four.

The language she spoke was an interesting dialect, some from other nations, others homegrown;

but the swagger she carried, the style she had, they were non-mistakably her own.

I left her some time ago with no regrets, feeling like her trouble would lead to bad days;

it took me some time but I’m wiser now, took for me to almost lose her to see the error of my ways.

She went in that ward on August 29th and I didn’t get the chance to see her until November;

I almost cried when I saw what hit her, one the saddest days I’ll ever remember.

I thought I did it the right way, cause it seemed she’d never come back to be how I knew her;

you shoulda seen the fight in this girl, I doubt anything in the world would ever subdue her.

She came to me in a dream, stripped, bald, barren, battered, and bruised;

she didn’t want me to look at her but I couldn’t stop staring at her awkward new tattoos.

Some ugly little things with Xs and Os, acronyms, numbers, words, and such;

it was like some other language, to me the shit was all Dutch.

It was in this dream that she spoke to me and said “I’m proud of everything you’ve done so far;

take this time to get yourself together, I’m right in your heart, so I’ll be wherever you are.

You left me for her, and I don’t care, she’ll never do to or for you all of the wondrous things I can;

so take what she offers, learn from her, because even when you left you never stopped being my man.

And I tried to make it work, but the one I was with had common ways I’ve long despised;

funny what I needed the most was that same girl from way back who was commonly specialized.

It was the money she flashed, the promises she made, that had me runnin to her like a groupie;

in the end she cheated herself, because she didn’t see the potential of letting me do “me.”

My love didn’t shelter my opinion or ask me to conform because she among the most exotic in the states; even if I gave you her cookbook, I doubt you’d be able to make the same plates.

You see she makes groceries, while you merely go to the store to buy,

She greets with “heeeey baby,” and you only say “hi.”

She got pahrans and nan-nans, maw-maws, paw-paws, and God-siblings,

You got a t-jones and grandparents, nothing novel in the way that rings.

She wants to know who you are, while what you are is what makes you tick,

And that’s when I decided to seek her aid cause you truly make me sick.

Houston you’ll forever have a piece of me cause I made sure during our time together to get deep inside of you;

but happiness for me is what I’ve always known, you’ll forever be a long-distance boo.

The last time I saw her ended much in the same way that it normally does, with her wearing the sheets as a dress;

she picked up her head and was pretty as ever despite her hair looking a mess.

“So you going back to that girl again, after another wild romp, I’m still just the weekend fuck;”

I wanted to keep my intentions a surprise cause wit her forever aint long enough.

I walked to where she lay, pulled her close to me, and started the beginning of the rest of my life;

“I’m tired of coming home to my Creole mistress, what say I make you my Creole wife?

New Orleans, my love, I’m sorry I left you, all that remains on my end is a few loose ends to tie;

some things I gotta wrap up and finish out there before I can tell her goodbye.

I’m no longer doing what’s expected of me, I’m only interested in what I think I should;”

and as I closed the door behind me I whispered “next time I come home, it’ll be for good.”

We'll Talk...

2010-11-15T00:05:00.002-06:00

Well thanks to a good friend of mine, I've gotten back into writing, I've had a piece in mind I've been toying with lately, so I think I'll just sit here and let it go. First lemme give u a background on it tho. Lately people have been asking me why I'm single, and my response is because I cant find the right girl. And others have asked me what to do to get my attention for their homegirl (yeah right) but I think this just about sums it up.

We'll Talk...

Gimme that pussy and we'll talk, sweetheart I'm sorry for coming off so abrupt,
but i'm a product of the US's free market economy, and big decisions I don't rush.
Yeah society has corrupted me into always thinking i have the right to try before i buy,
how many people can honestly say that they bought a car without a test drive?
So dont hem me up on that bullshit that I want the milk without buying the cow,
cause if you got a cow with some spoiled ass milk, it aint no use to you anyhow.
You see I want the house, car, wife, kids, complete with white picket fence,
but if you can't keep me happy, then our relationship makes no sense.
I'll be honest for a second and tell you that nymphs got nothing on me,
I need it and want it everyday of the week, and you gotta put it down when called on, you see.
Monogamy is not my strong suit, and i usually step out because sex aint like i need,
my ideal woman is highly respected in society, and a pornstar, just for me.
So if you're trying to catch my attention, the bedroom is prolly the best place to start,
cause I'd hate to give you the starring role and find you lack the talent for the part.
Gimmie that pussy and we'll talk, about where we wanna go in life,
where we see ourselves in 5 years, and when I'll make you my wife.
Maybe it's the mileage ive gathered over the years that causes me to feel this way,
but I need to know what Im getting into and it about what you do not what you say.
Im not opposed to the dates and courting, but we wont get to monogamy without sex,
Im old enough to be set in my ways and have no problem going on to the next.
Somebody will catch me one day and through the rest of our lives we'll walk,
but I guarantee she'll have complied when I said, "gimmie that pussy and we'll talk"

Text Messages

2010-11-14T13:26:00.002-06:00

The following is something a friend and I were working on chronicling the dating game and the chase from the man and the woman's perspective, enjoy, and as always feedback is appreciated

She...

Sits at her desk unable to focus

His text is on her screen and she immediately notices

Grabbing the phone but putting the response on delay

Can’t seem desperate; oh the games we play

Choosing her words carefully when she finally responds

Doesn’t want to come across as needy or too strong

So an hour for her response he waits

She presses send then begins to contemplate

He...

Pride won't allow a man to be considered weak;

It's been a minute since they exchanged numbers and he still can't speak.

Several times he's conquered his prey without hearing a voice;

But he's gotta use tact cause he wants more than getting her moist.

So he opted for simplicity, cause he could always just downplay the text;

"I need you worse than jazmine..." letting her decide what comes next.

Then the regret tripled in his mind after he pressed send;

60 minutes later the phone buzzed away, and this chapter came to begin.

She...

Even though the delay was deliberate

The response made her blush when she read it.

Did he mean Aladdin’s Jasmine?

Filled with desperation and passion?

Or the sweet flower with the elusive scent?

Insinuating that for a night her body he wanted to rent?

Nevertheless his words had moved she

But remain cool she had to be

So vague she kept it with an “awww that’s so sweet

”But who's gonna make the first move definitely not she

He....

As he anxiously awaited, he never expected to be at this place

Should he attack full throttle, or attempt to save face

She never struck him as the type to be schoolgirlishly coy

Maybe she was flattered or maybe she labeled him a little boy

It had never been this hard to let her know what was going on

But then again his convos usually involved stilettos handcuffs and a thong

He dismissed a random text that read "let me suck u dry"

And got back to his target with a response that read simply "*sigh*"

She...

She can’t read his tone through these keystrokes

But it’s an easier way to express emotions than through vocal notes

Afraid to read too much into his texts

Afraid to say more than he expects

She wants to know what “sigh” stands for

She needs to know if he wants something more

She’s been ignoring textual advances of her other suitors

Dismissing them as unworthy because she has become the chooser

And she has chosen he

All eggs in one basket foolishly

So she has to play this one smart

If she wants to be the closest thing to his heart

She types the open ended “what do you want from me?"

Ball’s back in his court “SEND” now let’s wait and see.

He...

His mind in circles as he repeated the question out loud,

and began pacing back in forth to erase his mind's cloud.

He couldn’t put in words the response she needed to hear

because when it came down to it, they shared the same fear.

Objects in the heart are sometimes closer than they appear

blinked in his mind in neon, like in a review mirror.

This road was the same, always smooth in the onset

but they ended one less than who began the trip.

He took a chance and let his finger go

typed far more than intended but she just had to know

"Hell, I want everything that is open to be took,

even some of the things that’s locked away because u got shook

by the guy from the past who I remind you of and hope I wouldn't be

I gotta be everything you need, do you trust me?"

She...

Her phone slides off of her fingertips onto the floor

His words had shaken her to her soul’s core

In asking the question, she had expected an evasive answer

Instead his response required her to face her fears like cancer

Re-reading his text at least 100 times

Carefully dissecting each word and reading in between the lines.

Drafting and re-drafting is what had taken her so long

24 hours it took her to finally respond

Not that she had slept a wink all night

But thinking of an answer concise enough to text type

Finally her words begin to flow

Instead of censoring herself; she let it all go:

“Been down this road with him, him, and him

Uncertain about going this route again

Giving you all that is there for the taking

Makes me susceptible to be broken if you’re faking

Trust is to be earned and not given

Something I’ve learned in this life I’m living

The things you want unlocked were once used against me

Now these secrets are kept under lock and key

Can you promise you’re not like the ones before?

And whatever is to come won’t send you out the door

Exactly what I need I’m not truly sure

But we can work up to that if your intentions are pure

Tell me that in us you’re ready to invest

These are my demands and I’ll accept nothing less.”

It was like the last word of a prayer...Amen

At 3am is when she finally pressed send.

He...

Awaken from his slumber by a jab to the chest,

"Tell that heaux you laid up, I'm sick of this mess!!!"

"Who could this be at 3 am?

Fuckin up my sleep pissing off my lil friend"

He told her “don't worry”; thinking “he'll cuss her out later”

But she insisted on inviting herself over so she could return the favor

Now who was disturbing their sleep with apparent bullshit

He looked at his phone and came face to face with the guilty culprit.

After reading the text he sent back "I’ll respond when the sun's up"

Lawd why SHE have to complicate his quest for butt?

She...

The buzzing of the phone jolts her awake

She realizes it’s a call not a text message exchange

She answers the phone expecting it to be HE

The first time she’d hear his voice since the initial meet

To her surprise it’s another familiar voice on her line

Pleading on the other end for some of her time

She politely declined telling him she was tired

When in truth she was starting a new chapter so old workers had to be fired.

She hung up the call and noticed she had missed a text.

Immediately opened it to see what HE had responded

“I’ll respond when the sun’s up” struck her as odd

Reality hit and her head began to nod

He was up but in more ways than one

Probably a little late night action or laid up with someone

She thought, “Be what I need

Nigga please

If you were you’d refrain from being between someone’s knees

I’m only guessing even still I’ll do you before you do me.

If I’m wrong that’s a chance I’m willing to take

This is the cushion prepared for my heart to deter any breaks”

Racking her brain to see what’s to come next

She hits redial; he picks up “If you still want to come over the answer’s yes.”

He...

Struggling to save face from his embarrassing night,

He thinks "I just want her gone, no fuss, no fight.

"Tapping his latest conquest on her tattooed shoulder,

The words he spoke just fell like a boulder.

"Why are we fooling ourselves, it’s nothing but sex,

True, you are a pretty face, but I'm on to the next.

If you are mature you'd say thanx for the memories and quietly leave,

take your stuff from hiding and empty that trashcan of weave.

You see, I found something that's better than you,

I’m in search of wifey and you're only a boo.

"Surprisingly she complied but that was the only good thing,

because as soon as boo pulled off, he gave HER a ring.

Thinking she'd be waiting, he got the shock of the day,

"I’m unable to come to the phone, leave one and have a blessed day."

Pussy Payments

2010-10-16T06:26:00.000-05:00

Watch this first…

Press play before reading

Pussy…Vagina…Twat…Cooter…Cunt…Furby…Noonie…Kat…Juice Box…all words which have come to describe the greatest creation known to (wo)man, the female genetalia. Every man can testify to the indescribable value associated with pussy but the funny part is that most women undervalue theirs. Meaning that because you have a pussy, no matter how you keep it, SOME MAN will stick his cock into it or SOME WOMAN will lick it depending on your preference. (Yes there is hope for you all) Now, the value associated with pussy differs from person to person in both the giver and the receiver, but chances are you can get anything you need done just for some pussy. But isn’t that prostitution? Hell, dating is prostitution.

Some of you read that last statement like “I can’t believe that he said that,” but that once again proves how retarded the female mind is. On second thought, let me not make that generalization because my homegirls who fall in the category of “dudes with twats” as well as a lot of homosexual women I know don’t think in such a manner. Those of you who know me in real life know that I went to law school because I love to argue and in addition, I love the structure of the legal profession in that one has to prove everything to say. With that being said, even my opinions come with evidence.

Now, my son, Jerry Lavigne Jr. (RIP 1984-Present), a person I went to elementary school with discussed this issue via his YouTube channel in a satirical yet serious manner that is imbedded in the top of this posting, I hope you hit play. In the video, Jerry discusses a similar sentiment held by me and many other men and women, you are going to pay for pussy regardless, so just (wo)man up like Soulja Slim did and admit that you’ll pay for it. Let’s face it, “it aint tricking to a nigga with a few dollars” cause it wont hurt him, but you WILL trick to get pussy. And we all know that the only thing better than good pussy is good NEW pussy.
Back to the ridiculousness of the female mind, which will down play strippers and street walkers because they take cash up front for pussy when in your own personal life you do the same damn thing. Are you still doubting me? Well answer me this ladies, when was the last time you fucked somebody (woman or man), just because you found that person attractive and you were horny? It doesn’t count if you have had sex with that person before, because that initial time or times had prolly been paid for. Aint nothing in life free, and that includes pussy.

I look forward to reading the responses to this post because I anticipate much like the same thing that the responses and comments to Jerry’s video, you all will just prove my point. So you want somebody interested in you to take you out, spend time with you, and basically court you, in exchange for some pussy, right? So the only thing that separates you from the strippers and the heauxs on the street is that they take money up front for pussy where as you gotta sit through boring conversation during a meal, while baby girl gets cash and can eat with whoever whenever she pleases. So just be real and accept the fact that you accept pussy payments, I just hope for your sake you know how much your pussy costs…

Brown Eyed Blues...

2010-08-04T15:36:00.002-05:00

#NowPlaying "Brown Eyed Blues" - Adrian Hood

Its been a while since I've last posted because I've found myself completely smitten with the prospectus of a new woman who was seemingly everything I was looking for, just at the point when I least expected it. Sounds cliche I know, but I thought that maybe it was the right time. So I put aside old flings, didn't pay attention to anyone who could potentially alter this, and I'm back to where I started, the great friend who'll never be the lover.

Light-Skinned "Wavy" Dudes is Back!

2010-06-28T14:54:00.006-05:00

After last year’s blown MJ tribute, I had little faith in the ability of BET to bring an awards show that would make me admit that BET actually means BLACK Entertainment Television and stood for much more than the coonery that encompasses its airtime these days as it once did sometime in that decade known as the Eighties. Ah, the Eighties, a time where MJ rocked the curl, light-skinned dudes were in, and music (namely hip-hop) had a message beyond materialistic bullshit. So while I prayed to 8lb 6oz Creole baby Jesus, that BET avoided its stereotypical coonery and planned on avoiding the 2010 edition of the “monkey show” my latest superstar infatuation (Nicki Minaj) and social addiction (Twitter) prompted me to actually sit down and watch the awards Boy, was that a great decision!

My interest in the awards was largely due to my timeline becoming filled with sights of the spectacle known as “Momma Songz,” Nicki Minaj as Wilma Flintsone, an inaccurate representation of the Dallas dance craze known as the “Dougie” and Soulja Boy’s Pretty Boy Swag. I could go all day about me wanting Nicki to make my bedrock, the East Coast theft of Southern Swag, or the latest installment of mainstream society making money off the unofficial intellectual property of the Nupes (NOT Kappa Alpha Psi). Lets face it, Nupes made “from the window…to the wall” famous, the Dougie is more nothing than a simple “grease” done in party struts, trains, and step shows near you, and only the Nupes have true “Pretty Boy Swag.” But dances always get lost in transition from state to state so I’ll let that go here and digress on to Nicki Minaj and “Momma Songz.” I have long said that a real beauty looks good in anything even with rollers in her head, Daniel Greens on her feet, and a baby on her hip. (Hood, I know, well I’m into that kinda stuff i.e. yella girls with long hair and slugs) “Momma Songz” deserves a pedestal along with Jada and her “Avatar braids,” Alicia’s cabaret performance while preggers, the Spalding chick with the “Jetson-esque” cello , Monica and her Dark Angel wings, and Nicki Minaj’s “best body money can buy.” “Momma Songz” will probably be one of my favorite trending topics for some time to come.

As far as the actual show is concerned, I couldn’t tell you much about who won what, although I am glad that we didn’t have to endure another one of Kanye’s rants about Beyonce’s soft-porn video’s being the “best of all time” as her and Lady Gaga took it home with “Video Phone.” What I can tell you, and I’m happy to boast of is that, light-skinned dudes is back! One year after the unexpected death of the King of Pop, he gets the tribute he deserved from an artist that is almost of that infamous MJ caliber and bar that he set so high. Chris Brown’s inability to finish his set without tears flowing was a triumphant return to stardom. > Whatever happened between Chris Breezy and Rihanna is their business and we don’t know all the facts, but his Fan’s Choice award shows that America has forgiven him, and maybe its time that Jay, Bey, and Rihanna do the same. Hell, as much as I love Nicki Minaj, if she gave me “the Herp” all you would hear is Howard Cosell yelling “down goes Barbie!” Glad to see you back, Chris!

Next up on the mission to restore the fair-skinned brother’s swag was El DeBarge. He resembles one of those 7th Ward Creole St. Aug boys that we all know from back home. Throwback enough to confuse the 90s babies who are now beginning to unlatch themselves from their mother’s busoms but popular enough to have people (myself included) prancing around to “Rhythm of the Night” as homeaux as they did in the video we all saw featured in “The Last Dragon.” DeBarge looked like one of those old sugar daddies who drives a Benz, steps out in nothing but linen in the summer with a pretty lil thang on his arm (my hero), and has a daughter that causes all men to say at least five words; “damn, she could get it!” (Stop me when I’m getting too New Orleans for you) We haven’t seen this guy in prominence since the late eighties, but BET managed to dig him up for a performance that even Paris Hilton would give the stamp of hotness.

In addition to DeBarge, the melanin-lacking black man can also stake claim in 2010’s man of the year thus far, Drake. Drizzy has stepped up his stage presence and his numbers are running like Carl Lewis (not quite Usain Bolt but impressive nonetheless). Even J. Cole, who is poised to leave his mark on the year 2010 is in the “Creole corner” somewhere down the line. The light-skinned “wavy” brothers even saw John Legend get a well deserved humanitarian award only to have him pay us back by having a lining that begs him to slap his barber.
Not to mention the triumphant return of “The King,” T.I. So the unofficial count is at +6 and we haven’t even reached the Lifetime Achievement award.

In 2010, BET bestowed its lifetime achievement award to the first black man to attain a name in Minnesota that resounded with residents, Prince. Don’t laugh at the previous statement, that’s a prestigious club that includes the likes of Kirby Puckett, Kevin Garnett, Randy Moss, and New Orleans’ own Nat Dorsey (lol). So after clearing my thoughts of “Momma Songz” purifying herself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka, I regained consciousness long enough to see Ms. Spaulding play her cello. As I wondered what secrets she had in her own potbellied stove, out comes Alicia Keys with her own bun in the oven. Even while pregnant, she’s still nothing less than a dime. Now Ms. Keys’ performance even had Prince shocked We were then treated to Patti Labelle who ultimately comes out of her $2000 Red Bottoms to be comfortable enough to give Prince the respect he deserves. Now “the respect Prince deserves” is the topic of a brand new posting, but there’s something I don’t quite get. I’ve seen women acclaim how sexy this short, skinny, weird, homeaux artist is, but admit that any other man’s attempt at such antics could only be described as ghei. This is the same guy that leaves women’s undergarments saturated and responding to claims of of Prince’s own homosexuality with comments such as “well, I’d fuck him straight.” How and why he has this uncanny effect on women, beautiful women at that, is one of those unsolved mysteries of the eighties that didn’t make primetime television.

Now even Creole baby Jesus couldn’t prevent BET from the coonery that comes with K-Mart sponsorship or women wavier their panties around during Tyrese’s Teddy Pendergrass set, which leads me to wonder if the resurgence of the light-skinned “wavy” dude is really authentic. The fact remains that I feel good to be considered red, and am questioning letting the dreads go. I gotta ride this puppy before we go on another ten year hiatus. LOL!

Everybody's Fault But Your Own...

2010-05-09T22:26:00.002-05:00

I get ever so tired of repeating the well known fact that women are crazy, but would like to reiterate that its not an unbearable crazy because I know of several friends of mine who have "happy" relationships and marriages. The more I think about it, I guess its more of the whole mantra that men are from Mars and women from Venus or opposites attract, but what's the other options; be lonely or be gay, right? So I guess you just gotta pick your own poison. Well, I suppose that my latest relationship rant is more or less a rant against people rather than just against women.

Essence posted an article on the 6th about Dwayne Wade's ex-wife suing Gabrielle Union under one of those rarely enforced laws that's only still in the books that allows for a woman to sue her (ex)husband's mistress under an alienation of affection cause of action. While I can see the actual benefits that such a claim may bring in addition to the financial gain, it causes me to question what is ever gained from blaming the other woman/man? Okay so this person ruined your relationship and possibly your "come-up move" if you were one of those people who "date-up" in search of what you can get out of the other person or are just a "bopper" or a "gold-digger," but life does indeed move on. I'll be the first to admit that taking the legal route is actually much more mature that slashing tires or busting windows, but it's still effed up all the same.

Unless the other woman/man was a good friend of yours, they owe you nothing. Let us not forget the tirade on Facebook, blogs, and other media outlets regarding Swizz Beat's ex-wife Mashonda and her spiel against Alica Keys in which she asked Keys to be the "bigger woman" and allow the two to "fix" their marriage. (I bet Mashonda wished she lived in Hawaii, Illinois, Mississippi, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota or Utah, the seven states which still allow such suits.) I have always been one to preach self-accountability noting that folks should always be responsible for their own shortcomings, but this whole thing is ridiculous. I think that we as Americans are in our current state because we're always looking to shift the blame to someone else. If your relationship fails, its more than likely because of something you did or didn't do, and in the case that it isn't, it's your mate's fault. I know that a lot of women will probably feel that Siohvaughn Wade deserves every penny of her suit which is in excess of 9 million dollars, but I think that's why "fault" divorces allow courts to split the marital estate in disproportionate shares. So why blame the other woman?

Don't Apologize For Doing It, Apologize For Getting Caught...

2010-05-03T14:20:00.001-05:00

If you haven't heard about blacks being "genetically inferior," read this;

The other day I had my friend post a link on my wall regarding an email that was sent out by a "badass" 3L from Harvard Law School. Apparently, the young woman was involved in a discussion amongst her colleagues in which she conceeded that African-Americans are "genetically inferior" to whites. Well this woman decides to further her opinion by sending out an email to her friends who thought that she had merely used bad judgement and gave her a Jamie Foxx pass (blame it on the goose) by sending an email to these same associates that bolstered her sentiments and gave "persuasive athority" to support her reasoning. This same email was forwarded to the Harvard chapter of the Black Law Students Association which was in turn forwarded throught their (unofficial) listserv and made it's way to the ugly world of the internet. (Glad to know that the messiness that I experienced in law school is also prevalent in Tier 1 law schools.) From the BLSA listserv, this email made it's way to nationwide news, Media Take Out, Facebook, and Twitter. Black folks were angry that Harvard BLSA didn't have a response to the hurtful email, while others were looking for whoever they could blame, and others were calling for the third year student to lose her Federal clerkship. My question to all readers of this posting is "why are we surprised?"

A few years prior many people wondered why I supported Ron Paul in his political endeavor after he said that all black and Latin males at the very least are semi-criminal. But I like Paul because at least he doesn't attempt to conceal his racist views, something that I appreciate. Given the history of our country, I think that everyone has some racist views, not calling them all racists, just people having those kind of thoughts. With that being said, we should all appreciate any opportunities to know who thinks less of us merely based upon our race, gender, orientation, and/or upbringing. I've never been a fan of the political way of thinking in which u have to put on a front and seem to be everyone's friend when u drag folks through the mud behind their backs. So everyone who disagrees with me should understand why I say that I'm not mad at the racist student's email. Furthermore I'm not mad at HBLSA's lack of response, nor the fact that the Federalist Society has actively came out and stated that the student is not involved in their organization nor where the comments made at a Federalist Society function. What I expected to happen did, Harvard has apologized and the racist student has in turn issued her own bullshit apology. But that's where I get upset at.

Like the title of this posting reads, I much would prefer for people to apologize not for the dumb shit that they do, but for getting kaught when they do they dumb shit. My father raised me to say what u mean and mean what you say, so you'll have to excuse me when people issue apologizes for things that they said. How about you not apologize for what was done and apologize that u hurt people's feelings, I think that would be received much better, if not, at least it's the truth. I think what troubles me the most is the reality that this student is not the only one who thinks in such a manner. When I applied to law school I scored a 155 on the LSAT and was bewildered how I was told that my mid-fifties percentile assigned to my score was good. I had heard often that it was a good score for a black male and was totally upset by that notion. I'm not an affirmative action baby, nor am I privy to playing off advantages that others may give me. Was my LSAT score good because my genetically inferior brain could never anticipate getting anything close to a 180? Or maybe that's the reason why law schols at HBCUs which cannot seem to get bar passage rates of 70 percent account for greater than 80% of all black attorneys in the US?

I'm not sure how to feel about this whole situation and write this for help on how others should feel. One one hand I'm appalled at this commentary and subsequent email, but on the other hand I agree. On one hand I want this woman to lose everything that her Harvard education is about to get for her, but on the other hand I pity her for not being to express her self in a closed environment and that being exposed to the world at large. But at the end of the day, TI said it best; all this dumb shit is just fuel to my fire, MOTIVATION!!!

Hater Niggas Marry Hater Bitches and Have Hater Kids

2010-03-20T11:47:00.002-05:00

I have said all my life that I am a well liked person, the only people I know of that dislike me are either those who I don't give a fuck about, those who want to be me, those whom I have totally messed over a friend/relative of theirs, and those whose girl I've smashed. But the funny part is that I usually have the last laugh on these same people that dislike me and I couldn't care less one way or the other.

I used to be one to say that haters didn't exist in our society, that it was just people blaming their own shortcomings on the actions of others until I encountered a relentless hater with the mannerisms of a female. So I'll just get this ish off my chest and vent about this jackass.

Well a friend of mine, whom I've been knowing for over 10 years, mostly staying connected through social medium, and actually going on a date our freshman year of college has recently had a baby by one of these hater ass niggas. She and I discussed the prospectus of us taking our friendship a step further a while ago and I was okay with the idea as I was uninvolved at the time, and kinda curious myself about her from a physical standpoint. Well, in the time that she and I discussed making these curiosities into reality, she and her Baby Momma (yeah that's what I kalled dude) got back together and she asked me as a friend to back off, which I in turn did.

But if u know how haters operate, you know that they are never done...they have to keep going, usually to their own detriment. So this guy here decides to "unleash the hounds," without knowing all of the facts....

She posts a status asking facebook to help her define a good man. When she reveals that her own definition is a bit too long for facebook, he emits a commentary about her being after broke ass lawyers who run to other states and neglect their responsibilities. WHAT THE FUCK?!?! So I give dude a chance to be a man about the situation and write him a message asking if he had anything to say to me, and in the course of 4 hrs, this guy writes me a total of 12 messages as compared to my 2 and brings my son, my mother, and my grandmother into the mix. He even goes so far as to ask me to give him a call with whatever I have to say. DID I OR DID I NOT WRITE TO YOU ASKING YOU THE SAME THING? WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU THINK THAT I EVEN CONSIDER YOU OF RELATIVE IMPORTANCE TO HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU?!?! Well this guy still doesn't give up, he somehow gets my number and calls me 8 times in a 2 hr period which ended past 2AM in the morning and most of the calls were from blocked numbers. I mean, who does that? What self-respecting man would do things that a high-school-aged female does?

So the next day I awake to see the phone calls, the texts, and even the picture mail, followed by a text at 7AM, meaning dude is still worried about me. So finally I call, and we play phone tag for the next couple of hours, but then when I finally get in touch with dude, he still on the same shit talking about how his heart don't pump kool-aid and he's gutter but yet and still u talkin bout my momma, how gutta does that make you? Finally ole girl just spoiled the surprise and told him that I had smashed, and now his heart is all broken, but this shit doesn't add up to me. I guess I've had the last laugh on his ass, but I'm not sure if she had anything to do with this or not...

The Oxymoron of Coonery in "Freaknik"

2010-03-11T12:23:00.004-06:00

"Freaknik" (From Wikipedia) - an annual spring break meeting in Atlanta, Georgia, primarily of students from historically black colleges and universities. Begun in 1982 as a small picnic near the Atlanta University Center, it was initially sponsored by the DC Metro Club and was typically held during the third weekend in April to coincide with the schools of the Atlanta University Center's Reading Day. The event increased in size and popularity in the 1990s with dancing, drinking, parties, a basketball tournament, rap sessions, a film festival and a job fair.

But that's just the book definition...

The real question is "do you really know Freaknik?" Have you ever been to Freaknik, have you ever talked to someone who has, have you seen pictures, and what of the plethora of rumors regarding Freaknik have you heard? Let's be honest here, Freaknik was coonery at its finest! Black folks under the influence of alcohol and weed brought to Atlanta under the premise of a good old-fashioned Freak Fest. You and I both know that Freaknik had a lot of "e-r"s "showing their ass!" Now in 2010, we have T-Pain, the ringleader man, the auto-tune king, releasing an animated cartoon entitled "Freaknik: The Musical" which aired on Adult Swim on March 7, 2010 and can been seen here.

Now I have read blog postings, message board postings, and e-mails from people who have expressed a distaste for T-Pain and his newest attempt at expressing his thoughts in the name of Entertainment. I've even heard some go so far as to say that T-Pain is further hurting black people by putting out this fictional work in which such things occur as Lil Wayne doing the voice for "Trap Jesus." But what troubled me the most was a posting when T-Pain was accused of coonery. Coonery in/at Freaknik? ARE YOU SERIOUS?! Isn't that the expected?

The funny part about black folks is how ready we are to throw a word out because we heard it somewhere in an attempt to sound more intelligent than we really are. So I'll help out any reader that I may have who don't really know what coonery is. The unofficial definition for coonery used among Black people is someone who acts like a buffoon or sellout, usually with stereotypical or over-the-top antics, reminiscent of minstrel shows. But the thing about those who portray coonery do so without the intent of being stereotypical i.e. Ray J, Flava Flav, Al Sharpton, and the like. How can we ever portray Freaknik without the coonery that it entailed? I personally found T-Pain's cartoon is very funny, and thought it to be excellent. That satirical portrayal of "Trap Jesus" and his "Hood Commandments" was probably the best part to me. But I am writing this because I wanted to know what others thought. Is "Freaknik" coonery? Or is it an artistic expression of an event which was filled with coonery at its high point?

Victims of the Community???

2010-03-08T11:46:00.002-06:00

This post is dedicated to the memory of Mr. Frank Brooks, Ms. Nakia Massey, Ms. Danielle Adams, and anyone else whom I either don't know of or forgot who passed that was either a member of Corpus Christi's last 8th grade class of 96 or a part of seeing us matriculate through that school...

Today, I was met with a shock, a realization that I may never see someone again in my life. But this person is not dead, only potentially gone forever currently appealing a life sentence murder conviction. This was a dear friend of mine, and although I hadn't seen him in years, I have more than a lifetime of memories of him. My thoughts of my old friend came as a result of Facebook, which is what the site was actually intended to do, provide a medium for friends so that they never lose contact. Well as I am nearing my 14th year anniversary of the graduation from Corpus Christi, I am thrilled to be in contact with people that I haven't seen or heard from in years, some since that night in May 1996 at the old church on St. Bernard. But, as with most reunions, there are the questions; "where have you been," "what have you been up to," "are you married," "what happened to such-and-such," the last of which is the whole inspiration for this posting.

A Facebook group was created for those Eagles who wore red, blue, and gold (although the red didn't come into play until like 92 or 93, and I don't really know where it came from) in hopes that we could all share our memories from cots and naps to trying to sneak off at field day to play "Kiss, Catch, and Get a Lil Bit." And in the course of a simple conversation on the board certain names came up. Now I won't put people out there on blast but I mean most people are doing well, married, kids, yanno, living life. And then there are others, one of my good friends whom I hung out with a lot because he and I were both short, even shorter than most of the girls lol, was acquitted of a murder charge where he had signed a confession alleging it was an accident. (Quick Sidebar: I don't know what the truth is or what isn't but he was acquitted in criminal court, so that means he's an innocent man despite what the streets say, or despite the NOPD's track record for putting the blame on innocent black men) Found out another old friend was indicted for rape in 2004, and again for aggravated assault in 2007, but I don't know if he ever served time, but have heard he did like 2 yrs for dealing heroin. But today was just the end all be all. I saw another friend post that one guy who I always looked at as like a big brother was fighting a murder charge, but what I didn't know is that on November 20, 2009, he was sentenced to life without the possibility of parole, and my heart just sank. Whether he did it or not I'll never know, but with the possibility of appeals getting overturned, especially for a murder, I know I'll probably never see him again.

So then I got to thinking. Is it normal for people to go to elementary school with murderers and rapists? Are we victims of being raised in New Orleans, or is this just life? Were these people always that bad but since I knew them as kids I dismissed their antics? My son is mischievous, does this mean he's heading down the same path and I need to get him out of New Orleans? I was afforded the same options as my classmates but yet I've never been to jail, and have done quite well for myself. I guess my dad said it best, "when you're little, you just never know who that person you're sitting next to will be in 10 or 20 years."

Black People Further in Denial

2010-03-05T15:21:00.003-06:00

I came upon a post on a greek message board that I belong to about a Dare Dorm video that was allegedly shot on the campus of FAMU. For those of you who may not be porn connoisseurs like myself, I'll just take the intro from the site and let you know what Dare Dorm is. "Daredorm is the first site where u can make $10,000 dollars for submitting your college dorm room antics. Sheeeah... the internet rulez!!!" So I guess they're whole premise is to make college students submit their homemade porn under the guise of a contest for 10 grand. Well when I first came upon this site I looked at some of the preview pics and stuff (yeah, I'm nasty, so what!) and I was kinda weirded out by how they won't tell what college they got the tapes from, but have clues about where they are. Like for instance, the one from a school in Louisiana, had a purple and gold blanket on the wall that was blurred out, while one from Florida had a blurred out blue and orange something on the wall. My first though upon seeing this was that it was a fake, but then again, I'm not white so I don't know what white people put up in their dorm rooms. But I digress, this is not a post what I think about when I watch fake ass "reality" porn, its about the response to a particular piece of "reality" porn.

Well I just so happened to see the scene, it was kinda scripted in my opinion the way it went down, they were playing this stupid ass game, and all of a sudden like dudes got they faces in twats, girls eating girls, and it gets popping. I never knew of any orgies that went down so willy-nilly, not that I've been in any or anything like that, I've just heard. Well they managed to show chicken fingers and sauce, characteristic of Guthrie's, but they never say the name. College students aren't that up on intellectual property laws and would have told u they were talkin bout Guthrie's, hell if you been to Tallahassee, you know bout Guthrie's. Then another thing that bothered me is that they had to show a blurred out orange and green clock talkin bout this is the home of the real but no one ever says FAMU, and there were orange and green curtains in the room. Now I've been to FAMU a few times and seen the dorms there, and it did look like a FAMU dorm so it was kinda believable in that respect.

I recently came across a blog posting where a young lady had investigated the tape and found evidence that it was fake. She presents a very compelling argument, but according to her, the need to do it was echoed on by the uproar in which the tape was received. Allegedly, HBCU and FAMU alumni alike were upset that such a video would be put out there putting our institutions of higher education in such a bad light.

WHAT?!

DID YOU GO TO COLLEGE?!

College students make homemade porn all the time, its just a part of college, who cares if the tape is real or not, that's what college students do. But please, let's not act like all black kids are angels and we don't do that kind of activity. Kids will be kids, and race has nothing to do with what they do.

Exploiting Our Traditions...

2010-02-23T12:33:00.002-06:00

***DISCLAIMER*** Yanno, this post which I was doing a little at a time and was in the midst of scrapping, has became a bit of a satisfactory piece, because I feel like the Corporate Monster that I always speak of showed a little bit of compassion, and finally did something right…#endrant…on with the show, be advised that this is the original posting as well as the “nu-nu” I’ll let u know where the updates comes in….
I like most other NPHC (National Pan-Hellenic Council) Greeks, was excited that Coca-Cola took the lead to give the artform of stepping a national platform and to have the type of stepshow that dreams are made of. Hell, just imagine what your chapter would do with $100,000! Well the Sprite Step Off even was granted an MTV show, and I was thinking that this whole idea was a good thing for Black Greeks. If you looked at the website for the competition, you see members of all of "Divine 9" groups proudly displaying their colors and displaying moves and hand-signs that they have all become known for over the years. But little did I know that Sprite had other plans.

The stage had then become set...90 groups from across the nation participating in regional competitions, and of the 90 groups, 89 were NPHC organizations, all except Zeta Tau Alpha. Now I don’t get into the typical White Greek vs. Black Greek arguments because I was made at an HBCU and if you’re going to go Greek at those types of institutions, the NHPC variety is typically all that is available. So I won’t say that stepping is “our” art form and that’s the reason why I’m upset that ZTA won the sorority portion, but the fact that a good but not great team won the largest step show ever, truly bothered me. But after reading commentary of ZTA’s show, I thought that maybe it was hidden racism that I was suffering from because I could not give these women their props, but my investigation into some of the surrounding circumstances lead me to believe that Coca-Cola was just another corporation who chose to exploit Blacks.

I don’t know who gave MTV the idea, but MTV picked 6 teams (3 guys, 3 girls) after the regional rounds to make a reality show covering the step-off. Now the show from jump was planned to go all the way up until the finals, which instantly gave a red flag in my opinion because how can you plan a show around participants who may not even get that far? This was sign number one that this was going to be fixed. Then the fact that one of the teams that they picked was an all-white group who were the underdogs, taught to step by the AKAs at their school 16 years ago, made their winning all the more sweeter, if they won, but who are we kidding you know they were going to win.
We as a people tend to look at White America’s imitation of our arts as “cute,” so naturally ZTA’s performance got “house” from the crowd in Atlanta. But their prose that they were only there to show that they were capable of being one of the best step-teams in the nation was laughable because they also “dropped it low” in their show, how is that proving you’re a quality step-team as opposed to doing what you’ve seen done before. However, for those of you who haven’t seen the show, go search for it on Youtube, and you will see a crisp, clean, precise show that lacks in stepping originality and creativity in my opinion. The ladies of ZTA were good, but not great, not good enough to win the biggest step-show ever and to win $100,000. The crowd thought it was cute, and the celebrity judges, who were not a total panel of Greeks as done with most step shows, rather a potluck of celebrities, who really have no expertise on the matter. And in the end ZTA won, to which the crowd responded with:

so did they really deserve to win? Should we stop teaching our talents so that we don’t have to get mad when other groups do it better than us? Should Coca-Cola focused more on steppers than showcasing NPHC Greeks when publicizing the Sprite Step-Off? These are all valid questions do not have a black and white answer, but one thing remains clear, Sprite took us for a ride….

***UPDATE FEB 25, 2010*** Coca-Cola has announced today that due to a scoring discrepancy, the Tau Chapter of Alpha Kappa Alpha (the real winners) would be co-winners and would also receive $100,000, so that’s a good thing. But was there really a discrepancy, or did Coca-Cola mere succumb to the pressure of posters like myself who were less than thrilled. Either way, they got what they wanted, notoriety and money, while NPHC Greeks are steadily watching our beloved artform, just lose more and more of its prestige, thanks to Stomp the Yard, Step it Up, and The Sprite-Step-Off. *Sigh* The exploitation of our culture never stops…

Is it Possible to Have What You Want and What You Need?

2010-02-06T13:10:00.002-06:00

PRESS PLAY!!!

I've been wanting to post to my blog lately, but with the stresses of life, I find myself unable to just find the "me" time to release. Well since my PS3 is DOA and I don't really have the bread to fix it, I guess I'm stuck with a lot of "me" time. I keep trying to ask my friends for advice as far as what I should do with my love life and getting it to where it could make me happy. I guess my homeboy put it best when he said "dude, ure doing well, you have everything a man could ever need with a woman, why are you tripping?" But I really don't want her...that's the issue. Its not that I dont wanna settle down, but when it comes to the woman I wanna spend the rest of my life with, i need her to have everything i want and be everything i need, anything less is uncivilized!

Black and Gold Super Bowl...A Reflection...

2010-01-27T11:00:00.002-06:00

43 years ago, the National Football Team blessed the world with the Super Bowl and the New Orleans Saints. One has never been a let down, while the other started 5-1 in the preseason and ran the opening kick back 94-yards to the excitement of the fans at Tulane Stadium. Although the Saints would go on to lose that and the six games that followed, they would post an expansion best 3-11 season, leaving the city of New Orleans with a glimmer of hope about their newest beau. And after that promising start, the relationship between this city and its football team would be one of love and hate, probably moreso hate, the love was probably just loyalty.

My love affair with the Saints started in 1983, at a time where the “S” had fallen off and brown-paper bags were the latest in stylish headgear in New Orleans. But I was drawn to this team. Probably because it was only a 20-minute drive to see them play, and my family, except my dad, loved them, but the Saints were MY team. I wasn’t privy to the ‘Aints, I just kept on rooting for them and those better days that were sure to come. I saw glimpses of greatness with the “Cajun Cannon” and “The Dome Patrol,” I cheered when “Bless You Boys” came on, and still believed that the Saints would “Go All the Way” when I “Cha-Chinged” my way to Rally’s. But I never gave up hope.

The Saints have become so important to me that I have a Fleur-de-Lis tattooed on my calf as a symbol of New Orleans, and still remember sneaking away from my go-kart post to the party room upstairs at Celebration Station to catch the first ever playoff victory against the Rams. I couldn’t tell you how many people I “high-fived” and hugged after Az Hakim muffed that punt, but I do remember exactly where I was. Likewise I remember watching the return to New Orleans on Monday night in 2006 instead of briefing cases and how that year almost caused me to fail out of law school because the team did so well and I had to be at Woodrow’s EVERY Sunday.
And I remember last Sunday just the same, I remember how nervous I was throughout the game and how at the end of the fourth quarter and during overtime I was shaking. I’ve experienced the let downs that true Saints fans have for the past 26 years, but I still continue to pull for the home team. Then came the kick…

Surprisingly, as nervous as I was, I couldn’t take my eyes off the TV, expecting the worse but hoping for the best. Hell, this is the same guy who missed a 37-yard field goal against the Bucs with no pressure, so with the Super Bowl on the line and a 40-yard kick coming up, I knew it wasn’t a guarantee. All I could do is look up at the ceiling and speak very softly “God, u know we need this. Not the fans, not the team, but the whole city of New Orleans.” And as the kick split the uprights perfectly the tears began to fall. It’s now Wednesday after the game and I still don’t have the words to express my emotions. It was all so surreal, so dream-like, so…so…PERFECT! All I could think about was calling my dad, the #1 Saints hater and say “now what!” To call my 82 year-old Grandmother to hear the joy in her voice after waiting 43 years for this moment was just crazy. The text messages, the Facebook messages, the shots of Bourbon Street, Jim Henderson’s call; “Pigs have flown! Hell has frozen over! The Saints are going to the Super Bowl!”

For everyone who has stuck with the Saints all their lives like myself, this victory was more than just a game. For everyone who loves New Orleans and wants to see the city move to be better than we were before the storm, this was more than just a game. The naysayers contend that the Vikings gave us the game but we forced 5 turnovers, they say that we intentionally hit Favre and played dirty. Well guess what, we won and the “Brady rule” is BULLSHIT! Not to take nothing away from the Vikings, because that was still one of the greatest games ever played, period.

Thanks for the early birthday present, Saints! The only thing now is to make my dream of Drew Brees riding on a Bacchus float with the Lombardi trophy in tow come true! So where’s the party at on February 7th, New Orleans, or Miami?

WHO DAT?!

A Decade to Remember

2009-12-31T17:06:00.002-06:00

I know its probably cliche to write a note like this on the last day of the decade, but since when did I care that much about what people think? The years 2000-2009 saw Kellen go from 16-26, from a boy to man. In that time I graduated three times, became a father, pledged, and had many other experiences that shaped me into who I am today. This is my attempt to refrain from sending out one of those dumb ass traditional New Year text messages that say something like "I can't imagine life without you and I want to let you know that I love you before 2010 gets here." Naw, eff that, my friends have had a tremendous impact on my life the past 10 years, some of them more than what they know, and I just wanted to share my experiences, THAT is how I plan to tell them all that I LOVE YOU. For other people that have impacted my life and are reading this note, thank you for getting me through the past 10 years...

The first decade of the 21st century and the 3rd millennium was brought up with all kinds of hype. The Y2K bug was supposed to end life as we knew it and all I wanted to do was survive so I could graduate high school and go to college. Well as the clock struck 12:00AM on January 1, 2000, everything was still the same in the streets of New Orleans; I still made sure my mom was the first person I kissed happy new year’s, the firecrackers were still going off, and ignorant niggas were still shooting in the air, prompting my family to rush us inside for a few minutes. *Sigh,* life in the city. Well its funny that the same anticipation that saw me begin this decade is the same that I'm ending it with. Confused about life, not knowing what to expect, but optimistic about the future, and prepared for it even if it doesn't pan out the way I anticipated. Such was my shock after learning soon after the beginning of the New Year that I would not be receiving a scholarship to Morehouse College and me and Kyle would not be roommates. As disgusted as I was that I would be going to college at Southern because I let Franklin convince me that it was a sub-par institute of higher education, I had fun there and met a lot of people which have impacted me greatly over the past decade.

Well the remainder of the year of 2000 saw me graduate from high school and leave the only world that I had known for the past four years, remaining optimistic that more than 50 members of my high school class would be 15 minutes away at LSU, however I kept in frequent contact with less than 10 of those, which may be my fault or it may be theirs, but aint no love lost. On the other hand, college in general, Southern in specific was a horse of a whole 'nother color. Southern spoiled me in seeing daily fashion shows in the way that people were attired for class, and that probably is the reason for my closet looking the way it does today. Southern also taught me alot about the opposite sex, I learned that all women aren't ladies, and that women actually fart and go "boo boo." (Don't judge me, I dunno why I thought girls stopped going number 2 after being babies). My freshman year ended with a bang and a 3.75 GPA (HELLER!!!) and that summer I met someone who flipped my world upside down and inside out the likes of which I still haven't recovered from.

On February 3, 2002 I entered in the gates of hell and didn't leave there until April 7. But from my time in the "clank," I earned 18 more blood brothers, countless other half/step brothers, a constant support system and more meaningless sex than I could have ever imagined, lol! From then on college was no longer about class it was like people see in the movies with parties, roadtrips, and frat boys running after women. May 17, 2003 was another day that I will always remember because I got in a car accident that left me comatose for 3 days. I learned then that I was here for something great because God could have left me on the side of I-12. That experience also showed me how many people's lives that I had impacted, and the true meaning of friendship. But I didn't slow down from the life I was living previously, once I regained my health it was sex, drugs, alcohol, and school (when time permitted) and the boring routine of roadtrips, football, and parties in the fall, and uhh "teaching" boys in the spring. But I still graduated with a 3.2 in Electrical Engineering (okay it was really a 2.8, but THANK GOD for Repeat/Delete), and moved on to Law School.

The quest to law school was kind of troubling in its inception, because it was more of a get rich quick scheme than a career change. I was sold on an idea that I knew nothing about only because the idea came from someone I trusted. But I grinded out the whole studying for the LSAT and even had someone be there for me in case I had to deal with disappointment with my scores. Unfortunately, not having my significant other be there for me when I needed her the most and our ensuing breakup brought me to Texas. Now that I look back on it, I should have went to LSU law. Then I finished Southern and in the course of saying my goodbye to a certain someone, started a whole new chapter in my life.

Then tragedy came through with Katrina and the news of being a father all in my first semester of law school, but I remained dutiful to the task at hand and finished law school Mother's Day weekend 2008. I know that has to be one helluva gift to see your son graduate from college twice on two separate Mother's Day weekends. But what my mom doesn't know, many of you I tagged in this note do. Yall know about me almost failing out of law school and the guidance yall helped me with in that struggle, I am thankful to have such good friends. The same friends who provided me with comfort on the weeks leading up to the happiest day of my life April 19, 2006. The same friends who helped me through questioning my own manhood and wondering if I were ready to be a father. The same friends who were there when my family lost everything again on December 29, 2006. Those same friends who pushed me in my darkest hour when I failed the bar in July of 2008, and rose to triumph in February of 2009. Those same friends who were there for me the five times when I failed the MPRE.

Yet, 2009 was a good year as I think about it, I saw the first black President get sworn in while it was 11 degrees outside, I saw Alpha Sigma win chapter of the year and its 2nd straight Bayou Classic Step Show win. In this decade I've been to Mexico twice, L.A., St. Louis, Charlotte, Tallahassee, Atlanta, Charleston, Detroit, Tulsa, Oklahoma City, Little Rock, Natchez, Memphis, Birmingham, D.C., Philadelphia, and a few other places I can't remember, and at least one person that this note is dedicated to had something to do with all of those trips. So on the eve of a new decade, I am thankful to have such great friends and with all of you taking this trip down memory lane with me, hope you will be there with me to compare this decades to others in the future, to laugh at the shortcomings that we saw this decade, and to blow the joys we shared out of the water. I'm sorry for being so long winded in my typical fashion, but I had to let you know that I appreciate you all for being there. I close by saying, Happy New Year, I Love You, and I just wanted to take the time out to let you know that you are appreciated!

It's About to Be One of Those Nights...

2009-11-24T02:14:00.003-06:00

I dunno what time blogger puts on my postings, but it is currently 2:16 AM, and it's looking like it about to be one of those nights. Since the age of 13 I've been an expert on making a girl/woman fall in love with me, but I'm unsure of how to keep them in love with me. Those who frequent my blog have seen that I am on the process to reformation, and the first step according to most of those __-step programs is admitting that you have a problem. My first confessional posting had an entire bullet point focused on me, the fact that I love the thrill of the chase and don't feel as though I'm boyfriend or much more husband material. I have decided to clean my slate because as the old folks say, once you tell one lie, you are doomed to keep lying in order to keep things in perspective. And that's what I've fallen victim to. I'm not as successful as I envisioned in my career choice, and I think it's time for me to just cut my losses, move back home, and figure out my next move in the comfort of my parents' home. Admitting that one is a failure is hard enough, but how can I be successful when I have so much going on in my personal life?

The only one that I can blame for my personal shortcomings is myself. Since I starting courting females at the age of 13, I have been labeled as a heart breaker. Hell, it's safe to operate in such a manner, I don't get hurt, and I get what I need. Being the self-proclaimed expert of the chase that I see myself as, I know the well isn't going to run dry anytime soon. Maybe that's why i don't value female company as much as I should, because I know that I can always find another one. But with me knowing that I am unappreciative, selfish, and out for Kellen, then how was I (un)lucky enough to get two "great" women at the same point in time? Then again, I'm not sure either of them were/are that great, because they are just the best options at this point in time. I thought I made my mind up in who I wanted, and in order to get us to that level that we need to be find myself telling her the truth about my intentions from jump and how they have changed as of now, but she blew up. Now, I'm not mad at her for blowing up, more so mad at myself for even treating her in such a manner. I had been warned about the type of person she was, and I should have known better when I saw for myself that I was not seeing the person whom she was described to be. She had been hurt, just like me, but instead of taking it out on the next person, she was woman enough to give me and love a chance and let go. But I was playing her to the left for the longest, so what that I was ready for what she wanted from me all along it was too little, too late. I'm going to cut my losses with that one, appreciate what she has shown me, send her some flowers and an "I'm sorry" card to her job tomorrow and let be whatever will be.

But the plot thickens...When I told the "make believe cheater" about this pseudo "half-life" that I have been living, she met me with a response of "it's okay, baby, I still love you." She was forgiving, understanding, and even said that my personal life is the reason why I can't be successful in my career. WOW!!! She is still supporting me after I told her that I'm with her when I come home and occasionally when she comes here, but for most of the time when I am in Houston, there is someone else in my life. I know hat she and I aren't done talking but I intend to tell her when I get back to New Orleans of how full of shit I am and that despite the lies I tell, and how hard I try to fake the funk, that I am still a work in progress and am nowhere near as ready for a relationship as I would allude to. I think my problem with both women is that they have catered to my weaknesses, women (specifically sex), money, and clothes. Both give me love and sex, both help me out in turn financially, and both buy me clothes. Because of that my vision is clouded, and I tend to re-examine the lot and forgive things that I consider unforgivable in order to give me the sanctity I need for a long term relationship.

Now I have dug myself into a deep hole, and have no one to blame but myself. But I have accomplished the clarity that I needed in my confessions. I now know that I'm not ready for a relationship, period. I need to fix myself first and straighten up my own house before inviting someone over for dinner. I no longer plan on rushing things...let God's will be done, not that of my own. Dammit, Kellen, I thought we learned this lesson this time last year...

Adonde Hacen Eso???

2009-11-23T13:21:00.003-06:00

My last blog was one of confusion given the state of my personal "extra-curricular" activities, but I can proudly boast that it is getting better, at least in my mind. Well, I'm still in love with Ashley, gradually building up stronger and stronger feelings for Nicole, and starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Now granted I said that I have been giving a woman in my life the cold shoulder, and she sends me a text the other night that read:

"I called you earlier but whatever. Let me clear my conscience. I lunch with a guy today. I really like him. Then we watch a movie and I fell asleep. When I woke up he ate my pussy and we messed around a bit but I couldn't bring myself to fuck him. I felt guilty cause I love you. I told him that I love you, I guess this is life :-/"

I looked at the text in awe, thinking wow, she was really serious about her saying that she would start to fuck around with other dudes if I didn't treat her as she so desired. But that's good tho, maybe she can do better than me, cause clearly I aint shit. Well, the next morning she calls, and of course I'm like whatever because I really don't know how to feel. On one hand I feel betrayed because someone done got close to my chick but on the other hand I feel like I brought it upon myself. So on that one hand I wanna call her all kinds of bitches and hoes and sluts, but then on the other I know I can't be upset because that's not my old lady, and I've been doing the same thing myself. So I'm torn and I just tell her that I have a lot to think about, and I will talk to her later, I'm not sure when later will be, but I will talk to her later. Last night she texts me back saying that she's sorry for acting like an asshole and starting confusion, that she made the whole thing up and it was a cry for attention. She wanted to piss me off because I've been pissing her off, and even admitted to the course of action's immaturity and apologized but I don't know what to believe anymore.

I'm torn because I don't want to make a mistake with this decision, because I'm getting to the point where I want to settle down with one person, but I know I'm not ready for marriage. But damaging lies for the sake of attention, where they do that at? Do good women do that? Should I just let her fall by the waste side, or further this confusion in my life because she said she was sorry? Should I even believe her? Fuck, this wasn't a moment of clarity at all...

It Is Written In the Stars

2009-11-20T11:12:00.004-06:00

A few weeks ago a friend proposed that she had developed a computer program that takes and breaks down an individual's personality....here's mine and its kinda on the money

One of the standout characteristics of those born under the Sun Sign of Aquarius is their unwillingness to follow the beaten track. With advancement and progress on their minds, there can be an irreverence to old and outdated ways of thinking and doing things. Many Aquarians aim to free themselves of personal and social conditioning. Although open to change in theory, Aquarians can be surprisingly stubborn. Their idealism runs strong, but they can be very fixed in their opinions.

Often a bit aloof and even standoffish, Aquarians nonetheless are usually well-liked. They are curious and observant, and tolerant in a broad sense. Prejudice and bias is offensive to the typical Aquarius. Aquarians are generally very clever, witty, and intellectual. They value progress and frankness. It's difficult to throw Aquarians for a loop--they're generally on top of things. There is a bit of reformer in Aquarius. They'll try to get you to see through superficiality, and encourage you to be open and forthright. "Be true to yourself" and "Don't follow the crowd" are mottos we easily associate with this sign. Aquarians need space and value personal freedom. Any attempt to box them in will likely fail. They'll happily return the favor; and they will treat people from all walks of life as equals. Equality and fairness are hallmarks of the sign. If you're quirky and "different", all the better.

Short description:

He is independent, autonomous, and has progressive ideas.

Weaknesses: an unusual, rebellious and revolutionary spirit.

The work that you do, and the services that you offer, are very important to your sense of identity. In order to feel good about yourself, you need to be busy with daily activities and to produce work you can be proud of. Focus on finding a suitable and rewarding avenue for expressing this part of you, being extra careful to choose an occupation in which you can express yourself. You are sensitive to criticism about the work you do, and you work best when you can create your own schedule. Positive feedback for the services you render is important to you, but be careful not to over-identify with the appreciation you receive from others, as your work and your health suffers when you feel under-appreciated. Motivation to do a good job should come from within.

you to question tradition. You are, above all things, an individualist. You naturally rebel against that which is established. It doesn't mean that you consistently break all the rules, but you definitely do question some of the rules, especially those that simply don't make much sense. You possess a huge distaste for routine. You work best when you have some say as to when and how you get things done. You possess much self-integrity. You avoid labeling people and are most offended when others attempt to label or stereotype you.

You easily embrace new ways of doing things, you stick up for the underdog, and you express yourself in unique and inspiring ways. You don't have to try to stand out as unique--you are original, creative, and progressive without trying. You are far from pretentious. You value honesty and truth, and you avoid putting on airs. You believe in the equality of people, and easily relate to people from all walks of life. You possess an unmistakable enthusiasm about life, and generally your life is interesting because you invite unusual or adventurous experiences into your life. You are generally appreciated by others because you are open-minded, fair, and not judgmental. Nothing really seems to faze you! You take things in stride, and are rarely shocked or taken aback by human behavior.

He can face conflicts in life due to a projection of character that doesn't match what is on the inside. Misrepresentation of the self is frequent. He must strive to understand how others perceive him and work on presenting a more accurate persona to the world, or he will rub people the wrong way or feel unrecognized and misunderstood.

Some people with Virgo Moons are accused of being underachievers. While it may be true that Lunar Virgos can lack self-confidence, many are--quite simply--content with living "regular", unassuming lives. They appreciate simplicity, and are often most comfortable when they're not getting too much attention from the world at large. Lunar Virgos are easily overwhelmed by pressure and stress. They worry incessantly when there is too much to think about; and they know their limits. Arguably the worst position for a Lunar Virgo is without a steady routine or a simply satisfying job. They need to feel useful, and they best express this by helping others in little ways. They need something to call their own, and the space to do what they want to do. The unhappy Lunar Virgos are fussy and complaining sorts. They are victims of routine and freak out when their plans are not followed. They are restless and nervous, and can't seem to see the big picture. Probably the best remedy for these people is a job or hobby in which they can express their deep need to analyze, attend to details, and micromanage.

These people express their affection for the people they care about in little, but practical, ways. They can be a little stiff when it comes to open, gushy displays of affection. Lunar Virgos are often shy with new people. However, when they are comfortable, they are anything but shy. More often than not, others can count on Moon in Virgo people. They are reliable and trustworthy. Above all else, Lunar Virgos are practical. Others turn to them for help and advice. In relationships, Lunar Virgos can be self-effacing and kind. Some are quite shy in love, and easily intimidated on a sexual level. Many are not very comfortable with their sexuality, but they aim to please nonetheless. The sign of Virgo is very body-aware, in general. If this awareness combines with a lack of self-confidence, Lunar Virgos can be too aware of the parts that make up the whole. This can lead to a tendency to be intensely self-critical. Once Lunar Virgos learn to come out of their shell, however, they can be earthy partners with a lot to give.

Some of the most skeptical people are Lunar Virgos. They can't help but poke holes when faced with others' blind faith. Their criticism can be maddening, and their insistence on seeing the practical in anything emotional can be challenging, especially if you are the dreamy type. Virgo curiosity shows up big time with this position of the Moon. To some, it can be confusing. Lunar Virgos seem very interested in others' problems, for example, but can be quite cool and even unsympathetic in the long run. Their advice can seem hard to more sensitive folk; yet Lunar Virgos can be surprisingly delicate when faced with others' criticism. Virgo Moon people are generally busy and quietly happy when they have their lives under control. They aim for a simple existence, and are often quite content with very little. Many are early risers, ready to take on the day with enthusiasm. They scurry around, keeping busy and managing their life quietly and expertly. As long as their little world is manageable, Lunar Virgos can be a delight to be around.

Short description:

He has a very good memory. Scientific or medical studies preferred above all others. He is humble and moderate, calm and reserved. Emotional discipline. He is willing to help, devoted and gentle.

Weaknesses: servile nature, frequent changes of occupation, gets annoyed, upset, worries. He is too shy.

You can be quite expressive and animated in your speech. You have an outstanding memory and tend to pick up a lot of information from your environment. You love to chat and to exchange ideas. Even if you are shy, once you're friends, you love to talk about pretty much anything under the sun, and you enjoy sharing stories from your past! For the most part, you are focused on day-to-day activities in your communications rather than on grander philosophies. You are naturally curious and interested, and others find you very easy to talk to. You are accommodating and curious, but you are not as well equipped to handle heavy emotional demands. You thrive on change and variety. You might be a little addicted to gossip! More probably, however, you are simply very curious about others. There is a twinkle in your eyes, and you are never short on humor. You are playful and versatile--you make a fun companion and an interesting friend. You listen! Yes, you do talk and occasionally interrupt in your excitement, but you are a curious person who does want to hear what others have to say, and that is a real pleasure. In fact, you are more able than most people to get others talking, simply because you are very receptive and sympathetic. You pick up others' feelings and body language readily.

He lacks firmness, and can be a sucker for a sob story! He likes to live in a dream, in the world of imagination, and can hope so much that reality checks can be brutal.

Mercury represents communication, Cartesian and logical spirit.

Mercury in Capricorn

His mind compartmentalizes impressions, and he appreciates structure and order. The mind learns best when it can see practical uses for information. Resourceful, reflective, deep thinker: a fine and vivacious mind. Undertakes lengthy studies or, if circumstances do not allow, will teach himself. A rational person. Can be pessimistic, skeptical, and sarcastic, possessing a very sharp sense of humor. Notices everything.

Mercury in VI

Medical profession. Serviceable and generous nature. Meets their soul sister at work, or (if not) through family contacts.

Venus represents an interest for emotions and values, exchange and sharing with others.

Venus in Pisces

Venus in Pisces people project themselves as dreamy, soft-hearted partners. Everything about the way they flirt promises a lovely time. Theirs is an elusive charm -- they are sweetly playful, a little moody, and perhaps a little irregular. They appreciate romance and poetry, and they prefer to "feel out" both you and the relationship you share, so don't expect too much planning ahead. Their sensitivity can be a little misleading at times. Yes, they are sensitive folk, but lovers may find it maddening that this sensitivity is not only directed at them, but towards all of mankind. Venus in Pisces men and women want you to know that their love is unconditional. They are unimpressed by your status, and love and accept you for all that you are inside. They love the underdog and are attracted to wayward folks, or those in need of a little help. With their romantic view of the world, they can be unreasonably attracted to states of suffering and martyrdom, so they easily get into the role of saving someone, or being saved. Unlike Venus in Libra, which thrives on equality, Venus in Pisces is actually turned on by inequality! They can be rather confusing and hard to pin down as they feel their way through their relationships. As much as they may want to, they find it hard to commit. Many do end up committing, however, at least on the surface.

Pleasing Venus in Pisces involves enjoying tender moments and romantic times with them. You won't always be able to count on them. In fact, you can be sure they will stretch the truth every once in a while. But remember they do this because they fear they might hurt you, and they can't bear to cause you any heartache. Try to understand them, although that's never an easy task considering the fact that they don't always know themselves. And, truth is, some Venus in Pisces privately have a love affair going with the idea of being misunderstood. Try to put up with their apparent lack of direction in the relationship -- they are so receptive and open to all possibilities that it is hard for them to commit to any one thing, idea, or even person. These intriguing partners will reward you with a love that is accepting and comes as close to unconditional as humans can get.

Venus in VII

His fate depends a lot on marriage. Marries for love, children, happy emotional life.

101 Conjunction Venus - Mars

He is amorous, not a peaceful and calm lover but a passionate one with a strong temperament. He is demonstrative in love, and likes healthy pleasures. He enjoys life to the full.

-88 Square Venus - Jupiter

He is nonchalant, pretentious, full of self-importance. He likes what is beautiful and sometimes ostentatious, and spends lots of money for the sake of appearances. He likes to please and has numerous amorous adventures. He is unfaithful and undergoes tribulations in love.

116 Trine Venus - Saturn

He has a good grasp of reality and of duty. He is thrifty, reserved and does not show off. He likes truth and justice. In love, his sentiments are sincere and deep, he never plays false. He is, of course, faithful in love and friendship. He can love a much older person and appreciates his intelligence and good sense.

-10 Square Venus - Uranus

He looks for new sensations in love and is often unsatisfied by affairs which quickly turn into purely conventional relationships. He likes novelty, adventure, the eccentric: he is frivolous, unstable, unfaithful. Marriage is not for him and, if he does throw himself into this adventure, it will end in divorce, written off as a youthful mistake. As a result of his numerous love affairs, he makes sure his line is continued.

61 Trine Venus - Pluto

His emotional and sex life is powerful and rich. He lives out truly passionate love affairs.

20 Sextile Venus - Midheaven

He has good taste, has an affectionate nature, his love is warm and deep, based on intellectual understanding and common tastes. His friends are useful in furthering his career.

Mars represents the desire for action and physical energy.

Mars in Pisces

Mild-tempered and gentle, these guys and gals move through life in a manner that can hardly be considered direct. Mars is the planet of action and assertion, and Pisces is a passive sign that rarely asserts itself in a direct fashion. So the placement of Mars in Pisces is an unusual combination. Sometimes prone to feelings of guilt about their anger, and difficulties with asserting themselves, Mars in Pisces individuals seem to "go with the flow". This is certainly not a very active position for Mars, and natives will often let life "happen" instead of trying to control their life direction. This is a charming position, as individuals with Mars in Pisces don't appear like they are capable of harming a fly. However, those that don't find creative expression for this energy can stir up a storm through indirect aggression.

Mars in Pisces people are not averse to playing games to get what they want, although even they don't always know exactly what they do want! Their desires are changeable and moody, and it's hard to really know where these natives stand on any particular issue. Alternatively, some Mars in Pisces people do take a stand on issues that are Piscean in nature, making compassion and love their mission. Energy levels fluctuate a lot, coming in bursts of activity followed by inertia. Because it can be difficult to align this ebbing and flowing of energy in the day-to-day world as it is, finding a job that supports this may be tough. The happiest Mars in Pisces individuals are those that have a creative outlet that allow them to express their desires of the moment, their compassion--and even their anger--freely and imaginatively. An example of Mars in Pisces is Bono, lead singer of U2, who seems to have found the perfect outlet for his creativity through his music, and as a spokesperson for love and compassion.

Mars in VIII

Sexually very powerful, he is also capable of tremendous focus and hard work. Sexually intense and deep. Is adept at professions requiring research, strategy, uncovering truths, and analysis. Arguments may occur over inheritance.

-34 Square Mars - Jupiter

He refuses to accept any guidance. He lacks forethought, acts impulsively and sometimes imprudently, which can cause problems. He wants everything yesterday and uses whatever means necessary to achieve his objectives, even if they are dishonest or not very commendable. His emotional life is fraught with quarrels and sometimes violent conflicts.

12 Trine Mars - Saturn

He is energetic and determined. He has strength and resistance, ability and patience: he is tough, and sometimes insensitive, and puts all his energy and talents into overcoming all the obstacles to his success. He is obstinate, calculating, does not take on anything without having thought of all the possible consequences, he can take all the time in the world and never loses patience to achieve his objectives. He is not particularly popular in his circle, but is feared and respected.

-45 Square Mars - Uranus

He is full of contradictions. He is original, tending to the eccentric, violent, headstrong, impatient and irascible. He fights to the bitter end to overcome hurdles, and has the strength to overcome them.

Jupiter represents expansion and grace.

Jupiter in Sagittarius

He attracts the most good fortune when he is open-handed and generous, tolerant, and practices what he preaches. Can be inspirational, and find success in travel, education, teaching, sports, publishing, and foreign cultures.

Jupiter in IV

He likes and believes in justice. He is an optimist and is generous. Professional success is rapid and helped by the family. Family life is very important for him. He likes comfort, well-being at home. He knows how to entertain in style and above all with pleasure: his house is always open to friends.

394 Conjunction Jupiter - Uranus

He knows what's going on at a glance. He thirsts after knowledge, and is a good organizer. He is very independent, likes his freedom of action, is a non-conformist. He is very agreeable company and is always in demand.

25 Trine Jupiter - Ascendant

He likes meeting friends, around a good meal and in a cordial atmosphere. He is pleasant, jovial and engaging.

Saturn represents contraction and effort.

Saturn in Scorpio

Observant, self-controlled, unforgiving, tough, methodical, a researcher, an investigator. Lots of courage, self-assurance and can keep his cool.

Weaknesses: makes no concessions or compromises. He can become a fanatic of a creed, a party, work or a religion.

Saturn in III

His studies will be restricted. He is serious, discrete. He takes on mental tasks that require time and concentration. He travels little even though he likes it. He has few friends, who are, however, very close.

104 Conjunction Saturn - Pluto

He perseveres, achieves his projects through hard work.

-62 Opposition Saturn - Midheaven

He must struggle a lot and work hard to achieve his aims. Although confronted by discouraging circumstances, he knows how to set off again and continue the fight.

Uranus represents individual liberty, egoistic liberty.

Uranus in Sagittarius

He is shy, delicate but proud, bold and lively.

Uranus in IV

He is very independent. His independence begins vis-...-vis the family circle. He does not like bureaucracy, administration, and has problems as a result. He has avant-garde ideas, he is original and does not tolerate constraints on his freedom.

17 Trine Uranus - Ascendant

He is always changing, is unstable. He is ready to innovate, to change everything. He is inventive.

Neptune represents transcendental liberty, non-egoistic liberty.

Neptune in Sagittarius

Likes long voyages, things foreign, water.

Neptune in V

Extravagant love affairs, great passions.

42 Sextile Neptune - Pluto

Pluto represents transformations, mutations and elimination.

Pluto in Libra

Looks for new ways to relate to others.

-5 Opposition Pluto - Midheaven

He abuses his power, crushing others in order to achieve his objectives. He risks losing everything and having to start from scratch.

House I is the area of self identity. The ascendant is a symbol of how one acts in life. It is the image of the personality as seen by others, and the attitude that one has towards life.

Aquarius ascendant Leo

Ascendant in Leo

Leo rising people cannot help but be noticed. They radiate a special energy and magnetism that gets others' attention. Sometimes it's because they are loud people who pay a lot of attention to their personal appearance (especially their hair!); other times it's due to a regal manner that simply demands interest from others. Leo Ascendant people are very self-aware and body-conscious. They are acutely aware of others, and how they come across. In fact, these people are especially aware of their personal "backdrop"--they consider what the people they're with, and the environments they are in, do to their own image. Often, Leo rising natives feel as if they are on stage, even in the privacy of their own homes! They are given to rash decisions, temper tantrums, and excesses. However, they have plenty of staying power, drive, and their idealism keeps them from getting into too much trouble. The desire to oversee the goings-on in their circle can sometimes amount to bossiness. If this desire doesn't go too far, however, it can just mean a person who wants to make sure the people they love are all right. Many Leo rising people are managers, either by profession or character.

The tendency to overestimate things, and themselves, is generally present. This is due to a natural enthusiasm and optimism about any new undertaking. Sometimes, they are walking commercials. In fact, Leo rising people make excellent promoters. Leo rising people are generally demonstrative, and given to grand gestures. Drama comes naturally to these natives. In fact, some are so caught up in fiction, they're a little blind to fact. They have an unusual need to be admired. Leo Ascendants often have a strong physical constitution. They pay special attention to their personal appearance and mannerisms. Usually, they choose clothing and hairstyles that are youthful. Their manner is authoritarian and strong. Very full emotional life.

No matter their age in real-world terms, Leo rising people are kids at heart. They are fun-loving and warm; generous and spirited. They have a natural flair for presentation, an eye for quality, and a hard-to-resist warmth of style. They want to make things happen, and create a stir.

He worries about money and is not especially generous with it unless he feels very comfortable.

He looks for refined people, with whom to have long discussions, without raised voices of any kind. Harmony and peace is very important.

Likes adventure, travel, gambling, takes risks for the pleasure of it, treating it as a game. Lots of love affairs.

Works hard, unceasingly and patiently. Weak point: the cold, changes in temperature.

A slightly hasty marriage. The relationship between man-and-wife will be very friendly and full of understanding. Both will love their independence, their freedom of action. If one refuses to give this to the other while insisting on it for herself, then a divorce will ensue.

Likes meeting, ceaselessly discussing with well-informed people, full of ideas.

Problems will only come from the family.

With a Little Help From Our Friends...

2009-11-19T12:29:00.004-06:00

Last night was a good night. I was fortunate enough to have a "kick it" session with the homies turn into a session of "real talk" that was greatly needed in my life. It really felt good to release one of my problem areas with people who seem to know a little on the topic. Now, I'm not going to call my friends experts on the situation but both of them are in healthy relationships, one being "shacked up," and the other patiently waiting for May 15th so that he can move from the legal category of "single" to that of "married." The talk that we had greatly helped me, and it allowed me to further put my relationship issues into perspective.

The talk began with one of my friends alerting another to the haps of bulletpoint #3, and how I had found me a winner. The consensus from my peers was clear; that I have a good one, and I should do everything I could not to lose what we have. They made a pretty compelling argument which I will get into later when I get to bulletpoint 3, but it has left me more and more confused because I don't want to miss out on the good woman that I may have staring me in the face, but as I've been told recently; sometimes it just aint that simple. Anyways, I need to come clean tho before I can get some good advice, so if you've began to read this, know that it's long, and please just bear through it...

Bulletpoint #1 - Ashley
For those of you who read my blog, Ashley is my beloved "Kreampuff" or "Moodie" that I wrote that letter that became the post entitled; "5 Years in the Making." She is my "one." Always has been, but I hope that in the future she will not always be that if we aren't together. I'm still in love with her and don't want to put my life on hold for her but I don't think it would be fair for me to become involved with anyone knowing that if Ashley wanted me she could have me, despite whatever my former mate may call and/or think about me. Ashley never responded to my post, claiming that she didn't know how to respond to my thoughts and that the situation is not as simple as I make it out to be. Damn, I just want to know if I can have another shot, or if I should ust give up, what's not so simple about that? That leads me to believe that Ashley still wants to be bothered with me and that I should just see what happens, but what if it takes her another 5 years to tell me to give up and I'm 31 yrs old, still lonely, and still unhappy...

Bulletpoint #2 - Robin
Robin has been a roller coaster of emotion in the five years that I have been involved with her. I can't say knowing, because I have known Robin for about 11 years, but the last 5 have been the most difficult for both of us. Robin came into my life in the capacity she is at a time when I was weak. I had just came out of a relationship with Ashley and I honestly intended to use her as a "booty buddy" just to get back in the groove. The problem with that was that the sex was GREAT, much better than expected, and she didn't need anytime from me. I have found out later that it was because she had a boyfriend at the time, so for me to just call her days before I was coming home for the weekend and engage her in bullshit conversation in order for me to ensure that we would "get it popping" that weekend wasn't horribly difficult. Well somewhere along the lines, I broke the code. I let my "sweet side" break in and decided one night to take Robin out. It wasn't anything major, just a trip to the Hookah Cafe that resulted in our paths twisting around and us going to the point of officially dating as opposed to random chit chat and meeting up to have sex, and that's when I started tripping. I wrestled with the idea of potentially marrying a former "booty buddy" and the ramifications of this on the children we may have, especially if one were to be a girl. So here's Robin, we have the friend who understands me, she knows that I'm a "hoe" and it bothers her, but she knows that I'm going to change when I'm ready to, or when she moves to Houston to make me. I just have a problem because with Robin being so honest and upfront with me, I'm starting to realize that she is the female version of me, which is truly a double-edged sword. I mean, if she's the female me, then that proves that I am capable of change, but what if she's just as good of a liar as I am. The issue is that despite me caring for her the way that I do an appreciating what she has told and taught me about love and relationships as well as myself, I have not been treating her as such. The past few weeks I have been upset about my financial situation and needed time alone, or so Robin thinks. I've actually been spending time with #3 because she has been helping me out in my time of need, and getting rid of Robin at the same time...

Bulletpoint #3 - Nicole
I met Nicole at a happy hour and was immediately enamored with her, hell I was looking at a Zeta that I found attractive face-to-face, and immediately I wanted her, sexually. Well, I communicated that fact to her off the bat and she immediately informed me that "if we hump, we go together." I know, with as many women as I have been involved with that this should have cause a red flag to immediately begin to fly, but there was something about her that was interesting and plus, with my track record, she would begin to understand that she can be disposed of as quick and as easy as taking the trash to the dumpster. But, then Nicole started teaching me about my own life, and that one of my vices (money), has a powerful effect on my life decisions. I have made it a rule that when a woman makes purchases outside of clothes and shoes, she had bought herself a 6-month window where she can do no wrong. But this aint just some woman that I have transformed into a trick. I don't ask her for much, she just gives, which is kinda upsetting because I now feel as though she may be buying me, but she really is holding me down. She gives me space when I ask for it, and in the end all she wants is to have me around. Sure she nags and bitches, but what woman doesn't? She wants me to be involved in her life, is being supportive, pushing me to be my best, and comes up with proposed solutions to my problems, unlike Robin who is supportive, but doesn't offer ways to fix the problems I have, and this is not entirely based upon money. I only have a few issues with Nicole, one of which is that when life affects her, she just goes and gets another tattoo (she has 44), and doesn't really share her issue with anyone. I want her to open up to me, but hell I'm not doing the same, what I should be telling her, I'm writing in a blog. Certain things I say bother her, particularly that I talk about my son and parenthood so much when she was subjected to a forced abortion earlier this year. My second issue is that she just may be plain crazy, hell she's been everything I've needed her to be with little resistance, and is pretty much becoming the woman I want her to be, so what happens if I don't choose her? Thirdly, we are not sexually compatible. She still thinks that oral sex makes her a whore, and does not communicate to me what she needs, expects, and likes during sex. Its difficult to get a murmur out of her during sex, but she readily tells me that the sex is good she's just quiet. These are the only issues I have with her, doesn't seem like much, but why can't I take this to the next level...

Bulletpoint #4 - Me
As a self-proclaimed satyromaniac, I have this thrill that I get in pursuing
"new pussy."I like the thrill of the hunt as well as the mystery that is left behind from a new sexual partner, and with 87 notches on my belt, I think that I shouldn't want new partners, but hell I do. That's the problem with relationships, no more new pussy. There are a few other exes and interest that I am still in contact with that I would like to have sex with and potentially let something rise from that, but then I may have the same doubts that I have about Robin. My friends encouraged me to just continue to do me, but don't bring that shit into my home, but I'm just having a problem finding out where home is...I really need some help on this one...but who can give me unbiased advice without looking at me funny...Is that my only hope, to find a woman who understands me and knows that I wont bring that shit into her house, or am I doomed to be single forever...

In My Mind...

2009-10-26T22:39:00.001-05:00

JUST PRESS PLAY...

She's not her...She's not her, either...neither is she...neither is she...

It's funny the turns that life takes us on these unexpected turns just to leave us back at square one. I need a friend in my life, one that I can tell the truth to, one that won't judge me, one that understands my situation and can help me fix it. I'm addicted to a thought that won't ever be, and me being unwilling to accept anything less than what I want, am doomed to reap the repercussions of it.

Funny how my last posting covered the evils of Facebook, and this posting is inspired by Facebook and its news feed. I saw that my ex had been tagged in some new photos, so I went to check them out, and what I saw was truly amazing. There I was looking at the perfect woman, and depressed because she wasn't mine. So I wanted to attempt to take my mind off of her and went to youtube for entertainment. I found myself watching old Human Jukebox clips and became drawn to SU's cover of Heather Headley's In My Mind as about the 5th or 6th song that I had heard. I really liked the arrangement so I wanted to hear the original song. Lo and behold I came across the clip that I posted, finding out that Shannon Sanders authored this song and released it in 1999, later selling it to Heather Headley. I really like this version just because I don't feel like men should like women songs, even though you can pretty much transition them without losing a beat. Anyways, this song got placed on repeat as I just felt it, because in my mind, she will always be my lady, the only problem that I have with that is when should one stop living in their mind, and live in reality.

I sought the advice of a friend of mine whose opinion I trust, and she said the same thing that I have heard countless other times, that if you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you its yours, and if not, it never was. It's not that I don't know this to be true, but its just that I can't deal with the negative in that situation. While its true that what she and I shared is in the past and occurred at a time where neither of us had the years or maturity that either of us have now, I think now I'm better equipped to handle it, and find myself wishing that she feels the same. I now understand how burdensome it is to discuss marriage at 18 when you haven't even experienced life, and the need to run off in order to experience the world before giving yourself to one person for the rest of your life. And I think I understand what was going through her mind. The only question I have is, how do I press on further when in my mind she'll always be my lady because when it comes down to it...

She's not her...she's not her either...neither is she...neither is she...

Facebook...

2009-10-24T09:14:00.001-05:00

I used to laugh at people who were unable to keep their relationships in control once Facebook was introduced, but now I truly see how it can affect people's lives. On Wednesday I posted a status that read; " Kellen A. Daranda-Esq was just told that its okay to let go and fall in love; WHERE DEY DO DAT AT?!" as a satirical comment to something one of the women in my life told me. (Before you even formulate an opinion, know that I'm doing better, and I'm only seeing two at this point in my life.) I know that I have reached an age where women are no longer trying to date for the sake of dating and have meaningless sex with random guys they encounter and neither am I, the problem is that neither of the women in my life have me at a point where I can see forever with either of them, and all the women who make me feel as thought I could fall in love with them are just dating for the hell of it and enjoying single life. Love has never been a word that I have taken lightly, and when I say it I mean it, so I'm not a hypocrite in that respect, but I just need a woman who is what I want, and then I can build on that, but I digress. This status update invoked an interest of mine to send me a text which read, "So Kellen no longer believes in love, eh? Hmmmm..." Which shocked me cause this is a woman who ranks high on my list of favorites, sexy as all I adore, beautiful, nice job, nice car, nice apartment, silly as hell, with a love for family, basically all the building blocks I would need to fall in love, but she's always busy. I elected not to respond to the text, but I'm like damn woman, if you would have stopped playing games and disappearing, we could have been happy, together, and in love, a long time ago.

Well, the plot thickens...

Thursday night, I made plans with a friend who went to PV for her to come over and for us to watch the game and get fucked up, which we did. Now this friend is someone whom I used to be intimate with, but she and I haven't slept together in a 4-6 month period. After PV won the game, she decided as a penalty that I should have to take a picture holding up a PV bag and post it to Facebook. Well, I let her do it, knowing the truth behind the circumstances with us watching the game (and no we did not sleep together Thursday night), but baby girl (the one who invoked the earlier status) blew the fuck up via text messages and writing on my Facebook wall. I don't need to be slick on this one and actually plan on writing her a lengthy letter in which I spill out everything instead of just koming at her with my usual game and getting out of trouble. (yeah, I'm that effin good) I need to stop playing games, I aint shit unless I'm with a woman who I feel like is worth it. Until that time comes, I'll just continue to do me...

The problem that I've brought on myself which has caused this Facebook debauchery is the answer to one of the questions I've had in my mind for the longest as to why marriages don't work and things of that nature. I had proposed part of an answer and based it upon people getting married for the wrong reason, but its also because of folks settling. I now realize this because this is why baby girl is getting mad at me and feeling like I'm not ready, because I'm not, at least not with her. Me deciding that she would make a prime candidate for a girlfriend and potentially a wife was all based upon me settling and thinking that because she was the better option amongst the table scraps that I had the choice of eating, that things would work. So I told her that I hoped to move forward after I took care of somethings, namely, getting the rest of the random women out of my life, and she was like okay. Well, the day after I told her that I met the second of the women that I am dating and she blows baby girl out of the water, so of course I took a step back on the relationship and continued to play. The problem with number 2 is I don't see her as girlfriend material either, but honestly, she's growing on me.

Allow me to recant my earlier statement, Facebook does not get people in trouble when they are on their shit, meaning that they are doing what they need to do to sustain a positive social and love life, but when people stop being honest, Facebook is an instantaneous way to get their skeletons out of the closet, and with that being said, I plan to move forward and be more honest....

Sleepless Nights

2009-10-21T03:33:00.001-05:00

Today (yesterday) was a weird day, I woke up at my usual 6:30 with a tremendous headache that would have me miss work. I don't believe that anything is necessarily wrong with the occasional day off but my mom made sure that she rang home a very important point with me at a young age; if you aren't going to work, don't spend your entire day doing nothing, make the day productive. So I spent my day cleaning up, trying to make myself feel better, and I've decided that it's been 2 weeks since I've posted to my blog, not because I haven't had the time, but mainly because I'm at a cross-roads. I have wrestled for a minute with the though of starting another blog to allow myself the release that this one has, however, if I did that, I would put everything out there, and to have someone read it would be disastrous to my personal life. So this posting here is intended to just give me something to write about in a creative sense. I posted a note on Facebook in which I put on random, and allowed the first 20 songs to serve as representations for certain people in my life. Well, today, I've decided to put my Ipod on random again and write whatever comes to mind based on the first couple of songs that pop up with no censoring, this should be interesting...

Wifey - Usher; When I first heard this song I was really feeling it, mainly based upon the chorus. The words "Wifey, where are you, cause here I am" are powerful words coming from a man in 2009, because many of us have been brainwashed by society's labels that 30 is the new 20, and 20 is akin to being a teenager with a salary and no curfew. As much as of a hopeless romantic as I am, forever is a long time, I guess I can't really get to that point because I haven't found that Crazy Love - Brian McKnight. I had it once in my life and I guess the shit is still there, because I can't get over the girlfriend formally known as "Kreampuff." I know I made a posting a while back coming clean with her and putting everything out there, in hopes of moving on, but I haven't really been able to do that. I still flip through her pictures on Facebook at least twice a week and feel as tho the reason why I can't give my heart to another is because I still want her. Hell, I know if I got in a relationship and Ms. Officer decided to make even a meager attempt to come back in my life, I would probably jump at the chance and leave whoever in the dust. I know this isn't fair so I guess I'll remain single until I can get a better grip on love and how it ties into logic...

We'll Always Love Big Poppa - The LOX; lately my parents dying has been on my mind a lot. I know that such is life, and there eventually comes a time where a child has to bury their parents but I am at a point in life where I am just starting to understand my father and admire his wisdom to the point where I wish I listened to him more as a youth. I don't know what I will do when I reach the point where I lose my Daddy and hope that when I reach that point that either I will have Wifey or at least that Crazy Love to help me through that. But until then I will continue to say Hello World - Little Wayne, because I am the motherfucking trouble maker. I tell people all the time about how I'm out to take over the world and as I remarked earlier with the introductory paragraph, I've always been a trouble maker to the women I've dated. I think that's why I want to come to clean so bad...

Lock You Down - Mya feat. Lil Wayne; this has never been a problem for me, as I have always been bold enough to tell women that I can make them fall in love with me. But achieving reciprocation on that is usually a near impossible task. I act one way but say another, and can act like I love someone but getting me to say it is something totally different. Usually women get upest at how slow I move and replace me soon finding out that their replacement could never Love You Like I Did - 112. This brings out a totally different side of a relationship when someone hurts you and then comes back. This is what's currently happening with my son's mother, and I'm actually thinking of giving her and I another shot. But the way that I love is hard, and not easily duplicated. I think that I'll ultimately get married or at least a girlfriend when I'm happy and have my life together. Any woman who hopes to get that should just stick around, because I'm prolly gonna wife up who I am with at that point in time...

Monogamy and Monotony

2009-10-02T09:55:00.000-05:00

I think that my blog is actually helping me develop into the man I envision myself to be because this is my space for me to write about the things that are going on in my world and put my own personal reflection into a more permanent medium. Some of my postings I share with Facebook and others I don't, because I like to keep some of my thoughts more private and I have over 1900 friends on FB and some of them are Facebook stalkers. This post will probably not be shared, unless I feel the need to get some advice.

Mono - a combining form meaning “alone,” “single,” “one.”

Being someone with an affinity for the number one, people should be inclined to think that I would like words that display loyalty, singularity, and things of that nature, but I am also a reckless soul who craves change, just not in the people that I deal with. Dennis Green's quote that Coors has put in their marketing campaign is probably my favorite form of monotony; I like when "they were who we(I) thought they were." Yet, I hate monotony, I dislike routine and the same thing happening everyday as if life is scripted. I find comfort in knowing what is going to happen next, but that bores me and takes away from the beauty that is life. Typically, when I reach the point where I desire change, I usually do things completely out of character or eliminate things or people I consider to be mundane and routine. Which brings me to my next point, is it possible that a man such as myself can sustain a monogamous relationship without it becoming monotonous, or is that the inevitable?

Way back in the gap, I fell in love hard with a woman who was as random as a pair of dice. Monogamy was difficult for me in the onset of our relationship, but once I realized that this woman had something that I hadn't had before (or since) I realized that it was a small price to pay. One thing that our relationship wasn't was monotonous, I really never knew what to expect from this woman, and that's what I liked about her. This may be what caused her to leave me, as she probably didn't know what she wanted her damn self, but such is life, I think I've grown since then. I'm just trying to figure out how to get back to that point. Sure I've met women since then, sure I've been involved since then, but when things get repetitive, I usually break camp. Is it possible to have one without the other, will I find another who makes me feel as though monotony is the way to go, because at this point I haven't...

You May Love Her/Him, But You Love YOU More...

2009-09-23T15:16:00.000-05:00

This posting is a follow-up to a blog of mine written on February 22, 2009, entitled "Love Is."

In the past few month I have switched my main points of contention in light of why I, as well as a lot of other people cannot find the type of love that many of our parents still have. When I wrote "Love Is" I was convinced that the problem was in many people's definition of love. But after reading the commentary on the posting via my Facebook notes, I have realized that my problem is not with defining love or in expressing it, but moreso in the application of it. I have thought for so long that no one was worthy enough to get all of me and my love, but I had another one of my spellbinding epiphanies the other day while discussing the death of the golden anniversary.

A few friends of mine were discussing on a message board how our generation may have killed the golden anniversary and the logic behind such a statement. Well one person's posting really hit home to me. They stated that reason why marriage is so short lived is that we are starting to value ourselves more than anything/anyone else. When you have many hip hop artists and pop culture icons saying things like 30 is the new 20, and 40 is the new 30, no one wants to be there own age anymore. Everyone wants to enjoy their time/freedom for as long as possible and forever is not a thought to be entertained unless we have our shit together.

Frederick Douglass once said that "without struggle there is no progress," but when it comes down to relationships without struggle there is no appreciation. What kept our grandparents together was the struggle that they shared together. In that day and age, getting married in your 30s was damn near unheard of, and the same followed true in our parents day and age, but mostly with the generation before them. Getting married in the 20s, fresh out of school meant that the two would struggle together as the worked to build their finances, their family, and other things that make a relationship/marriage work. Today it seems as though folks just want to press a button and add a spouse to the equation; they want to already have the house, already have the job, already have the car, and add a spouse and children to the equation. That is why marriages don't work these days, we are becoming so self-sufficient that when the first sign of trouble hits, we run because we were and most likely will continue to be fine by ourselves. We haven't learned what it is to appreciate being with someone in the good because we don't really know what the bad is truly like...

Coonery...at Essence???

2009-09-22T12:35:00.000-05:00

The following blog is based upon a blog post that can be read in its entirety here

So, it seems that the breakout of coonery has spread to the media outlet of Essence Magazine. Now I know that some of you who did not take the time to read the link are probably in disbelief that Essence the magazine that has been empowering Black women for decades would stoop to the level of BET's coonery in an effort to sell magazines. Even as a man I know Essence to be one of the few readily accessible sources of positivity in the black community. The artists that perform at the Essence Music Festival in New Orleans are ones who do not reduce themselves to a level of "niggardry" in their art and the Essence Fest also has empowering seminars and a job fair in addition to the concert that is the primary reason for those who come to New Orleans to be in attendance. Essence's blog posting entitled "A Man's World" is no doubt designed to give black women insight into the inner psyche of the black man, a quest that has been going on since the beginning of the human species and far exceeds race, geographical area, and many other socio-economic factors. So in helping the woman on this journey, it would be beneficial to either have an expert on the discussion topic, or just an average guy, right? And that is where I am quick to throw the proverbial red flag and review this being considered coonery. Essence would have us believe that the average black male or expert on the black male in America believes in the "jump-off."

For those of us who aren't privy on what a jump-off is, it is synonymous with what we in New Orleans call a "booty buddy" or a relationship that is entirely based upon sex. While I'm not going to be a hypocrite and pretend that I've never had a jump-off, I am concerned of the message that this post sends out to the general public. Basically Jozen Cummings' point in this whole posting is that women should not take offense to being the jump-off because it takes a lot of work in keeping the jump-off happy. Again I am not going to act like he's not telling the truth, but I'm not sure that this is the right message for Essence to convey. I've read some of Cummings' other blog and have realized that this ignorance probably comes from him being employed by VIBE. In the era where the black man's name has truly become mud, where most women think that he is truly concerned with himself and his insatiable desire to smash any and everything that walks, is it appropriate to have a man co-sign to this? Did BET drive all of our media outlets crazy and now we must perpetuate every negative stereotype that is prevalent in the Black community?

The Pelican State of Mine...

2009-09-21T15:08:00.000-05:00

For those of yall who say that Jay-Z is a walking dinosaur who has no status or grounds to talk about what is relevant in Hip Hop today, I really encourage you to give Blueprint 3 another listen. I know I may be speaking too early or moreso from a personal standpoint, but the track Empire State of Mind is definitely a classic in my opinion. The funny part is that I find the song inspiring although I'm not from New York and haven't been there in years. Which got me to thinking, in my course of trying to make New Orleans the worldwide centerpiece that I believe it should be (DARANDA FOR MAYOR...koming soon), if I were to capture New Orleans in a song, who would I put on it? I know Wayne is probably the obvious choice, but I dunno how well Mr. Carter would promote the message I'd try to give. I mean I'd want this track to be on some legendary shit, kinda like Jay and Alicia did. Hmmmm...I think I'll have this settled by the time I kome up with a campaign, but I have a more pressing blog that I need to write...

Do You Know Your Rights...

2009-09-15T14:19:00.000-05:00

I engaged in a discussion today with a woman I met in family court in which she asked me how can I be a defense attorney representing the guilty which left me thinking about the judicial system of the United States. I can't say that I am appalled because it wasn't until I actually started practicing that I realized that the legal field is on a deeper level than simply guilty or non guilty. I often wonder if a large percentage of Americans look at defense attorneys as those who advocate for the guilty. But the funny part is that a lot of people feel this way until it is their child/sibling/parent who is the one considered to be guilty...

Tell 'Em Why You Mad, Son...

2009-09-14T14:25:00.001-05:00

First of all, if you haven't seen the debauchery that has been the subject of many a tweet, Facebook status, blog, and vlog, please click this link...

Now, I know that this has been widely commented upon and the like, but since I'm not a total fan of other genres of music other than Rap, R&B, and Reggae, I actually didn't catch the VMAs last night. Besides, this is my blog, and I'll write on whatever I want (sorry, I had a Kanye moment).

Kanye West, Mr. Super Producer Extraordinaire, what else is there to say about you? You have been outspoken in the plight of my fellow New Orleanians in our strife with the federal government ("George Bush doesn't care about black people"), and you have never bit your tounge when it come to matters that you find important but let me go ahead on and help you out a bit, Mr. West. First of all, I love how opinionated you are, and furthermore, I admire your asshole tendencies (takes one to know one, right?). But secondly, Kanye must come to terms with what I am slowly grasping, that being an asshole is not always admirable. (Some will be in shock that I said that) Kanye, we all understand how hard you work, and how far you have come, believe me, we do. But sometimes your rants make you seem more like a primadonna, spoiled rich girl, or pissed-off ex-girlfriend than the self-proclaimed "New King of Pop." Besides, didn't you say that you don't fuck with Pop after feeling disrespected at the 2007 VMAs? Now for my contention...The award that was given was not Kanye's to win, thus making his comment unnecessary and a showing of bad judgment and ungentlemanly amongst other things. Kanye told us all about how George Bush really feels about black people but what he failed to realize that a large percentage of White America doesn't care about black people. Michael Jackson was the first black performer to crack in the MTV video rotation as a frequent showing, so what makes you think that it would be entirely different in 2009? It is still White America who watches MTV, and you know they love their darlings. Think Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, or Britney Spears before the drugs, you can't say anything bad about them. So why would you think that Beyonce would have one that against the new little darling of 2009? Kanye West must realize that to whom much is given, much is required, and that turning on White America knowing that they are the ones who actually buy records, might not be the smartest of moves. That was an embarrassment to Black America. Kanye has proven to America that he is brazen, but had no thought behind his actions. MTV does not control who wins what at the VMAs, the fans do, and in that he should consider American Idol, Americas Best Dance Crew, and even the Presidential Election and come to grips with that fact that for the most part, Black America doesn't vote.

And the end of the day, its not as racist as I and others allude to, Kanye just needs to think before he acts, before we all look at him like the Mad Rapper of old Bad Boy Records, okay he's mad, but no one really understands, and no one really cares. You wanna dress like a gentleman, then act like on, Mr. West...

Stunting Like My Daddy...

2009-08-20T14:48:00.001-05:00

It took me over 20 years to understand my father. I wasn't privy to the one-parent household growing up because Anthony was live and direct, but sometimes I wish I were. My daddy was in my face, whether I liked it or not, and in recent years I have come to realize that in the end, his was the only respect that I have ever craved. This could be attributed to the fact that I, like most boys, wanted to be just like daddy. Daddy was my hero, everything he did was cool, all his jokes were funny, he even made me want to smoke (thanx a lot for that bad habit pops!). In my later years, prolly that whole teenage rebellion type of this, being just like daddy was no longer good enough. I noticed his flaws and in comparison to my life, felt like I could and would do better. So then I got to the point where I had to be better than daddy. Throwing aside daddy's mantra that hardwork always pays off, I figured I could do better as a white-collar worker, and pay someone to do manual labor. So I selected one of the hardest majors that I could because dad wound up in EE, but he didn't finish. So then I graduated, I got the degree that dad didn't but mom did, I upped mom's GPA by six-tenths of a point, and then upped both of them by going to law school and then passing the bar.

But then, came life. As I embarked upon the real world, I realize that even thought Anthony and I wear the same size shoe, I still can't fit his. This is the man that dropped out of school to put my mom through school, at the age of 23, and married her at 24. This is the same man that spoiled me rotten, and gave me everything I have ever needed, even to this day. And the older I get, the more I seem to understand him. I look at my short comings and feel like I may never match up to this man. I love hearing him tell me how proud he is of me, I never heard that much as a child. Daddy, I love you, and I'm working tirelessly to be the man you raised me to be, although its taking a big longer than I expected, I'm getting there. I only hope you get to see it.

Acceptance...It Really Is Okay

2009-08-17T16:33:00.001-05:00

My name is Kellen Anthony Daranda. I am a 26 year old licensed attorney in the State of Texas. I am originally from New Orleans, Louisiana, and a graduate of Southern University. I am the father of an amazing 3 year old by the name of Kaiden Michael Daranda, and I am gainfully employed in this ridiculous economy. To some, that may be enough to shake a stick at, but to me, it really isn't THAT great...

Throughout my life I have maintained a life that was centered around nothing ever really being enough for me. I am my own biggest critic, and this is something that I am attempting to stop. Starting today, August 17, 2009, I will be a new man, a man that is acceptant of what I don't like about my life, and not willing to live a certain way because others tell me I should.

First of all, I am 26 and single. I think I want to be married because my upbringing tells me so. My parents were celebrating 2 years of marriage when they reached my age, so I think I should be there, but the fact that I'm not even close boggles me. However, that is okay. The fact is, I don't really know what it is that I want, not from life, not from my career, not even from a mate. But you know what, that is okay, I'll figure it out.

Secondly, my son's mother irks me saily about money, and how I am a piss poor father, because I don't call everyday, and don't have money to give. I need to let go of my shortcomings and focus more on my son. Which I plan to do from here on out. So what that I'm not making the money that I envisioned, it's okay.

I'm not living like feather in the wind, I know where I want to go, but I can only get there under the right forces. If I don't where I envision, that's okay, I'm a pretty decent person, if I do say so myself!

With Hair...or Without...

2009-08-07T11:36:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I became privy to an assumption that I had heard before while in a discussion with my partners but never really crossed my mind. In an office of four men under the age of 35, one could imagine that women are a frequent topic of discussion for us, and yesterday was no different. I was antagonized by one of my partners because in this week I had expressed an attraction to two women under the age of 20 (don’t be alarmed, they were legal), and I used the age-old phrase “if there’s grass on the field then play ball.” But then I had to correct myself because I prefer a vagina with a minimal amount of hair if any at all. Which brought the response, “how can you say that you like a shaved cooter, doesn’t that remind you of a little girls va-jay-jay?” I sat about it and thought for a minute, thinking that outside of changing diapers for family members and friends of mine, I had never seen the privates of anyone less than the age of 14. (I’m talking when I was 15, before yall think something is wrong with me) Now I posed the question of whether preferring a shaven cooch makes me a pervert to a friend of mine and she responded that I more than likely prefer it shaved because:

1. makes it more visually stimulating thus mouthwatering
2. the hair doesn't bother your face
3. it's quite porn-ish
4. it's clean looking.

All of these reasons fell directly with my logic, but then my partners posed a question to me which has me in slump; if I were to see a picture of a prepubescent cooter and a baldly shaven one, would I be able to tell the difference? I think that I could but I’m not sure…I know that I think too much, but this one is really bothering me.

The Problem With Relationships...

2009-08-02T12:54:00.001-05:00

I have finally figured out why I am so cautious when it comes to relationships. It isn't because my heart still belongs to my ex, (she hasn't responded yet, but I'll give her a week) but because I know too much and fear that my knowledge is what prevents me from giving someone my all. Everyone has heard the phrase "ignorance is bliss" and I guess that's what prevents me from being blissful in a relationship, because I know too much. I've never been a supporter of the phrase "all men are dogs," but if we are going to put men in this category, lets do the same for the female gender. And then, lets not make a generalization, lets just say women are just as incapable of fidelity within a relationship as men, and many do act on their thoughts. I'm not speaking something that I've heard, I'm speaking what I know. A common phrase that those close to me have heard me say is not one of those inspiring lyrics that encompass my Facebook status; I really can fuck your girl, and often times I do! However, in 2009, I'm trying to grow, and because I know how karma feels, I don't want to engage in those type of activities anymore. I'm not talking about what a female used to do, because I don't want to compare "rap sheets" with any woman, I'm damn sure she wouldn't want to be with me anymore and everyone has a past, I'm talking about what you are doing and have done in the past few years. Are there any good women left?

5 Years in the Making...

2009-07-31T12:09:00.001-05:00

I have finally figured out what's up with me and my search to obtain a girlfriend and potentially a wife, my heart still has the initials AMB engraved on it. And that was my gift and my curse. The gift that I had found THAT chick, the woman who looked, acted, and dressed the way I found uber attractive. This same woman who valued family as much as I did and whom I couldn't see my life without. However, fate in the end had the last laugh, and she is no longer as integral of a part of my life as she once once was. Now in my pursuit for something new and something real, I have realized that in order for me to do that I need closure, on this statement so I'll just put everything out there, maybe I'll send her the link to read this, or maybe I'll just send it to her. But she definitely needs to read this...

My beloved Moodie,

There have been countless times when I have attempted to write you this letter where I either could not bring myself to push the "send" button, or ripped up the paper and threw the pieces away, but I think now I have the heart to do it, and face the music. There was a time when all I could do is think of you, when my day wasn't complete until I spoke to you, and I could spend hours looking at the collage I had of us on my bedroom wall. They say that time heals all wounds but five years have passed since the day you told me that my life had no choice but to continue on without you, and I'm still not whole. You were the first woman I opened up to, the first one I could not envision life without. It's just time that I told you everything...

I remember it like it was yesterday, I was by Joseph's house the night before we were going to take a weekend trip to Astroworld and I asked Jennifer to throw me on one of her friends. She asked me what I liked and I told her I wanted something short, light-skinned, thick, with long hair and an attitude, and she proceeded to put me in contact with you. BOY DID SHE GET THAT ONE RIGHT! I remember we spent all night on the phone and I talked to you all that weekend from the ride to Houston, while there, and on the way back. The following weekend I got the chance to see you at the Palace on Manhattan and we saw Scary Movie 2 on the 4th of July and I was singing praises to Jennifer because she had did a great job in hooking me up with what was supposed to be my summer fling. But we managed to be inseparable for the entire summer and I told you that I loved you before the end of July. That was the summer that changed the rest of my life.

Back to school in the fall was cool, we talked, hung out when I came home for the weekends, and we went through a slight downfall when I made line in the spring. But we got right back to business as usual that next summer. It was the next school year that caused us so much trouble. I remember how you wanted to be a Dancing Doll, and wanted to pledge Beta Psi, and remember when you, Ms. Claudia, and some of your friends came to visit Southern on my birthday in 2003. I still have the picture you and I took in Higgins Hall that day. But it was the events that happened soon after that which took the greatest toll on us. I often wonder what would have happened if I wasn't on this big ass kick about being a junior in college and 20 yrs old with an 18yr old girlfriend still in high school. If I would have taken you to the prom, would you have still signed up for the National Guard? If I wouldn't have gotten in that accident and almost died in May, would you have still realized that deep down inside you still love me? What happened to that?

My dear Kreampuff, what happened to us? I remember not being able to get in touch with you in the beginning of 2004 when you were supposed to be shipped off, and crying because I couldn't see you the day before you left. I also remember the joy I felt seeing your name on my caller-id that morning and thinking that u decided to go AWOL for me before I decided to call you back. I remember us going running together daily in an effort to help you lose the weight you needed to go off knowing that you may get shipped to Iraq and I may never see you again. I even remember 1.19.04 to Forever, do you? I remember the letters from Basic (all of which I still have), I remember you sneaking on the phone to call me, I even remember how that summer was filled with me, thinking about you, dreaming of you, and quitting smoking just for you. I remember the look on your face when I was there for your graduation from Basic, how you cried tears of joy and ran into my arms before you even saw your parents because I led you to believe that I wouldn't be able to make it. I remember how proud you were to introduce me to bunkmates, battle buddies, and your commanding officers as your boyfriend who was on his way to law school, and how I was supposed to attend LSU while you were at Southern and how I found us a two-bedroom town house right outside LSU's campus, how I had planned to give you Kennedy Alexis or Kellen Anthony II to ensure the Army wouldn't take you from me.

But then, it became apparent to me how the Army wouldn't get the chance to take you from me, because little Miss Moodie would do it by herself. During your stint in AIT, the phone calls slowed, you were too busy for me, I even had to harass you to be there for me when I got my results from the LSAT, and you didn't even find out about how well I did until the day after. I did my part, I got into law school, I found us a spot, all I needed was you. I even remember sitting in my car crying after the disappointing results from the Southern University 2004 Homecoming Greek Show, when I found out that the love of my life was home, but didn't want me to come see her. That she was breaking up with me, and my life was now in shambles. So I did what anybody else who was not used to pain would do, I ran. I decided to go to Texas to pursue my legal career, in an attempt to forget about you, and bury the pain deep inside hoping another would never do me like that and start over. How could the one I gave my heart to treat me so cold?

But your memory remained. I remember adding you to my list of worry in my first semester of law school as I watched the horror Katrina inflicted on our beloved New Orleans. I remember the fear I had knowing you were still down there with your unit, I remember praying for your safety daily when I learned you were in the Superdome, and I remember the joy I felt everytime I got the chance to hear your voice and know that you were okay. I had a girlfriend my first year of law school and I remember breaking up with her because I told her that I had mentally cheated on her during Homecoming 2005 when we danced the entire night at the Kappa party, how we spent most of the morning talking in my car, and how I kissed you goodbye at your post in Baton Rouge. I remember helping you with your Blackboard assignments while you were at SUNO, and how I just wished you would realize that I would do anything for you and would take you back like nothing had ever happened, but all this was for naught. I remember seeing you in the House of Blues sometime in 2006 and crying on the walk back to my car while Mark wrapped his arm around me because it was then that I thought I had finally come to grips with the fact that you and I were just not meant to be. But later that year, specifically the Halloween party at Metro, I remember seeing you and how everything I once felt for you came back. I remember how you told me that you were jealous of Erica because she had my first-born, something that you wanted to give me, and how I tried in vain to explain to you that you were the one who fucked that up, and while you couldn't give me my first-born, we can still spend the rest of our lives together. But what you don't know is how intimidated Erica is by you. How she was mad at me when I told her on January 19, 2004 that I couldn't see her anymore because you and I were going to make things work, and we were going to get married and see forever together. She and I only started kicking it again once you left me. Do you realize that she went through my camera and deleted the picture that you and I took in Metro that night, and also deleted the picture from my computer? She knew that she couldn't compete with you and despite how bad she wanted me, she could never have me as long as I still had AMB engraved on my heart. Its funny how you never saw that but the mother of my son did.

In the 8 years I have been knowing you, no one has ever been able to hold a candle to you. You are my version of perfection, and although I like to tell people that perfection shitted on me, I would take you back without any hesitation, even if it meant that you would be living in New Orleans, while I was in Houston. I can't be mad at you because you cheated on me, hell, before January 19, 2004, I cheated on you, a lot. I don't know if you knew that or not but I had to come clean. I also need to come clean on a lot of other shit; I still have every letter that you have ever sent to me, and every picture that we have ever taken (aside from the ones I gave you that ol boy destroyed), I still even have the bee you gave me in 2001 from when you were the bee at Prep. I still hold that Coach heart keychain you gave to me before you left as one of my dearest possessions, and its still on my keys, the same place it has been since 2004 because I feel like if I have your heart, you can't get rid of me. But maybe if you give me my heart back I can give you yours. Kreampuff, I love you, I loved you when I was 18 years old, and I still love you at 26, nothing has changed, however, I need closure with this and stop holding on to a future that may never be. I never envisioned life without you, but in the 5 years that I have spent without you, I have been nothing less than unhappy. I can't seem to find happiness in a relationship because I think everyone will leave me, but I hold none of that against you. As I stated earlier, I would take you back in a heartbeat like only a few months have passed rather than a few years. I can't stop smoking those cigarettes that you hate because they are always there for me when I need them. I just wanna smile for real again. The only thing in my world that makes me happy is Kaiden, everything is disappointment. I need to be happy again, and I wish you were the one to make me feel that way. However, in the event that you are unwilling to try again with me, please let me know so that I can finally move on. I tell B Carroll, Erin, and Tracey everytime I see them how much I miss you, I always ask about you, and I ask them to hook me up with you relentlessly, but now its time for me to express all this to you. I'm a big boy so please don't worry about hurting my feelings anymore than you already have, just give me a response to what I told you, and in the event that you feel our history was just a dumb mistake, let me know so I can proceed with life and give my all to another, and we can possibly be friends one day.

Yours, but not always anymore,

Fatbutt

Adventures in the Life...

2009-07-30T12:11:00.001-05:00

I don't know what's worse a self-confident black man, a lawyer, or the combination of both. My partners and I walk with an arrogance that plays Kanye West's "Can't Tell Me Nothing" as a theme-song to our entrance, and as a result we act like it. Monday was proof of that. Maybe I'm being too hard on my colleagues and I, maybe it's just society. For some unknown reason, maybe a well-dressed black man is held to a higher standard, the upper echelon if you will, making him unable to be a commoner. Such was evident in the photo of Barack Obama that had been posted over the news media in recent weeks...
Now, this picture has been the topic of several discussions amongst my friends, colleagues, associates, and co-workers, some of which have went to bat for the President of the United States, defending him tooth and nail. However, I won't give Mr. President that much credit. I mean, look at the photo carefully, specifically the ass at which the President is said to be oogling. I mean, it is a nice ass, isn't it? But with that being said, people need to realize that the first black President of the United States is still a man. A black man at that, whom society knows has an affinity for fat asses, shit, it's in our nature. But the man is not a deity, and people should realize that at the end of the day, he still starts off the day by taking a piss and hopefully washing his hands. Which brings me to a nice transition into the point of this posting; is it a crime to look?

On Tuesday, my partners and I decided for a change of pace for lunch and actually did brunch at IHOP. Well IHOP was great, I had a good Big Steak Omelette, but before I could even jump into my Omelette, the drama started in IHOP. Now I don't know how many people have actually eaten at IHOP at 2:00PM on a Tueday, but it's pretty much like a ghost-town. One of my partners brings everyone's attention to a woman who had on a pair of jeans that were too loose in the waist and had on a pair of granny panties with her ass crack hanging out, believe me, it wasn't a pretty picture. So after I threw up in my mouth I hear a woman in the party of about twelve to our right say "that was inappropriate" rather loudly. When we look in her direction she remarks, "yeah, I'm talking to yall." But we have learned that in our profession that it is egregious to let ignorance beget further ignorance, so we ignore the commentary and proceed back to our conversation. Now after the rather large party finishes their food and gets ready to leave, this same woman approaches our table to have a word with us, and that's where the drama picked up. The woman compliments our style of dress and how nice we looked but takes it upon herself to let us know that we should not have been looking at the woman's ass with her husband next to her and that we should be lucky that she was talking to us because the husband would not have been as receptive. The woman further goes on to ostracize us quoting the scriptures on something about lust or whatever but I ignored it because I was honestly repulsed by the sight of that ass. She also asked that if we were married, we would probably feel the same about someone looking at our wife's ass, but the men I was with, and myself included feel that when a man looks at your woman, its a compliment, besides, he has eyes, that's what they're for.

Then I got to thinking, so what if the husband would have jumped fly, what would that solve? What if we were all dressed in white tees and when she started with her ignorance we responded with further ignorance? Why is a powerful man expected to not be a man, and why must people always attempt to take any potential chance they have in an attempt to belittle him? And is looking really that bad? I need some help on this one...

Worthless?

2009-07-21T23:53:00.001-05:00

I really wish that it was possible to drive and type at the same time. The kind of self-reflection sessions I have in the 5 hrs that it takes me to get to New Orleans from Houston and the 5 hrs back are my time to do nothing but think. I put my Ipod on random and pretty much listen to whatever comes on, but I think. I take the time to chill out and put my worrisome soul at ease in spite of what's going on but when I reach New Orleans or Houston, I no longer have the words to bring my thoughts to a tangible medium for later reflection. I think that's my problem, despite being a "social butterfly" on the outside, I am hesitant to let people get to know the real me. I think that's why I started a blog, to post my thoughts and not be afraid of what people may think. Sure I post my controversial thoughts about things that have happened in the world on Facebook and sometimes get pissed when I reach the tag limit, because I want the world to know how brilliant I can be, but at the same time I am ashamed of the thoughts that I have that make me feel human, that my career, my status as a man, and my relationship status are not where I envisioned them to be.

I remarked sometime ago that I thought law school was a mistake because all I see is debt and don't really see these doors that were promised to me were hesitant to open up. Funny thing is that even though I have passed the bar, I am a partner in my own firm, and the "dream" is now reality, I still don't consider myself a success. I never looked at private practice in law school, that was Earl's dream, but here I am doing this, all because someone believed in me. Quinon has become someone I truly admire and aspire to be like. I look at him less as a partner but more as a mentor or that big brother I never had. He encourages me to do my best and pushes me further when I think I have nothing less. I guess that's what I missed out on in my childhood. I have nothing against my parents but I can't recall too many times hearing them tell me how proud they were of me. Maybe my self-motivation kept them from pushing me because no one in the world is as hard on me as I am, but it sure would feel good to know that someone is proud of me. I guess that's why I'm so cocky because nothing was ever that difficult for me, so doubt is something that is a new feeling for me, one that I'm not too fond of, and hate to see it rear its ugly head around when I'm trying to make some things happen. I wish I knew how to be as confident as everyone expects me to be but I'm lost. The real world is scary and I wish I could just go back to being a student where nothing was that difficult and everything pretty much happened the way I anticipated them to. In this world, I'm not guaranteed a check, and I'm scared of failing.

My dad always told me that scared shouldn't be in a man's vocabulary, but that's what I am at 26, scared. I struggle with looking my father in the eye because I don't feel like I match up to him. The man that put his wife through school her last year at the age of 22 has a son who is four years older than he when he did that and can't take care of himself let alone the child he brought into this world. But I don't tell him any of these things because I know that I wouldn't be the man he raised me to be. So that's how I've been all my life, trying to be more than what I am and keeping things inside because I'm scared to not live up to expectations or to have anyone ridicule me. But who am I kidding, I'm intimidated by anyone over 5'7" and look at men with nice physiques as why can't that be me. I'm secretly jealous of my friends who are making a name for themselves and are being the fathers that I cannot be. Man? Me? HA! I've tried to listen to my mother and friends when they tell me that Erica is crazy because every time we talk about Kaiden, she makes it out to be a monetary issue. I do have a lot of free time and could potentially get a part-time job, but in this economy, where could I work? I've far too long let people convince me that the truth is not what it seems to be, but now I need to listen to what's right. Despite Erica's motives, despite the economy, despite the money she makes, or her own living situation, she's right, I'm not picking up my end of the slack when it comes to Kaiden. I say all the time that my son is my world, but I haven't given Erica any money in the longest, not because I don't want to, but because I can't, and that makes me a little boy. Fuck all the time I spend with my child, fuck how he feels, I can't really look myself in the eye anymore, I want to cry but I'm not even man enough to do that.

So since I'm short, fat, not in touch with my emotions, and a little boy, why am I surprised that I can't find the right woman? I envisioned being married at this time and now I'll be lucky if it happens before 30, if at all. I had perfection and perfection shitted on me, but I'd still take her back in a heartbeat. Ashley Michelle Boult still has my heart and I keep hoping, wishing, and praying she comes back, but why would she ever want me with all of my faults as described above? So I try to move on and find someone that in spite of their flaws is good for me. I think I've found that, but I'm scared that I'll just fuck that up to same as everything else in my life. So I just keep on keeping on, hoping that one day I'll be able to release and let go and move on, but it doesn't seem like today is that day, anyway, thanks for listening...

The Life of an Attorney

2009-07-06T21:36:00.001-05:00

So I've had several facebook updates regarding the distaste in my mouth from the mentioning of the word "Essence" this weekend. References to Bourbon Street, Port-of-Call, Hand Grenades, Po-Boys, LePhare, NV, Metro, Beignets, and anything New Orleans caused me to regurgitate in my mouth. While everyone was enjoying one of the greatest tourist destinations of the world, I was stuck in Texas, preparing for a trial that wouldn't happen. From May 29th, I watched a dreaded day in court turn into a winnable endeavor. I had got with my partner and went over the case top to bottom working out our strategy and excited about the fact that we would get our first felony trial to jury before we had been practicing for a year, and might be able to win.

We arrived in court and asked the coordinator where we were on the trial docket, where she in turn told us to approach the judge to find out. The judge was unable to garner a response and had the state also approach at which time we learned that our opposing counsel was out on a family emergency, but that somebody else could potentially be found or if not the ADA at the bench with us, would be our opposing counsel today. Great, she doesn't know much about the case, none of the witnesses the state intended to call were subpoenaed, so there was no way we could lose. However, in an attempt not to piss off the judge, appear as gentlemen, and knowing that the case would probably carry over, we told the judge that defense counsel was ready, but due to the unforseen circumstances, we would not object to the court carrying over this cause. The judge asked if the state had offered anything to which the ADA replied 2 years TDC and her honor then instructs us to inform our client of the offer.

Our client then shoots down the offer, and we reapproach to inform the judge. The judge then asks for the facts of the case to which we respond, basically giving our trial issues and contentions. She then asks if our client would be open to a PSI with no agreed recommendation and although the client had denied it a month before we still had to tell her of the offer ethically. When informed of this deal and the consequences of it, our client jumps on the offer like a hungry dog at a steak hanging off the grill. THE STATE OF TEXAS BAMBOOZED OUR CLIENT OUT OF TRIAL WITH THE HELP OF A JUDGE BECAUSE THEY WERE NOT READY! I can't believe this and I am so pissed off now...*sigh* the life of an attorney!

Certainly Not Me!

2009-07-06T01:09:00.001-05:00

Based upon recent conversations I'm beginning to have I think that I may be some sort of a relationship expert. It seems as if a lot of my friends have been coming to me for advice lately based on some of my blog postings and facebook notes, claiming that I may have "this shit" figured out. But the funny part to me is that I'm miserable. Shouldn't the relationship expert be the one who is happily involved or at least single and waiting? (I guess those who know me know that I'm not partial to waiting) Funny part is that I have a couple of potentials, but nothing that would have me faithful. I guess that's my fault, I think to much in theory. In theory, everything works out as expected. In theory, I meet a woman who stimulates my eye, we have a brief conversation, we exchange numbers, she gives me the right number, and we depart. The next day, I call her to break the ice, she's a little preoccupied so she promises to call me back, and later in the evening, she follows through. We talk about everything and she, being the lady she is makes me wait for it and court her but she still shows interest, not allowing text messages to be our primary means of communication. She isn't holding any dark secrets and saying "hey, this is me, hate it or love it." When we do take it there, the sex is amazing, bone chilling, toe-curling, and incomparable to anything I've experienced previously. She isn't needy of all my time, but demands that she cross my mind daily, and let her know...but again, that is all theory. My problems is that all the women that I want don't want me back, and all the women that want me make me feel as though I could do better. So how do I become this so-called expert if I can't make this shit work for me. How would I look being that kind of loser. I just wanna find love, the same like my parents have. Im just rambling, thanks for listening...

Ya Ya Ya, Yippie Yo Kaye, Can't Trust These Dog Ass Hoes Today...

2009-06-28T02:55:00.001-05:00

Like most people I often wonder what is wrong with the opposite sex in my own experiences, but the more I talk to people, specifically my homeboys I begin to understand why women are confused these days, because a lot of men really aint shit. Then I have to suffer the repercussions for these stupid bastards who cause women to think that all men are dogs and that all dudes are after is one thing. As a result, you have men who run shitty game and gimmicks on women and then cause these women to run shitty game back on the dudes they encounter. I'm sorry, I've just had enough. Nothing pisses me off further than people who give something a shitty attempt and really think they are doing something.

Take for example a friend of mine who is only a year and a half younger than me but might as well be 15 as ignorant and naive as he is. Dude tells me that I'm someone he respects but I can't tell because he listens to NOTHING I say when I attempt to give him advice. Like today this nigga hits me up inquiring the same thing he has for the longest; why come he has to be on his best behavior the first night a woman comes over to his house and why come women always front like they don't want to have sex with dudes? After explaining to him about that dreaded double standard regarding how men are basically expected to fuck everything that walks while women are supposed to hold it down for someone special. Honestly, I do think that I am entitled to have a woman who hasn't been with that many guys but with my sexual history, I'd settle for someone who may have been around the block but is still a lady in public and disease-free, but I digress. After explaining about the double standard he still rants about how that's fucked up and how women should basically come to grips with the fact that neither closed mouths nor closed legs get fed. I wanted to write about that before but I let the conversation die and just attributed it to immaturity. However it happened again.

So homie hits me up and asks again why does he have to be respectful the first night. I politely comment back that he could stop all this by being up front with the women that he encounters basically telling them that he expects to go all the way when they come over. He never says that this is something that he is willing to consider, but comes up with these excuses about how he likes the chick that came over because she's "cool" and could wind up being a very good friend. So then I cut to the chase with dude and ask him if he wanted to smash ol girl, to which he replied yes, but when I asked him if this girl was someone he saw as girlfriend material he responded that she was, but only because she refused his advances. WHAT THE FUCK?! Let me get this straight, there's this girl that u want to smash, and instead of getting straight to the point of telling her your intentions, you invite her over for a movie and when she gets there, the lights are dimmed, candles are lit, and slow music is playing in the background. You probably gassed her up with some slick shit in her ear making her feel all "special-like," but you only saw flashes of girlfriend potential when she didn't give u the panties? Am I the only one who's lost here? Why would you attempt to make this lady feel like she was special when you didn't even realize it yourself until she didn't give you any?

My dog then has an epiphany, and remarks of how he thinks that women who do have sex on the first night "overcompensate the industry" and makes other women not want to do it, but the fact that guys get used to this type of behavior making them unable to appreciate a respectable female. At this point in time I'm just shaking my head and thinking that he sounds like a dumbass and the only advice that I can give him is to take the time out to not make the generalization that a lot of women make and realize that people are unique and because of that you can't expect the same process to yield the same results. Again he refutes this suggestion by stating that his stuff always works because he is good at playing the innocent role and even bought a fish. (SIDEBAR: Maybe this is why I'm still single and sexless in Houston, because fish cause panties to fall off??? I may need to do a study on this one...) But then I realize my audience, the same person who has a nice car with pictures of his car all through his Facebook pictures, the same person who's status updates seem to come off more as stunting or bragging, or attest to what he truly doesn't understand about women.

This brings me to a bunch of questions; because you are a man does this make you totally unable to enjoy an attractive woman's company without making her feel as though the only thing you appreciate is her body? Do women these days fail to like and or respect you more for not trying to be typical and "going for the gusto" on the first night? Is it a problem to just be upfront and tell someone you find attractive that you want to sleep with them? Does a man need a gimmick to get some "good joog?"

The Minstrel Show Continues...

2009-06-26T14:42:00.001-05:00

First of all I would like to celebrate the life of Michael Jackson, the all-time King of Pop, and iconic legend to all the 80s Babies. I, like most other children of the 80s, was looking forward to an MJ comeback, but to echo my some of my other posts, everything happens along God’s timeline, not that of our own. R.I.P. Michael, in your words you’ll always be “Another Part of Me.” Also, part of this posting discusses the Transformers, so if you haven’t seen it, don’t worry I don’t give away any of the plot.

Now, last night I was adamant about going see Transformers 2, and I have a problem with going to the movies by myself so I petitioned one of my frat brothers to go. First of all, the movie is AWESOME, and it’s hot to see “realities” that we could only envision through animation or playing with our toys, *sigh* how simple life used to be as a child of the 80’s. However, one thing that really bothered me was the twins, Skidz and Mudflap. Before seeing the movie, I had read several blog postings about how Michael Bay had a lot of racist connotations within the film, and I won’t go so far as to call Bay a racist, however, I will ask Black America when will the time comes that will stop allowing ourselves to be part of the Minstrel Show that mainstream media frequently portray us as. Don’t get me wrong, some of the expressions made by the twins were things that you may here me say, and were very funny, however, I thought it was a bit much that Hasbro and Bay see the actions of these characters as having “personality.” But when u have two robots who are loud, obnoxious, common, saying whatever crosses their mind, have gold teeth, and are proud of the fact that they don’t read comes off as nothing but what Gorrilla Zoe labeled as a “Hood Nigga.” I’m not saying that we should boycott Transformers or anything like that, but we need to be more conscious of our own appearance and actions so that such characterizations are not made in the name of giving fictional characters personality. Until we come to the conclusion as a people that such actions are not “cool,” the Minstrel Show will continue at our expense.

Another example of The Minstrel Show that we subject ourselves to was evident in the Louisiana House of Representatives this week as a point of personal privilege was granted to commend Hurricane Chris and allow him to perform on the floor of the House. Being from a family with political ties, I know how those with influence want their relatives to have their 15 minutes of fame and gain their respective notoriety, but I mean when do you draw the line and not set your self up for epic failure. Chris I’m pretty sure your Godmother meant well, I mean you do have the #1 song on BET’s 106 & Park (WAIT FOR IT…), the song is #5 on Billboard, you’ve done community service around Shreveport, never been to jail, and graduated high school. Comma but, BET used to be a source of pride in the black community and is now is its own damn minstrel show promoting behavior that we should have deemed unacceptable a long time ago under the guise that its okay because, “we’re black, and we know black people,” so any recognition by BET should be politely dismissed by any self-respecting Black American, yet so many of us don’t respect ourselves. Secondly, mainstream music, especially that of the hip-hop/rap genre really lacks substance these days, so just because people are buying your record doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s a message to be put out there. Now I’m pretty sure that most if not all of Louisiana understands the word “ratchet” to be the equivalent of trifling, so I’m not sure if Chris encouraging the House to be ratchet was appropriate. (Although the House probably does some ratchet things and Boosie did say “we all got some ratchet in us.”) Furthermore, just because a chick is “fine as a bitch, ass and her tits” doesn’t mean I would equate her to Halle, so u just sound dumb, Chris. In addition, aside from the coonery you call music, the state is simple commending you for what you are supposed to do! Even though I’m sure your Godmother believed to be acting in your best interest and congratulating you on your achievement, you should have declined the performance and spared yourself the embarrassment.

So my friends, again its time to hold each other accountable, we have seen the mockery that some people make of us, when we stop allowing it and further perpetuating a stereotype? We really need to do better!

Ignorance May Be Bliss, But in the End, it's Still Stupidity...

2009-06-11T21:54:00.000-05:00

So lately I've been focusing on my workload lately and haven't been really been finding much that really fit into the theme of my blog to write about until like last week. My assimilation theme or lack thereof continued on yesterday, and again it was something that my partners and I conduct with the utmost pride and care. Now I won't sit here and divulge all of the marketing tactics of my great firm, but just know that we have somethings up our sleeves; besides in a business where the abundance of perspective representation may cloud the judgment of those seeking quality, you have to do things that separate yourselves from the rest of the field.

I am an advocate for my people, in fact, I'm so pro-black that I often struggle with the fact that others may consider me a racist. The funny part is that sometimes I think of myself as a racist and I think that my defense that I can't be a racist because I have white friends is evidence towards me being racially insensitive. However, I was raised in the deep, deep, dirty south where ignorance is a way of life that exceeds the traditional boundaries of race and upbringing. And I think that's what propels my dislike for SOME (note I said some not all) people and racial groups because their ignorance propels them to do stupid things.

As a young black man with an "ethnic" hairstyle, an "urban" vernacular, and a light-hearted nature, I may not be as conservative as others may expect, but, for lack of a better phrase; "bitch, I'm me!" One would think that someone with such a high self-esteem wouldn't let the ignorance of others disturb him, but it's something that you would imagine would not occur with the frequency that it did more than 40 years ago. Well as I'm standing in the veranda of one of the Harris County courtrooms with my partners discussing the day's events, another fellow attorney walks out of the courtroom and stops because two of my partners are blocking the walkway. After they excuse themselves and move the other attorney pauses for an awkward 10 seconds or so and remarks, "is this an illegal meeting?" Everyone else pauses mid-statement, mid-text message, and the only response that could be uttered was the question "of lawyers?" The attorney who thought he had interrupted an "illegal" meeting only walks out of the courtroom, and I wonder if it was because he didn't hear the question, or realized just how inappropriate his question was?

What could possibly cause this man to formulate the idea that he was interrupting an illegal meeting? Was it because he walked in on four black men and wanted to make an informal "witty" remark that would amuse us? Or was it because four black men talking in a courthouse, despite their business attire and briefcases, could not be involved in anything other than illegal activity? Now despite the beginning of this post, this is not a racial post, its on questioning ignorance. Since I've began working as a licensed attorney, I've heard a lot of negative commentary about the practices of my firm. We've been affectionately referred to as "the brain trust," an entourage, "the Harris County Dream Team," and a "gang," and have heard things like "it takes three of those guys to work a misdemeanor." I would imagine that in a county where at least 3 prosecutors sit in every courtroom, feed each other questions in voir dire and other hearings, fellow defense attorneys would be glad that one entity is taking it upon themselves to "even up the odds." Maybe its just blatant hating, Nas told us that people fear what they don't understand, hate what they can't conquer, that such is probably the theory of man. Maybe its just the intimidation that we possess over those who oppose us in getting this money or those who oppose the interests of our clients but is it our fault that we come prepared while you brought a knife to a gun fight? Or does it bother you that we'd rather get it in together instead of being all out for self?

The stupidity that encompasses the legal community amazes me but I'll continue to do me. In fact, I'll be in the courthouse tomorrow, four deep, ensuring that justice will be served equally to all; where is the illegality in that???

The World is Mine...But Assimilation is Not!

2009-06-02T22:09:00.000-05:00

My third post in just as many days...wow maybe I'm being overly inspired or overly pissed...but hey, I can do whatever I want, this really is my space...

Today was a rather eventful Tuesday in the Harris County Criminal Justice Center. I was asked by one of my partners to go get an offense report that he requested from the District Attorney's office. Well, that turned into a whole ordeal that I won't really get into details about but I got carded for the second time in three weeks. It took for my partner to call the front desk and validate my credentials in order for me to get the damn offense report and when I asked the woman at the desk why she put me through such a rigamaro, she replied that my hair is not the type that she would expect to see on an attorney. This remark greatly upset me, but I just shrugged it off and moved on. So then when I arrived at the elevators, I ran into another woman and engaged in small talk with her;

Me: How are you doing?
Woman: Fine, and yourself?
Me: I'm okay just trying to make it.
Woman: Me too. Speaking of making it, you just missed three elevators that were going down.
Me: It's okay I'll just wait for another. Can I ask you a question?
Woman: Sure.
Me: If you saw me walking down the hallway, would you take me for an attorney?
Woman: No, because of your hair, it's not really the conservative look that most lawyers go for
Elevator arrives
Woman: Well, here's my elevator, you have a nice day

So on the elevator by myself, I am thinking of the song, I Am Not My Hair, previous blog postings, and I'm starting to wonder if my "individuality" will be a burden on my success. I'm sitting there feeling rather distraught because if people I interact with in the courthouse cannot take me serious as an attorney, how would I ever expect the legal community, and potential clients to. The elevator then stops on the 19th floor and I meet up with another one of my partners, and I tell him about the events of earlier. He laughed and asked for the races of the women (the receptionist was Asian, the elevator lady was white), then proceeded to tell me that dreadlocks are a symbol of strength for our people, something that we culturally identify with. They are often misunderstood, and as a result, are dismissed as inappropriate. He went on further, that he cannot recall seeing any other male criminal defense attorney in Harris County who wears their hair like I do with mine, and that it would be noticed by potential clients because it sets me apart from the field. So now that people think that I can't possibly be a real attorney, I'm embarking on another one of my asshole-ish tirades to prove them all wrong and laugh all the way to the bank, REAL TALK (TYPE), lol

The Disease Called Mediocrity Strikes Again...Let's Have a Pity Party!

2009-06-01T16:33:00.001-05:00

So, I'm coming to the realization that I may not have the level of tact that I sometimes criticize others for having, but I have not ever been the one to criticize someone for things that they can't control, and that will be my disclaimer for this post...

About two weeks ago a friend of mine contacted me for some "kind words" as she informed me that her wallet had been stolen. When I inquired into where she was when the wallet was stolen, she ever so matter-of-factly replied; "Starbucks." Then my kind words went out the window and I proceeded to rain on her pity party. Now I've been at Starbucks many a night, have left my laptop on the table to go smoke a cigarette, but never have I been the victim of theft there. Maybe because I take easily concealed items with me, always ask fellow patrons to watch my items in my absence, or I'm not scatter-brained like the one whom I'm referring to, yet I digress. Again, I will haze someone up for incidents that they are completely at fault for, so people should not expect me to show compassion for their fuck ups. My friend became bewildered at how I could seem not to care, but as I've expressed to her, someone's situation is always worse. Take me, for example, in my first year of law school I dealt with Katrina and all its effects less than a month after school started and saw my son come into this world less than a month before comps. My mind was in another place for most of the year, so why should I express sympathy for someone who was dumb enough to leave their wallet unattended in Starbucks. Besides credit cards can be cancelled in a matter of seconds, and the worst part about getting a new ID is standing in line. My soul still hasn't recovered from the storm, and I'm still struggling to provide for my son financially. But some never really appreciate how well they have it even in light of the misfortunes of others...

Case in point number two, I have another friend who posted on facebook today a status update about how she had to read 80-some-odd pages by tomorrow for a history class. I told her to multiply the figure by about 3 if she wanted an insight into my daily reading requirement for law school in addition to my sympathy. She took offense to my statement, remarking that today was her return to school after a two year hiatus, and that I should be more sympathetic to her plight. ARE YOU SERIOUS? First of all, I applaud your efforts as a single-mother to return back to school and make an effort to better life for your daughter, but as they say, nothing worth having comes easy, and you have to be willing to fight for what you want. Second, if you weren't on facebook searching for inspiration or people to make you feel better about your menial assignment, you could have easily did 10-20 pages of reading in the time you were bickering with me. But no, she remarked that when I was studying for the bar no one treated me in such a manner, although I never asked for the acceptance of the facebook community when it came down to my daily requirements for studying for the bar either time. Taking the bar was something that I brought on myself and it was up to me to see it through fruition. And I did just that, some people just need to realize that the world will not be handed to them and take things as they come and do what they need to in order to make their dreams a reality....

I'm putting to soapbox up now, but with 2 posts in 2 days, believe I'll have more ammo tomorrow!

Boy Meets Girl...Boy Gets Girl...Boy Loses Girl...

2009-05-31T08:54:00.001-05:00

PLEASE PRESS PLAY TO GET THE FULL EFFECT

Okay let's be honest for a frank second, I am a hopeless romantic. From holding hands, to (classy) PDAs, all the way up to nights spent in close quarters absent any sexual tension just talking about random events, I LOVE LOVE. But for some unknown reason, love doesn't really feel the same about me. Perhaps it's due to the fact that the mistakes of my youth are catching up to me, and God feels as though I need to learn pain before I can actually experience true love, or maybe because I'm just too damn selfish and unconforming to what love actually requires to have it work for me. I mean I have mastered the art of "the chase," and have realized what it takes to get a woman on my team, but love seems to always fall into the trap of the title of this posting.

Kellen meets girl, Kellen gets to know girl, Kellen becomes intimate with girl, Kellen believes girl will become a fixture in his life, Kellen does the same things he did when he met girl, Kellen loses girl, but girl still wants to be intimate.

I guess maybe I'm just not boyfriend material, however, I feel as though if I change, I would be cheating the woman out of all that is me and changing for her. Now I don't think that changing is wrong within a relationship, but I do know that if you sacrifice the person you are for the person your mate wants you to be both of you will eventually wind up unhappy. That is why I've never been one to play with "fixer-uppers" as it comes to a mate because if you were to encounter someone who catches your eye but isn't quite what you hope them to be when you get to know them you're not feeling that person, you are feeling the person you want them to be. I've discussed and posted blogs about my feelings in regards to love but I think I got it, but in the end, love doesn't love me.

I found myself involved with a woman who was a master of surprises of sorts, demanding things of me that she was unwilling to reciprocate, and i broke my cardinal rule, I didn't have a back-up plan. So now I'm back on the prowl, trying to find what I need in a woman to be happy, wish me luck

Look What U Did!

2009-05-05T00:33:00.001-05:00

Now that the initial shock has died down, and I've sobered up (lol), I can finally retire away to my sanctuary and post an "I'm proud of myself" blog. From my last post, you all can see that doubt had been creeping up on me, but I think I managed to put it away. The funny part is that the first time I took the bar, I had nightmares about failing, and people knowing before I did, well, let me tell you how dream echoes reality...

THURSDAY, APRIL 30, 2009 approximately 3-something PM: I am in the midst of doing something that catered to my creative side, and I'm focused, like really focused. I was drawing, something that I enjoy doing but I don't do that frequently, I guess I do it when I feel like it, kinda like my blog, lol. Well anyways, I get a phone call from my homeboy, Earl, in which he responds to my "hello," by screaming "LET'S GET THIS MONEY." Well my initial response is, "what money?" To which he follows up with "LET'S GET THIS MONEY, COUNSELOR!!!" Now, Earl and I have been friends for about 10 years or so, and he and I have pretty much been pillars for each other to lean on through the stresses of our legal curriculum, so I thought he was trying to hit me with some inspirational words while I was waiting on my scores. But he had seen the pass list before I did, and my dude was calling me to wish me well and be the first one to hit me up with a congrats. And when he finally explains to me that I had passed the bar and I am in a fury in trying to load up the Texas Board of Law Examiners website to see my name on the list for myself, I get congratulatory text messages coming through on my phone and realized that it was true; I HAD PASSED THE BAR! After talking to Earl later that night, we both laughed at on a day when most people were overly nervous, I was almost "zen-like."I don't know if I was content that it was God's will, that I always produce when it's on the line, or something else, but I passed and wasn't really concerned about it. But Texas, you have unleashed Kellen A. Daranda, Esq., LOOK WHAT THE EFF U DID!

My Time Has Come?

2009-04-24T13:14:00.001-05:00

Okay, so I am approximately a week away from receiving the biggest news of my life (again) and unfortunately, I am on pins and needles.
After receiving my MPRE score from the July 2008 administration and my bar scores, I remarked via my facebook status that I was not going to beg the bar examiners for 14 points or ACT for 1 that I was just going to take them. So I approached both exams with a renewed fervor and my desire to succeed paid off with the March 2009 administration of the MPRE as I bested the score I was shooting for by 25 points. Usually, when one gets those types of "signs" their confidence level usually increases tremendously. However, the thing with me is that law school, its exams, and my attempts to become a licensed attorney, have taught me that despite my firm belief that God only answers the prayers of those who do the initial leg work before putting it all in His hands. The past year has humbled me into realizing that HIS will, not mine, will be done. The only problem is in the acceptance portion when the desires of one superseed the expectations of the other and vice versa.

I will not say that I wasn't prepared in July, I just have come to terms with the fact that it simply wasn't my time. Now, i'm faced with the daunting task of waiting to make my next move. And that's the worst part of attempting to gain certification in the legal profession, the wait. I cannot and will not question the will of my father, but I believe that I am ready. I have obtained the education, engaged in the preparation, and did my best on the bar exam. Furthermore, it seems as though everything is falling into place. I've passed the MPRE after 4 attempts, I've succeeded in gaining temporary employment in order to pay my bills, I have a strong possibility that I will be working with people that I trust, doing something I enjoy, and following a plan that I totally agree with, and most importantly my demeanor has been more upbeat lately. I wouldn't quite say that I have reached the plateau of happiness that I am searrching for, but I am damn close.

So if not now, then when? I have had conversations with friends, associates, frat brothers, and random people that I have met where they all express confidence in my abilities in knowing that I have passed this time around but I wonder why I can't feel the same way. As opposed to how I felt in october of last year, I will not say that I think I failed because I honestly do not believe that I did, but that damn "what if" has managed to creep into my thoughts yet again. What if I didn't pass? What if folks were only telling me that they believed in me because it was the right thing to do, not because they genuinely felt in such a manner? What if I have to move back home? What if? WHAT IF?

So i'm saying this now on April 24th, I believe that this is my time, my chance, and I intend to make the most of it. I have done all I could and will accept whatever comes my way the same as always, but it's in God's hands now and I'm okay with that!

It's About That Time

2009-04-18T14:07:00.002-05:00

I have been wanting to write in my blog again for the longest. I wanted it to be more like a cyber journal (diary is kinda homo) because I have always looked at how unjudging and welcoming a pen and pad or keyboard and word processor can be as opposed to people. But I guess I'm not totally living my life on the up and up in order to turn my blog into a tell-all. Some of the things i do in my personal life are still no ones business other than my own. But then again, my blog is for my own release so why should I care who I hurt and what people think. I'll do better. But on to my posting for today.

About a month ago I went to see Slumdog Millionaire, a movie that impacted me when I first saw it, but with the turns that my life is encountering I'm really starting to get it. The movie opens with a title card displaying the following message; "Jamal Malik is one question away from winning 20 million rupees. How did he do it? (A) He cheated, (B) He's lucky, (C) He's a genius, (D) It is written." As applied to my life this statement would read;

Kellen Daranda is 12 days from getting one step closer to happiness. How did he do it?

(A) He cheated
(B) He's lucky
(C) He's a genius
(D) It is written

In 12 days I am going to receive my results from my second sitting of the Texas State Bar Examination, and surprisingly I'm not nervous this time around. This is probably largely attributed to the fact that I believe in predestination, and the way everything is happening. This time, I approached the bar without the sense of inferiority I had before, believing that I was sub-par because I had graduated from Texas Southern. I came at it this time around, not looking to prove anything to anyone, but with everything to lose. I came to sit with the strong potential of employment, and with a threat that if I did not pass I would be forced to move back to New Orleans after 6 years of being out my parents house and in essence start all over. As much as I love New Orleans, and yearn to return, I intend to do so on my own terms.

But since that time, I have managed to find me a temporary job, that despite how tedious and boring it is, is still a pay check. INCOME, YAY! In addition to that, I passed the MPRE with a 110, managed to find me a bit of a social life, and have a strong possibility of not being single at the end of summer 09. Maybe its just my time to shine...

So What Are YOU Doing to Change it?

2009-03-23T21:33:00.001-05:00

There was one thing that became a blatant eye opener to me from the time I first set foot into the Thurgood Marshall School of Law on the campus of Texas Southern University; a lack of pride. I came to TSU on my own accord among other schools particularly for my own personal need to get away, but also because of the love that I had felt for the five years I spent at Southern. I had been told by many people that all HBCUs have that same sense of comradery like what I experienced at Southern, and I did see it at TSU, well on the undergrad side at least. At TSU I met many different personalities and people that were down for the cause and actually bled maroon and grey. However, once you cross Tierwester, the attitudes of TSU's students change. The comparison between each of the attitudes can actually be seen on blog postings. I would like to offer for review the blog of a former Ms. Texas Southern University (http://savethetigers47.blogspot.com) as compared with an alumni of the law school (http://ibedamn.blogspot.com).

On Save The Tigers, you can see the thoughts of a concerned alumni who expresses the pride that comes with being proud to say that one attended that school. While her blog may stir some people up, she is just expressing her opinion of recent matters that have affected the university and using her blog as the gateway to her expressions. She has not resorted to childish bantering or name-calling when she disagrees with the administration of the university, and shows a maturity level far beyond her years.

Compare that with I Be Damn in which a former law student sits and talks about the current administration of Texas Southern University while neglecting to offer any realtime solutions for the problems that have been experienced. My momma always told me that family business is best when kept in house, but I guess this person was not privy to a similar upbringing because they insist on airing the dirty laundry of TMSL. The person even remarks about TMSL's low bar passage rate, and the dirty looks they receive when they tell others that they were educated at Thurgood for law school. I wonder if they even wanted to go to TSU in the first place?

But such is the beauty of HBCUs in my opinion, they all have their problems just like any PWI, but it is my opinion that if we actually had alumni like most PWIs have, then we would be able to better resolve the issues that alumni have with administration as well as help current students with their plight in receiving their education and the collateral matters that come along with that. I mean damn, I get the same dirty looks when I say that I attended TSU for law school, and I also failed the bar. Does that make me any less of a lawyer? THe time has come for us to stand up and embrace where we went to school, like it or not. Because until people get to know us personally, they will always let our affiliations define us. If you aren't willing to help change it, then you should just politely shut what they call the fuck up!

Love Is...

2009-02-22T15:50:00.000-06:00

So after consulting with a few friends during the past week I’ve come to a realization in my own life. I guess its one of those epiphanies that one isn’t expected to have at the tender age of 26, or while one is studying for a particular examination that pretty much dictates how you’re future in the legal profession will pan out. However, those who I have tagged as avid readers of my Facebook notes know that I gain a lot of relaxation from posting to here as well as my blog. So continue to keep me in your prayers for the bar, I’m much more confident this time around in my ability to pass, but allow me this release without any scolding and just open up your mind to some things…

The older I get it the more I realize how well my parents did in my upbringing. Not to toot my own horn or anything like that. But I like how they have instilled in me the same values that they have themselves, and have used their own mistakes as boundaries for me to pursue whatever it is that I desire. It is because of Anthony and Enola that I have the kind of feelings that I do in regards to family, and it is also because of these feelings that I am envious of them. The year 2009 will see the two mentioned above celebrate 29 years of marriage and 36 years of being in each other’s life. At a young age I was determined that my life was supposed to go in a similar manner, but maturity has helped me realize that the means that propels me to such an end is not important, as long as it gets me there.

So in seeing my parents, as much as they may be at each other’s throat, or disagree on the most menial of things, it is refreshing to see two people that are in love after so much time. Which brings me to the point of this note, why is it that my parents have succeeded where so many have failed. And why is it that our generation has failed. If you would look at statistics or talk to an attorney who specializes in divorce and dissolution of property, you can see that in this day and age, greater than 50% of all marriages entered into ultimately fail. My question is “why?” My initial answer is that people are marrying for the wrong reasons.

Many of my friends who have parents and grandparents who are still together will remark that times have changed. However, I am a child of the old school, and I believe that the more things change, the more they remain the same. While it is true that the days of shotgun marriages are over, and that we are free to “move around” after sowing our oats with another and not being pressured into marriage because of a child, how come so many of those marriages have worked when those of free will meet their demise? One would expect that a forced union would not work, however these people faced with the possibility of social rejection frequently made something out of nothing, making the best of things and learning to love a person that they were forced to be with. Despite the initial reasons for their union it became held together by love. Somewhere in our exponential advancement we strayed from the ideology that boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy and girl get married, boy and girl raise a family. Many of us fail in our relationships and marriages when we think we are in love because we have no idea what love is.

Love is defined by Random House dictionary as: (1) a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person; (2) a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend; (3) sexual passion or desire. In an era where many of us have alluded dating to a job interview with its set of prerequisites, desired qualifications, salary requirements and things of that nature, it is of no wonder why marriage statistics are in the uproar that they are presently in. While we can all agree on the first definition given for love, too often we found ourselves gaining that kind of affection for another based upon biased thoughts such as those found in (3). But I think most who search for love and are upset with what they have found in the midst of their search, and have not looked at the comparisons offered in (2).

To me, love is an unwavering feeling in a person toward someone else that is unfaltering and without limit. It means accepting a person as they are, wanting them to do better, but without damage to that feeling if they are unable to change what you would like them to. Its where you put up with all the things about that person that you may not like, however inconvenient they are to you, even though it may affect actions they take, or the things that they may require, the same way we would do for a parent, child, friend, or family. We all can identify with the strange and ridiculous things that our TRUE friends, family, parents, and children do, but we manage to care for them the same, yet when our significant other does something of that magnitude, we usually run for the hills. In similar situations many will remark “you have no say over who’s your family.” But actually you do have a choice to get rid of such people, the reason you don’t is because you love them. (For those of you who have renounced members of your family, I would advise you to seek Jesus.) We don’t turn our backs on those that we love just because it’s convenient to do so. We stay the course, doing what we can to make things work, and if it fails to work out the way we hoped or anticipated, we can have no regrets because we gave it our all. That’s what love is, caring about a person more than we do for ourselves.

For those of you who are unable to find love, I wonder if it’s because you don’t know what love is and find yourself in a false sense of reality with someone based upon material or physical attributes that that person may possess. My advice to you would be to sit down, digest the food for thought that I have given you, and figure out what your definition of love is. If it is similar to the one I have given you, stop being so selfish with matters of the heart. Love as if you’ve never been hurt before, because the only time someone worth your tears will cause you to cry is in an instance where they are crying themselves. That, my friends, is love!

We've Lost Our Killer Instinct...

2009-01-24T10:51:00.001-06:00

On yesterday I checked my email and I noticed a blip on the yahoo news screen about a girls high school team beating their opponent 100-0 in basketball. The story of which can be seen here talks of how the coach of the winning team is feeling remorseful about beating another school by 100 points. However I don't think that he should have to. In a society where we give out participation trophies, and believe that children should never have their feelings hurt, i don't see how people even wonder how America has lost the supremacy it once had 50 years ago. We are too accommodating to people in order to make them feel better about their shitty lives. We have mercy rules, and it seems to be good sportsmanship to let a team have it easy. I remember when I played sports in high school, it was always easier to accept a blow out then a close loss, so I wonder what that does to a child's self-esteem if you don't pad the score. For instance its gentlemanly in professional football to just run the ball late in the game in order to run the clock. But I feel like Bill Belichick, if you can't stop me, then why should I baby you and stop my game plan. Either you should have planned better for the game, or you shouldn't be on the field. Yes, I'm a fan of running up the score, and not taking it easy. Because of people taking it easy, you have idiots on American Idol who really think that they can sing and they they cry their eyes out when the judges tell them that they actually cannot. People need to be pushed to do better, in that respect, competition is healthy. We talk about how bad the education system of this country is, but what's the next step to tell A students not to do so well to make the C/D students feel better? GIVE ME A BREAK!

You Just Do You...

2009-01-23T12:38:00.002-06:00

“Niggas fear what they don’t understand, hate what they can’t conqueror, guess that’s just the theory of man.” - Nas

It’s funny how I’ve always been a glutton for compliments but its weird how one can receive the same compliment some 7 years apart and take it in totally opposite ways. Shortly after I became initiated into Kappa Alpha Psi, someone stopped me outside of the Union at Southern to tell me that she was proud of me for not letting Kappa change me. Instead of seeing that she was commending me for remaining true to myself I took offense to the statement responding, “I’ve been me for 19 years, what the fuck was I supposed to become.” However, I think I’ll attribute my crude response to the two I’s that frequently cause us all to shake our heads in disdain at the words that sometimes come out of our mouths; ignorance and immaturity. Now that the fraternity is no longer new to me, I’ve had a hand in bringing in 51 brothers, and was at Southern for a tenure where 81 brothers were made by the Alpha Sigma Chapter, I have seen that everyone is not man enough to define their affiliations. The way I felt, I didn’t need the fraternity to define me, I had already established a satisfactory level of popularity on all the levels that are prominent in undergrad, my classmates regarded me as an intelligent force to either be reckoned with (in the case of my honors classes) or just a smart dude, women considered me cute, and the people that lived in the vicinity of my dormitory saw me as a “cool lil dude.” So I was happy with the identity I had carved out for myself, because it was me. Some remark that college is a chance to start all over and be whoever you want to be, but that’s never been something that I wanted to do, because I’ll always be me. As a result, I took offense to a compliment that only yesterday had me smiling from ear to ear.

David Ruffin was so profound in saying “I’ll never change,” that Sean Carter sampled the same lyrics close to 30 years later, and I feel the same as both of these revolutionary music artists. I have always said that any level of success that one can hope to attain is not worth it if you cannot recognize the person who stares back at you in the mirror. So I’ve lived my life in such a manner, remaining adamant to the statement that one cannot judge a book by its cover. And my devotion to proving others wrong is what has propelled me to be successful when I had been perceived as too hood to be at Franklin, too smart to be at Southern, and a bit too rebellious to conform to the rigorous expectations of a career in the legal field. But I remain cautious as to the folks that I allow to see my true colors. And I guess that’s why my writing is so much of a relaxation, so much from the S.O.U.L. (shameless plug I know), because I don’t have to seek the paper’s approval and the pen is just happy that I’m allowing him to do what he was made to do. I’ve never managed to seek acceptance from not too many people other than my mother, but it bothers me when people just don’t get where I’m coming from. But why should I expect them to, most of the people who were brought up the way I was don’t think in the manner that I do. And most who are on the same echelon with me both intellectually and educationally can’t understand some of my mannerisms and passions. But in the end, that’s just me.

A classmate and friend of mine (because it would be an insult to just put this person in the “associate” category) told me that he enjoys reading my postings because of the passion that exudes from my words and the genuine glances I give people into my mind. He said that he considers me an inspiration because despite what life has thrown at me I manage to remain true to myself and my postings are testament to that. This comes from someone who I was guilty of prejudging when I first met him. I guess it was because there where things about him that just rubbed me the wrong way, and perception can be the kiss of death when you interact with me. However, in getting to know this person better, I have found out that he and I are a lot alike. In the end, we are both going to do what we feel most comfortable doing, and if you don’t like it, then frankly, fuck you! I guess my accelerated maturity has caused me to see the error in my ways in perceiving such a compliment as an insult 7 years prior, but maybe that was due to the fact the original comment came from someone I considered a follower, and not a leader like myself. Jo, I want to thank you for having a wonderful mind and the ability to see the same in others. Your kind words definitely inspired me, and I am thankful. We can’t change the world, but if we remain true to who we are maybe one day people will follow this bold lead and we can do our part to change society in some respects.

I know that I definitely have someone who understands and feels my passion and considers it an inspiration, and in the end that’s enough for me. I’m content with being hated and feared as opposed to loved and respected because I bring truth. So go ahead haters; you just do you, and Imma do me!

I WAS THERE...

2009-01-21T01:39:00.001-06:00

Unfortunately for me, a few other million people were able to say the same thing. We who braved an 11 Degree wind chill, and walked for miles around the National Mall to be a part of history will not ever forget the moment when an admittedly black man took the Oath of Office to become the 44th President of the United States of America. I awoke at 4AM on the morning of January 20, 2009 with the fervor of a child who wanted to see what Santa brought him on December 25th. I will admit that I knew of several people who had descended on the District of Columbia just to be in that number. Not the number of those who like myself had to be there to personally witness this event become etched into the history of the United States, but those who came out to kick it in Love, Park, and various other venues, who came out in search of some celebratory joog, or whatever social reason's that their trip to the Nation's Capital was based upon. I despised those folk to the point that I had labeled this historic event as the "Inniggeration." I hoped that I was wrong for thinking that this level would amount to the level of debauchery that has plagued that last few NBA All-Star weekends, and indeed I was. Some of the "E.R.s" were out, dressed as if it was a fashion show, fighting in Love, and more concerned with the sights of seemingly-attractive members of the opposite sex, but that did not destroy the sanctity of January 20th. Besides, I hadn't seen much that caused me to shake my head in disbelief on the shortcomings of my ethnic group, nor did I hear of anything that ruined the spirit of this great event.

Unlike others in attendance at the National Mall, I chose not to remark that "Yes We Did," rather "Yes We Can," because as Obama alluded to in his Inauguration Address, there is still work to be done. However, 43 years after Dr. Martin Luther King addressed a crowd of 250,000, Barack Obama doing the same at the same venue to a crowd several times that size let us know that change indeed has come. Never before had I witnessed an audience of that size, nor have I ever been a part of such a magnitude, but the beauty in seeing many different races, ethnicities, nationalities, and faiths all assembled together has got to be a rush for any human being. And that it was for me. Anytime anyone speaks of Barack's Presidency, whether positive or negative, their first remark will be that he, like many other African-Americans before him, shattered a barrier, and an unmatched feeling will come over my body as I remark simply "I was there when it all happened."

I GOT IT

2008-11-20T06:12:00.001-06:00

Its truly amazing how and when things dawn upon you. I have said that I despise living in Houston because of the fakeness of its natives and how they have collectively thrown me into the category of a “typical” New Orleanian. Although I will admit that a lot of my mannerisms, speech patterns, and thoughts are exclusively New Orleans, an overwhelming amount of people in the Houston metropolitan area still manage to believe that such characteristics are less than desirable and I have allowed them to sway my opinion of myself. Well, the past two weeks have allowed me to gain a better understanding of my life in Houston and I think I have it figured out.

To those of you who have read my recent blog postings where I went Kimbo Slice on all of my achievements and personality and extended a phone call, text message, or just stopped me in person to check on me and make sure I was okay, thank you, I am thankful to have you all as friends. The kind words of encouragement and just concern for my well being meant a lot to me and even came from some sources that I would never have expected. Such random acts of kindness coupled with the message I got in church this past Sunday have led me to believe that after 25 years and some change, I’m finally starting to figure parts of this thing called life out.

This Sunday found me in church, a place that I’ll admit I attend more on occasion as opposed to the frequency of my youth or last year in undergrad, but the priest at ST. Mary’s gave a Homily that was right on time and did not fall of deaf ears. Father talked of a conversation he had with one of his seminary classmates in which the classmate inquired as to God’s method of answering prayers. The classmate stated that he asked for wisdom and God gave him more problems to solve, he asked for understanding, and found himself with people who were hard to deal with. Such a statement profoundly affected me because I thought I was the only one who was bewildered by the direct opposites that have come from my own requests.

I’ve asked God for wisdom in my studies and my last two times sitting for the MPRE and the only sitting of the Texas Bar left me with results that were less than desired. I have asked for love and have received more platonic friendships with the opposite sex than I thought were possible. My desire for greatness has left me feeling unfulfilled with my apparent failures, and the search for independence may have me living back with my parents before the end of 2008. Such responses have managed to frustrate the same man who wants to tattoo the phrase “adversity causes some men to break, others to break records” across his back. This same man who regards the 10 and a half weeks of hell on the journey to Phi Nu Pi as what made a man of him at 19 was confused by encountering a series of minor setbacks that were in fact the answers to his prayers.
To my friends who have been concerned with my stability or apparent lack thereof, please don’t worry about me, that’s just my inner spoiled brat coming out and not being accustomed to encountering rejection. I’ve realized this past Sunday that I’m not a failure and that my prayers are definitely being answered. So as I go back to hiding under a rock in preparation for the February bar, pray for me with the same fervor you did in July, this time I’m bringing it home!

My State of the Union Address

2008-11-05T04:13:00.001-06:00

My fellow Americans, November 4, 2008 is a date that will live in infamy in the minds of all African-Americans. That, my friends, is the day that Barack Obama, a black man, became elected the 44th President of the United States. This event is something that will serve as this generation of Black Americans’ defining moment. Our parents can remember what they were doing on August 28, 1963 when Dr. Martin Luther King gave his famous “I Have a Dream” speech, or even on April 4, 1968, when King was assassinated, but we’re not going to wish the latter on our President elect. Yes, today (last night) is that day for us where we will all remember where we were and what we were doing when we first learned the news that Obama had gained the necessary electoral votes to officially become THE FIRST black man to be elected as the President of the United States. His rise made me realize that “Change” and “Yes We Can” are more than campaign slogans; they are inspirational words that will also etch November 4, 2008 into the legacy that I am still in the process of building.

Black America, we have to realize that 2008 isn’t really that different from 1963. The ugliness that is racism, whether we choose to believe it or not, still exist in our great nation, and we have the nerve to call ourselves progressive. In a time where we are seeing that anything is truly possible, we cannot afford to sell ourselves short. Society has become so technologically advanced where we can have news correspondents interact with each other via hologram, where we can instantaneously receive news, gossip, and messages, yet a wise man named Alphonse Karr once told us; “the more things change, the more they stay the same.”

If you were following the results as closely as I was, you would have seen the results that I saw at http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2008/results/president/. I was disturbed, although not really shocked to see that most of the Confederate South voted Republican. This is why we heard voters express their concerns for the Republican ticket, but say that they would not vote for Obama without giving reason. We all know the reason. I’ve long remarked that being Republican works if you’re rich, but most of the poorer states including my beloved Louisiana, were engrossed in red on those result maps. Let me ask of you CNN, MSNBC, FOX and many other media outlets, if we as a people are that blind to the facts that we would logically reason that only the state of the economy and the war in Iraq were the two major issues in the 2008 Presidential Election, without including race? This is the same election where we have had McCain supporters boo at the mention of Barack Obama during his concession address in Arizona. This is the same election where comments full of the same ignorance and hate as experienced in the 1960s can still be seen on many webpages including FOX’s (http://elections.foxnews.com/2008/11/04/wrap-polls-start-close-frenied-day-voting/comments/). And I’ll refrain from any mention of the Jena 6, Jenarlo Wilson, and many other media circuses that let us know the ways of the South. However, this is the exact same election where many others commented that if Barack Obama were 100% white McCain would have conceded the election weeks ago.

For me, November 4, 2008 was the realization that Kevin Garnett had it right all along in June; “anything is possible.” I am not regarding this date as many in our race may, that this is our free pass to do whatever we like, but I am just as pleased as the next man. Yeah the marchers of the 60s had it right, change has come, but it has indeed come and will continue to do so at a price. And the subjects of my previous postings including Pampy, Jesse Jackson, and Rev. Wright, amongst others, should act accordingly. Responding to comments about my status; “Kellen Daranda J.D. is hoping that Barack Obama becoming the 44th President of the U.S. will not make him say; ‘they should've never gave u niggas a President!’,” I am just as happy as all of you to see Obama in office, I just hope that our people do not choose to “show their color” simply because they can no longer cite “when a Black man becomes President” as their time frame for getting things accomplished. And furthermore, in our quest to check off our objectives, we should realize that nothing will be given to us. In a time frame much shorter than our arrival to this nation we have seen special interests groups such as the gays acquire rights much faster than those of us who have had no choice in what we are. (Hey, these are MY thoughts; I never said I was “politically correct.”) Here we are still waiting on our 40 acres and a mule, and now were supposed to expect that everything will work itself out because we have a black man in office?

The good that I have learned from Barack Obama is that Democracy in America is not overly influenced by improper motives such as race, and because of that is not dead. The niggers, spics, and chinks did not elect Barack Obama, America did. Besides if we look at the ethic makeup of the United States, we will see that the minority ethnic groups combined still do not equal the majority and that Black America is no longer the largest minority group. So we cannot be lead to believe that it’s the Blacks who are on welfare and that it’s the Black male who is in prison instead of college. Maybe now that society has seen a piss poor campaign get the results it should have expected from day one, it will be more willing to lend an ear to our plight. But we cannot just expect it to happen, we have to make it happen, believing that “yes, we can.”

Barack has also shown me that my previous blog posting was all wrong, I should not beat myself up regarding my shortcomings, that’s not disrupting the trend of what I had previously viewed as mediocrity, that is giving up. Despite not being where I want to be physically, mentally, financially, or emotionally, I have to take things one step at a time and see that I do have the testicular fortitude to know that I am able to change things. So what I don’t have a job at the moment, I’ll get one. So what I’m nervous about my bar results, everyone else is just like many have been before us, and many will continue to be after us, despite where they obtained their legal education. So what I’m single, it’s the time for me to fix myself. Today I’ve seen a black man become the first person to do something, being defiant enough to earn acceptance, yet conducive enough to have it given readily. I have seen a vision of my own future, far removed from the rut that I have dug myself into.

I want to thank my friends, family, and fraternity for their words of encouragement in my downward spiral and would like them to welcome back the man that has earned their love and respect. I hope that you all regard November 4, 2008 in the same respect that I do, realizing that change begins with one, and that you too can do it. So today, November 5, 2008 please remember; Carpe Diem, I know I will.

Bittersweet Suicide?

2008-10-24T15:23:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was a day that should have echoed with delight in my soul as I cast my vote for the first black candidate for the office of President of the United States, but the joy I experienced in making history was truly short-lived as my own problems began to set in. My own attempt to rectify my financial problems temporarily was set back. I had a credit card with a $5000 limit that I hadn't used in over a year whose limit was reduced to $200 due to inactivity. THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY SAFETY NET! So now I have 8 days to try to find $500 to pay my rent. I've had friends offer to let me hold something, but for some reason, my pride won't let me accept it. I don't know why I'm so proud all of a sudden because I've been letting my parents spoil me rotten for the past 25 years, but for some reason I'm unable to let anyone else help me. I think it's because if I let someone help me I'll be lead to believe that a security blanket will always be there and I'll never get up and go it for myself. My number one fear in life has always been failure, and now I'm starting to realize it.

I'm a shitty boyfriend, a shitty father, a shitty son, and I'll probably be a shitty husband. Friends of mine who read my blog will probably remark that none of the above is true, but let me educate you to a few facts. Do you realize the number of females that I have completely fucked over because I just had to have something "better?" Do you all realize that I don't really do much for my child, not cause I don't want to, but because I can't. Shit, I can't financially support myself, who was I kidding to believe that I'd honestly be able to be a better father than the man who dropped out of school to make sure my mother received her Bachelor of Science. I'm a shitty son because I wanted to be back in Houston instead of at my father's birthday party, and then had the audacity to ask him for money when I couldn't even afford to get him something for his birthday. Then I know I'll make a shitty husband because as I've had several females remark lately, I need to be trained. I'm just a shitty 25 year old little boy.

Some may contend that I should be happy that I voted for change because my financial shortcomings are due to the economic recession that we are in, but when does it become time to stop pointing fingers and look at the source? I've criticized many black Americans for failing to be responsible for their own actions, and I refuse to sugar-coat my own. I have an income of 0, a debt in excess of $115,000, and a little boy that worships the ground I walk on, God help my poor child. How can I look my son in the eye and explain to him that his father is an educated failure???

Love Always Finds a Way

2008-10-22T17:00:00.001-05:00

It’s funny how it took for me to acquire the wisdom of 23 years of life, a college degree, and become a father myself to realize just how brilliant my own father is. Now I’ve been out in the streets and have developed the tags of being a “heartbreaker” and a “player,” all because my mom was always in my ear saying; “Son, you’re too young to be serious with that girl, have fun and enjoy your life.” So I looked at love and relationships like I was too young to be serious about it all, and my logic was based upon the fact that it all came from my mother and she’s a female herself. And I moved through my life realizing that since I was young and being serious was not of the urgency required by other endeavors of mine, I played and figured that it was okay to be with more than one girl at a time, actually combining the well-liked traits from each one to make Nas’ “Perfect Bitch.” But it wasn’t until this weekend that I realized that those times when I decided to go against my mother and give a female my all, that I was actually doing what was right for me. Although the few particular occasions where I was serious all managed to blow up in my face, I still haven’t given up on love yet because I believe despite all obstacles, love will find a way.

Now my father, the proud, hard-working man who rarely says much sits down in a funk beside me on the sofa on Sunday. He was upset that my mother gave the same rhetoric to my 18-yr old brother about his girlfriend. The two are 5 hrs apart and in love, trying to make things work despite one being in college, and the other in the last year of high school. And it seems like love is finding a way for those two. But my dad had a flashback to the fall of 1974 when a young couple with a history of around a year was faced with a “see you later” that would send one to La Crosse, WI, and the other to Baton Rouge, LA. What if they had listened to others who may have given them the same advice, shit, I wouldn’t be here, and who knows what wonders or hells might have occurred in their alternate existences. My dad just looked at the ceiling with a sigh and said, “that’s why you can’t let other people live your life for you. Only you know what makes you happy.” And then I had an epiphany, maybe I’ve let so many “good girls” fall by the wasteside because I was letting other people decide what happened with MY relationship. One particular woman from my past reminds me of Jay-Z’s lyric; “Once a good girl’s gone, she’s gone forever, I’ll mourn forever, I gotta live with the fact I did you wrong forever.” And I feel that with that one particular girl.

So although I consider myself damaged goods, I don’t ever see myself giving up on love. Even those instances where I chose to give a woman my all and they ended up horribly wrong are not considered regrets. In the end I guess Alicia was right; “my soul has returned, so I call it a lesson learned.” Thank you, Daddy, for allowing me to gain some kind of insight on how I should continue becoming a man. Thank you to those of you who have managed to clarify what I should be looking for, and thank you, Jesus, for giving me the strength to continue on for my search for Mrs. Right, or have I found her already???

Code Amongst Criminals

2008-10-15T14:51:00.001-05:00

In late 2004/early 2005, the hip hop community unveiled its “Stop Snitching” campaign, a movement that was met with great disdain by the “so-called” leaders of the black community. These “so-called” leaders are the same crew that have attempted to bury the word “nigger/nigga,” spoke amongst themselves to decide how our youth should act, and consistently attempt to censor entertainment in favor of “morality.” Those of you who consistently read my posts know how I feel about these leaders, and if you don’t remember, I suggest you listen to Lil Wayne’s Misunderstood on his Carter III LP.

Well, the line was drawn when Steve Harvey, Mr. “Preacher Suit” himself, stated that black youths were mistaken to endorse the before-mentioned campaign, because stop snitching is a code amongst criminals and we as a people should never support something that has criminal ties. Well Steve, let me ask you this, did your mother ever beat the sleeves off you for being a tattle-tail? I know mine did, and that was never a code amongst criminals. As a youth I have been punished and disciplined for being a tattle-tail, and the logic behind it was always that “no one likes a tattle-tail.” So I ask you, Mr. Harvey, as well as my blog following, what’s the difference between being a tattle-tail and being a snitch? I don’t think there’s any, and if anything “stop snitching” is not a code amongst criminals but a cry for personal accountability, analogous to the chivalrous code of manhood exercised by knights in Medieval times.
That being said I would like to draw everyone’s attention to the newest exploits of New Orleans politics, the reporting of Stan “Pampy” Barre’, to jail. (http://blog.nola.com/nola/2008/10/stan_pampy_barres_confessions.html http://www.nola.com/timespic/stories/index.ssf?/base/library-157/122379071170590.xml&coll=1 ) Now, Pampy is apparently upset with a judge who sentenced him to 5 years in a federal prison after he managed to skim over a million dollars off a city contract. Now the recommended sentence for such an offense is 9-11 years, but Pampy was able to get 4 years shaved off his minimum in exchange for cooperating with federal agents in an attempt to get some of his comrades arrested. In his plea to his presiding judge, Pampy admitted that he was sorry for defrauding his city, that he had lost his business, several of his other ventures, friends, and even his “good” name. He even went so far as to state that he has been a regular donor to St. Peter Claver Church and St. Augustine High School, a characteristic the he feels is not conducive to a criminal. I look at such actions as money-laundering and that my good friends, is something that criminals do. Pampy regretted his action and also said that he was merely doing his part to rid the city of corruption. No, nigga, u were just someone else who got caught and couldn’t stand to see yourself as the only one to incur punishment. Quit your bitching, do your 5, and man up. Because you were man enough to do it, now be man enough to accept the consequences.

Is “Stop Snitching” really a code amongst thieves or a cry to break away from the “crabs in a barrel theory,” and “man-up?”

Coming Home part1

2008-10-09T17:13:00.001-05:00

I wish sometimes that I was so creative as to let my words correspond with each other in a manner that would appeal to more than just the eyes. They would envolp you in sounds, smells, and tastes that are so dear and familiar to you. That's what home is. For some time I've attmpted to tell you all how I feel about home, but I can't find the right words. But that's where it is, that's where everything becomes so beautiful...the fact that its not the same for everyone. From the old drum major from '78 who hasn't been here since moving to detroit in 1993, to the old bruhs/sorors who have been in their organizations longer than your parents have been alive (or even longer than some organizations have been in existence, lol). It's just the fact inside jokes never die amongst true friends, the stories that never get old and pass along the same enjoyment and embarrassment as issued soon after the event happened. All this is what I feel when I come home, and only 4 years away from the yard, I have discovered that its just as fun as an alumni and nothing is ever the same. And as I sit in "car in park" traffic on I-10, it hits me, that's what home, and homecoming for that matter, is. So, while i'm as giddy as a 12 year old to see the latest young pop icon, to see those old faces, hear those old jokes, get chicken from the old blue store, i'm just as excited not knowing what the weekend will bring, whether its the renewal of an old flame, new sparks flying, a weekend I can't remember, the one i'll never forget, or the one that provides me with a great career opportnuity. The fact is, i'm going home, and i'm excited...GO JAGS! WHERE ARE THE NUPES?

Who Am I?

2008-10-04T04:16:00.000-05:00

Create a playlist at MixPod.com

Well it just dawned on me that I've been posting a blog without giving a glimpse into who I am or why I've chosen to name my blog what I have. Shyne began his debut self-titled album in 2000 with an Intro he named "Dear America." In the intro he gives an insight to the common plight of the most inner-city African-American males as he states;

"Dear America,
I'm only what you made me, young, black, and fuckin' crazy
Please save me
I'm dyin' inside, can't you see it in my eyes?
I'm hopeless, and fearless on the outside, gun on my side
Shit, Maby if yall niggas build schools instead of prison,
maybe I'll stop livin' the way I'm livin', probably not.
I'm so used to servin' rocks and burnin' blocks, I ain't never gonna stop.
Been doin' this shit all my life, I'm a lost cause,
And what about the rest? Don't them suckers deserve a chance? Somethin'
better then shoot-outs, liquor stores and food stamps? Maybe if y'all teach
them niggas a craft an' a trade, they wouldn't have to play that corner, know what I mean?
Servin' that yay. America, you got a fuckin' problem, an I ain't never goin' away
There's about 20 million other mutha fuckers just like me,
reparations is due, y'all gonna pay"

So I chose to give my blog the title "Young, Black, and Krazy" because I truly am a product of my environment. I'm not talking about the Lower 9th Ward of New Orleans, its much bigger than that, but then again, I don't mean the world because that's a little too big. I'm talking about the United States of America. The reason why I feel the way I do in terms of issues that affect little old New Orleans and the Earth are all embedded in my head because of what I have experienced in America. From being a little bit too hood for corporate and white America to being slightly too educated to be considered hood, I have yet to really find where I belong. I know what it means to be hopeless and fearless at the same time and yet America calls me crazy because my passion for the uplifting of my people is misunderstood as anger, and some of my ideals aren't readily accepted when they come from a 25yr old black man who has two degrees.

They say that America uses statistics in order to determine where the nation's budget is best spent. And with the incarceration rates among African-American males on the rise who can blame the country for putting more money into correctional facilities than institutions for the primary, secondary, and higher education for the only ethnic group who was brough to this "great" nation against their will, and had a 400 yr handicap against their development. But even if the nation chose to invest in the future of the black race, its another thing to get these kids to school. Its almost imbedded in our minds that the American dream wasn't meant to be shown when we are aslssp so the way that most of us have been reared as that "lost cause." Too afraid to pursue an education for fear of being educated, with a nice resume, and unemployed (a feeling I know all too well). So are they crazy for pursuing the easy money? Not entirely. Lyfe Jennings expresses a similar sentiment in "Stick Up Kid," the song that's at the top of this post...I hope you pressed play.

But what about the rest? Maybe if they teach them a craft or a trade, they'll be educated enough to find work, but not accepted enough to be the threat that America desires not to see us become. But the thing about this is that the vast majority of us feel the closing of this peice. We aint going away and we all fell that a part of America is entitled to us. In the end reparations have been due for the longest and all though we may not want or expect the same form of payment, America, when we come to collect, you'll have one helluva debt!

My $19.11 on the Debates

2008-10-03T16:35:00.000-05:00

My line brother, Myron, has a quote that he has incorporated after reading somewhere the "statistical" reason as to why African-American tend to do traditionally poorer than other ethnicities on standardized tests; "You know why black people don't do well on standardized tests...because they don't answer the question asked!" A statement that I'm sure the Spring '04 initiates of my chapter grew tired of hearing during MOIP, but statement that nonetheless applies to everyone, ESPECIALLY politicians.

After watching the Presidential and Vice-Presidential debates, I have become more and more adamant about the state of American Education and Politics. Maybe I was simply fortunate enough to have parents who actually gave a damn and read to me, or made me read to them when I was able, or maybe because I was a product of the 35th best public school in the nation (as of Newsweek's 2007 rankings), but I didn't know that a response that has no relevance to the question posed could ever be satisfactorily received. Had I known that, I would have focused the rants that are the subject of my blog postings to answers on tests since I was old enough to express my own thoughts. But that scares me. I've seen an election stolen the first time I was old enough to vote for a President, and I fail to believe that this country has progressed enough to allow its Commander-in-Chief to be an African-American even if he is half-white.

I was inspired by Obama's nomination acceptance speech, it made me cry, but common sense is starting to kick in make me question the true motives of the Republican Party, because it really can't be that simple. When your #1 and #2 hopefuls constantly dodge the issues presented, read from index cards, give "shout-outs," and sympathetically appeal to this country's infatuation with the Kennedy's, I fail to see how any opposing party with a brain could lose, hell even Ricky Bobby and Cal Naughton Jr. could win this election (SHAKE AND BAKE '08, lol). I'm still struggling to see how the energy crisis even remotely relates to the mess on Wall Street, how Joe "Six Pack" and a "Hockey Mom" are the average Americans, and how the hell we are fighting a war against terror/Al Queida in Iraq when both sides admit that Al Queida is in Afghanistan. But that's what Sarah Palin wants us to believe. Sen. McCain and Gov. Palin's constant priase of Gen. Patreus (sp?) makes me think that he should have received the Republican nomination because he is clearly the "real hero" here. I kinda wish that our country, or the world for that matter, was still in the days when armies were lead by a Commander who was unafraid to be on the field of battle with his/her troops, and then we'll see how fond we are of senseless wars.

I guess my main issue with the Republican Party can be answered by phrasing a response to the question "are you serious?" Sen. McCain, do you really think the American people are that stupid that you can coach a decent looking former beauty queen who is probably experiencing her 5th or 6th time in the continental United States in to being Vice-President. Or is this an obvious attempt to woo away Hillary Clinton supporters? (I feel that an Obama/Clinton ticket would have easily won, but Hillary was just too damn greedy and desparate to allow that to happen.) That is why I was unimpressed by the debates, I expected more of a fight, and now do not know what the '08 Election will bring. Like Lauryn Hill said, "it could all be so simple, but you'd rather make it hard." Just throw in the towel and save the embarrassment, hey, we'll accept the offer to concede. The fact that they won't worries me that we may experience another stolen election. So I'll say this, if I'm not Singing "My President is Black" in January 2009, I'm moving to Europe, and I'll return when Sallie Mae goes under...

Welcome to Our World...Karma is a Bitch!

2008-09-17T00:53:00.000-05:00

Although this blog is kinda sorta copied from a note i wrote on facebook, its still applicable today...

"WHAT'S THAT, YOU SAY?
YOU'RE TIRED OF KATRINA-RELATED NEWS COVERAGE?
WELL GUESS WHAT
WE'RE TIRED OF FUCKING LIVING THROUGH IT
SO FOR YOU, YOU WITH YOUR OPTION TO CHANGE THE CHANNEL
DO THAT
BECAUSE FOR MANY OF US
IT'S NOT THAT FUCKING SIMPLE......"

And with that I move on to my Houstonians, the people with whom I am to share a place of residency for the time being or at least until I can find that six-figure paying job in Dallas, my favorite city in Texas. Its funny how three years ago Houstonians were dealing with another storm, except that time Bill White was the good mayor who came to the aid of the poor, helpless, and stupid New Orleans residents who lost everything. I heard so many people ask me "why didn't those people leave;" to which I responded, that part of it was ignorance, the rest, pride. And then 3 years later Texans who were encountered with Hurricane Ike and issued the same evacuation warnings that New Orleanians recieved for Katrina elected not to leave and look at what happened.

So, Mayor White, let's talk turkey. Okay so after Katrina you allowed the people who were stuck in the Superdome to come to Houston and gave them the Astrodome, awww, you're the savior of the city of New Orleans, but I really believe that you had your own agenda in doing so. If not, you would have told the New Orleans residents you were coming to get them BEFORE the storm. Im pretty sure Bush gave you some type of benefits for agreeing to take the downrodden into your "great" city. The same city of peace and love that apparently never had any crime before the "refugees" came to Houston, where people on the "Nawfside," 3rd Ward, Acres Homes, and Hiram Clarke, etc. could sleep with their doors unlocked. A sanctity that was destroyed by the New Orleans people. Yeah Mayor White, I remember your press conference when you announced that it was time for the New Orleans people to go home, I remember how your children said that we were all too lazy to get back on our feet because we were so dependent upon FEMA. And now Houston, you too know what it feels like to be in a home with no power, no running water, and to even be subject to a curfew in your own city. Welcome to our world, Karma is a bitch aint it?

So am I wrong because outside of my friends and people who were sympathetic to the plight of New Orleans evacuees, I don't feel sorry for folks in Houston? Sometimes fucked up things happen to good people, however, I guess this is one of those instances where the good indeed have to suffer for the bad...I guess next time you'll think before you speak.

Konfessions...

2008-09-16T01:38:00.001-05:00

I honestly don't think I passed the bar. There, I said it. My blogs usually serve to cater to how much of an "attention whore" I am, but this is one where I just need to let everything out and not have to deal with a response. The other day upon driving to New Orleans to evacuate from Ike, Lyfe Jennings' Stick Up Kid came on my Ipod, and that's when this epiphany finally hit me. I used to say that I had no earthly idea what would propel a man to a life of crime, but sometimes things really do become just that hard. I mean I FELT Lyfe on that song, these niggaz are riding around with their 23s and DVDs in their ride, with the vast majority of them not gaining this material bullshit legally, and I got 2 degrees, one of which is a doctorate, and I dunno where my November rent is coming from. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SHOW MY CHILD THAT EDUCATION IS THE WAY IF IT AINT WORKING FOR ME? But let me not drag my child into this, he's literally a life safer these days. Ive been looking at my recent circumstances and having suicidial thoughts, Kaiden is prolly one of the few reasons why I'm still here. I have $114,000 in debt, $1,000 in my account, I owe my son $4,000, I dont have a job, I can't quit smoking, will be taking the MPRE for the third time, and I don't have a decent boo, let alone a girlfriend. But oh I have degrees, peices of paper that I struggled hard to receive, but in the end, I'm not seeing any return on my investment, either of them. People tell me all the time that I am too hard on myself and things will work out, but what if they don't...what if they don't...

Letter to HBCUs

2008-08-17T21:51:00.000-05:00

Dear Historically Black Colleges and Universities,

You and I have known each other for years through the relationships that you have had with both of my parents. However once I joined the ranks of your children, I, like most other children have some questions that only you can answer. These questions have been festering in my mind like a bad infection and now that I have joined the prestigious ranks of your adult children, its time you give me the answers that I require.
How do you feel about integration and its disparaging effects on your livelihood? There are many "simple negroes" in America that have yet to realize that less than 60 years ago you were the only readily accessible source of educational sustenance for those who desired more out of life. Now we have CNN specials on what its like to be black in America and the "experts" on black culture were not your children but those who came from ivy league schools. Now now, my love, I'm not blaming you for this, because you are probably one of the few ideals of Booker T. Washington's reformation that I support, however, somewhere in there these same individuals who meant good were suckered into believing what their educators taught them. This is similar to how slaves were tricked by their masters into believing that black was bad, ugly, and dirty, while white was innocent, beautiful, and pure. Why do we hate ourselves and our history so? I have seen students at Louisiana State, Florida State, The University of Houston, and a few others look down on their cross-town or cross-state counterparts for being under your loving care. These same "simple negroes" are quick to disclose how they are the "talented tenth" and should be afforded this chance for a "better" education, but if they never took that African American literature course, or read The Souls of Black Folk they'll continue to think that this "better" education was worth the price of their identity.
Mother HBCU, where are you failing? When we look at your statistics, we see longer enrollment periods before graduation, higher rates of attrition, higher crime, more incidents of sexually transmitted diseases, and bigger hazing stories to name a few. Wait, let me add to that question and ask are you really failing or is it all the media? I'm curious about this one because I was under your care when Southern finally granted opposite sex visitation legally, I listened to my friends rants about not having a car on campus their freshman year, while my friends at predominantly white institutions just shook their heads and remarked "damn, yall got it rough." But why is that, mother? Seems like there must be a reason. Your administration tells us that freshmen should focus on school and get acclimated to college life, but they don't have the same restrictions at those PWIs and nothing seems to happen to our brothers and sisters there. Is that because humans have a natural tendency to go against order or is it because your instructors aren't doing what they are supposed to?
Momma, what did it feel like when they raped you? The same people that consider you inferior institutions are steadily acquiring your campuses, assimilating them into their systems and changing the missions you have had in place for HUNDREDS of years. In the case of the legal profession, there are 5 of your centers whose graduates make their mark as 80% of all black attorneys in the nation are your children. But even those are in danger of being shut down for failing to meet standards that even some of these "superior" institutions fail at. Furthermore, how do you feel when the majority of the nation are allowed to attain you benefits free of charge under cries of reverse racism when affording college or gaining acceptance into one was never an isue for them? We'll let them have your accolades and what not, because you'll never love those kids, right? I just have to know.
I didn't mean for this letter to come across as disrespectful, or even as a challenge of your authority, I just hope that if you answer some of these questions for me, we can work towards getting you to be what you were intended to be, showcases of black prowess in academia, athletics, culture, and arts. And as I return to New Orleans I only hope that you will be as good to my little brother at Florida A&M as you were to me in the eight years you had me.

Proud to be Your Son,

Kellen A. Daranda
Bachelor of Science in Electrical Engineering
Southern University and A & M College '05
Juris Doctor
Texas Southern University '08

Its krazy how it does...

2008-07-28T22:24:00.000-05:00

On the eve before the biggest test of my life, I am reminded of something someone told me about a week ago; "stop making every big moment of your life analogous to pledging, life does go on after you get off line." However, things that I have learned as a lowly scroller have helped me along through life. I have learned to do the difficult and strive for the impossible, and I have had the harsh realization that life is "hard but fair, sad, but true." However the most applicable thing is the last thing I heard before I crossed those burning sands, William Earnest Henley's Invictus;

Out of the night that covers me, black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be, for this my unconquerable soul,
In the fell clutch of circumstance, I have not winced nor cried aloud,
Under the bludgeonings of chance, my head is bloody, but unbowed,
Beyond this place of wrath and tears, looms but the horrors of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years, finds, and shall find me unafraid,
It matters not how straight the gate, nor how charged with punishment the scroll,
for I am the master of my fate, I AM THE CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL.

And how fitting that on this night, I am more ready for this test than I have ever been throughout the course of these last three months. You see, in the darkness that is the unknown, I am thankful to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, that I didn't manage to let law school take my soul from me. In Lady Justice's evil clutches, I have not let my emotions show to the general public and the tears I shed were in the privacy of my own home. And while my legal pursuits have roughed me up, I have yet to hang my head. After the bar, there is more darkness and unknown as I do not know where my life is headed. However, I am not scared, I embrace my uneasyness and am ready for whatever life (or the Texas Board of Law Examiners) may throw at me. Because it doesn't matter what you throw at me, nor how my past may come back to haunt me. I am acceptant of what I have done, and I know that God helps those who want to be helped. So with that said, I control my future, and I dictate what happens, although I know this is in God's hands now, I have done all I can.

So as I lay my head down to go to sleep, I would like to thank my prophytes of Alpha Sigma for teaching me, that I STARTED pledging on April 7, 2002, at 11:44:08 PM, my friends for their support and words of encouragement, my family for their love, support, and words of wisdom, my son for giving me the drive to continue, and last, but certainly not least, God, for giving me the ability to come this far, and a chance that I do not intend to waste...Kellen Daranda, ESQ is coming, I hope the world is ready for him...

Education Still Does Not Cure Us of the "Crabs in a Barrel Theory"

2008-07-22T13:02:00.000-05:00

I hope that this entry is not beating an already dead horse, but in order for me to ensure my “sniper” status (one shot, one kill) on the bar, I have to get this off my chest. First of all, with the whole Jesse Jackson situation, I believe Cedric the Entertainer said it best in one of the Barbershop movies; “Fuck Jesse Jackson!” With the excitement that Senator Obama has caused in regards to the 2008 Presidential Election, I really do not see how Jesse can realistically hate on the man for doing something that he wasn’t able to do 20 years ago, become the first black man to make a serious run for the Presidency of the United States.

It is bad enough that Obama has to deal with the possibility of being elected merely because he is black as if that doesn’t scare the masses enough, to encounter the “haters” that hip-hop culture has immortalized. The New Yorker recently published one of its issues where Obama is categorized as a Taliban in the oval office with a picture of Osama Bin Laden on the wall and his wife, Michelle, looking like a renegade Black Panther.

Now I know the New Yorker will no doubt defend this as an exercise of their First Amendment Right and probably label it as satire or a parody, however it is blatant racism, in my humble opinion. I also know that this does not have the Constitutional muster to rise to a defamation claim, its kinda funny when you really see how people view you. I actually praise the honesty, in hopes that more people would let their true colors show instead of opting for the fraudulent skin of being politically correct. But when its obvious that the masses still regard us in such a manner, why should we criticize ourselves even further. Seems like Jesse is just mad because someone cut off his balls a long time ago.

Like Cornel West said, “Most present-day black political leaders appear too hungry for status to be angry, too eager for acceptance to be bold, too self-invested in advancement to be defiant. And when they drop their masks and try to get mad, their bold rhetoric is more performance than personal, more play-acting than heartfelt.” Okay Jesse, so you want to cut the man’s balls off, but honestly since the 60’s what have you done that would actually stand to rival Barack Obama? You marched with Dr. King, you were there when he was assassinated, you started P.U.S.H. and have worked with the Rainbow Coalition, however, since those days, you and your cohort Al Sharpton seem more interested in asking “where the cash (and or television cameras) at?” I believe Lil Wayne expresses a similar sentiment on behalf of Al Sharpton on the Carter III’s Misunderstood. Yall feel more inclined to parade around ignorant negroes like the Jena 6 rather than focus on real issues. For the record, I believe that the sentence that the city of Jena attempted to impose on the 6 young black men was a bit over the edge, but in the end, they were still criminals, who did not deserve to be paraded around like our black heroes on the BET awards and through various other media broadcasts for directly opposing the same non-violent attitude that Dr. King was famous for. I don’t know what I would have done if placed in a similar situation, but I wonder how Jesse would feel if Barack took his statement under a guise of provocation, and slapped the shit out of him? Maybe then he might get some respect.

Furthermore, Senator Obama has brought passion back into the Democracy of the United States. This past semester I wrote a paper on the Constitutionality of requiring federal or state-issued identification in order to exercise the right to vote, and the effects that such legislation would have on blacks. It seems as though we as a people still remain acceptant of mediocrity and wonder why the rest of the minorities of the United States are bypassing us exponentially. Its because we continue to hate on each other, kill each other, and make up reasons for our lack of drive in wanting more from our government and expecting more from ourselves. Okay so we were enslaved, so what we never received our 40 acres and a mule, so what the United States is letting immigrants come to this country and accommodate them by still letting them speak their language, SO THE FUCK WHAT?! When we came here, by force, they didn’t value us the same as other human beings and in the past 100 years or so, we’ve only slightly increased over that 3/5ths standard that we used to be held to. So what that Barack Obama has a lot of people voting for him strictly under the rhetoric that he is black and has a black wife, if that incites the American public to go back and exercise their right to vote, then I’m all for it. Most people do not know that the last presidential election in which a majority of the eligible voting population voted was 1968, 40 years ago. And keep in mind that was during the Vietnam error, which follows true to the traditional strategy exercised by our Commander-in-Chief while in search for reelection; start a war. I’m not here to rant and rave about Obama and why he should be president, because anyone can do better than that idiot Bush, I’m just trying to stop the hating.

Another example of how education does not kill the crabs in a barrel theory is that in the past week I’ve had several of my classmates remark that it was time for me to let my locs go in favor of reformation for a successful legal career. Why the hate? Because someone cut their balls off and they were scared to be an individual, they would like to see my testicular fortitude removed in a similar fashion. I’m sorry homeboy, but I’m not you. Cutting my hair in order to become successful is a LAST RESORT, I REPEAT, LAST! For us as a people to get our house in order we must fist follow Walker and Texas Ranger’s advice; “Get your balls back.” If we stop worrying about what the next man is doing, and why he is doing things that we cannot or were unwilling to take the risk to, we can never hope to rise above how the masses view us. I’m pretty sure if those of us, including you Jesse, who lost our balls get them back and focus more on self-reformation rather than why you can’t do what he can/is doing, it will be much better, can we do it? Yes we can, Black America, please don’t make this one of the rare instances where I am wrong…

This Can't Be Life

2008-07-17T21:14:00.000-05:00

It is officially 5:02 AM CST, July 18, 2008, and the Texas State Bar Examination is approximately 11 days away. While I try not to think about this upcoming date for fear of suffering from a nervous breakout, I shake my head in disdain when I look at what my life has become in a matter of 4 years. And the sad part is that I can’t even blame myself for this one. Okay, as a man I have to take responsibility for the fact that I finish every activity I engage in, but the initial decision was not my own. I recall the fall semester of 2003 in which my line brothers Ivy and Myron managed to talk into my head the possibility of doing engineering work absent math; patent law. While I had my doubts about law school the two managed to present me with flattery stating that I was one of the smartest people they know and how despite my argumentative nature, I had always managed to structure my arguments around readily accessible evidence and dismissed counter-arguments that were based on personal opinion. I guess maybe that’s that inner-spoiled-brat coming out, but I am not totally opposed to compliments if one is trying to talk me into something! So I busted my ass studying for the LSAT, was granted admission to every law school I applied to only to discover than none of my line brothers who convinced me to pursue a legal career would be joining me, and neither would two others who long considered a legal profession. So I came to Houston seeking new experiences and knowing about 5 people when I touched down. I’m discontent with the lack of originality of Houston natives, discouraged by my inability to find a potential mate here, and scornful of the lack of genuineness exhibited by attorneys, law students, and their administrators and professors. So is this really life? Those who have spoken with me this summer can attest to my frequent demeanor in which I confess a hatred for what my life has become. 8-12 hours of studying daily, sometimes more (today I was at it from 1-4, 5-7, 8:30-12, and 1-5AM) with all the sporadic-ness of someone searching for something in the daytime with a flashlight. Maybe this aint meant to be, but with the cost of a luxury automobile ($110,000) in loans, forgive my French but, this shit gotta work, there isn’t room for anything else…I don’t know what I expected from a legal career as it wasn’t my decision to pursue, but now that I’m here, I’m stuck feeling like Jay; “This can’t be life, this can’t be love, this can’t be right, there’s gotta be more, this can’t be us.” I rarely know what day it is (the week or the month), I miss my son, and I just want something else…Please tell me there’s more…